


If you wish for a blue sky

by maiwriting



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunken Confessions, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Eventual Smut, F/F, Female Friendship, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Idols, Japan, Love Ban Rule, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, POV Alternating, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, VERY niche AU, it's based in japan i'm just following my knowledge of japanese idols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 139,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25339462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maiwriting/pseuds/maiwriting
Summary: Kara is bright and happy, and was a welcomed presence in Lena’s eyes. If this is the person who Lena has to spend most of her time with, she was looking forward to it.~aka The Lena as an idol manager AU that no one asks for.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 102
Kudos: 244





	1. Chapter 1

The room was cold. Far colder than a normal office. It was as if the air conditioning was set to a lower temperature to make everyone who sits in the chair shiver to their bones. The walls are lined up with platinum and gold CDs. A shelf sits on the corner, with what could only assume music awards, as one was shaped like a music note, another like a gramophone. Sitting at the table was Lena, a college graduate with a business degree specializing in management. She answered an ad that is looking for a manager with an aptitude for organizing, scheduling and coordination. _Sounds simple enough_ was her first thought. However, what she is hearing right now is not simple at all.

“So you’ll be in charge of liaising events, recordings, merchandising, managing all their schedules, moderate their social media, basically cater to their every need. I trust you have your driver’s license? Good. The company’s minivan and car is at your disposal if you need to use it. All accommodation, transportation, and meal expenses are claimable, just keep your receipts. You will sleep, eat, live for those girls, and those girls only. Their career is in your hands. Do you understand?” 

_Nope, not simple at all._

Sitting across from her was Cat Grant. The producer for Supergirls, and many more idol groups under DC Entertainment. When she answered the ad, she had no idea it was a job as manager for an upcoming idol group called Supergirls. Well, upcoming until the scandal happened. Their last manager, J’onn was caught in a love affair with one of the members, M’gann. It took the idol world by storm. Now every manager for every idol group is scrutinized and vetted more thoroughly. Of course they won’t post the real job title in the ad. It made sense.

“Lena-san. Do you understand?” Cat reiterates her question.

“Yes, of course. Cat-san,” Lena answered hastily. She’s not familiar with the idol world and has no idea what this job actually entails. But so far, it sounds like it needs a lot of coordination, and that she can do. Plus, Supergirls only has 5 members. How hard is it to take care of 5 girls?

“And I expect you to practice discretion,” Cat continued, “no jeopardizing our girls.”

“Yes, of course.”

“You will report to me every week, or whenever I need you to. But from this moment on, you are with the girls. They report only to you, they liaise only with you, anything and everything must have your approval first. Got it?”

“Understood.”

“Follow me, I’ll bring you to see the girls.”

Cat guided her to the door as Lena follows. As they walked through the building, Cat explains further, “For now their interim manager is Brainy-san. But he’s officially our Content Manager. He’s in charge of photography and videography, and also all the recordings of music videos. So you can liaise with him regarding that. For Supergirls, he can bring you up to speed and help you out in the meantime.” 

Lena nods at every bit of new information Cat spouts at her. For now, the job sounds daunting, but hopefully once she gets her footing it will come naturally for her. She just hopes the members and Brainy likes her. It is always hard to be the new girl.

Cat stops in front of the dance practice room. “For Supergirls, every Monday & Wednesday is dance practice, every Tuesday is vocal lesson, so you can keep event bookings on Thursday to Sunday for now. If need be, you can swap dance practice or vocal lesson days with other groups, but you need to liaise with their managers,” Cat explains while she opens the doors.

The dance teacher took one look at Cat and nodded, signalling the girls to stop. Lena has never cared for idols, nor follow any of their music. She has never heard of Supergirls before this day and now she’ll be in charge of them. All 5 members of Supergirls greeted Cat with a bow and smile. Their leader was Sam, tall and formidable. She talked with Cat and nodded along with whatever Cat was saying. One of them was looking down at their foot, not looking at anyone at all. Another was wiping their sweat off, while the other took sips of water. And Lena swears one had a scowl on her face the moment she saw Lena.

“Hi, I’m Sam. I’m the leader of Supergirls,” Sam says while extending her hand for a handshake. 

“I’m Lena. Your… new manager,” Lena replied awkwardly, the word idol manager still sounds foreign to her. Cat excused herself while patting Lena’s shoulder, reminding her to report back on next Monday. Sam gathered all the girls to introduce them.

“Girls, this is Lena-san. Our new manager. Lena-san, this is our center, Kara,” Sam explains. It was the girl who was wiping her sweat earlier. And by the looks of it, she didn’t do a good job. Her skin still glistens with droplets of sweat, her blond hair sticking to the sides of her head. Lena can’t take her eyes off her, as all the attention in the room was sucked in the aura of the group’s center.

“Center…” Lena still wasn’t familiar with all the idol terms. It’s something she needs to learn. Quick.

All the girls had a quizzed look on their face. Lena quickly apologized, “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m new to this. I don’t really follow idols that much.”

A loud scoff was heard across the room. Lena looks in the direction of the sound and it came from one of the members. The one with a scowl on her face. “So they just hired a woman who has no idea what our world is like. Of course,” scowl lady exclaimed loudly as she exited the room.

“That… is Alex. Our co-leader,” Sam continued. “Please don’t mind her, she just doesn’t like change. This is Nia and Kelly.” The two girls came forward and bowed down while extending their hands for a handshake.

Lena shook everyone’s hands and exchanged greetings. While her mind can’t help but think of Alex, and how she’s going to handle a hostile member, her eyes keep going to Kara. Kara was bright and happy, unlike Alex, and was a welcomed presence in Lena’s eyes. If this is the person who Lena has to spend most of her time with, she was looking forward to it. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

“So how familiar are you with idols?” 

Lena finally met Brainy when he barged into dance practice with snacks for the girls. They exchanged greetings and both of them proceeded to sit on the floor and huddled in the corner of the dance room for their private meeting. Brainy was sitting facing Lena and the wall while Lena had a full view of the girls practicing their dance. He explained that today they need to practice changing their formations. All their songs were choreographed for 6 members, and now they're down to 5. 

After ex-member, M'gann was caught in a scandal with their ex-manager, J'onn, all hell broke loose. M'gann was forced to quit the group while J'onn was reprimanded and got laid off. Brainy explained that all idol groups under DC Entertainment adheres to a strict love ban. That means no dating, no falling in love, and definitely do not go into a relationship with your manager. 

Lena heard about the love ban rule with idols before but didn't know how severe it is. The idols also have to keep a clean image; that means no underage drinking, no smoking, no cursing. Basically, your all around good girl. DC Entertainment apparently doesn't take rule breaking lightly. Out of 10 years of their operation, they only had 2 scandals. One was when a member of The Canaries was caught smoking and their second was from Supergirls.

"We're the newest group under DC, it's lucky Cat-P doesn't decide to disband us," Brainy explains. The P in Cat-P stands for producer, but Lena can't help but think of cat pee. On the exterior, she looks serious and nodded along, but inside, she was giggling like a schoolgirl. 

"Cat-P is in charge of all the groups under DC. She picks the song, the release date, when to add new members, when to disband," Brainy continues, "she makes the final decision. There's four groups under DC, the biggest is Amazons. Amazons was the first group under DC, they'll be celebrating their 10th year anniversary soon. Their manager is Diana-san. She used to be their 1st Gen member, but when she graduated she took over as manager.”

Lena jots it all down in her tiny black notebook. She takes pride in remembering a lot of details but she didn't want to forget. If she's taking charge of Supergirls, she needs to be in good terms with other managers in DC as well.

"So Gen stands for generation. Usually when we add new members we call it the new gen. Amazons' members changes every few years or so, their latest member is 7th Gen. 10 years ago, the 5 original members were 1st Gen. Arguably, that's the most famous formation, but I'm sure it's because of nostalgic reasons. They have 8 members now, all ranging from 2nd Gen to the current 7th Gen. Their leader is Nubia, the last remaining 2nd Gen." 

“When a member decides to leave a group, we’ll hold a graduation. Diana was the most popular member from Amazons, she probably still is. So it’s good promo to have her as manager. And she loves it as well. She’s been with Amazons since the beginning, it’s her baby.”

"We have 4 groups under DC right, Brainy-san?" Lena wants to double check. For now she has listed down Supergirls, Amazons and The Canaries as the groups she has heard Brainy explained.

"Please, just Brainy, we'll be working with each other a lot, let's drop the formalities," he said.

"Yes, of course, you can call me just Lena as well," Lena smiled, offering the same courtesy.

"And yes, we have Amazons, Birds of Prey, The Canaries and Supergirls. Birds of Prey debuted after Amazons. They didn't quite achieve the same amount of popularity but their sales are decent enough, so Cat-P decided to remain them."

_Cat pee._

"They are on their 4th Gen members. Birds of Prey manager is Bruce-san. He used to be Amazons’ manager, but when the last Birds of Prey’s manager left he took over, giving Diana the opportunity to step up and manage Amazons. The Canaries on the other hand are a bit special, they haven't had any new addition of members yet, so all the original members are there. Some would say the scandal actually put their name on the map, they've been on an upward trajectory in terms of sales. Their manager is Quentin-san, who also happens to be the father of two of the members. He took over after the scandal, when the last manager got laid off. Said he couldn't trust anyone else to take care of his girls."

Diana. Bruce. Quentin. Lena makes a mental note on the names of the other managers. She has to interact with them a lot in the future. 

"But enough about other groups, let me tell you more about Supergirls. What do you want to know?" asked Brainy.

_Everything._ Lena has so many questions but as she looks over at the girls still practicing their dance movements, she tries to nail down to the specifics first. “Tell me about the members. I’m not really familiar with idols,” Lena asked apologetically.

“That’s fine, it’s not an important requirement. You probably got hired because of it, the last thing Cat-P needs is an idol fan posing as a manager.”

_Cat pee._

Lena tries to stifle a laughter as she listens to Brainy explain. “So basically, in an idol group, there’s a leader and co-leader. Usually, but not all the time, the eldest is automatically the leader. We’re lucky Sam is the oldest but also the most responsible. She really takes care of the other girls and is a great leader. In one idol group, we try to have as many characters as possible, to gain as many fans as possible who have their own preference. Sam is the leader and the responsible type. She leads the MC, which is basically the talk part during lives.”

“Character… lives…” Lena mumbles as she jots down in her notebook.

Brainy can’t help but to overhear. “Lives are what we call the performance, during events. For characters… we try to have as many variety of characters, and not to overlap, but of course we’ll take into consideration their personality as well. These girls have to adopt these personas during performances, we don’t want them to pretend. Our goal is to present it as authentically as possible. This Saturday is our comeback live, it’s the first one since… well, you know.”

Lena nodded. “How about Alex?” Alex was still wary about Lena. While she was sitting in the corner listening to Brainy, she could see Alex sometimes shooting dagger looks at her.

“Alex is our second eldest, so she’s co-leader. Although, it’s just in name, she hardly does anything as Sam handles everything. Alex is our tomboy, cool type. Needless to say, she has the most female fans.” Lena glances over at the girls practicing, she could see how Alex has a naturally cool air about her. It’s not hard to imagine female fans falling heads over heels for Alex.

“Nia is our shy girl. She’s the youngest so she’s the baby of the group. She’s not 20 yet, so she’s the only one who can’t drink. If we go out for dinner after live, make sure there’s no alcohol around her. Kelly is our strong and mysterious type. She’s our best dancer, and the fans definitely agree. And finally, we have Kara, our center.”

Center. That’s the second time she heard the word today.

“Center basically means she's the most popular member. The center of attraction basically. She has the most fans ranging from young to old, female to male. She’s our main star,” Brainy smiles as he looks up at the girls. Lena glances again at their dance practice. It’s true Kelly’s dance moves are sharp and precise, but there’s something about Kara that makes your eyes land on her every time.

“How do you decide all this? Who’s the center and everything?” Lena asks.

“I don’t, Cat-P does. She has an eye for these things. She’s hardly wrong. All of Supergirls are actually part of the 7th Gen audition for Amazons. In the end, only 1 girl was chosen as 7th Gen. But all the finalists are actually strong contenders that Cat-P wanted to create a new group with just them,” Brainy explains.

_Cat pee._

“What character was M’gann?” Lena wondered out loud. If a member is missing, she needs to know what kind of character void this group is lacking. Brainy gave Lena a look. “Sorry if I’m overstepping,” Lena apologized.

“No, it’s fine. Just, maybe don’t mention the name with the members or with Cat-P, it’s still a sore spot. M’gann was the tough but quiet girl type. Kinda a mix of Nia and Kelly. So it was a huge shock to everyone when she… well.”

“I see. So about Saturday’s live, what can I help with? What do I need to do?” Lena asks while she makes a mental note to look up Supergirls’ past lives later when she goes home.

“I’ve handled everything for Saturday but of course I’ll need you on the day itself, and I’ll show you the ropes and everything. I’ll help you with another live after Saturday and after that you’re on your own. So you got me like another week or so, don’t worry,” Brainy reassures her. 

Brainy checks his watch as the dance teacher alerts him that they’re done with lessons. They both got up and headed over to the girls. “So usually after dance lessons, they can get home on their own. We just need to take the company’s minivan for live day or outstation events. We’ll personally send them home after live as it will end quite late in the night. You got your driver’s license?”

Lena nodded. Although she has never driven a minivan before but she keeps that to herself for now. Surely, it’s just the same as driving a car. The girls are getting their personal items while Brainy stands in the middle of the room.

Without saying anything, all the girls gathered around him. “Girls, I’ll add Lena to our group chat for us to communicate with each other and access to our twitter account. Good job on dance practice today, see you tomorrow for vocal lessons. 9am sharp.”

All the girls nodded and thanked Brainy. Nia and Kelly acknowledged Lena and bowed while they exited the room. Alex just thanked Brainy and walked past Lena. Lena silently hopes the girl will warm up to her soon. Sam and Kara stayed behind to talk with Brainy.

“Is the CD ready?” asked Sam. Brainy explains to Lena that they re-recorded their single without M’gann’s vocals, and had a photoshoot for the new single cover which they will release this Saturday. “Cat-P says it will be ready by Saturday, don’t worry.”

“Cat pee,” Kara snickered quietly as she listened to Sam and Brainy. Lena looked up at her and gave her a look. Kara must have mistook it as a Lena being offended as she whips out a quick, “Sorry, that was rude of me.” Lena wanted to object but the conversation moved on without waiting for her.

“So this Saturday it’ll be ready for _buppan_ and for _tokutenkai_ we can sign the CD and do _cheki_ like usual,” Brainy continues. All these words sounded foreign to Lena, and she wonders if she’s taking on too much at a time. She reassures herself that is only the first day, and she’ll get used to this soon.

They parted ways with the girls while Brainy gave her a tour of the company. “Eve’s office is here, she’s the secretary for the idol division so she will handle your claimable. You can claim for transportation like gas money or your train tickets during live day, meals of course for you and the girls and also accommodation if we have an outstation event. She’ll do your business cards as well, I’ll make sure it’s ready by Saturday.”

“Usually meals are provided by event organizers but in some cases, we have to buy our own. Or in Alex’s case, she needs her salmon _onigiri_ in the morning,” Brainy laughs. Brainy showed her the company’s cafeteria. 

“During dance practice or vocal lessons, you’ll get lunches and snacks for the girls from here. You can take down their order or choose yourself what they should eat for the day.”

“What do you do?” asks Lena.

Brainy smiled, “I don’t dare to tell them what to eat, I get enough yelling from Alex as it is.” Lena chuckled at the thought. “J’onn used to get them food, and somehow they are always happy with what he chose for them. He…” Brainy pauses, “he cares for the girls. So don’t believe the tabloids.”

A beautiful tall lady saw them from a table and waved Brainy over. Brainy looks excited to see her so he ushers Lena along and introduces her. “Diana! This is Lena, the new manager for Supergirls. Lena, this is Diana, the manager for Amazons.”

Diana was pretty, so Lena could see how she used to be an idol. She has the same aura as Kara, where all the attention goes to her. They exchanged greetings and joined Diana at her table. “Do the Amazons have practice today? We just finished using the dance studio,” Brainy seems friendly with Diana, until Lena remembers that Brainy is a content manager, and must have handled photoshoots and music video recordings for Amazons as well.

“No, I had a meeting with Cat,” Diana answered. “So how is your first day, Lena-san?”

_A lot._ “It was alright, thanks for asking, Diana-san,” she replied. “I’m not really familiar with the idol world, so I’m still getting used to the jargon and everything.” 

“You’ll get used to it, it’s just like taking care of a bunch of kids to be honest,” both Diana and Brainy laughed so Lena laughed along. Diana bids her farewell as she picks up her food tray to stash it away. Brainy and Lena exchange contact numbers and Brainy adds Lena to the group chat of him and all 5 members of Supergirls. He also gave Lena the password to their Twitter account where Lena will be in charge to post new information and new photos of the members. Brainy explains that since Supergirls is new, none of the members have their own twitter account yet so Lena just has to moderate this one account. 

He also gave a rundown for Saturday’s live. It’s a _taiban_ , meaning it’s an event with other idol groups. Not just the one under DC Entertainment. Seems like Amazons and The Canaries will be there, as Birds of Prey will be outstation in Osaka during that time. A total of 6 idol groups will be at the _taiban_ with Supergirls having the middle slot, right after Amazons. Brainy explained that _taiban_ is the best opportunity to gain new fans, as fans from other groups are there and they might be interested. The _tokutenkai_ (the fan meet and greet) will be held after all the lives at the end, Brainy and Lena will be stationed for _buppan_ (the merch sales) and Brainy will handle the _cheki_ (polaroids) while Lena handles the money and sale for the new CDs.

It was a lot to take in but Lena has 4 more days to prepare before the live. They parted ways as the night rolled in and agreed to meet up earlier tomorrow at 8am before the vocal lessons begins. Lena reaches her apartment and slumps onto the bed, tired from the long day. She checks her phone and the group chat with all the members. They all exchanged greetings once again and welcomed her to the group. Brainy reminds them that tomorrow's vocal lesson is at 9am and everyone sends a thumbs up emoji, even Lena. She puts down her phone beside her to relax when suddenly she hears a notification coming in.

It was a direct message from Kara, welcoming her to the group, and apologizing for Alex’s behaviour.

> **Kara 10.23pm**
> 
> Lena-san! Welcome to Supergirls! Looking forward to working with you. Sorry about Alex, she’ll come around. She just has a hard time with change is all. See you tomorrow!

> **Lena 10.24pm**
> 
> Kara-san, thank you for the welcome. And don’t worry about Alex, I’m not offended. I hope we can all get along. See you tomorrow.

Lena pondered for a while before sending the next message.

> **Lena 10.25pm**
> 
> I laugh every time they mention Cat-P too. ;)

Lena set down her phone next to her. She remembered earlier when Kara snickered about the name. And was hoping this message would let her know that she wasn’t actually offended. It’s just unusual that someone else was laughing along at the same thing she is so that’s why she took notice of it. It took a few minutes before Kara’s reply came in, and Lena quickly tapped on the notification to read the reply.

> **Kara 10.27pm**
> 
> Cat pee. Hehe.

Lena went to sleep that night smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh gosh i hope this world makes sense to you even if you're not an idol fan


	3. Chapter 3

_Shit._

Lena spent last night watching past Supergirls’ performances at various lives till 2 in the morning. By the time she wakes up, she is late for her meetup with Brainy. They promise to meet at the company’s cafeteria at 8am, and at this rate she’ll be 15 minutes late. The train station is a good 15 minutes walk from the company, 10 minutes if she speeds walk. But she didn’t want to keep Brainy waiting any longer. So she ran.

She reaches the company 6 minutes late and dashed to the cafeteria where she spots Brainy immediately. “Woah, did you run?” Brainy’s eyes widened at the sight of Lena.

“Yeah, sorry I’m late,” Lena replied while gasping for air, “I’m so sorry. I was watching performances last night and slept quite late.”

“It’s quite alright, we’re still early for vocal lessons. What did you think of them now that you’ve watched their performances?”

Lena had many thoughts. And many questions. Lena asks about the chanting the fans make during performances. It all sounded so foreign and loud but there was a sense of coordination about them at the same time. Brainy tells her about _wotagei_ , the performative chants and movements that fans will do during live. She also watches Amazons’ performances and all the other groups under DC. She noticed some sang the same songs. Brainy explains that since Amazons is the oldest group, they have the most original songs. Since Supergirls debuted just 6 months ago, their single consists of a cover of Amazons’ most famous song. Only Cat will decide when Supergirls can get their original song.

“So they sing live?” Lena asks as she bites into her curry bread. She opts for something simple for breakfast, easier to navigate while she has her conversation with Brainy.

“Yes, some idol groups will lip sync but we at DC Entertainment take pride in singing live. That’s why we take our vocal lessons and dance practice seriously. What did you think of their vocals?” 

“The clips I saw weren't really clear, and the fans’ chants were so loud, hopefully I can have a better listen at today’s lesson,” Lena answered.

“Today, we’ll practice ‘If you wish for a blue sky’, their single. The song is originally Amazons’ but it’s been covered by every group under DC. It’s a classic. They need to nail down the performances as a 5 member group. They’ve been fast at picking up the new formation choreography though so that’s good.” Brainy gave Lena a 1000 yen note, “Can you buy 5 salmon onigiri for their breakfast? And don’t forget the receipt.” Lena nodded and accepted the note. She bought 5 onigiri and bought additional green tea and honey drinks with her own money. 

Brainy leads Lena to the studio, while they wait for the girls to arrive. They talk more about the live on Saturday, and Brainy reminds Lena to request for cash advance from Eve for gas money and meal allowances. He talked more about the senior hierarchy in the company. Bruce is the most senior as he’s been with Amazons since the beginning, before he moved to manage Birds of Prey. Next in seniority is Quentin, followed by Diana. Aside from the managers, there’s a seniority system within the members as well. All the members from groups are easier to define their seniority as they are divided by Gens. The 3rd Gen from Amazons have the same seniority with the 1st Gen from Birds of Prey. The 2nd Gen from Birds of Prey have the same seniority with all The Canaries. And of course, the 7th Gen from Amazons have the same seniority as Supergirls as they’re from the same audition group. It was too confusing for Lena, so she took comfort that Supergirls are the newbies, and have to treat everyone else as seniors. 

_Just respect everyone. Got it._

Brainy was about to go into detail about the rundown for Saturday until Sam walked in and greeted them. Soon after, Nia arrived. Followed by Kelly, Kara and Alex. They all took an onigiri that was placed in the middle of the table.

“Wow, Brainy-chan! You got us green tea and honey drinks? What’s the occasion?” exclaimed Nia. It’s the first time she sees Nia being all excited and happy, as she was so meek the day before during dance practice.

“Not me, Nia-chan. Lena got it for all of you,” Brainy answered. Lena took notice of them calling each other with nicknames, and assumed they got along well. 

“Thanks, Lena-san!” Nia took a drink and smiled at Lena. Lena smiled back and secretly basked in happiness watching the girls choosing their drinks.

Lena walks over to the girls, making an awkward attempt to socialize. She was about to say something when Kara interrupted her, “Lena-san, thanks for the drinks! Brainy never treats us fancy drinks like this.”

“It’s no problem. And Kara-san, you don’t have to call me that. You can just call me Lena. That goes for all of you as well,” Lena hopes in dropping the formality they can adopt a sense of camaraderie.

“Well, if I’m calling you Lena…” Kara raised her eyebrows as Lena realized she didn’t drop the formalities herself.

“Kara it is,” Lena replied.

Nia jumps from her chair and gives Lena a half hug, “Can I call you Lena-chan?” and quickly assigns her a nickname.

She finds the nickname a bit childish, but secretly likes it. “Sure… Nia-chan,” Lena grins at the girls and finds comfort in the rapport.

That is, until her eyes land on Alex who still looks grumpy, hopefully because it’s the morning, and not because of Lena. Lena just smiled at Alex while Alex ignores her and bites into her breakfast.

Brainy alerts everyone to get ready for vocal lessons, which was held at the company’s recording studio. They both head to the control room to continue their discussion, with full view of the members and the vocal teacher in the studio. They are doing the usual vocal warm ups while Brainy explains the rundown for Saturday. They will meet up at 2pm with all members at the company and head to the venue together in the minivan. Sound check and rehearsal is at 3pm and the live will start at 6pm. Supergirls’s slot will be after Amazons at 7.15pm and fans meet and greet will start at 8.30pm after everyone’s performances are over. Supergirl will perform 2 songs with a 5 mins MC in between. It’ll be a 15 minutes performance, but it’s enough for their first live performance since their hiatus.

> _If you wish for a blue sky_
> 
> _But no matter how much you cry_
> 
> _You still can't move on_
> 
> _In order to protect your beloved smile_
> 
> _I will fight for it_

Their voice echoed into the control room and Lena can’t help but to take a look. They are practicing singing their first single. Lena watched this performance last night before she went to bed. But today she can hear their vocals clearly. The first chorus was sung in unison.

> _You suddenly looked away_
> 
> _And I couldn't find the words_

This was M’gann’s line. Guess they gave it to Sam to start the song. Sam has a deep voice, but clear. Even though it was originally M’gann’s line, Sam made it hers and it sounded good to Lena’s ears.

> _All this feelings I have in my chest_
> 
> _I sank it into a sea of silence_

Alex sang this line Lena was genuinely surprised. Her voice was sweet and light, and didn’t fit her image of Alex. _What the hell, her voice is so nice_. 

> _I longed for the day_
> 
> _When we can be sweet and honest_
> 
> _With just the two of us_

Kara sang the bridge and Lena was emotionally floored in a good way. Her voice was smooth, like a Disney princess. Lena couldn’t take her eyes off of her. Lena didn’t know much about vocals or singing in particular, but she thought that the bridge really showed off her vocals. She didn’t know a person could be enamoured by a voice, and Kara’s voice is the only thing she can concentrate on right now.

> _Wait for me (wait for me)_
> 
> _Throw yourself in the fate that you beckon!_

Kelly and Nia sang both lines together to round off the verse before the second chorus. They both sounded good together, and maybe that is one of the reasons they are paired together. 

> _If you wish for a blue sky_
> 
> _But no matter how much you cry_
> 
> _You still can't move on_
> 
> _In order to protect your beloved smile_
> 
> _I will fight for it_
> 
> _When the world is filled with this kind of love_
> 
> _Let's stay together_
> 
> _Until that day, I'll keep fighting for your wish_
> 
> _I want you to be my only one_

They sang the rest of the song in unison. After the song ended, they huddled together with the vocal teacher to discuss their weak points. They continue practicing more parts where they need practicing. 

“So?”

Brainy’s voice interrupted Lena’s thoughts.

“Sorry?”

“So, what do you think? I saw you watch them sing the whole song,” Brainy asked again. “I don’t know much about singing. But I thought they sounded great,” Lena answered truthfully. “You can take pictures or videos you know,” Brainy continued, “for Twitter, I mean. You got the account’s password, right?”

Lena nodded. She took a look at their account last night and it was barely updated. Brainy informed her that J’onn wasn’t that much of a social media guy, so Lena is trying to change that. Last night she tweeted about Saturday’s live and fans are already replying how much they are looking forward to it.

She took a picture of them in the studio and tweets.

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Practicing for our comeback live this Saturday! Retweet if you can’t wait to see #Supergirls
> 
> 11:41 AM · Jul 14 

For lunch, they all headed to the cafeteria together. They got the long table for themselves. Brainy sits at the head of the table, with Lena at his right hand side and Nia seating on his left facing opposite Lena. Kara sits beside Lena with Alex at the end of the right side. While Kelly & Sam sit opposite them. Lunch was fairly quiet as the girls were trying to save their voice after their vocal lessons. The table was mostly filled with Brainy and Lena talking, Brainy still filling Lena up on her duties.

“After Saturday’s live, I have another lined up next Friday. Supergirls will open up for Amazons, during Nubia’s _seitansai_.”

“ _Seitansai_?”

“ _Seitainsai_ is basically a birthday live, it’s to celebrate Nubia’s birthday with fans. Usually we’ll perform and do special segments, or special performances and what not. Supergirls just debuted 6 months ago, and we already had two. Alex’s was in April and Sam’s was in May. The next one will be a huge one. It’s Kara’s,” Brainy explains.

“Oh, when is your birthday?” Lena turned around to face Kara.

Kara smiled as she answered the question, “22nd September, in 2 more months.”

Lena quickly added that date in her phone. “It’s a Tuesday,” she commented out loud.

“Oh, that’s fine, we don’t have to do that on her birthday itself, as long as it’s the weekend before or after, so more fans can attend,” Brainy added.

Lena makes a mental note of what she needs to do for Kara’s _seitansai_ as she eats her lunch. She needs to lock down a venue, a date, vendors for lights and sound, guest performers, do they even have enough songs to perform? She needs to ask Sam. She needs to prepare a budget, merchandise for sales, tickets sales, and suddenly she feels her chest tightens.

_Breathe. It’s 2 months away. You got this._

“It’s 2 months away, you still have time.”

Kara’s reassurance brought her back from spinning out. Her face was calm and bright that Lena can’t help but to calm herself back down. “Sorry, I was just thinking about what things I need to do.”

“It’s fine, Alex freaks out like that too,” Kara chuckles, “sometimes I have to calm her down before we sleep the night before a live.” Alex throws Kara a look, not appreciating Kara sharing a fact about her with Lena.

Lena just pondered at Kara’s last sentence and she doesn’t know why but she feels her heart ache a little. “Oh… you and Alex… are together? You stay together?” Lena tries to correct herself.

Alex chokes on her food when she hears Lena’s question. Nia, Kelly and Sam all looked up at her. Kara’s mouth was wide open before it turned into loud belly laughs that filled the cafeteria. Soon after the whole table was laughing. Lena still has a confused look on her face.

“Did Brainy forgot to mention that we’re siblings?” Kara points to her and Alex while still doubled over laughing. Lena looks at Brainy who is laughing along but has an apologetic look on his face. Lena groans in embarrassment. 

While still laughing at Lena’s misunderstanding, they all head back to the studio to practice their second song. ‘Story of yours’ was the B-side to their ‘If you wish for a blue sky’ single. It’s also originally Amazons’ song. Lena wonders if she can ask Cat to give them an original song.

> _You’re always by my side_
> 
> _I’m never alone_
> 
> _Let’s come together_
> 
> _And tell our story_

Lena loves this song more than their single. Sure, the single sounds cool and all, but she loves the message of this second song. It sends the message how a person is never alone if they’re surrounded by friends. And hopefully, in time, that’s what she can call them. Friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their songs are based on a real songs (with half-assed translation by yours truly)  
> [If you wish for a blue sky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YI4U00kKH8)  
> [Story of yours](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXPJ192Vi50)


	4. Chapter 4

It’s the day of their first comeback live.

On Wednesday, their dance practice went without a hitch. They’ve perfected their 5 members choreograph and can’t wait to be back on stage. Thursday and Friday were the members’ day off, but Lena spends all her time at the company. Making sure their new CD is ready before the live, sending their outfits for dry cleaning and grabbing the cash advance from Eve. By Friday evening, she has everything prepared. She even practiced driving around the minivan. Last thing she needs is to be known as the manager who kills off 5 members of an idol group in an accident. 

Apparently she didn’t practice enough.

Brainy texted her that he will meet them at the venue, so it was just Lena and all 5 members of Supergirls. Everyone met up at 2pm sharp at the company to make the move. Kara called shotgun and sat beside her. Sam, Alex, Nia and Kelly bundled up together at the back along with their outfits and merchandise. Nia immediately fell asleep the moment they got on the minivan and Kara told her Nia falls asleep easily in cars and that puts her mind at ease. She started driving and kept slamming the brakes every few seconds. It’s been minutes and they still haven’t exited the parking lot, and that is when Kara spoke up. “Lena, do you even have a driver’s license?”

“I do but… I rarely drive a car, I just take the train everyday.”

Kara gave her a look, and she can see all the girls giving her shocked looks through the rear-view mirror. Well, everyone except for Nia, who is still asleep.

“But don’t worry, I practiced driving with the minivan yesterday! I can do this!” Lena blurts out as she tries to reassure everyone.

“No, move over,” Kara says while she jumps from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat.

“Hey, what? Kara!” Kara’s butt grazes Lena’s chest before it lands on her lap, Lena had no choice but to scoot over to the passenger seat from underneath her. Surely it’s easier to get out of the minivan and just walk over to the other side but Kara gave her no choice.

“No, I can drive, you don’t have to do this,” Lena tries to object again.

“No offense, manager. But I rather arrive in one piece. And I trust my sister with my life,” Alex speaks up from the back. 

Lena meekly followed along, but inside she was frustrated with herself. This was her first official live as manager and she was hoping she could step up. She just hopes the members don't lose her trust with this one mishap.

“Hey, it’s alright, this is Tokyo, no one drives here. We all take the train. I just happen to like driving. I drove this minivan before anyway,” Kara smiled. Lena wasn’t sure if it’s the tone of Kara’s voice or the way she said it but it comforted her. 

“As long as you don’t tell Cat-P about this. We don’t want her to punish you for it,” Kelly sounds concerned as she reminds Lena. Lena looks at Kara and they both smiled, knowing they are laughing at the same thing.

_Cat pee._

They reached the event venue without a hitch and Lena insisted the girls get to the dressing room while she carried all the merch and outfits. Sam made the girls take their own outfits anyway so all Lena had to do is carry the boxes of CDs and the equipment for the meet and greet later. It took 4 rounds but Lena managed to get all the items from the minivan to their designated area until Brainy spotted her and ushered her for the manager’s meeting.

“So we usually huddle with all the managers before sound check, just to greet each other and confirm the order of appearance. You’ve met Diana, Quentin-san is there too. And there’s 3 more managers from 3 other idol groups. So The Canaries will perform first, then Amazons, and finally Supergirl. They have blocked all the DC Entertainment idols for the first three slots. So we can rest a bit before _tokutenkai_ … the meet and greet. You got all the CD ready for _buppan_ ? The merch sales? And all the _cheki_.. polaroid cameras in order? How about the markers for the signing session? Good.”

Lena just walked and nodded along until they reached the stage area, quietly grateful that Brainy is explaining the terms while confirming the rundown with her. They finally reached the stage area where all the managers and staff were already gathered. Lena immediately recognized Diana and greeted her. Next to her was a scruffy middle aged man, who Lena correctly assumes as Quentin and greeted him as well. Brainy introduced Lena to all the managers and everyone exchanged business cards with her as she was new. The event organizer gave a debrief on where the emergency exits are, the medic personnels and the security staff for the night.

After debriefing, The Canaries is up first for sound check. Lena stayed behind to watch Quentin and how he observes his group. He remembered Brainy saying that his daughters are in the group as well. Lena hovered over to start up a conversation. “So, Quentin-san, which one are your daughters?”

His eyes never divert from the stage, without looking at Lena he replied, “Those two in the middle there. Laurel and Sara. The one of furthest left is Dinah, our leader. And the one on the right is Zoe.” Quentin suddenly turns to the sound guy at the front of house, and alerts him with a pointing up gesture. “Mic 1, higher.”

“New to the industry?” he asks Lena, looking at her for the first time since the conversation.

“Yes, I’m not that familiar with idols. But I’ve handled a few events.”

Quentin asks, “Been to an idol live before?”

Lena just shakes her head and Quentin smiles before he continues, “You’re in for a ride. There’s nothing quite like it.”

Lena continued to observe in silence. Quentin was very direct, telling the lighting guy for a special spotlight in one part of their song, and which mic needed tweaking. Lena doesn’t think she could do this, or maybe she can once she’s more familiar with Supergirls. After the sound check, The Canaries thanked everyone. Quentin makes his move, and Diana comes out with Amazons. Lena offered her a quick greeting as she heads to Supergirls’ dressing room, to alert them to get ready. 

Lena waits with them backstage while they stand by for Amazons to wrap up. The sound assistant showed up with 5 mics for each of them. Lena heads to the front of stage to watch them from the audience’s area.

“Kara. Mic 1. _Yoroshiku onegaishimasu._ ”

“Sam. Mic 2. _Yoroshiku onegaishimasu._ ”

“Alex. Mic 3. _Yoroshiku onegaishimasu._ ”

“Kelly. Mic 4. _Yoroshiku onegaishimasu._ ”

“Nia. Mic 5. _Yoroshiku onegaishimasu._ ”

All of them tested out their mics before Sam alerts the front of house to play the first song. They mostly sang properly while gesturing to the sound guy if they needed their volume to go higher or lower. Lena didn’t know what to comment on so she just watches the girls. Kara suddenly jumps off the stage and stands beside Lena in the audience area. The sudden appearance shocks her and she was about to ask Kara until she realizes Kara is just trying to hear from the audience’s point of view. She moves from the right side of the stage to the left. She gives an okay gesture to the sound guy and the girls so Sam alerts the front of house to play the second song. Everyone moves professionally in sync and Lena can’t help but to feel amazed by it.

Sound check ended without a hitch so they head back to their dressing room. They still have 2 hours to kill before tonight’s live starts and the girls are clamoring for snacks.

“Lena-chan~ Can I have ice cream~ Please….” Nia flutters her eyelash while trying to act cute. Kelly just laughs while she requested for a cold green tea. Sam wanted something sweet and Alex just demanded for a salmon _onigiri_.

Lena memorizes the orders and looks at Kara. “What about you?”

“I don’t know. I’ll follow you to the convenience store,” she said nonchalantly. She grabs her glasses and a face mask and starts wearing it as she grabs Lena’s hands and heads out the venue. “It’s my disguise,” she winks.

Lena decided to say something to break the silent walk to the convenient store. “The sound check went really well. I didn’t know what was happening half the time, but you looked like a professional.” 

“I learn from J’onn. He was manager for other idol groups before this, so he taught us what fans would like, to respect the venue’s staff, and just be thankful and all that.”

“J’onn sounds like a great manager.”

“He’s like a dad to us,” Kara pauses. “Especially to Alex.”

“Can I ask what really happened?”

Lena reads the news and the tabloids but it’s always mostly speculation on how J’onn is the sleazy manager who took advantage of M’gann because she’s a member of a new idol group. Another tabloid says that Cat knew the whole time and was trying to bury the news. The only fact that Lena knows for sure is that J’onn was sacked and M’gann quit the group. Lena looks over at Kara who is still silent after her question. Perhaps it was a sensitive question and Lena didn’t take into consideration if Kara was close to M’gann. After all, they performed as members together for almost half a year.

“Sorry if I overstepped.”

“No, it’s just… I hated what happened, that's all.”

“Did J’onn... “ Lena pauses before carefully choosing her words, “did he take advantage of you?”

Kara’s eyes bulged as she looks at Lena, “Oh God! No! Not at all! J’onn is a good guy. Please believe me.”

“I just hated that they couldn’t be together openly,” Kara stops in front of the convenience store and gives a mournful look, “they really loved each other. It just sucks that he just happened to be our manager, and she just happened to be an idol with a love ban rule. It sucks that he lost his job, and she lost her career. It sucks that they had to throw everything else away just to have each other. But even at the end, when they have each other, even that is tainted with rumors and gossip. It sucks… that they couldn’t have the love they deserve.”

The door to the convenience store automatically opens as a customer walks out. Kara gave a sad smile as she heads inside and grabs a basket. She quickly picks up a salmon _onigiri_ so Lena heads over to the cold section to pick up Kelly’s drinks and Nia’s ice cream. Lena pondered over the ice creams before she chose a green tea ice cream and a chocolate ice cream. Not sure which one Nia likes best, she bought both. They meet each other by the cashier and Lena notices Kara choses a red bean mochi for Sam and curry bread for herself.

They both walked back together to the venue and Kara continued her conversation from before. “J’onn didn’t do those things. You know, whatever you read in the tabloids… that’s not him. He was respectful, knowledgeable and helped us out in more ways that I could imagine. He even took Alex under his wings, and Alex was really learning the ropes in management.”

“Is that why Alex is taking this the hardest?”

Kara has a puzzled look on her face as she looks at Lena. Lena looks back at her with a confused look as well.

“Oh, you didn’t know. I thought Brainy would have told you.”

“Tell me what?”  
  


“Alex was the one that reported J’onn to Cat.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally it's time for Supergirls' first comeback live

“What do you mean Alex reported J’onn? I thought the tabloids caught him?” Lena asked further after Kara’s statement. 

“No, that was after the fact. A scandal this huge… could have destroyed Supergirls. And Alex knew that. She thought if she told Cat first, we could keep it in the down low and nip it in the bud. She respected J’onn so much, but she knew how much this group means to us. How much it means to me. Alex… she made the hard choice. ”

“The initial outcome was that J’onn was suspended. But the tabloids picked up the real reason why, and Cat fired him because the truth got out. And M’gann quit because the haters and trolls were too much for her. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Alex, Cat probably would have disbanded us. She probably will. One more wrong step from us, we’re gone. So, don’t be too hard on Alex. She was just following the rules.”

“No, of course. I feel like I understand her better now,” Lena breathes a sigh of relief. All this while she thought Alex hated her, maybe she’s just having distrust issues. So Lena just needs to prove she’s trustworthy. 

They got back to the dressing room and poured the snacks on the table. Nia grabbed the green tea ice cream, so Lena took the chocolate ice cream for herself. As she was eating, she noticed all the members looking at her. Maybe the chocolate ice cream was not the right choice.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“No, we never had a manager hang out with us in the dressing room before,” Sam laughs. “We never had a female manager before.”

“Oh God, I can leave. I should leave, right? What do the managers do now during down time?” Lena panics as she jumps up from her chair, ready to leave the room. 

“No no no, stay. It’s fine,” Sam reassures her.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Kara added, “the managers usually just go out for a smoke or something now right, Alex?”

Alex looks up at Kara, then looks at Lena. “If you got everything ready for the meet and greet later, then you’re fine. Do you smoke?”

Lena shakes her head, and sits back down again. 

“You’re too cute, Lena-chan,” Nia chirps. “Hey, you’ve been with us for almost a week. Who’s your _oshimen_?”

“ _Oshimen_? Member I want to push?” Lena asked.

“It means your favorite member. The member you want to push, or support in the group,” Kelly explains. “She’s asking who’s your favorite basically.”

“It’s me, right?” Nia looks at her with a wide grin. Sam and Kelly just laugh along and the three of them start fighting for Lena’s attention. Alex is still silent looking at the whole situation but Lena’s eyes were on Kara. Kara was just smiling but not joining the conversation.

“Does everyone have an _oshimen_?” Lena asks, trying to change the topic.

“Brainy-chan’s _oshimen_ is me! He told me himself!” Nia exclaims proudly. 

“I know for a fact that Quentin-san’s _oshimen_ are his daughters,” Kelly jokes. Sam just eye rolled at it. They all started listing down the _oshimen_ for all the staff in DC Entertainment. An argument ensued when they were discussing Cat's _oshimen_. They all settled on Diana, even though Diana is no longer an idol, it’s no secret that Cat has always favored her.

Lena silently enjoys the bickering, knowing there’s many more silly discussions like this will happen in the future with them. These are her girls now. She looks at her watch and alerts the girls to get ready. Their performance slot is at 7.15pm but they’re expected to show up at the beginning of the live at 6pm for all the group’s introduction.

Fans are slowly being let in into the venue and Lena spots Brainy talking with Quentin and Diana. She joins them near the door and watches as the fans just pour into the venue. Soon after, the lights were dark, and the deafening cheer took Lena by surprise. She remembers Quentin’s words earlier during sound check.

_You’re in for a ride. There’s nothing quite like it._

“Welcome to Idol Fest Generation~! Let’s welcome our DC Entertainment idols!” a voice booms from the speakers. Amazons, The Canaries and Supergirls appearance are greeted with loud booming cheers from the fans. Nubia led the short MC introducing the three groups and getting the fans riled up. Then, Amazons and Supergirs take their leave and only The Canaries remain on stage. 

Lena watches as The Canaries perform 4 numbers back to back with intricate and sexy dance movements. Their vibe screams punk, cool, biker chicks with their leather jackets and knee high boots. The fans were coordinated with their chanting and glowsticks, shouting the names of The Canaries’ members in unison within each song. Lena was swept in the adrenaline of it all. 

After The Canaries, it was Amazons turn. Lena watches as some of the fans move to the back, and some get to the front. Brainy explains that fans of The Canaries were making space so fans of Amazons can get up closer. Lena finds it weirdly considerate. Idol fans were nothing like what Lena assumed. In the videos of live she watches, they are loud and energetic. But Lena is finding out they have a caring and empathetic side as well.

The Amazons sang 2 songs, with a MC session in the middle and continued with another 2 songs. Lena looks at her watch and counts down till the moment Supergirls make their appearance. She can’t remember the last time she feels this nervous. The familiar intro that she heard over and over again during practice starts to chime. Soon enough, the light goes out and Lena can see the silhouette of her girls on stage. The fans were loud and supportive and Lena can tell they are dying to enjoy Supergirls’ first performance since the hiatus. The song starts and the fans are clapping slowly to the beat.

> _If you wish for a blue sky_
> 
> _But no matter how much you cry_
> 
> _You still can't move on_
> 
> _In order to protect your beloved smile_
> 
> _I will fight for it_

The minute the chorus ends and the songs start to pick up, so does the energy of the fans. The loud chants and cheer was overwhelming. Lena had watched the fans since the beginning, but perhaps because of the familiarity she has with the song Supergirls is singing, she has a newfound appreciation at the fans’ coordination. When Sam sang her verse, all the fans started chanting Sam’s name. Same goes for Alex when it was her verse.

Lena wasn’t prepared when Kara sang the bridge.

> _I longed for the day_
> 
> _When we can be sweet and honest_
> 
> _With just the two of us_

“KA~! RA~! KA~! RA~! KA~! RA~!”

Kara’s name blared through the venue with raucous cries from the fans. Lena has never seen anything like it. Glow sticks turned red and were pointed at Kara. Lena could barely hear what Kara was singing as the screams were so loud. She looks over to the girls and they are smiling their brightest smiles like they were born to do this. Lena swears Kara’s eyes glistens with joy as the chant of her name gets louder and louder.

_So this is an idol live._

First song ended without a hitch and Sam leads the MC session. They talk about how they’re glad to be back and give more information about their next live, which is at Nubia’s _seitansai_ next Friday.

> _You’re always by my side_
> 
> _I’m never alone_
> 
> _Let’s come together_
> 
> _And tell our story_

‘Story of yours’ is the next song. Lena has grown fond of this song because of the message within it.

> _That night's starry sky is full of memories_
> 
> _I still remember the nostalgic smell that still surrounds us_
> 
> _I vowed to myself not to give up_
> 
> _But sometimes there are times I give in_
> 
> _You cheer me up and make me laugh_
> 
> _Always and without fail_
> 
> _Because everyone is here_
> 
> _I can be here as well_
> 
> _My strongest companions!_

Lena has watched them practice the dance moves to this song during practice, but she never realizes how much interaction they could have with fans. 

> _Let’s find the key to courage_
> 
> _I want to be able to laugh with you forever_

During the _I want to be able to laugh with you forever_ line, the dance movement was to point but only today she notices that the girls will point at fans and wink. She thought it was a smart dance move, as that can make a fan feel special for a song. 

> _No matter what we’ll be okay_
> 
> _I believe in those eyes_
> 
> _You’re always by my side_
> 
> _I’m never alone_
> 
> _Let’s come together_
> 
> _And tell our story_

Second song ended without a hitch and Supergirls thanked their fans. The next 3 idol groups will be performing next so they have a bit of a rest time. Lena grabs 5 _bento_ from the caterer and she heads to the dressing room to drop it off. She congratulated the girls on a job well done and headed back outside to the meet and greet area to get it ready. Brainy was already there helping Diana with her _buppan_ booth. 

“So, a ticket is 1000 yen. And if they buy a CD, they get a free ticket. 1 ticket can get you a _cheki_ and a sign on the _cheki_ , all within 30 seconds talk time. The girls will hold their own timer, but you have to keep a lookout. Step in if the fan is taking a long time. If it gets serious, alert the security,” Brainy explains. “I’ll handle the camera, can you handle the tickets and money? Good. Remember, just promote the CD, don’t forget to mention it comes with a free ticket. Last thing we need is to bring all these boxes back to the office.”

Lena chuckled and nodded along with the instructions. To be safe, she also tweeted that _tokutenkai_ is starting soon and that the CD comes with a free ticket, so that the fans can be ready earlier. A few moments later, she can see a few fans approaching her. 

“Hi, excuse me. Are you the new manager?” a middle aged gentleman asks her.

She nodded and extended a handshake to introduce herself. He introduces himself as Coville and that Kara is his _oshimen_. The group of fans praised Lena for making the twitter account active again and how they were so thankful Supergirls is back. 

Suddenly she hears a corner of the room start cheering and she sees The Canaries makes an appearance. Quentin stands in front of the _buppan_ table, “The Canaries _tokutenkai_ is starting! Please queue up!” A lot of other idol groups make an appearance as well along with Supergirls. Lena sees Diana announcing for Amazons and Brainy announcing for Supergirls. She just quietly shadows them, knowing she has to do this on her own in the future. 

_Tokutenkai_ was moving along smoothly, most of the fans were buying the new CDs and everyone was using their free tickets immediately. Lena notices Kara has the most fans, with her queue line looking the longest. Alex has the most female fans, while Nia, Sam and Kelly are quite balanced. She observes the whole process in a quiet manner. All the fans are queuing up in 5 lanes, for each of the members. Brainy will take a ticket from a fan from Kara’s lane, take a _cheki_ of them, and Kara starts the timer in her left hand and signs the _cheki_ with her right while talking to the fan. Brainy then moves down to the next lane, takes a _cheki_ , and moves down to the next lane, and takes a _cheki_. All the girls move seamlessly. Smile, hi, pose, snap, timer, sign, talk, smile, bye. 

Diana gestured for Brainy to come over, and Brainy passed the polaroid camera to Lena. Observing Brainy and doing it herself are two totally different things and soon she finds herself unnerved about the whole situation. She took a _cheki_ of Kara and a fan, and Kara touched her arm to remind her, “Refill the film, you already took 10 _cheki_ s.” Lena nodded and immediately refilled the film and moved on to take a _cheki_ of Alex and a fan. Kelly and Nia stayed behind the _buppan_ table and chatted and played with each other as there’s no more fans queuing up in their lane. 

After half an hour of being in charge of the camera, Lena takes a final _cheki_ of Kara and Coville, who actually bought 10 tickets and have been looping for an hour. It looks like there’s no more fans queuing up so Lena announces that _tokutenkai_ for Supergirls is over and the few fans that are still in the area clapped and wave goodbye. Brainy stayed behind to help Amazons, who still have fans queuing up for their members. Lena looks at The Canaries and they still have fans queuing up too. 

Leaving the venue, Kara still insists on driving so Lena lets her. They drop off Kelly first, who live closest to the venue. Then they dropped off Sam and Nia. When they finally reach Alex and Kara’s, Lena gets out from the passenger seat to take over the driving but Kara still remains at the driver’s seat. 

“What are you doing? Get out, you’re home,” Lena opens the driver’s door. 

“You can’t even drive this minivan properly in the day, you think I’ll let you drive at night? No chance,” Kara insists and stubbornly remains at the driver’s seat.

“What do you want to do? Send me home, send the car back to the company, then come back here? Don’t be ridiculous, I’ll manage,” Lena puffed and look at Alex, “Can you tell her this is ridiculous?”

“I don’t care, just get her back home safely,” Alex shrugs and makes her way into the main door of her apartment building.

Lena just sighs at Kara’s stubbornness, “Fine. But you’re not sending me home. We are sending this minivan back to the company, then I’ll bring you back home first.”

“Sounds good to me,” Kara smiles, knowing she won the argument.

They parked the minivan at the company and both took the train home. It’s half past 11 so there’s barely any passengers in the train. Kara will stop at Shibuya, and Lena’s house is two stations over at Yoyogi.

Lena was still upset at Kara’s stubbornness and she wasn’t about to let Kara forget, “If you just let me drive, you would be at home right now and resting.”

“Can’t rest properly if I think about how you’re gonna get home with your driving skills,” Kara laughs.

“Why are you so stubborn?” Lena sighs and leans her head back on the window. Instantaneously, her stomach grumbled.

Kara laughs at her again, “Did you even eat dinner tonight?”

Lena thinks back at tonight’s event, she remembers taking dinner from the caterer for the girls, but forgot to eat herself. She shakes her head in shame, “I forgot.”

“Guess you need a manager for yourself,” Kara smirks, “wanna stop by the convenience store?”

_The next station is Shibuya. The door on the left side will open. The next station is Shibuya._

“It’s fine, your stop is next. I’ll walk you home,” Lena answered. 

“You don’t have to, it’s just 5 minutes walk from the station.”

“Nope, you don’t get to be stubborn this time. Alex told me to get you back home safely,” Lena insists.

Kara smiles her usual smile again, “Only if you promise to get something to eat later.”

As they were walking from the station, Kara asked Lena a question, “So, what do you think about your first idol live?”

“Surprisingly impressed. All of you did great. The fans were really responsive as well,” Lena answered truthfully.

"So, what was your favorite part?"

"I don't know, I really like 'Story of yours' though."

"Oh, why's that?"

"I like the lyrics. And how you girls interact with your fans during the dance."

All of a sudden, Kara jumps to the front and starts facing Lena. 

> _Let’s find the key to courage_
> 
> _I want to be able to laugh with you forever_

She sang and danced this part of the song, points at Lena and winks. Lena froze and her stomach did a strange flop. This time she wasn’t entirely sure if it’s because of the hunger.

"That part?" she asks.

She couldn't find the words to reply so she just nodded. Kara smiles and continues walking.

“So? Now that you’ve watched us perform, have you chosen an _oshimen_ yet?”

Lena pauses before answering. “I can’t tell you, that would show I’m biased.”

“Ah, so there IS an _oshimen_!” Kara finds delight in Lena’s slipup.

Lena just shakes her head and shrugs. Kara skips along happily, still high from the adrenaline of performing. Lena bids her farewell as she makes sure Kara gets into the main door of her apartment building. She stops by a convenience store before she makes her way back to her own apartment. She opts for the day old chicken katsu rice, with the intention to heat it up once she reaches home.

When she reached her apartment, her phone got a notification.

> Kara 12.14am
> 
> I’m totally your _oshimen_ , right?

There’s a little hint of truth in Kara’s message. But there’s no way Lena would ever admit it out loud. Instead, she just sent an emoji with a zipped mouth and popped the chicken katsu rice in the microwave, and laid down to rest her eyes. The beep on the microwave didn’t wake her up, as Lena fell asleep, drowning in the tiredness of managing her first idol live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the chapter went too long, I really wanted to capture what it’s like to be at an idol live. 
> 
> Also, if any of you are wondering how an idol live looks like, this is an example of  
> [‘if you wish for a blue sky’ performance](https://youtu.be/ToraL8leAkc?t=64)  
> [‘Story of yours’ performance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyagCI4HgCs)


	6. Chapter 6

Lena couldn’t wait to get back to the girls to give them this news. It was Monday morning, so she just got back from her meeting with Cat when Cat informed her that Supergirls can have a second single release. Sadly, they couldn’t get an original song, but Cat leaves it up to Lena and the girls to choose any song from the DC Entertainment discography to release as a cover. Perhaps, if this second single gets great sales numbers, Lena can convince Cat to give Supergirls an original song. She opens the dance practice room happily and Supergirls is right in the middle of practicing. She decides to hold off her good news and sits in the corner with her laptop and earphones to browse through the song catalogs on her own first.

She’s been browsing the songs and doing her own research for hours when the dance teacher alerts her that they’re having a break. They all head to the cafeteria and Lena breaks the news when they all sit down for lunch. 

“Ehh.. really? Our second single?” Nia exclaims excitedly.

“Yes. We have to choose the song by this Wednesday. And we’ll start recording during next week’s recording practice. We’ll also do a new photo-shoot for the single’s cover and I’m thinking we should print out some extra photo-sets for _buppan_ as well. If all goes well, we can target a release date sometime next month in August,” Lena explains.

“Was that what you were doing earlier? Choosing which song to cover?” Sam asks.

“Yes, I browsed the discography a bit and looked at past sale numbers as well. But I would love your input… since you girls will be doing the singing and dancing after all,” Lena answered. 

“Did you have any song you like?” Kara asks.

“Well,” Lena trails off while she grabs her laptop, pushing her food to the side, “I’ve been debating between Amazons 4th single, The Canaries 1st single or Birds of Prey 2nd single. All three singles are their most popular songs according to rankings, which can help our sales. Amazons’ song is more like a generic idol song, I find Birds of Prey’s song a bit hard to perform live but it has cool dance moves and The Canaries’ song has a bit of a sexy image, but if we can pull it off I think the fans would be impressed.”

Lena looks up from her laptop with everyone just staring at her, “But it's all up to you as well! You’re the one performing, I love to get your input!”

“Lena, you’re amazing,” Kelly interrupts the silence, “I think all songs sound great but I’m biased towards Birds of Prey’s 2nd single. I love their dance.” 

Nia and Sam both lean towards Amazons’ 4th single, but Sam doesn’t mind if the majority chooses another song. Alex backs up Kelly’s choice, saying that she loves Birds of Prey’s song as well.

“So that’s two votes Amazons and two votes Birds of Prey. Kara?” Lena looks at Kara who is preoccupied with her food.

“I’m okay with whatever. You choose, Lena.”

“I’ll go back and watch some live performances first before I decide. I’ll let you girls know tonight in the group chat.”

“We trust you with whatever you decide. Now put that laptop aside and eat your food before it’s cold,” Kara smiles. The rest of the girls echoes Kara’s statement, even Alex.

Brainy came over after lunch with a video of last Saturday’s live. They all sat in front of a monitor in the dance practice room and did a post-mortem of their performances and MC session. Lena thought their performance was perfect but the girls manage to nitpick every little thing and everyone takes notes on how to improve themselves. Things that aren't that noticeable to the audience but a misstep here, a lack of smile there, every single thing was scrutinized so they could perform even better the next time. 

The whole week is filled with dance practice and vocal training. They finally decided on Birds of Prey’s 2nd single, “Unrequited Love Finally” which is a fast paced song and has cool dance moves. Recording will start next week and Lena has already arranged for photo-shoots. While the girls practiced, Lena booked two more live for next week and the next. She has also started making plans for Kara’s _seitansai_ , and was hoping Nubia’s _seitansai_ this Friday could give her more ideas. 

Friday rolled in and like last Saturday, Kara insisted on driving. Lena relented, even though she already got better at driving the minivan. Like magic, Nia falls asleep immediately after getting inside the minivan, and Lena took a picture to share with fans on Twitter. Brainy meets them at the venue and helps carry in their outfits and merch. 

Tech rehearsal and sound check went without a hitch, with Nubia taking the longest as she has her own segment later where she will sing a solo song with band backup. Lena thought Diana went all out, what with getting a full band and booking a venue bigger than last Saturday’s live. “Nubia tweeted she has a big announcement today, so we’re expecting a full house. Tickets are 80% sold anyway, so it’ll be packed,” Diana explains further. “Don’t tell anyone, but she’s announcing her graduation today.” 

“Graduation? So today is her last day as Amazons?” Lena remembers Brainy explained that when an idol leaves a group, they will graduate.

“Her last day won’t be today, it’s just an announcement. Maybe we’ll hold her graduation live in a few months. She’ll move on to be a solo idol, hence the band.”

Diana continued, “There’s not many career choices left for an idol once you graduate. Either you stay in the industry as a solo singer, modelling, or acting… or you get a real job like management.”

“Management’s not bad,” Lena smiles at Diana.

Nubia’s _seitansai_ live started on time with Supergirls performing as the opening act. Lena stands at the back, behind the fans, to watch the whole thing. Once Amazons starts performing, Kara joins her. Lena looks at her, “Should you be here?”

“Why? I can’t enjoy a live?” Kara asks.

“No, I’m sorry. I thought you would be in the dressing room or backstage. Fans could see you here,” Lena explains.

“Fun fact. Before I became an idol, I was an idol fan,” she whispers, “and fans like it when they see another idol enjoy an idol show. They won’t bother me.”

“You? An idol fan? You do all this chanting and stuff?” Lena was skeptical. She couldn’t imagine Kara as an idol fan.

As if to prove a point, Kara joins the crowd as the new song is about to start.

" _Aa... Yossha ikuzo!! Taiga, Faiya, Saiba, Faiba, Daiba, Baiba, Jya, Jya_!" Kara shouts in unison with the other fans and turns around to grin at Lena. She grabs Lena’s hands and brings her forward to join the other fans. She leads Lena on the claps and tells her when to jump. It was Nubia’s solo line in the song so Kara was shouting Nubia’s name as loud as the fans. She shoulders Lena, asking her to join in and so Lena did. Kara was right, the fans didn’t care that Kara and Lena were there joining them, they’re in the moment, entertained by the actual performance on stage. Lena actually enjoyed all this, but more than that she enjoys the look on Kara’s face, which was filled with enthusiasm and pure joy.

Nubia’s solo performance with the band was greeted with tons of cheer and support. Until it was time for the end of performance and Nubia was in the middle of the stage, a bit out of breath as she’s finding the words to do her big announcement. “Okay, so I have something to announce,” she said finally.

The fans all responded simultaneously, “Ehhh??”” Lena felt that some of them have already guessed what the announcement is about, as she can hear whispers of the word graduation. She looks over at Kara who has a serious look on her face, quietly watching Nubia’s announcement.

“I am so happy to be here today with fellow members and my fans on my birthday. This year is my 9th year with Amazons. To be able to even be an idol for 9 years, it is all thanks to your support and encouragement. I remember when I first joined in, Diana-san was there as the OG member.” Nubia points at Diana who was at the right side of the stage. Fans' heads turn to see Diana who is just nodding with her head down, smiling at the memories of it all.

“I am so lucky to have her as my senior, and later on as my manager. I can’t thank her enough. And I’ve been getting her advice about everything, even this,” Nubia takes a deep breath before continuing.

“I, Nubia, will graduate from Amazons.”

The cries of shock and sadness swept the venue. 

“I’m the last of the 2nd Gen, and also the leader. And I’m happy to pass the torch of leadership to younger members. It’s been a wonderful 9 years. And I’m excited to take my next step as a solo idol. I hope you can still continue supporting me in my solo career.” Fans started cheering knowing that Nubia will still continue singing and continue her career in the industry. 

“From today onward, please continue your support for Amazons as well!” Nubia ends her speech with a deep bow. Fans were clapping and cheering her name. 

Lena makes a move to get ready for _tokutenkai_ , and tells Kara to let the other girls know to get ready. The queue for Supergirls today wasn’t as long as last Saturday, maybe because today’s star was Nubia, whose line is five times longer than usual. Brainy helps out Diana as Lena informs him that she has it all handled. Coville was there again, and he informs Lena that he always tries to go to all Supergirls’ lives. He also approached Lena with ideas for Kara’s seitansai, stating that the band Nubia had was so cool. Although, Lena isn’t sure if she has enough pull to ask for a band backup from Cat like Diana does. 

Live ended at 10pm and Lena, Brainy and all members of Supergirls meet up at the _izakaya_ in front of the venue. They planned for drinks and a light supper, to thank Brainy for his work taking up the manager spot before Lena arrived. It also doubled as Lena’s welcoming party.

“ _Kanpai_ !!!” all of them cheer and cling glasses. “Speech! Speech!” Sam starts a chant for Brainy and Lena to give their speech. They had a private room in that _izakaya_ , so they could be as loud as they wanted. Everyone had a drink except for Nia, who nurses a melon soda. Brainy stands up, followed by the girls cheering and starts to clear his throat.

“I want to thank you girls, for behaving so well and working so hard for your comeback live. I know this group has it’s up and down but from here on out, I hope it’s nothing but up! This one month of being your manager taught me a lot, and I’m still here so don’t be a stranger. See you next week for the photo-shoot,” Brainy ended his speech with a lighthearted joke and gestures for Lena to stand up. “Your turn,” he said.

“Well… um… Thank you, Brainy. For being our interim manager, and passing that knowledge to me. And thank you all for being so welcoming. I know it’s only my second week here, and we just did our second live together, but I hope we have many many more weeks together, and many more lives from here on. To Supergirls.”

“To Supergirls,” everyone murmurs as they raise their glasses.

Kara was seated next to Lena, which Lena can’t help but notice is becoming their thing during meals. They ordered beef and chicken skewers, nothing too heavy as they all had dinners. Well, all except for Lena as she forgot to eat her dinner again as she fussed with bringing the girls’ _bento_ to their rooms. Suddenly, the waiter drops in the room with an order of _udon_. No one else notices this as they are involved in their own conversations. Brainy was talking to Nia who is sitting next to him and Sam, Alex and Kelly are in a heated discussion about _edamame_. 

“I’m sorry, we didn’t order this,” Lena tries to correct the waiter as he brings it in front of her.

“I did. Eat. I know you didn’t have dinner,” replied Kara. 

“You didn’t have to, the skewers are more than enough,” Lena is grateful though, as she picks up the chopsticks and begin to eat the noodle.

“That’s not a proper meal. Also, you can drink more if you want. I’ll drive later.” 

“Thank you for the _udon_ but no. You should be the one celebrating your hard work tonight. I can drive the minivan,” said Lena. 

“It’s your welcoming party, plus you’re a shitty driver,” Kara replied.

Lena raised her eyebrows at Kara’s words. “Oh relax, there’s no fans here, I can fucking curse if I want,” she said cunningly, “I mean, look at Alex.”

“Like I said, your way of eating is too fucking slow, who needs to peel the beans out, and eat it one by one? What the fuck kinda time consuming shit is that?” Alex starts yelling.

“Well, your way is fucking disgusting. Who puts the whole shell in their mouth and eats it by sliding the beans out with your teeth? Who the fuck knows where the shell has been!” shouted Kelly. 

Sam is doubled over laughing and drinking her whisky highball. Lena just smiles at the whole thing and looks over at Kara, “Fair point. But I’m still not drinking.”

The meal ended a bit before midnight, and Kara drove everyone home including Brainy. After dropping them off one by one, she stops in front of hers and Alex’s apartment. Lena and Kara argue some more about driving arrangements, while Alex ignores them and goes up to her apartment. 

“Okay, how about this? It’s already midnight, and the last train has probably left. Let’s park the minivan here, and I’ll take a taxi back home. I’ll come by first thing tomorrow morning and we’ll send the minivan back to the company,” Lena sighs, hoping Kara would agree with her plan.

“This is why you’re the manager,” said Kara with her usual smile. She parks the minivan next to her apartment and waits in the vehicle while Lena orders a taxi. 

“You don’t have to wait with me, you know. You can go up and rest.”

“I like it here.”

_What does she mean by that?_

“Here, as in stuck with your useless manager who can’t drive a minivan properly?” Lena tries to joke.

“Don’t fucking call yourself that,” Kara looks at her with a serious expression. “I mean, you survived managing us for 2 weeks. That’s not useless.”

Lena just lets out a small laugh.

“What?” Kara looks confused. Did she say something funny?

“I still can’t get used to hearing you curse.”

“Well, I’m only human. You can let loose with me too, you know. I won’t tell.”

“Ha sorry to disappoint, but I rarely curse.” 

“You don’t drink, you don’t curse. Damn, maybe you should have become an idol then,” she laughs, so amused by Lena’s confession.

“Nope, I can’t sing and I don’t have the hand eye coordination for dancing,” admits Lena.

“Fun fact, you don’t have to be good at singing and dancing to be an idol. Fans like all kinds of idols. I’m sure a pretty non-singer, non-dancer, shitty driver idol could attract at least a few fans.”

“So you think I’m pretty?” Lena raised her eyebrows, concentrating on that one word that Kara just uttered a few moments ago.

“Fuck off,” Kara laughs and shakes her head. She notices a car driving down the road, “I think your ride’s here.”

They both got out of the minivan and waited in front of Kara’s apartment while the taxi stopped in front of them. The door automatically opens and Lena bids Kara goodbye, “See you in the morning.” 

“Not too early,” she grins. “Text me when you reach your house.”

Lena nodded and got in the taxi. The ride home was quick as there was no traffic this middle of the night. She shoots a quick text to Kara letting her know she’s safely home. She does a quick walk-through of tomorrow’s schedule in her head. Morning, go to Kara’s house, send back the minivan to the company, lunch together?, find a venue for Kara’s _seitansai_ , lock in the date, find more live for Supergirls, confirm back the recording date for their single on Tuesday, dance practice on…

Lena’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the notification on her phone.

> Kara 12.42am
> 
> Good night, my pretty manager. 

Lena doesn’t know why but lately she’s been going to sleep smiling. She knows exactly when it started though, the day she started to manage Supergirls. The day she met Kara. 


	7. Lena I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the change of writing style, I decided to write as Lena’s POV from here on out instead of third person coz i’m dumb

Kara is already waiting inside the minivan with a smile, a smile as bright as that Saturday morning. I open the driver’s door, instead of the passenger’s and this time I want to be firm, “Get out.”

“No.”

_Ugh, why is this girl so stubborn._

“Look, I want to prove to you that I can drive the minivan. It’s Saturday, there’s no traffic. Get out,” I insist again.

She rolls her eyes and scooches over to the passenger’s seat without getting out of the minivan. I finally got onto the driver’s seat and adjusted the seat and the mirrors. Last thing I need is to mess this up and prove her point, I have to nail this driving. As I pulled the seat belt, she suddenly spoke up.

“Good morning,” she said. I look at her and she’s being her cheery self. She has the kind of smile that makes you want to smile yourself. I apologized as my first words to her wasn’t a greeting and that was rude of me, “Sorry. Good morning.”

The ride to the company was smooth. And I gave Kara a smug look once we parked.

“Doesn’t prove anything, I still don’t trust you driving at night,” she said.

“Oh my God, are you for real? Why are you making this harder on yourself? Just let me drive you home after a live next time,” I didn’t mean to raise my voice but this whole driving arrangement is getting ridiculous. I am more than capable of sending the girls back home myself, and there was no need for Kara to drop Alex off, send the car back to the company, then take the train to go all the way back to her place with Alex just because she’s being stubborn. It’s double the work.

“But I like spending time with you,” she replied. There it is again. That smile. Whatever, next time she wants to drive I’ll wrestle the car keys out of her hand if I have to.

I drop off the car keys at Eve’s table and submit the receipts from yesterday’s dinner. Kara is still following me around and silently waits as I glue down the receipt on the A4 paper. I hate this old archaic form of receipt submission, surely I can suggest to Cat that we can submit it by email or something. Then again, this company still uses fax so that is going to be a hard hill to fight on. 

I look over at Kara who found a piano in the waiting room and starts tinkering with the keys. Of course this huge music company has a piano in the waiting room. I finally finish gluing down the receipts and place it on the tray on Eve’s table. I was about to leave and get Kara when I heard the piano playing beautifully.

> _It's okay_
> 
> _You’re not alone_
> 
> _All the worries that is in your heart_
> 
> _Let’s embrace it together_

Kara’s voice echoes in the empty waiting room. I stayed by the entrance, not wanting to disturb this magical moment. I don’t know what angels sound like, but if I have to describe her voice it sounds angelic right now. I don’t recognize this song, and I’ve been browsing through all the discography of DC idols. 

> _The sound of my heart that never stops seeking you_
> 
> _There’s so many times I want to say I love you_
> 
> _If only I can convey it in words_
> 
> _It makes my heart throb_

She stopped suddenly and it transported me back to the real world. Maybe she noticed I was lingering so I gestured to her to continue.

“No, I only have that 2 verse for now,” she said shyly.

“Oh, you wrote it? That’s amazing. The lyrics are so beautiful. And the piano! You’re so good at it! And oh my God, your voice! Ballad suits you well,” I realize my compliments are pouring out too much so I dialed it back. “I mean, you should really perform it at your _seitansai_. I’m sure the fans would love it. This could be your special segment.”

“Thanks but, like I said, the song’s not complete yet.”

“You still have two more months. Please?” 

“Okay, okay, but I am only doing this for you.” 

“Yes! Now we got your solo segment sorted for _seitansai_ ,” honestly, that’s one box ticked off the checklist. Super pleased about that.

“So, you only care about the _seitansai_ , huh?” I was probably imagining it but she sounded hurt.

“I mean, I wasn’t lying when I said that song was beautiful. And I couldn’t possibly be the only one to witness that. Can’t deprive the world of your talent,” I said. And it was the truth. If Kara wants to she could definitely leave Supergirls and work as a solo idol. She has the talent to back it up. She just nods and gets ready to stand up but I stop her.

“Can you… Can you play it again?” I didn’t know why, but I really need to hear it again. It felt like I had to have a quick selfish moment to immerse myself in her talent before I share it with the world.

She indulged me and started singing the song again. Instinctively, I start to record her singing with my phone, and manage to film the whole of the second verse. I’ve been doing this lately, just taking videos of photos of the girls to share on Supergirls’ twitter account. And the fans love it. But for now, this video of Kara singing is for me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Kara sang is based on a real song and [this is the only version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1w1cFiM5f0) I could find on youtube (song translation by me) but trust me I watched the solo piano version before and it had the same effect on me like it had on Lena lol


	8. Kara I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed my mind again lmao. Maybe I’ll switch back and forth between their POV lol bear with me while i try to find a writing style (she says 15k words in)

“Can you… Can you play it again?” Lena’s voice was soft, but I heard it clearly. I don’t know why she wants to hear it again but I would play it over and over again if she asks. I nodded and started playing. The melody comes naturally, as I’ve been tinkering with it for months. But it’s only recently that I had added the lyrics. I could see Lena taking out her phone when I was about to start the chorus.

> _The sound of my heart that never stops seeking you_
> 
> _There’s so many times I want to say I love you_
> 
> _If only I can convey it in words_
> 
> _It makes my heart throb_

She stops the recording as I finished playing. “Are you going to post that?” I had to ask, as she was always sharing our videos and photos on Twitter. But I’m not sure if I want to share that song with the world, at least not yet.

She quickly shakes her head, “No, I’ll wait till you finish writing the song before I tease it to the fans.”

It’s weird but the fact that Lena has a video of me on her phone makes my heart skip a beat. We both head to the cafeteria to get lunch. She offered to pay but I object, it was technically both our off day, so there’s no way she can claim this. I mean, if the company is paying for today’s meal I would definitely drag Lena to the nearest all-you-can-eat _yakiniku_ restaurant. But I’ll settle for this beef bowl.

She keeps looking at her phone during our lunch. She’s always busy. I wonder if this is why she forgets to eat sometimes. It ticks me off to see her playing with her phone but at least she’s eating. Her face is so serious when she’s doing work, which is all of the time. Her jawline is prominent, especially when her head is tilted down looking at her phone like that. I can’t help but to trace her face with my eyes, she’s so pretty. Well, I basically admitted it to her last night anyway. She’s not talking so I just keep on eating while I stare at her. So when she suddenly yelps with excitement, I almost choked. 

“Oh, sorry to startle you but I just got confirmation for O-South for your _seitansai_ on 21st September!” 

“O-South? That place could fit 500 people, I don’t think my _seitansai_ can pull that many fans,” I mean, on a good day, we’ll have 200 fans at most. Supergirls is still a new idol group, and I didn’t mind it. I love our small group of fans, and actually knowing them all by name.

“I know, I know. But we’ll be releasing our second single soon. And even if we fill up half the venue that’ll be good enough. Plus, it’s 2 months away,” she smiles. I love her confidence in us. In me, essentially. J’onn would have been practical and book a smaller venue, but not Lena. How is she so confident in us when she has only known us for a few weeks?

“21st September… that’s a Monday right? I remember you said my birthday is on a Tuesday,” I still remember when I told her that my birthday is on the 22nd, and she immediately inserted the date on her phone. It was too cute.

“Yes, it’s a holiday so it all works out! That way, you’ll be free on your actual birthday. I’ll make sure you have a day off so you can celebrate with Alex,” there she goes again, arranging something on her phone.

She’ll barely touch her food at this rate so I grab her phone from her. “Later, for now, eat.”

She pouts and demands her phone so I tell her she could get it back once she’s done eating. She calls me stubborn again but continues eating. I wonder who is the stubborn one here.

I still didn’t give her phone after lunch and I kinda like teasing her and forcing her to have an actual conversation with me. We took the train ride home together and we talked about the live she has planned for this week. She managed to book two venues for this weekend and I can’t wait to finally get our number of activities picked up again. The hiatus was torture as we had nothing to do for a month except for practice dancing and singing. Performing just gives a different kind of thrill that is unmatched by anything. 

She walked me to my apartment and as promised, I gave her back her phone. The moment I reached my room I could hear the group chat’s notification popping off.

> **Lena 1.13pm**
> 
> Girls! I booked O-South for Kara’s _seitansai_ on 21st Sep!
> 
> **Lena 1.13pm**
> 
> Next week we have live in Akiba on Saturday evening, and Shinjuku on Sunday afternoon.
> 
> **Lena 1.14pm**
> 
> And I changed “Unrequited Love Finally” recording date to Monday as we have the photoshoot with Brainy on Wednesday
> 
> **Lena 1.14pm**
> 
> Monday - Single recording
> 
> Tuesday - Single dance practice
> 
> Wednesday - Photo shoot with Brainy
> 
> Thursday - Off day
> 
> Friday - Off day
> 
> Saturday - Live
> 
> Sunday - Live
> 
> **Nia 1.14pm**
> 
> Wow! O-South! That’s huge!
> 
> **Sam 1.15pm**
> 
> Thank you, Lena. See you Monday.
> 
> **Kelly 1.15pm**
> 
> Yay 2 live this week!
> 
> **Alex 1.15pm**
> 
> Ok, noted.

I checked twitter and sure enough she has already updated our twitter account with information on next week’s live. I laughed imagining her being manic at updating and texting once I’ve given her phone back. That image stayed with me till dinner to the extent that Alex kept asking why I was smiling so much.

* * *

Monday morning arrived and we met up at the recording studio. There’s already breakfast on the table in the control room with a note from Lena saying that she’ll drop by after her meeting with Cat. Sam took the lead and greeted our vocal teacher and also introduced us to the recording engineer. We all sang everything as a group at first, then it was time for our solo recordings. When it was my turn, I could see Cat and Lena come into the control room. It’s a bit frightening every time Cat is in the recording room, but as producer I’m sure she just wants to oversee the process. Plus, she makes the final decision who sings which line in the final product.

> _Though you're this close to me_
> 
> _I'm gazing into the distance_
> 
> _Like that, out of the corner of my eye_
> 
> _I noticed_
> 
> _Your presence_

Ever since Lena said she likes ‘Story of yours’ because of the lyrics, I started to concentrate on the lyrics of the songs I’m singing as well. And I can’t help to notice the similarities of the lyrics with my current situation as I notice Lena’s presence out of the corner of my eye.

> _In the cafeteria, lit by spring sunlight_
> 
> _By chance, I sat down at the same table_
> 
> _As if my heart had frozen up_
> 
> _I couldn't_
> 
> _Exchange words with you_

Shit. Now I’m thinking of every time I sit at the same table with Lena at the cafeteria. 

> _I love you, I really love you_
> 
> _Since the first time I met you_
> 
> _More than anyone else within memory_
> 
> _You surprised me and charmed me_

I don’t know why but the image of Lena runs through my mind the whole time I’m singing. I remember the first time we met, when she entered that dance practice room with Cat. The way she looks so serious when she’s working. The fact that she forgets to eat a meal when she’s busy. How she said she doesn’t know anything about idols so she watched all those idol videos to study. The way she exhibits pure joy when I dragged her to chant with the fans. The way she pouts when I insist on driving. The way she insists on walking me home. The way she laughs. The way she smiles. 

> _I love you, I really love you_
> 
> _Until now, I was always hiding it_
> 
> _But today, I'm going to stand up_
> 
> _And confess_
> 
> _Finally_

The song ended but I only had one thought in my mind. Or rather, one person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Unrequited Love Finally is a real song by SKE48](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THnJfcaKquk)  
> Song translation [source ](http://stage48.net/studio48/kataomoifinally.html)


	9. Lena II

It’s almost the end of August, meaning summer was about to end. I, for one, am glad the weather is starting to cool down. My pasty skin is not made for summer, and I can’t wait to wear more layers. Second single was released last week and sales numbers are good. As I thought, a cool dance number was received well by fans. We’ve even gained new fans thanks to my daily twitter updates. I’ve even dedicated each day for each of the girls. Monday is Kara’s AMA where fans can submit questions and I’ll choose 5 for Kara to answer every week. Tuesday is Alex’s fashion day, where I’ll upload a photo of Alex sporting the latest Tokyo street style. Kelly gets Wednesday where I’ll upload a clip of her dancing. Thursday is when I will upload something from behind the scene, narrated by Sam. And every Friday, I’ll upload a cute sleeping picture of Nia. 

Kara’s  _ seitansai _ tickets have started selling as well and we’ve sold 20% of the tickets so far. After a month, Supergirls and I have worked some sort of rhythm working together. I’ve consistently booked 2 to 3 lives every week, and Supergirls is very diligent with their practice. We have 15 songs in our repertoire, which we cycle for each live. Kara still insists on driving after every live though, it’s the only one thing I couldn’t fight her on. But I’ve learned to enjoy our short train ride back home together. We’ll talk about that night’s live, and what we thought about it. It kinda became our routine. 

Kara’s still torn about her solo performance for  _ seitansai _ . And she promised to show me her new verse today. Meeting with Cat went well, as she’s happy with the sales for the second single so I headed back to the dance practice room. I open the door to Kara dancing alone, blonde hair sticking to the side of her head, sweat dripping from her body, reminiscent of when I saw her for the first time. She’s wearing a black sports bra with a baggy white t-shirt, and black leggings that completely hugs her body. I could steal a peek of her abs, clearly visible when she raises her hands at certain dance moves.

Kara wasn’t only dancing but she was singing along. And it’s amazing to see her voice singing clearly even when she’s doing these rigorous dance moves. If it was me, I would be breathless after the first verse. Even after watching her doing this day after day, I still can’t help but feel amazed by it. I let her finish the whole song while watching at the sideline. 

“Where’s the others?” I asked.

Kara went to grab her towel and answered, “Break time. Went to grab drinks.” 

“Your meeting with Cat-P went too long,” she giggled. Obviously laughing at how Cat-P sounds like cat pee again.

“You should stop laughing at that. Every time I have a meeting with Cat, I can imagine you laughing and I have to stifle a laughter,” I said.

“Oh, so you think of me when you have a meeting with Cat? You like me that much?”

She is such a tease. I got used to her flirting with practically everyone like this. With other members, staff and even fans. Must be part of being an idol, especially a center. It’s not hard to imagine anyone falling for her. If I didn’t know any further, I might think she really likes me.

“Ha, you wish. I like everyone equally,” I tease back, “and no, I still won’t tell you who my  _ oshimen _ is.” She’s been hammering on me to tell her the truth on who my  _ oshimen  _ is, and it’s kinda true I spend the most time with her, but I’ve learned to like all the other members as much. Sam is a true leader, and I can rely on her to take charge whenever I’m not around. Alex has started to warm up to me after I praised her street fashion. Hence why we started the Alex Tuesday thing on twitter. Kelly’s dance moves never fail to impress me, and she has the best inputs and ideas for me to improve the group. She was the one who suggested Sam to narrate the behind the scene videos, and for the Kara AMA every Monday. And Nia, well Nia is my pampered baby girl. She’s so cute and adorable and just loved by everyone. Even though I still can’t understand how she just falls asleep in vehicles in an instant. But I don’t care, fans love it. 

And Kara. Well, Kara is my ace. The all rounder. I don’t know why but she seems to enjoy spending time with me, and I enjoy her company as well. Her infectious smile that makes me smile along with her. The crinkle between her eyebrows when something is bothering her. Her stubbornness when she insists on driving. Her attentiveness when she makes sure I eat something for the day. Her giggle when we mention our inside joke. Her booming laughter when she sees something funny. I don’t know if I have an  _ oshimen _ for sure, but if I do, it is undoubtedly Kara. But I won’t tell her that.

Kara gestures at the piano in the dance room, “Want to listen to what I got so far?”

I nod and she starts to make her way to the piano. “Okay, so I added the first verse. And starting from ‘The sound of my heart’ is my chorus. So I just need to figure out the bridge and we have a complete song!” She starts playing the melody I’ve played a thousand times, thanks to the video of her I have on my phone.

> _ Floating on the water _
> 
> _ I’m being washed away _
> 
> _ Do you feel alive? Do you know this star’s history? _
> 
> _ The fight continues regardless who you are _
> 
> _ It's okay _
> 
> _ You’re not alone _
> 
> _ All the worries that is in your heart _
> 
> _ Let’s embrace it together _
> 
> _ The sound of my heart that never stops seeking you _
> 
> _ There’s so many times I want to say I love you _
> 
> _ If only I can convey it in words _
> 
> _ It makes my heart throb _

“So?” she asked after she finished playing. 

“That’s really good. Your lyrics are beautiful,” I answer, pausing before I ask the next question, “Do you have a title?”

“The sound of my heart that never stops seeking you,” she said.

Oh wow, that’s a mouthful. As if she could read my mind she added, “I know it’s a mouthful but I feel like that’s the title, you know?”

I nodded and carried on asking her, “Do you want to be a songwriter in the future?”

“I’d love to. I mean, I don’t see myself being an idol until my late thirties,” she replied.

“I think you have the talent for it.”

“For being an idol in my late thirties?” she jokes.

_ God, why is she being such a nerd _ . “No, silly. That songwriter thing. I’m being real with you.”

“Will you still be my manager then?” she asked gleefully. Knowing fully well what my answer is.

As I was about to answer, the members barged into the room with drinks. Nia even bought my favorite milk tea drink, so I promised her I’ll get ice cream for her later for snacks.

They continued their dance practice and I even recorded a few videos and took pictures of the rehearsal. Kara’s  _ seitansai _ is a month away, and I have a feeling it’s gonna be the best live ever.


	10. Kara II

The howling wind and pouring rain didn’t quell my worry at all. It’s been raining since morning, lightly at first but now it looks serious. Out of all the days, must it happen on my  _ seitansai _ ? 

“If it gets serious, I will end it early, okay?” Lena’s voice surprised me. She must have been watching me looking out the window for a while.

“I’m just worried,” I tell her. Lena puts her hand on my shoulder and tries to reassure me, “Just enjoy your  _ seitansai _ . It’s your day. Leave the worrying to me.”

It is my birthday tomorrow and _ seitansai _ is my chance to celebrate with the fans. She’s right, I should enjoy this. If not for myself, for my fans. I know some are coming from out of town for this. I owe everything I am today thanks to my fans’ support. Either they like me because they long for inspiration or strength, or to escape their reality for a few hours and enjoy a live, or maybe just someone who is looking for unconditional acceptance; my fans deserve a good live. And me worrying is not going to do any good.

I see Lena pacing back and forth giving instructions and making sure everything is right. Our sound check ended an hour ago and everything is going smoothly. Tickets aren’t fully sold out, but we manage to sell almost 90% of the tickets, which is way better than we expect in the beginning when Lena booked the venue. My song is finished too. My first song. It started as just playing around but thanks to Lena’s belief in me, I managed to finish it in time. 

Live starts on time and the sound on stage drowns out the rain outside. The smile and cheers from the fans made me forget whatever it was I was worried for. Lena was right. Without realizing it, my eyes went straight to her. She’s always at the back, watching us from afar like she always does. During the “I want to be able to laugh with you forever” line in ‘Story of yours’, I like to point and wink at her, just for fun.

I love performing. I love doing live. I love when the fans chant my name during my solo lines, and their red glow sticks pointing at me. The thrill of it gives me the adrenaline to sing and dance for hours, there’s nothing like it. Heck, I even love Sam’s ridiculous MC session, when she asks stupid questions and do silly segments. I love everything about this. 

When the group live ended, it was time for an encore. Meaning, the time has come for my solo section. The fans started cheering my name loudly, calling for me to show up on stage again. I’m nervous. I’ve never played piano for my fans before. Never actually sing my own songs before. The piano was wheeled out to the middle of the stage, and the fans are overly excited and hyper. I sat down and I could hear them shushing each other, everyone standing silently waiting for my first note.

I look out into the crowd, looking for that one familiar face. When she smiled, I knew I could do it. I start playing and sing the song I’ve practiced hundreds of times.

> _ Floating on the water _
> 
> _ I’m being washed away _
> 
> _ Do you feel alive? Do you know this star’s history? _
> 
> _ The fight continues regardless who you are _
> 
> _ It's okay _
> 
> _ You’re not alone _
> 
> _ All the worries that is in your heart _
> 
> _ Let’s embrace it together _
> 
> _ The sound of my heart that never stops seeking you _
> 
> _ There’s so many times I want to say I love you _
> 
> _ If only I can convey it in words _
> 
> _ It makes my heart throb _
> 
> _ Still, I’m looking for the smile that never stop _
> 
> _ Don’t cry because you deny me _
> 
> _ You don’t have to hate yourself _
> 
> _ I hope you find someone who needs you _
> 
> _ And someone you need back _
> 
> _ And maybe that will be the answer to all your questions _
> 
> _ The sound of my heart that never stops seeking you _
> 
> _ There’s so many times I want to say I love you _
> 
> _ If only I can convey it in words _
> 
> _ Your future will shine _
> 
> _ As I will be watching you _

The encore ended and the girls wheeled out my birthday cake to my surprise. When did they have time to buy the cake? Everyone in the venue sang me a birthday song and it touched me to my core, I didn’t even realize I was crying until Nia handed me a tissue. The live ended without a hitch and I can already see Lena hurrying to start  _ tokutenkai _ while I was whisked off the stage.

When we got out to the  _ buppan _ table, Lena announced to the fans that today’s  _ cheki _ will only be the polaroid, and the fans can get the sign and talk time for free at the next live, just bring the polaroid as proof. It must be her attempt to move everything along fast. The storm must have gotten serious. The fans were understandable as well, and  _ tokutenkai _ went along fast. Lena has the most work to do as she had to handle  _ buppan _ and snap everyone’s photos without any rest time. During a normal session, there’s a small break every time we sign the polaroid and talk with the fans. But without that, it’s just a non stop photo taking session. Many fans promised to come to our next live to claim their sign and talk time. 

It was the most rushed  _ tokutenkai  _ I’ve ever participated in and Lena was very swift at arranging everything. By the time all of us are out of our outfits, she already has the minivan ready and all our merch packed and arranged inside. I’m fairly sure she forgot to eat her dinner again. The rain was pouring like mad so there’s no way in hell I would let her drive in this condition. Maybe she understood as well, as she passed the keys to me without doing our usual back and forth argument. I sent Sam and Nia first as they live closest to O-South, then I dropped Kelly off. When I reach my house to drop Alex off, Lena grabs my hand. 

“No, this time you go down. There’s no need to send the minivan back now.”

“Oh? And how exactly are you going to drive in this condition?” I argue. Lightning strikes the moment I ask the question and the rumbling sound of thunder follows soon after. 

“Please, Kara. Not today. I swear I can handle this,” she begs. 

“Can I at least send you home? Please? I swear I’ll come home right after. You live only 15 minutes away,” I tried to bargain. I just couldn’t rest if I didn't see her get home safely. 

She sighs, and I know I’ve won. She always sighs before she lets me get my way. I started driving to her house. The 15 minutes drive took half an hour, as the storm got worse by the minute. When I reach her house, both our phone’s notifications start to pop up. Typhoon alert. Just my luck. How am I getting home now?

“I’m not letting you drive back home, park the minivan here,” Lena said firmly. Her tone was so serious, so I followed her instructions. The car park was only a good 30 seconds run to her apartment but we were absolutely drenched when we reached the front door. I carried both our bags and she carried a few items from the minivan.

She opens the door to her apartment and greets absolutely no one, “I’m home.” I find it so cute. I stay by the door while she grabs a towel and some dry pajamas. She makes me shower and change first, while she puts in our clothes in the dryer. When I was done, she hopped in the shower next. I stay in her bedroom and take a quick look around. I could see notes on the table, scribbles jotting down what song we can practice next or what the next schedule is like. Strewn about her bedroom are our flyers, our photo-sets, Our CDs, business cards from organizers, if I didn’t know any better, it looks like the room belongs to a die hard fan of Supergirls.

“What are you looking at?”, she said, interrupting my sleuthing. Lena came out looking so soft, with her half wet hair, matching pajamas and a towel around her shoulders, still trying to dry out her hair. 

“Just looking. I’ve never been to your room.”

“Well, I’ve texted Alex you’re staying here for the night. Until the typhoon alert is lifted.”

“Okay, thanks,” I said. “What if the typhoon continues for three days and three nights?” I don’t know why I tend to do these tiny jokes every time.

“Then you’ll stay here for three nights, I don’t care,” she replies, serious as ever, “as long as you’re safe.”

Her reply gives me a funny feeling in my stomach, but I try to ignore it. Her bed is against the wall with the TV facing the opposite side of the bed. We stayed on the floor, leaning on her bed. She turns on the TV and the first thing we see is the news on the typhoon. Typhoon no 12 is set to reach 234km/h and the news is reporting almost 50 thousand people are stuck in train stations. 

“Sorry you’re stuck with me on your birthday,” she said. 

I shake my head. I want to say her company is not as bad as she makes out to be, but words didn’t come out. I was hoping my silence conveyed what I want to say. 

“Oh!” Lena suddenly jumps up and goes to the living room to grab one of the items she took from the minivan. She hides it behind her, and sits back next to me. “Here, happy birthday,” she says as she hands me a present. “I wanted to give you at the venue, but couldn’t find the time.”

I took the present from her and I could already tell it’s a book. “Open it,” she said.

I tore the wrapping carefully, and it’s a thick leather bound notebook with engraving on the cover that says ‘Kara’s lyrics journal’. That funny feeling in my stomach is now in my throat, as I try to find the words to react. But all I could do is look at her teary eyed.

“For your songwriting,” she smiles. Just as I was about to thank her, the power went off. The sound from the TV, the rumbling from the dryer, the humming from the ceiling fan all stopped at once and we were engulfed in silence and darkness. That funny feeling in my throat is now all over my body, as I look at her face in the darkness. Is it my imagination or is she getting closer to me?

Then her stomach starts growling.

She jerks away from me and I start laughing. “You haven’t eaten all day, haven't you!” I yell. I was worried about the  _ seitansai _ and the weather so I didn’t have time to remind her to eat as well. She got up and said she’ll make something now and left me in her room, in the darkness. I slump my head back on her bed and close my eyes, my fingers tracing the engraving on my new book.

A few moments later, she comes in with my birthday cake from  _ seitansai _ , which must be one of the items she took from the minivan. With all the candles lit up, it was the only source of light in that power outage. She sings the birthday song and I find out she wasn’t lying when she said she couldn’t sing. But the effort is really cute and it makes me smile. The candles make it easy to see her pretty face as she places the cake between us on the floor.

“It’s already the 22nd. Happy birthday.”

I look at the clock on the wall and sure enough it strikes midnight. I blew the candles and the room is dark again. “I thought you said you were making dinner.”

“So… turns out my stove is induction. And induction cooker needs… electricity.” 

_ This idiot _ . Why is she so cute? 

“I tried to find something to eat, and I found your birthday cake! Plus, it was already midnight so… ta-da!” she gestures at the blown candles. 

“How can you manage all 5 of us, a live event, sales for merchandise, and basically organize a whole  _ seitansai  _ from scratch, but you can’t even manage a meal for yourself?” It’s astounding, really. 

She passes me a fork and grabs a bite of the cake herself, “Because you are my responsibility and I take my responsibilities seriously. Oh, this cake is so good.”

I took a bite and the cake tasted okay, like cake. She must have been hungry. Hunger makes everything taste amazing. I ate two more bites and put the fork down. I rested my eyes and lean back against her bed as the sound of her eating cake accompanies the night.

“You can sleep in my bed. I’ll bring out the  _ futon _ ,” she says.

“We can sleep together on the bed, I don’t mind,” I really don’t.

“It’s a single bed, Kara. Don’t be silly. I have a  _ futon _ . Plus, I want my center to be well rested,” it was dark, but I can tell she was smiling. She always mentions that I’m her center, her ace, her responsibility. Sometimes, I feel like just a product to her and she has to take care of it. 

I climb on the bed and face the wall. I don’t know if I was angry, or pissed, or whatever at her last statement. I didn’t know what I was feeling. I try to close my eyes and just concentrate on the sounds. I can hear her finish eating as she cleans the fork and plates. I can hear her rummaging through the closet, probably to find that  _ futon _ . I can hear her switching off the lights, in case the electricity comes back on in the middle of the night. 

Then I felt her. She must have thought I was sleeping, as I kept my eyes closed and faced the wall. I feel her hands swiping the hair out of my face and neck, giving a cool breeze to that still night. I can feel her gently lifting my feet to take out the comforter from under them, and slowly tucking me in. And even though she thinks I can’t hear her, she still said good night to me. 

And I still don’t know what I was feeling. But I felt very loved at that moment.


	11. Lena III

“It’s a single bed, Kara. Don’t be silly. I have a _futon_ . Plus, I want my center to be well rested,” I said. Kara gave me a look, climbed on the bed and faced the wall. Was it something I said? I finished eating the cake, and cleaned up all the plates. I forgot where I placed the _futon_ , it’s not everyday you have guests coming, so I start to rummage through the closets. I found it at the back of the closet, and I looked around the bedroom to see where I could place it. I settled for next to the bed, on the floor. 

I also switch off the lights. Last thing we need is for the electricity to come back at 2am or something and wake us up with it’s brightness. I look over at Kara who is already sleeping. She must be tired from _seitansai_. Heck, I would be tired too if I have to sing and dance for 2 hours, then add on another 2 hours just taking pictures and talking to fans. I don’t know how they do this every week. The idol life seems so tiring.

Unlike her huge presence on stage, she looks so small in my bed right now. Without realizing it, I was sweeping away the hair from her face. I gently lift her feet, don’t want to wake her up now, to grab the comforter from underneath them. I tucked her in, as delicate as possible, and gave her one last look.

“Good night,” I said softly as possible. She doesn’t deserve to be stuck with her manager of all people on her birthday. I hope the weather lets up soon so I can send her back home tomorrow. 

* * *

The weather got worse in the middle of the night. I could hear the strong gust of wind howling around the apartment. The heavy storm is pounding away at the windows. I look up the wall to see the time. 3 in the morning. I got up to double check the windows, to see if it’s properly secured. This apartment has been through earthquakes and typhoons before, so I wasn’t worrying too much. But it doesn’t hurt to double check.

“Lena?”

I could hear the soft croak of her voice clearly even with the pounding storm. I sat back on my futon next to the bed to comfort her. “Shh, go back to sleep. I was just checking the windows.”

We went back to bed, well, she’s on mine and I’m back on the futon on the floor. Moments later, I could see her hand dangle from the bed, hovering on top of me.

“Can you hold my hand?”

I held her dangling hand tightly and rested it on my chest. “Scared of the storm?” I laughed a little.

She didn’t answer. Perhaps she was really frightened of the storm and my joke was insensitive. I quickly apologize, “Sorry, I’m sure it will calm down by morning.”

She just squeezed my hands. I didn’t know what it meant but I squeezed back. “I won’t let anything happen to my ace. The company will kill me,” I said.

She lets her hand go and a second later I could see her face looking at me. Even in the darkness, I could tell she didn’t look happy. “Can you stop saying that?”

“Say what?” I was genuinely confused.

“You keep telling me you’ll take care of me because I’m the center or the ace, because I’m the company’s most important asset. You’re making me feel like I’m a product,” she explained.

“Oh,” I’ve never thought of it that way. Of course I would never just think of her as a mere product. Is this why she was pissed at me earlier?

“I’m sorry, I’ve never meant it like that. I just meant… I mean, of course you’re important to the group and to the company. And you’re my responsibility...” as I was explaining she still looked pissed, I can’t do this while lying down.

I got up and sat on my futon to look directly at her face. “It’s true, you are the center, you are the ace, and I say all that because I believe in your talent. I would never think of you just as an asset or a product. You…” I cupped her face gently, “are more than that. I think you’re a great person and I’m sorry if this sounds forward coming from your manager, but you’re a great friend as well. I enjoy your company, and our ride back home together and our talks. I’m sorry if I offended you every time I call you my center, I won’t do it anymore.”

I hope she accepts my apology and explanation, as I really didn’t mean to offend her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “it’s just that when you’re an idol, everyone else puts you on a higher pedestal than others. I just want to be normal. Or at least feel like I'm not some high end goods and just plain human. And I totally think of you as a... friend as well.”

“Friend,” I said.

“Does this mean you won’t boss me around anymore?” she jokes. 

“Uh oh, no. When we’re working I am 100% bossing you around. But since today is your off day and your birthday, I’ll let you off the hook,” I retort back. “Let’s get back to sleep.”

  
We go back to bed and I lie down on the _futon_ when I see the ceiling fan starts to spin. The electricity must be back on. Then I see Kara’s hand dangling from the bed again. Without saying a word, I just grabbed it and laid it on my chest. Till we’re both asleep once more.


	12. Kara III

“Your favorite day of the week?” Lena asks.

It’s Monday so she’s giving me fans’ questions to answer for my AMA on Twitter. 

“Err.. Tuesday I guess. Because of vocal practice. I love vocal practice,” I answer. Lena tweets the answer and soon enough I get a notification on my phone, as I set it to alert me every time the account tweets. I take a quick glance at my phone.

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Fav day of the week is Tuesday because of vocal practice! - Kara #Supergirls
> 
> 12:14 PM · Sep 28

“Next one is 'Can you give me diet tips?'” Lena continues.

“Hah! Kara? Dieting? Don’t make me laugh,” Alex retorts. We were all at the cafeteria with all the members, eating lunch during our break time from dance practice.

“Her diet is meat, meat and a lot of meat,” Sam laughs. Kelly and Nia laugh along. I look at the beef bowl I’m eating in annoyance, I hate that I’m proving them right. 

“I’ll just reply that you do a lot of cardio because of the dancing and eat tons of protein,” Lena says, “is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” I reply.

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> I don't have any specific diet tips but I do a lot of cardio because of the dancing and I eat lots of protein. - Kara #Supergirls
> 
> 12:17 PM · Sep 28

  
  


“Do you believe in love?”

I almost choked on my beef. It brought me back to last week, when Lena was holding my hand throughout the night. I’ve been pondering on what I’ve been feeling lately. When you’re an idol with a love ban rule, you don’t quite know what love is to be honest. Which is hilarious, because all we do is sing about love songs. I came to my own conclusion that I have a crush on her. Or rather, HAD a crush. I’m trying to push those feelings away because I know nothing can come of it. She doesn’t even like me. Even if she likes me back, Lena takes her duties seriously. And I… well, I’m an idol with a love ban rule. Another idol and their manager scandal could ruin this group, and I can’t do that to Supergirls. I won’t. It’s just a stupid crush. 

“Do you believe in love?” Lena asks again. 

_ Stop looking at me like that. _

“I don’t know. I guess,” I give a half-assed answer. I could see Lena giving some sort of disapproving face. 

“That’s not a very idol-like answer,” she says. Her face is so pretty. I hate it.

“So what’s an idol-like answer?” I don’t know why but I’m beyond annoyed.

“Nia, do you believe in love?” Lena forwards the question to Nia who is sitting beside me.

“I know idols have a love ban rule but I absolutely believe in love! I love all my fans!” she exclaims while looking at me, as if trying to prove a point.

“That…” Lena says while pointing at Nia, “is an idol-like answer.” Her stupid face gives a smug smile. Stupid but pretty. Ugh. 

“You should change it to Nia AMA on Monday then,” I push my food aside and walk away. Why am I so pissed off? She always favored Nia this way, sometimes I think maybe Nia is her  _ oshimen _ . Is this why I’m so annoyed? I start to walk towards the dance practice room when she tugs on my arm, stopping me. Was she following me since the cafeteria? I didn’t notice.

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Oh, it’s Sam. Why did I think it was her?

_ I have a crush on our manager. HAD.  _ “Nothing,” I try to brush her off.

“This doesn’t feel like nothing. Are you okay?” Sam is genuinely concerned now, I feel bad.

“I don't know, I feel so…” I trail off, I don’t know how to say this in words to be honest, “Do you ever feel tired of this life?”

Sam smiles, “Everyday. But I love it, so I put up with it. I do it because I love performing, I love seeing the smile I put on other people's faces.”

I love what I do too. That’s why this stupid feeling that is in my way is annoying. I want to ignore it but I keep thinking about it. I hate it. 

“Hey, remember during our audition, remember when Cat said we're not chosen for Amazons, but she decides to make us into a new idol group instead? You remember what you said?” Sam asks when she realized I was being silent.

“I said… 'it feels like we're living the dream',” I remember it clear as day. It was during the DC Entertainment 9th Annual Grand Meeting. DC’s AGM is a special televised event every year where Cat will announce the winners of the audition, and any other changes within the idol groups in DC. My answer was replayed by every news outlet, it was hard to forget. 

“Look, it's normal to feel tired, even if you're living your dream. If you want some time off, I'll talk to Lena,” Sam continues. Besides Alex, Sam was the one I connected with the most during the audition. And I’m so glad we’re in the same group together.

“What if… your dream comes in between another thing?” I try to ask Sam without telling her the whole truth.

“What other thing?” she asks.

_ Oh, God. How do I say this? _

“Like, what if you have your dream in one hand,” I raise my right hand, “and you have another thing you really want on the other hand,” now I’m raising my left hand. Will gestures help? I don’t know, “and they coincide?” I sound like a lunatic.

Sam touches my left hand, “Is this hand as important as your dream?”

“I don’t know. It could be,” am I explaining this clearly?

“Well,” she said, “you choose which one is your more important hand. Or, I don't know, make them work together,” Sam brings both my hands together. “Exist together.”

_ Exist together, huh... _

“Do you… wanna talk about this other thing?” Sam pats my left hand.

_ I have a crush on our manager. _ “No."

“Okay. If you want to, you know I'm here, right?”

“Thanks, Sam.”

“You want to go back to the cafe? Nia thinks you’re mad at her,” I nod and she ushers me back.

The table was silent when I got back. Everyone is waiting for me to say the first word. 

"Nia-chan, I'm sorry I lashed out. Time of the month," I gave the flimsiest excuse I could think of. Nia just smiles and pulls out my chair for me.

"I can choose another question," Lena looks at me warily. 

"Yes."

"Okay, so next one is 'Do you have a favorite-"

"Yes, I do believe in love," I cut her off, answering the previous question,  "just tweet that. Yes, I do believe in love."

"Okay." 

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Yes, I believe in love. - Kara #Supergirls
> 
> 12:25 PM · Sep 28


	13. Lena IV

“Nia-chan, I just confirmed your  _ seitansai  _ venue,” I can’t hide my glee anymore. Nia’s _ seitansai _ is in a month and after handling Kara’s  _ seitansai  _ in the midst of a typhoon, I feel like I could handle anything. Knock on wood. Plus, this is her 20th birthday, it’s a big one.

“Where??” Nia jumps up excitedly. The rest of the members are still on the floor, taking a rest from dance practice.

“Sakae Hall.” 

“In Nagoya?? Oh my God, Lena! That’s amazing!! We’re having a live in Nagoya!” Nia jumps up and down and starts grabbing the other members by the shoulders. I knew she would be happy, but I didn’t expect her to be this happy. 

“Okay, so your birthday is on a Friday, October 23rd, and the hall is free that day. We can have your  _ seitansai _ on your actual birthday on Friday. On Saturday, there’s a  _ taiban _ live in that hall but I managed to secure a 20 minutes slot for us. So, on Sunday you can spend time with your family, while we go out and do something tourist-y I guess. We’ll come back to Tokyo Monday morning,” I try to explain the schedule as briefly as possible. Of course, I will print a detailed schedule closer to the date. I didn’t tell them my birthday is actually on the 24th, a day after Nia's. They don’t need to know that. I’m not important. It’s Nia’s big day.

“Isn’t that great, Nia? You could spend time with your family,” says Kelly.

Alex grabs Nia’s head and gives her a noogie, “We’re getting you drunk in Nagoya!”

“Alex, please don’t give her alcohol poisoning on the first day she is allowed to drink,” Sam scolds.

“Hey boss, are we taking the minivan or the bullet train?” Alex asks. That’s her nickname for me lately. I hope it doesn’t catch on.

“I was thinking of the bullet train, it’ll be 2 hours from Tokyo to Nagoya. And I’ll arrange for a rented van or we can take the train and walk together. Is that okay?” I ask the group.

Everyone murmurs in agreement. I look at the clock, we still have a few minutes of break time. Maybe I should ask them now. “About hotel arrangements… I was thinking we could stay 2 members in a room. So… one of you has to room with me.”

Ugh, maybe this was a mistake. Eve already briefed me on the specific budget for outstation live. If we save up on hotel accommodations, we could splurge on bullet trains and food. They’re idols, of course they want a hotel room for themselves. Come on, Lena.

“Or we could get our own rooms. It’s okay. I can arrange it,” I corrected myself. I’ll think of something. 

“I don’t mind rooming with you,” Kara looks at me, “if you still want to.”

“Me too, Lena-chan! I don’t mind rooming with you!” chirps Nia.

“Yeah, I don’t mind rooming with whoever,” Sam adds.

“If Kara is rooming with you, I want to room with Kelly,” Alex speaks up. “Sorry, boss.”

Everyone else laughs at Alex’s hesitance to room with me. I’m just glad the members don’t mind rooming with their manager. The dance teacher came back so we agreed to discuss the room arrangement later. At least now I know I can proceed with booking three rooms for the trip.

The group continues their dance rehearsal. This time it’s for Amazons’ latest single, it’s good practice to know the dance and lyrics for newly released songs from other groups. This Saturday, they will perform it for a live and help promote the song as well. 

> _ You even kiss left-handed _
> 
> _ I noticed while my eyes were closed _
> 
> _ You start a little from the left _
> 
> _ And there, our lips meet _

The dance move is cute as they imitate kissing movements and moving in a line. I sit in front of the mirror facing them to record their practice for twitter. Nia and Kelly joked around making kissy faces and blowing kisses to me, well to my phone, while I was recording. I joke around and blow kisses back, almost making them lose their concentration because we’re all laughing too hard. After the first song, the teacher lets them have a quick water break. I was still on the floor in front of the mirror, watching back the video I recorded. Kara takes a quick sip of water and bends over, her face close to my ears and whispers, “You’re a fucking distraction.”

I laugh. Still weird hearing her curse once in a while, what with her image as this pure idol. I don’t personally curse a lot but I don’t mind it. I like it when the girls act freely with me, just means they’re comfortable enough to relax around me. I think it makes for a better working relationship. 

I get up and move to the back to continue my work while they continue practicing. After I tweet the video, I open my laptop to book our accommodations and our train tickets. Then, I have to finalize the live for this Saturday. Double check the two lives for next week. Then, the two lives the week after the next. Finalize the contractual agreement for the performance fees. Checking more venues for potential availability dates. Order more prints for the new photo-sets. Order more films for  _ cheki _ . Get some new merch? Maybe a t-shirt? Maybe I should look up on contacts to get them more exposure in magazines or televisions. Talk to Cat about getting a new song for their single. Maybe suggest for her to collaborate with Kara on songwriting? 

My phone notifications keep pouring in by what I assume are replies from fans from the video I just tweeted. I took a break from my to-do list to check the replies.

> Winn @Winn_zzz
> 
> Replying to @DC_Supergirls
> 
> OMG! Can’t wait for Saturday!
> 
> 2:57 PM · Sep 30
> 
> Coville @Cult_of_Rao
> 
> Replying to @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Thanks for the video, Lena-san! The dance looks great. Good job, girls.
> 
> 2:57 PM · Sep 30
> 
> Maggie @sawyer
> 
> Replying to @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Alex, you’re so cool!
> 
> 2:58 PM · Sep 30
> 
> Ben @Liberty_Lockwood
> 
> Replying to @DC_Supergirls
> 
> I’m obsessed with Kara.
> 
> 2:59 PM · Sep 30
> 
> Nia is my oshimen @Brainy
> 
> Replying to @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Nia and Kelly’s kisses are cute!
> 
> 3:01 PM · Sep 30

Brainy’s reply made me spat water, and I wasn’t even drinking. Since when did he change his display name? So silly. I’m sure once these girls have their own Twitter account, he’ll be the first to follow Nia. Maybe I should add that to the list of things I have to ask from Cat. Individual twitter for the girls.

Dance practice ends early so I dismiss the girls. They have tomorrow and Friday off so we’ll only meet on Saturday. Kara stays behind to keep dancing, so I remain in the room to accompany her and do my work on my laptop. I love watching her, because every time she practices her dance she sings as well. And she doesn’t even sound winded when she’s moving around. She told me once that Beyonce’s dad made her run and sing at the same time to train her stamina. She must be doing the same thing.

“Stop that,” she suddenly speaks up.

I give her a puzzled look. 

“You keep staring at me.”

_ Was I? _

“Sorry, you were so good. I didn’t realize. Sorry,” I apologize and continue working. She dances for two more songs and sits down next to me. She nudges my shoulder with hers. Now who’s disturbing who here?

“What?”

“Are you done?” she asks.

Not at all. I feel like everyday I have new things to do, new lists to add to my task. After every live is another live, after an event ends there’s a new one around the corner. But I love it. I love making sure the girls have fun at performing, and I love making the fans happy as well. They have been very appreciative on my twitter updates, and most know me by name now. 

“Almost,” I lied. The amount of work I have to do is not for her to worry. 

“Walk me home?” she looks at me sweetly. That smile of hers. Who can resist?

I nod. I can finish the rest at home. I pack up my laptop while Kara packs up her bag.

It’s a 7 minutes walk to the station, then her house is 5 stations away, meanwhile I’m 2 stations after hers. I’ll always get out with her at her station to walk her home. The first few times, she insists she can walk home alone as her house is only 5 minutes from the station but after a while she stops resisting. If she can be stubborn and insist on driving the minivan on live day, then I can be stubborn and walk her home. We did this dozens of times that it feels like a routine by now.

The train ride was uneventful, we just talked about this upcoming Saturday live and I told her about Brainy’s new twitter name. 

_ The next station is Shibuya. The door on the left side will open. The next station is Shibuya. _

We get out at her station and she starts to act weirdly. She keeps looking behind her and picks up her pace. 

“Something wrong?” I ask.

“That guy has been following us since we left the company,” she says.

I grab her hand and lead the way. I look back and sure enough there’s a sketchy guy behind us but maybe we’re just being paranoid. I walk straight to the police box outside the station but I don’t go inside. Maybe he just happens to be some guy with the same route with us so I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but to be safe I rather give the benefit of the doubt somewhere near the authorities. I put my arms around her shoulders and face her towards the bulletin board, then I pretend to read the flyers while still eyeing the guy. The guy walked past us and waved to another lady down the road and they bow to each other. My arms are still on Kara and I could feel her tensed shoulders start to relax. 

“You alright? He’s just meeting a friend. Probably the same route as us that’s all,” I try to calm her down further. 

“Yeah. Sorry,” she looks apologetic.

“Don’t be,” I wanted to add that it was my job to protect her, but I remember she didn’t like that, so I left it as it is. 

“What made you so paranoid?” She wasn’t usually this way. So this got me a little worried.

“I don’t know, lately I feel like I’m being watched,” she explains. 

I squeeze her shoulders to reassure her, “Come, I’ll walk you home.”

The walk home was quick and I sent her straight to her apartment this time, not just the building. Alex was shocked to see me but I explained what happened and I reassured Alex it was probably nothing. 

Back home, I browsed through DC Entertainment’s safety policy to see if it could help to dispel some of my worry. Maybe I could ask for personal bodyguards, I wonder what’s the budget on that? For now, I’ll just add that to the list of things I have to ask from Cat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Left handed kiss dance/performance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFo0XmKbCj0)   
>  [Lyrics translation source](http://stage48.net/studio48/kissdattehidarikiki.html)


	14. Kara IV

“Oh my God, you really asked Cat for a personal bodyguard?” I groan. I can’t believe Lena actually had the audacity to ask. Of course, she said no. I was just a member of her least famous idol group. Even Cat herself doesn't have a personal bodyguard.

“No harm in asking,” she shrugs. 

“Err… yes harm! Now she’ll think I’m paranoid, or demanding, or some entitled bitch!” I shriek back. I don’t have an issue with Cat, but if she thinks I’m some kind of diva, I will have a hard time in this company.

“Hey, hey relax, I didn’t say your name, okay? I was just asking what’s the budget if I ask for bodyguards for all of Supergirls. If anything, she’ll think I’m the entitled bitch, not you girls,” Lena says. It’s very rare to hear Lena cursing so the word made me take another look at her. “Your words, not mine,” she says.

“No, she’ll just think you’re an overprotective manager,” I reply, which she totally is. Her move last Wednesday with the ‘reading the bulletin board at the police box’ was straight out of some spy action movie. Stalker Guy turns out to be Misunderstood Guy and I was worried for nothing. She went above and beyond for me, and I was grateful. She even makes sure the other girls are looped in and tell them to be more aware of their surroundings. Just to be safe, she said. 

“It’s okay,” she says, “just part of my Monday meeting with her, I always ask her stuff. She must be tired of me by now. But hey, good news. We can get new merch. T-shirts," she grins. What a dork.

"Come, let’s get back to the dance room.”

Dance practice went without a hitch and it’s time for lunch. I cringed when I realized it because Monday lunch means Lena will ask me questions for my AMA. After last week’s mini meltdown, I hope I don’t get any triggering questions. Lena sits at the head of the table with me by her right side.

“Favorite song to perform?” she asks, the minute we sat down.

I grab a bite of my beef bowl before I answer her, “The sound of my heart that never stops seeking you. I wonder if Cat would let us record it into a single?”

Lena types it into her phone and a few moments later my notification pops off.

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> My piano solo during  _ seitansai. _ Retweet if you want it to be recorded into a single! - Kara #Supergirls
> 
> 11:49 AM · Oct 5

I look at the tweet and back at her, “You didn't have to add that last line.”

“If it gets lots of retweets, maybe I can actually convince Cat to give you girls your own song,” she says. I wonder how many times she has asked Cat for us to get our own single. Probably at every meeting, I don’t doubt it.

"If you could be a flower, what kind of flower would you be?"

“Edelweiss,” I mumble through another bite of my lunch, “because I just like it.”

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> I want to be an Edelweiss flower. I just like it so much! - Kara #Supergirls
> 
> 11:51 AM · Oct 5

"Describe other Supergirls members with one word. Sam."

“Leader.”

“Kelly.”

“Dancer.”

“Nia.”

“Baby.”

“Awww,” Nia coos, giggling at my word choice. 

“Last one. Alex.”

“Bitch. OW- I’m kidding! Jeez.”

Alex was fast to hit me on my arms even when she’s seated 2 seats away from me. “As if Lena would tweet that. Come on, man,” I say as I rub my arms, it’s starting to get red. 

I could see Lena shaking her head as she stifled a laugh. “Alex?” she continues. 

“Best sister in the world,” I say sarcastically.

“One word, dickwad,” Alex cuts in. 

“Sister,” I say grumpily as I continue with my lunch.

  
  


> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Sam - Leader   
>  Kelly - Dancer
> 
> Nia - Baby
> 
> Alex - Sister
> 
> Reply with one word on how you would describe ME! - Kara #Supergirls
> 
> 11:55 AM · Oct 5

"If you could have any members of Supergirls as your boyfriend, who would it be?"

_ Can I choose their manager? _

"Definitely not Alex," I look at Alex, "sorry, incest is not my thing."

"Why the fuck are you explaining? Do you think I'm into it?" Alex hits me again. I hit her back until Sam stopped us. 

"Err… Sam, I guess,” I finally answered her question. I’m almost done with my beef bowl and I see that Lena still hasn't touched her lunch. 

"Thanks… I guess?" Great, even Sam could tell she’s not my first choice.

"Yeah, Sam. 'cause she's a leader and reliable and all that shit. Don't tweet the word shit," I say to Lena. Not like she would anyway.

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> I want Sam as my boyfriend! Because she’s a leader and so reliable! - Kara #Supergirls
> 
> 11:59 AM · Oct 5

As I wait for the last question, Lena's brows start to furrow. I look at her still concentrating on her phone as she swipes and types furiously. 

“What's wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing, just a troll. I'm blocking them.”

“What did they ask?”

“It's nothing.”

“No, really. What did they write?”

“It's nothing.”

“Lena,” now I’m really starting to worry. Sometimes she’s this barrier between us and everything bad in the world but she keeps it to herself too much. I wish I could share some of it.

“Ignore it. I've reported him. Next question: Give us your best knock knock joke,” she says as she fakes a smile. I could tell.

I was annoyed but this is the last question so I humor her anyway. “Knock knock.”

“Who's there?”

I didn’t answer and just continued drinking my green tea.

“Kara? Who's there?” she asks again.

“I left. That's the joke,” I try to explain. 

“That's so dumb,” Kelly says but she laughs anyway. Hey, at least I got a laugh out of someone.

“I'll tweet it anyway.”

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Kara: Knock, knock.
> 
> Lena: Who's there?
> 
> Kara:
> 
> Lena: Kara?
> 
> Kara: I left. That's the joke.
> 
> #Supergirls #EndofAMA #TillNextWeek
> 
> 12:03 PM · Oct 5

“Alright,” she says as she finally puts down her phone, “so I talked to Cat, we can get T-shirts made! Alex, would you like to help out with designs? I know you have an eye on this kinda stuff.” 

“Sure, boss. I have a few ideas,” Alex replies.

Lena wants to give us our rundown for the week but I gestured her to her lunch. Why is it so hard to make her eat and sustain herself? She finally picks up her lunch bowl but still continues to brief us. 

“This week's live is on Friday night in Shibuya and Saturday afternoon in Roppongi. Kara, Alex, the live on Friday is literally 5 minutes from your house so I will pick you up and send you back,” she says in between bites. I’ve been slowly letting her drive the minivan nowadays, since she finally got used to it. Although this just means less time for us to walk back home together, and I missed that. 

“Hey, I have no issue with that. That one over there is the one who likes to drive that minivan so much.”

I stay silent.

“And I've finalized our Nagoya live, who wants to room with me?” Lena asks. I perk up at the question.  _ Me, me! I want to room with you! _

“Not it. Sorry, boss,” Alex says.

“I've already put you and Kelly in the same room. Unless Kelly wants to room with me?” Lena looks at Kelly. I try to tell Kelly to say no telepathically. Can she hear my thoughts?  _ Say no, say no, say no. _

“It's fine, I'll take Alex off your hands,” Kelly replies.  _ Yes! _

“Okay, how about Sam rooms with me. Kara and Nia in the other room. Is that okay?”

I look at Sam, trying to tell her to say no. “I’m good with that,” Sam agrees. 

_ Noooo.  _ I look at Nia, and try to make her say she wants to room with Sam.

“Yay, slumber party with Kara!” Nia exclaims.

_ Damn it! _

“Okay, I know it’s Nia’s birthday but no heavy drinking on Friday! You girls got a live the next day, we can go for drinks on Saturday night, how's that sound? I've booked a private room at the famous chicken wing restaurant near the hotel,” Lena says. 

“Chicken wings?” Sam raises her eyebrows at the food choice. 

“Hey, when in Nagoya…” Lena shrugs. Such a dork. There are more famous foods in Nagoya besides chicken wings, silly. 

I see The Canaries heading towards the cafeteria so I start to wave to Sara and Laurel. Lena turns around to see who I was waving at, and she immediately stands up to greet him when Quentin approaches the table. 

Sara, Laurel, Dinah and Zoe make their way to us while Lena and Quentin strike up a conversation. I wonder what they’re talking about? After we exchange greetings and all, they head to another table to have their lunch. I could only catch the end of Lena and Quentin’s conversation.

“Of course, Quentin-san. I’ll wait for your email.”

“We have to arrange for dance practice as well. These girls are quick learners, just one or two dance practice should be enough. Right, girls?” Quentin looks at us. We’re clueless but just smile and nod anyway. 

“What was that?” I ask.

“He wants to do a two-man live, just us and The Canaries. Sometime in November. They’ll take half an hour, we’ll do half an hour and maybe do two or three numbers together during the encore,” Lena explains. 

“That sounds amazing, can’t wait!” Sam cries out.

Between all the other idol groups in DC, we get along well with The Canaries, so I can’t wait as well. It’ll be fun to collaborate one or two songs together. Maybe we can do a sibling special song with me, Alex, Sara and Laurel. Fans would love that. And maybe someday when we have more songs under our catalog we can do our own one-man live. 

The week seems to fly by as Friday arrives and we’re waiting for Lena to pick us up. Minivan stops right in front of us, with all the other members. Nia is sleeping soundly at the back. Lena suddenly pipes up from the driver’s seat and passes me her phone, “Can you take a picture of Nia sleeping? For twitter.”

I take her phone and straight away sits at the back next to Nia. She looks so peaceful and I’m so jealous of her ability to fall asleep immediately. I snap a few photos and lock her phone. Her lock screen wallpaper is a photo of us from dance rehearsal. Too cute. 

> _ If you wish for a blue sky _
> 
> _ But no matter how much you cry _
> 
> _ You still can't move on _
> 
> _ In order to protect your beloved smile _
> 
> _ I will fight for it _

Sound check runs as usual. There’s 5 idol groups for today’s live, but we’re the only idol group from DC. Since we’re the last group for sound check, everyone gets ready for an early dinner before the live starts. I wait for Lena by the caterers. I know that I have to physically force Lena to eat with us in the dressing room. There’s nothing else for her to do out there anyway except to wait for the fans to be let in.

“What are you doing here? I was about to get your dinner,” Lena was surprised to see me.

“Already got it,” I pick up the six packed _bento_ , “waiting for you. Eat with us.”

“An idol shouldn’t be here, they’ll think I’m not doing my job,” she frowns.

“No one thinks that, right Mr.Caterer?” I smile at the caterer guy, and he smiles back. 

Lena picks up the _bento_ from my hands, “Okay okay, let’s go.”

“Careful, don’t flirt too much, you’ll make him fall in love with you and we’ll have more _bento_ than we can handle,” she whispers once we’re out of the caterer’s guy earshot. 

“Oh wow, Miss Manager, are you jealous?” I love teasing her. Also,  _ is she? _ I need to know.

“I am jealous of your ability to charm everyone,” she says.

“Are you charmed?” I just have to ask.

“Since the first day I saw you,” she smirks.

Why is she doing this? Why does every little thing she says makes my heart skip a beat? Even though I know she’s just sweet talking to me. She just thinks I’m someone she has to take care of, and nothing more. I know we can’t be anything more and maybe that’s why my heart aches often. The pain is almost unbearable at times. I can’t even say I like her, because the idea of getting rejected hurts even more than this longing feeling. No, not the idea. I just know I’ll get rejected. There’s no way she likes me. Well, not in that way. All of this is one-sided anyway. I try to bury the feelings but every time we interact, it gets up again to the surface. Sometimes I wish my feelings have a switch so I can turn it off. 

“Is this your way of admitting I’m your  _ oshimen _ ?” I ask, making a lame attempt to ignore my feelings. Plus, it’s fun watching her squirm. Serves her right for making me feel this way.

“I didn’t say that! Don’t twist my words. I would never admit who is my  _ oshimen _ .”

I poke her sides, careful not to make her drop our dinner, “Just admit it! Say the name!” 

We laugh our way to the dressing room and there, I prod her again with the help from the other members. We laugh a lot throughout dinner.Maybe if I laugh just enough I can forget the fact that I'm hopelessly and desperately in love with someone I can never have. 


	15. Lena V

“Thank you, Lena-chan!” Nia squeals when she sees my birthday present for her. It’s a pink neck pillow, for her constant dozing off in the minivan. I wonder if the bullet train has the same effect? I can’t wait to confirm it.

We agreed to meet up at 8.30am at the train station, with the bullet train leaving at 9.09am. It’s already 8.45am and we’re waiting for Alex and Kara. I see them running down the pavement and I wave to them.

“Sorry, we’re late,” Alex pants, “this one left her journal at the apartment and insisted that we go back and take it.”

I could see Kara clutching the journal I gave her tight to her chest. It makes me smile to see her cherish it so much. I know she’s always writing in it in her spare time. Maybe I should ask her if she has any new songs she wants to show me.

“Hey, you don’t know when inspiration strikes. I need it,” she snaps at Alex. I kinda love watching these two bicker because I’m not that close with my brother. 

We look like a group of tourists because we’re all wearing the newly designed Supergirls T-shirts. The only thing missing is a tour guide with a tiny triangle flag ushering us. Alex did a great design with a sleek big ‘S’ design on our shirts. We’ll be wearing t-shirts for the live today and tomorrow in lieu of our usual outfits. One, because it’s easier with travelling, and two, it also helps promote the t-shirt so we can sell it to fans. I have all the merch shipped out already to the venue in Nagoya of course, can’t be bothered to carry it all the way from Tokyo.

We got on the train and just like magic, Nia passes out the moment it moves. Amazing. We all laugh at how a bullet train has the same effect on Nia as the minivan. The bullet train seating is two by two, Sam is seated by the windows, with sleeping Nia beside her. Behind Sam is me and Kara, with Kara by the windows. And behind us is Kelly and Alex. 

After half an hour, we could see Mt.Fuji in the distance. I could see Sam wake Nia up and I turned around to see Kelly and Alex taking photos of the majestic mountain through the windows. I look over at Kara and she’s just staring at it, just taking in the beauty. She looks so serene that I couldn’t help myself but to take a picture of her.

She turns around at the sound of my camera. Darn these Japanese phones with no silent camera function.

“Sorry, did you want to take a photo of Mt.Fuji? I’ll move,” she says.

“No, I took a photo of you looking at it,” I admit. No point in lying.

“For twitter?” she asks.

I wasn’t thinking at all. I just took the photo because I thought she looked so calm and at ease. So I just nodded. That would be embarrassing, if I admit why I really took the photo.

We arrive right around 11am which gives us plenty of time to get ready for Nia’s _seitansai_ . The venue is just opposite the hotel so we drop off our luggage first since check-in is at 3pm. We head for lunch and everyone orders _Miso Katsu_ at Nia’s insistence. Nagoya’s specialty, she said. 

I brief them the rundown for this weekend again. Soundcheck at 1pm, then head to the hotel for check-in and rest. Live at Sakae Hall starts at 6pm, so dinner at the hall for tonight. Tomorrow’s breakfast at the hotel starts at 6am till 10am, sound check is at 11am, lunch at the hall, live is at 2pm, then we have our celebratory dinner at the chicken wing restaurant at 8pm. Sunday is our off day and we can do whatever, our train ride back is on Monday morning at 11am.

The girls just nod and eat like I’ve briefed them this a thousand times before. I know they know this but maybe because this is our first outstation live, I’m being a bit controlling. “Hey, relax. Eat first,” Kara says as she pushes my _Miso Katsu_ plate nearer to me. She’s right, I do need to relax a bit. These girls already know what they’re doing, it’s what they do day in day out. 

We take more pictures as I update the Twitter account.

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> We’re here in Nagoya! Retweet if you’re coming to Nia’s _seitansai_ tonight! #Supergirls
> 
> 12:41 PM · Oct 23

We head to the venue after lunch, which is a 5 minutes walk from the restaurant. As we are about to arrive in the dressing room, I take out my phone to get ready to record Nia’s reaction. I’ve made sure our merch and equipment have arrived the minute we reached Nagoya. Along with that, I’ve also ordered the delivery guy to place Nia’s dress for her _seitansai_ in the dressing room. Can’t have her wearing just a t-shirt for her birthday.

She opens the door to a beautiful Cinderella-like dress, layered in shades of pale blue and turquoise, hanging right in the middle of the room. Her reaction is just what I expect, she starts jumping up and down and hugs me even though I was holding the phone recording her. I’m glad I could make her 20th birthday a bit more special.

Sound check runs as normal as possible. I’ve learned to let the girls do their own thing, they know better anyway. Nia’s solo segment is of her singing a slowed down version of ‘If you wish for a blue sky’, with acapella backup from the other girls. It’s been 4 months of me managing the girls but everyday I’m still amazed at their talent. This acapella segment really showcases their vocals. I just know the fans will love this. We meet with the local idol group who is slated to be the opening guest for today’s _seitansai_ , and they start their sound check while I help the girls check-in into the hotel.

Each room has two sets of access keys, I pass one to the girls and keep one for myself just for safety purposes. All our rooms are on the same floor albeit Alex and Kelly’s room are a few doors down. My room with Sam is an adjoining room with Kara and Nia’s. I offered to exchange this room with Alex and Kelly but they want the room that’s further away. 2 minutes after I entered the room I could see why. Sam and Kara immediately open our shared door and the three of them are giggling and just being plain happy to be at a hotel. Sam joins Kara and Nia in their room and I stay in my room to unpack. I remind the girls that we need to head back to the venue at 5pm to get ready and I let them do whatever, it’s their free time anyway. I pack my laptop and head to the coffeehouse in the lobby. 

It’s almost 3 so I have about 2 hours to do work. This weekend is pretty much sorted but I can’t help to double confirm all our bookings. I’ve also scheduled for a dance rehearsal with The Canaries after we get back. Quentin has arranged for the two-man live with The Canaries to be held in a month, on 21st November. I’m also looking into more outstation live since this Nagoya one makes the girls so happy. Maybe a little bit more further north? I start googling live venues in Hokkaido.

“Lena-san?” 

I look up and it’s Coville, Kara’s fan. Of course, fans from Tokyo must have needed to stay at a hotel too. Maybe getting the hotel nearest to the venue is a mistake, I need to remind the girls to be extra careful as fans stay in the same hotel.

“Coville-san, glad to see you arrived safely. You’re staying at this hotel?” I ask amicably. He’s always been so supportive and nice, I’m sure he wouldn’t do anything outrageous. He also keeps the other fans in line which I appreciate. For Kara’s _seitansai_ , I remember he was the one who organized for all the fans to get red glow sticks, and he is friendly to new fans as well.

“Yes, but just for one night. I’ll be heading back to Tokyo after tomorrow’s live. I think most of us are just staying for one night,” he says. He didn’t say it but I could feel he’s putting my mind at ease by saying the fans are just here for a night. “I love the pictures you tweeted today, you take the best pictures,” he continues. 

“Thank you,” I reply. 

“Right, I don’t want to disturb you further, see you later at the live,” he says as he picks up his luggage. “You’re a good manager, Lena-san. I’m glad Supergirls have you.”

“Thank you, Coville-san. I’m glad they have you as a fan too,” I say with a smile. It genuinely makes me happy when fans could see the effort I make for the girls.

I continue to do my work but I could see more fans from Tokyo checking in. I shoot a quick message to the group chat to make sure the girls are aware and have them be extra careful when they head down later. 

After a few more hours of work, Kara surprised me by slamming my laptop shut.

“Hey!”

“Pack up, manager. Time to celebrate Nia,” she exclaims as she runs away. She’s in her usual disguise with her glasses, mask and cap. I could see the other girls waiting for me by the hotel entrance. We walk together to the hall and there’s already two flower bouquets at the main entrance. One is a collective flower from the fans, and another one from DC Entertainment. We head inside and the stage is already set up with most of the set design in Nia’s blue.

In the dressing room, the girls start to decorate the t-shirts to add a bit more personal touch. Nia added sequins and buttons on hers, Sam cut a bit at the sleeves to make a cute bow on each side, while Kara cut along the collar to make a wider neckline. Kelly just cut the sleeves off to make it into a tank top. Alex just starts to rip her t-shirt while I look at her wide eyed.

“Trust me,” she said. She was right because the end product looks like a cool ripped grunge t-shirt which suits Alex a lot. 

The live starts on time and I stay at the back as usual and record a few performances. I take a few photos for Brainy, who couldn’t be here because he has work. He’s probably kicking himself for missing Nia’s seitansai. I’ll make sure to send him a picture of Nia in her dress later. 

Once it was time for the encore, I headed backstage to check on the girls. Nia is already in her beautiful blue gown just basking in the ‘Nia-chan~! Nia-chan~!’ calls from the fans. “You ready?” I ask her, and she nods back. I give the ok sign to the stagehand and let the girls get ready to go on stage. I recorded the acapella performance from the side of the stage, and just cherish this entire moment.

_Tokutenkai_ ran long, with Nia’s line the longest, which was the usual case with _seitansai_ . I’ve met new fans, namely those from Nagoya who rarely goes to lives in Tokyo, but there’s a few familiar faces too. Our t-shirt sales are going well, as we gave a free _cheki_ ticket with every purchase. 

“Any more tickets for Kara, Alex, Sam and Kelly?” I ask the fans. With no more queue in their lane, I want to make them go back to the dressing room to relax.

“That’s all for Kara, Alex, Sam and Kelly. Thank you everyone!” The fans that are still there clap for them as they make their way to the dressing room. Meanwhile, I can just concentrate on Nia in the meantime. I snap a few rounds of _cheki_ for Nia until I notice Kara is at the _buppan_ table.

“I thought you’d be at the dressing room, your dinner is waiting for you.”

“You need someone to man the _buppan_ table,” she shrugs.

“Fans already bought what they want to buy, they’re just queuing for Nia.”

“I just wanna stay here.” 

I let her be, and continued taking _cheki_ for Nia. I don’t usually observe the signing and talking process but it’s just Nia and her fans and I couldn’t help but to stare. Nia is very sweet, addressing all her fans by name, and making sure they introduce themselves and repeating their name for those she hasn’t met before. She would ask them questions and reply accordingly if they have any questions themselves. I imagine if I’m the fan, I would be very happy if an idol I like remembers my name, or interacts as much as she could in a span of 30 seconds. 

Suddenly, a guy I recognize but couldn’t place a name gives me a ticket.

“Sorry, I know you said Kara’s turn is over but she’s seating there, so can I have a cheki? I got an extra ticket,” he says, pointing towards Kara at the _buppan_ table. I normally would feel annoyed if this is a normal live but there’s only a few fans left in Nia’s lane so I gestured for Kara to come over and accept his ticket.

“Ben! You got another ticket?” Kara exclaims. Ben. That’s his name. She’s so professional, she should have been resting by now. I took their _cheki_ and stayed at the side, just listening to their conversation.

“I thought you said you didn’t have any more tickets!” she jokes as she hits his arms lightly and gets ready to sign the _cheki_ and starts the timer at the same time.

“Turns out I had one in my pocket. Magic?”

“You’re funny. You should have used it on Nia, it’s her birthday.”

“But I want to use it on you.”

“Thanks, Ben. Are you coming to tomorrow’s live?”

“I wouldn’t miss it. I’ll get you a present.”  
“It’s not my birthday though.”

“I just want to get you one.”

“What’s the occasion? You like me that much?”

“I just want to get you something.”

“Okay, Ben. Just remember to pass it to Lena!” the moment she says that, the timer beeps.

“See you tomorrow, Ben!” she says as she gives him the newly signed _cheki_.

So smooth. The way she handles the conversation, the signing, the timing. I’m awestruck. 

As the fans exit the venue, I head back to the buppan table to pack up. The stagehand are already changing the set to get ready for tomorrow’s live. Kara is still at the table.

“Nia went to the dressing room to change,” she says. Wearing a dress and taking pictures with fans for 2 hours, I can’t imagine anything else more agonizing, I would want to get out of the dress as well.

“You should go too, have you eaten dinner yet?” I ask.

“Speak for yourself,” she scoffs.

“Okay, let’s eat together later,” I relent, sometimes she’s too stubborn for her own good.

“I saw you just now. Eavesdropping on my conversation with Ben.”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping! There’s nowhere else to be, can’t be helped if your conversation is within earshot,” I defend myself.

“It’s fine. What did you think?” she asks.

“I thought he was a bit creepy. No offense,” I tell the truth.

“Oh my God. Lena. Rude!” 

“What! He insisted on giving you a present. All my red flags are raised,” I paused, “Sorry.” I know I shouldn’t be criticizing her fans.

“No, it’s okay. M’gann used to be his _oshimen_ , then that thing happened, he skipped all our lives for a while. He just came back recently, and has been taking a liking to me. He’s okay,” she explains.

“I see. You’re good, though. So professional. I don’t know if I could do it.”

“Do what? Be the fan or the idol?”

“Both? I don’t know, I’ve done neither. Being the fan looks fun though, I bet taking a _cheki_ makes them happy,” I smile a little.

Kara takes the camera on the table, and takes a selfie of us. Once the polaroid is printed out, she takes it, gets a marker and grabs my hand to stand near her.

“Hi, first time here?” she smiles and starts the timer. 

I laugh but decide to play along. “No, I’ve been to a few live, but this is my first _cheki_.”

“So happy you chose me for a _cheki_! What’s your name?”

“Lena.”

“Lena, what a beautiful name. How did you like our live?”

“I thought it was lovely. I love the acapella segment.”

“Thanks, we practiced a lot for that. Am I your _oshimen_?” she asks as she raises her eyebrows. This cheeky girl.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll decide after a few more _cheki_ ,” I say and smile back. The timer starts to beep. “I think my time is up,” I gestured to the timer.

“First timer gets extra time,” she winks.

“You’re too good at this,” I laugh, “No wonder you have lots of fans.”

“Shh,” she silenced me, still playing along, “Did you know today is Nia’s actual birthday? She turned 20 today.”

“Wow, is that why there’s a lot of alcohol in the present pile?” I point at the table full of presents and we both laugh.

“When is your birthday?”

Kara’s question made me pause. It’s tomorrow but I’ve never told the girls that. I pondered for a few moments but decided to tell Kara anyway.

“Tomorrow, actually.”

“Wait, for real?” she finally snaps out of character. I nod.

“Why didn’t you tell us? We could celebrate you and Nia together.”

“Nah, it’s Nia’s big day. I don’t want to overshadow her.”

“Are you kidding me? She ADORES you, she would be so happy to know you guys share a birthday so close together.”

“Really? It’s too late to tell them, it’s okay, Kara. Let’s just celebrate Nia this weekend.”

“You’re ridiculous, I’m telling them!” she passes me the signed cheki and dash away to the dressing room, no doubt telling the other girls. 

I look at the signed cheki and it says ‘Lena’s first cheki’ with ‘Kara is my _oshimen_ ’ thought bubble on my head. I chuckled at that. Then further down is a ‘happy birthday’ hastily written down. I open my phone cover and slip the _cheki_ at the back of my phone. My first _cheki_. I smile again as I pack the table and head back to the dressing room and get greeted with a loud happy birthday cheer from the girls. Nia is already squealing about celebrating together tomorrow at dinner. 

We retire early to the hotel room to rest up for tomorrow’s live. We decide to get breakfast tomorrow at 8am. I let Sam, Kara and Nia have fun as they open Nia's presents from fans. They're forcing Nia to have her first drink until I have to remind them not to let her drink too much. Our shared door stayed open as Kara and Nia bid me and Sam good night. I went to bed early thinking I could get a good night's rest. 

I thought wrong as I could hear someone shuffling about in the room in the middle of the night. I look at my phone and it’s 4 in the morning. Who is up at this hour? That figure starts to climb on my bed and now it, no, not it, Kara?? Kara is on top of me and shushing me at 4 in the morning. What is going on??


	16. Kara V

“Kara!” Lena whispers loudly, “what are you doing?”

I mount on top of her trying to get her to be quiet and not move too much. I don’t want to wake Sam up. 

“It’s a wake up prank, get your phone,” I whisper.

She groans, already knows what I’m talking about. When Lena said she wants to try to get us into television, I showed her a lot of idol videos in variety shows as reference. The most popular ones are of course game segments or prank videos, most notably wake up prank videos. Something about idols just waking up and trying to make coherent sentences so early in the morning makes people laugh I guess.

We switch on the bedside lamp for lighting, careful not to wake Sam up. I grabbed the hairbrush to imitate a microphone and that got a chuckle out of Lena. I love that she doesn’t question any of this and just trust me. She gives me the ok sign for me to start.

“Hi everyone, this is Kara from Supergirls. Right now we’ll be waking up our leader, Sam. Shhh, be quiet,” I motion for Lena to follow me. 

We snickered quietly as Sam moved about when I touched her. “Sam. Sam,” I whisper loudly in her ears.

She wakes up with heavy eyes and sees me and Lena recording all this. “Kara, are you kidding me?”

Me and Lena laugh quietly. I proceed to do a bit of Q&A for her. It’s always fun to ask serious questions and try to make them use their brain this early in the morning. “Sam, what is 7 times 6?”

Sam props herself up on her elbows and just stares at the walls. 

“Sam? 7 times 6,” I ask again.

“76,” she answers. I had to stop myself from laughing too loud. I could see Lena is trying hard not to shake her hands so that we can get some usable footage.

“Sam, who is your favorite member?”

“Not you,” she looks at me angrily while she scratches her neck. I shrug at the camera and I can see Lena trying to stifle a laughter.

After Sam wakes up, we wait for her to get herself together and now the wake-up prank is a two man operation. Sam joins me as host with Lena still handling the camera.

“Now that Sam is awake, let’s wake up Nia.”

“She just turned 20, so let’s wish her a happy birthday!” Sam says happily, she’s way happier to be pranking someone than to be the person getting pranked.

Since there was no one else asleep in the room, me and Sam just yelled happy birthday loudly to wake Nia up. Nia jumps up into a fighting pose on the bed. When she realizes that Lena is recording she quickly takes her long hair to cover her face. Me and Sam are just curled over with laughter, and I’m pleased we got really good footage of it. We didn’t even ask Nia any questions because her wake up reaction got us laughing for a few minutes. 

Next is a tough one, Alex and Kelly. Their room is a few doors down and entering is not a problem, since Lena has a spare key. We decide to wake Kelly up first, as quiet as possible, since Alex is the heavier sleeper. We entered their room as quietly as possible but Lena tripped on a shoe at the entrance. When we tried to shush each other, we realized Kelly is already awake on her bed and is… watching the TV?

I instructed Lena to record her on the bed watching TV.

“Why are you up at four thirty in the morning watching the news!” Sam whispers, trying not to wake Alex up.

Kelly was shocked to see us and quickly hide beside Alex’s bed. We had a quick laugh and it was my turn to wake Alex up. I just jump on her bed and start to trash about.

“What the f-” I quickly put my hands over her mouth. 

“We got a camera here,” I whisper and she moans, “Ugh, why are you so salty.” 

“Why are you licking my hand!”

Alex grabs the blanket and covers herself over her head to hide while we’re all doubled over laughing. I start asking the questions, “Alex, who is the Prime Minister?”

“Who cares!” she groans. Even Lena is openly laughing by now.

“Alex, Alex, what is 8 times 7?”

“56,” she answers.

We look at each other and none of us can apparently calculate in the morning. Lena whispers, “She’s right.” and we’re all now laughing for asking a question that we weren't sure of the answer ourselves. After a few rounds of laughter, we decide to leave Kelly and Alex alone. Alex is grumpy because she’s wide awake now and said she’ll go down for breakfast once it is open at 6am.

The rest agreed to go down at 6am as well, so we all got back to our own room to get ready. I got in the shower first before Nia. When I came out, I could see Lena in the other room in her towel, with Sam in the shower.

I whistled when I saw her, I can’t help it. She looks so attractive in just a towel.

“Stop,” she says, embarrassed. 

“Happy birthday,” I smile. 

“Thanks.”

I was really happy last night when she admitted it’s her birthday today. It’s so rare to get her to open up, and I don’t always know what she’s thinking about. I do know she thinks nothing but the best for us though. I do hate however that I don’t have time to get her a birthday present. Maybe I could run off somewhere after the live today to get something before dinner.

Breakfast at 6am was a good idea for sure. The food was aplenty and there’s hardly anyone around. Lena said there are fans staying in this hotel but I’ve yet to stumble into anyone so far. We all sit at the big table and Lena starts to brief us on today’s schedule. Oh my God, does she ever rest?

“...lunch at the hall. We have the last slot at 2pm, then  _ tokutenkai _ starts at 2.40pm and hopefully we can finish early around 4pm? Our reservation for dinner tonight is at 8pm.”

“Nia, are you ready to get drunk tonight?” Alex says with the most wicked grin I’ve ever seen her. If anything, she’s the one that’s happy to be drinking tonight.

“Alex, her family is picking her up for lunch tomorrow. Don’t overdo it,” Sam reminds her.

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex says while brushing Sam off. Nia just looks excited but worried at the same time. With Alex leading the drinking party, I would be as well.

“Lena, can we go walk around after live today? We’ll be back before dinner,” I ask, hoping maybe someone else wants to follow me in my present hunt.

“Sure, just let me know where you’ll be.”

Yes. So I have around 3 hours to look for a birthday present. Maybe I’ll head to the nearby street shops. 

The live runs like usual, and most fans that came for  _ seitansai _ yesterday are here today as well. MC segment was fun as we talked about the prank this morning. Lena already posted the video on Twitter so most fans know what we’re talking about. We even got a few hundred more followers thanks to the video.

It’s a bit more packed today for  _ tokutenkai _ as we have 5 other idol groups here as well. And more new fans came to take  _ cheki _ when they saw us perform. I love meeting new fans and I make sure to remember their names. They like it when I remember their names and it was the least effort I could do. Sometimes there are instances I would forget and Kelly taught me a neat trick, just ask them how to spell their name when I sign their  _ cheki _ . You can only use that trick so many times though, so I try to make an effort to remember anyway.

I saw Ben talking to Lena, must be about the present yesterday, but he walks away fuming mad. I wonder what’s that all about. When we’re all done, I asked Lena about it, “Hey, I saw Ben. Was he okay? He didn’t even take a  _ cheki _ .”

“Kara, I’m so sorry. He gave me your present but I rejected it and he got mad,” Lena explains.

“Why? What did he give?” I can’t imagine any present that Lena would reject, unless it’s something dangerous.

“It was an LV handbag, it easily cost half a million yen. That’s too much. I had to make a call.”

I didn’t have any comment on that. Lena knows what’s best. I’ve never received a present that expensive, not even from Coville. She must have her reasons.

“Kara, a present that expensive is unusual. We don’t want to owe anything to the fans. You understand my intention, right?” she explains further.

“Yeah, of course. I just hope he was okay,” maybe if Ben comes to another live I could explain to him.

“I already explained we can’t accept something that expensive but he didn’t want to hear it and walked away. I’m sorry, I’ll break the news gentler next time.”

“Hey, it’s fine. He’s just a bit sensitive. I’m sure it’s okay, I’ll talk to him when he comes to the next live.”

I’m sure Lena was as gentle as she could be. Just, Ben is a bit sensitive after losing his  _ oshimen _ , and now his new  _ oshimen _ is rejecting his present. I would be bummed too. I told Lena I’m going to change and head out, but I’ll be back for dinner. Sam followed along when I told her I’m getting a present for Lena, so we just strolled along the shops as we kept an eye out on what would be a great present.

I saw an arts and craft shop and I look inside to see if there’s anything I could buy or maybe something I could make in a short time. 

“Kara.”

I jumped at the sight of Ben, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

“Kara, I bought you a present but that bitch of a manager of yours won’t let me give it to you.”

I normally would give him a pass if he’s hurt or sad because Lena rejected his present but the name calling was just unnecessary, and I got pissed.

“Ben, I really didn’t appreciate you calling Lena that. And it’s the company policy not to accept extravagant gifts. Plus, you shouldn’t be here. Please meet me during lives.”

I’ve never had a problem with a fan before. Even Coville is respectful enough to leave me alone. He once said he saw me walking around Shibuya but didn’t want to disturb my private time and I really appreciated him for that. Ben is actually scaring me a little, he looks a bit unhinged. Should I just accept his gift and walk away? Maybe he’ll leave me alone.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just want to give you your present,” he says. He seems apologetic and I feel bad now. But I need to make a stand and walk away.

“Then let’s go through the appropriate channel, okay? Pass the gift to Len-”

“No!”

His yelling is now turning all the attention towards us and I’m glad for that because Sam took notice. She came over and when Ben saw her, he fled.

“Hey, you okay? Isn’t that your fan?” she asks.

“Yeah, Ben. I’m fine. I told him off,” I said, “Please don’t tell Lena.”

“Kara, that didn’t look good, I should-”

“No, he wanted to give me a present but it was expensive. And Lena told him off so he’s a bit bummed. He just wanted to give me a gift, Sam. It was nothing,” I explain further, hoping Sam would let this go. Last thing I need is for Lena to worry for me about nothing.

“Okay, you found something you want to buy?”

I pick up the colorful strings I found earlier, “I was thinking we could do friendship bracelets. Too corny?”

“It’s perfect. Come, let’s pick up a few more colors and we could do it in Alex and Kelly’s room. I’ll text Nia to meet us there.”

* * *

“It has all our colors, and we all have one!” I said as I gave the friendship bracelet to Lena and we all held our hands up.

“Oh my God, girls, this is lovely. I’ll wear it now. Thank you,” Lena is beaming as I tie the bracelet on her wrist. The fact that we share something together makes my heart skip a beat, even if that something I have to share with the other members as well.

“Okay, speech from the birthday girls please!” Sam calls out suddenly but is quickly echoed by us.

“Speech! Speech! Speech!”

Lena gestures for us to calm down and ask Nia to give a speech first.

“I want to thank everyone here. Thank you for making my 20th memorable and so fun. And I can’t wait to start drinking. Please take care of me,” she bows while we all laugh.

Lena stands up now for her speech, “Thank you again for the present and the birthday wish. I’m sorry Nia for stealing the thunder on your birthday weekend, this is why I didn’t want you girls to know.”

“Sharing the thunder,” Nia says as she raises a glass.

“You’re right, we can share,” Lena smiles and continues, “tonight’s drinks are on me, so drink up. There’s no minivan or any driving today so have fun, girls.”

We cheered and drank. Alex and Kelly proceed to teach Nia the difference between the drinks and orders a whisky highball and lemon  _ chuhai _ to start off. Nia taught us how to eat the chicken wings the proper Nagoya way and I’m honestly impressed at how she eats the wings in one smooth motion. I tried but there’s always some meat that still sticks to the bone. After 3 drinks, Alex mastered the move and bragged to everyone, even the waiters.

Sam slides in beside me to start up a conversation. 

“Hey, you alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I said as I drank my cola highball. Since there’s no driving today I might as well drink.

“I really think you should tell Lena.”

“Sam.”

“I mean, I know you said it’s nothing. But she should be aware of what happened.”

“Can I tell her after a few drinks?” 

“Sure, take your time, kid.”

“Thanks, you’re not drinking tonight?” I ask as I notice she’s just drinking green tea.

“Someone has to take care of you girls,” she smiles.

I look over at Lena who is not drinking as well. “Even the birthday girl is not drinking.”

“I don’t think we will ever see her drunk,” Sam laughs, “she’s always in working mode. Outstation live might take a toll on her, she has to be in manager mode 24/7.”

“Yeah,” I agree, “do you think she’ll let loose with us one day?”

“Let loose how?”

“I don’t know, like, I have no idea what she’s thinking, how she feels, who she likes…” I stop. What the hell am I talking about? Now I wish Sam IS drinking so she’ll be as buzzed as me.

Good thing Sam just laughs it off, “Why do you want to know who she likes?”

“I guess it’ll be funny if we can tease her about it. So, the live with The Canaries sounds fun, right?” I try to change the topic.

“Yeah, Lena said we’ll be having dance rehearsal in the next week or so and… oh my God, Alex! Stop!”

I turn around and Alex is combining the beer, the  _ chuhai _ and the highball together to make a drink for Nia. Kelly is bent over laughing, so Sam got over there to help Nia out. 

“Maybe I should limit the drinks?” I jolted because Lena is suddenly next to me and she’s so close. And so pretty.

I just nod and finish my drink. I think back on what Sam said. I want to tell Lena about Ben but I’m scared Lena would take drastic measures and I’m sure Ben is harmless. Although I was actually a bit shaken up after what happened. Maybe that’s why I’m drinking so much today. I’m half thinking that I should try Alex’s concoction too. 

I order a few more drinks for the table and finish up someone’s lemon  _ chuhai _ on the table. Probably Nia’s.

Maybe I can drink everything away. That’ll be nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the wake up prank thing is actually a thing here’s an [example](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_46IFvjVjI)


	17. Lena VI

The girls are having fun and drinking, it makes me feel happy just watching them. I’m glad Kara is drinking as well because I do want her to enjoy this. She wasn’t drinking the last time we went out so I’m glad we don’t have to do any driving tonight. Maybe I should really look into more outstation live.

Sam sits next to me with her cold green tea, “Not drinking, boss?”

“Not you too, I already got that from Alex,” it’s not that I don’t like the nickname boss, I just don’t find it suitable for me at all. The image of a boss for me is this big sturdy presence which I’m not at all.

“It’s catching on,” she laughs.

“You’re not drinking too,” I said, pointing at her drink.

“You need some help taking care of them later.”

“Thanks, Sam. I appreciate it.”

“You should drink though, it’s your birthday.”

“It’s okay. I’m technically working.”

“You can rest for a bit, you know. You don’t have to be the manager 24/7.”

Ah, that’s where she’s wrong. No matter when or where I’m always their manager. But maybe she was right about the resting bit. I’ve been thinking about work non-stop lately.

“Kara was saying she wants you to be more relaxed. She wants to know who you like or something.” Sam said.

“What? Why?” 

“You know her, she wants more material to tease you or something.”

“I’ve already had enough from her prodding me on who is my  _ oshimen _ every time,” I say as I look over at Kara, now sticking chopsticks up Nia’s nose who is slumped over the table. Oh my, maybe I should bring them up to their room now.

“Sam, could you stay here while I bring them up to their room?”

“Sure, take Alex up first, she’ll get angry drunk if you let her drink more,” Sam says.

Good to know. I paid for the bill, went back to the table and pat Alex on the back, telling her to go back to her room. Kelly wanted to follow along and she seemed okay to walk so I brought both of them back to their room. I go back to the restaurant and both Nia and Kara are slumped over the table. This is going to be a struggle.

I ask Sam to stay with Nia first while I bring Kara up. She could barely walk so the 5 minutes walk to the hotel took longer than 15 minutes. It gets easier once we reach the hotel lobby. I wait for the elevator and Kara is basically hanging onto me. I hope someone can explain to me why drunk people are so heavy. Now I’m glad all the fans have gone back to Tokyo, and none are staying at this hotel to witness this.

When the elevator reaches our floor, I signal for Kara to wake up and perch her arm across my shoulders. “Come on, Kara. Just a few more steps.”

“No, carry me,” she slurs.

“Okay, I’ll carry you once we reach your room,” I humor her.

“Lena. LENA!” she suddenly shouts.

“Shhh shhhh I’m here, I’m here,” I try to calm her down. We reach for the door and I’m struggling to get the key card while still half carrying Kara in my other arm.

“Lena, I have something to tell you,” her eyes are closed but her words are clear.

“Okay, let’s get you in the room first.”

“Lena. Lena. Lena,” now she’s just saying my name over and over again. I just laugh at this whole situation. I wonder if she’s dreaming of me or something.

I finally got the door open and it's a struggle to have her draped over me while I close the door. 

“Lena,” she says, “I have someone I like.”

That stopped me in my tracks. What? Who is it? Is it a fan? A staff? This could be detrimental to Supergirls. My head is just spinning into multiple possibilities and consequences that could happen if Kara breaks her love ban rule. It could destroy Supergirls if she gets caught. Or maybe she’s just being drunk and was saying stuff. It felt wrong, but I questioned her further. I need to know if this is serious.

“Who, Kara?”

She has a smirk on her face as she bops my nose with her finger, “Not telling you.”

I bring her back to her bed and am now pacing back and forth. What should I do? What should I do? Continuing to ask her in her drunken state is super wrong but I need to know if this a future crisis I need to manage.

“Hey, Kara. Kara dear, do you really like someone? Can you tell me who it is?”

“I met Ben today,” she slurs.

Ben? Oh my God, is it Ben? Is that why he got her that expensive bag? Now I’m really panicking. But Kara starts crying so I kneeled by her bedside and gently touch her face.

“Hey, hey it’s okay, do you like Ben?” I try to calm her down.

“He was angry Lena, he… the present… I was scared,” she continues crying in between sentences.

“Hey, did he do anything to you?” I ask worryingly. This doesn’t feel like someone she would like.

“Sam… there… he ran… I was scared.”

“Hey, shhhh, it’s okay dear,” I gently cup her cheeks, “I’m here. You’re here. It’s okay.”

“I know,” she finally smiles, but her tears are still pouring down her cheeks. I wipe it off. 

“Is Ben the one you like? It’s okay, you can tell me.” Ben didn’t seem the right person for Kara but if she has feelings for him then I just have to deal with it. I might need another talk with her when she’s sober.

“No, it’s you.”

I jerked my hand away from her face. What?

“Okay, you’re really drunk,” I said.

“I like you, Lena.”

Her words cut through the silence in the night. I’m frozen by her bedside just replaying her words over and over again in my head. This confession came like a bolt from the blue. Earlier I was panicking but now I’m just shell shocked at the bombshell of this revelation.

“I really like you, Lena.”

_ This is bad. _


	18. Lena VII

_This is bad. This is bad._

Sam entered the room when I was still frozen beside Kara’s bed.

“You took a while, so I brought Nia up,” she said. 

"Sorry, I had to settle Kara first," I said.

We both tucked in Nia and Kara and went back to our room. Sam went straight to bed but I'm still reeling from Kara's confession. My mind is running a thousand miles a minute trying to make sense of everything. 

_“I like you, Lena.”_

Kara's words echoed my every thought. How did this happen? How could this happen? Why does she like me? Do I like her? Wait, don't even entertain that thought, Lena. 

I can never reciprocate this. I think back on our past interactions. The friendly banter. The flirting. The teasing. What kind of signals have I been giving? Did I _want_ to give out those signals? No, Lena. Stop. 

_“I like you, Lena.”_

What should I say to her? What should I do now? She doesn't know I know so I should just ignore it. Right, just ignore it. Don't say anything. Don't mention anything. Forget everything.

_“I really like you, Lena.”_

Shit. Cat is going to be pissed. The fans’ backlash is going to be massive. Not another idol and their manager scandal. And from the same group no less. Cat will disband Supergirls without another thought. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen. Whatever this is that Kara is feeling cannot be pursued further, I have to nip it in the bud. 

And what was it that she said about Ben? I should ask Sam about that. Right, let's concentrate on that issue first. 

_“I like you, Lena.”_

_“I really like you, Lena.”_

Get it together, Lena. Stop thinking about that.

* * *

I look at my phone and it's half past 5. I've barely slept a wink. I stare at the ceiling. I wish I’m back home now, but I still have one more night in Nagoya. Kara's words haunt every cell in my brain. 

I look over at Sam and she's sleeping. Maybe I should just go down to breakfast alone and get something for the girls. I'm sure they're not in the mood to wake up early for breakfast. I got up to get ready.

The shower freshened my mind. I need to settle this issue with Ben first, and not mention the other thing at all. This is for the best, I try to convince myself. As I got out of the shower, Sam rustled in her bed.

"Lena? What time is it?" she says sleepily.

"Almost 6. I'll go down for breakfast and grab you girls something. What do you want?" 

Sam props herself up with her elbows and thought for a moment. "I'll come with, can you give me 15 minutes to get ready?"

"Sure, I'll check on the other girls in the meantime."

Our room is fully lit as Sam switches on all the lights. I slowly open our shared door to the adjoining room, careful not to let the light spill into Kara and Nia’s room. I drew the curtain slowly so that they could get their sleep in. Nia is asleep on her belly with one of her hands dangling over the bed. Kara was just as I left her last night. 

_“I really like you, Lena.”_

I shake my head at that thought. I went back to our room and Sam is still in the shower. I told her through the door that I’m going to check on Kelly and Alex next. I open the door to their room slowly and to my shock Alex is sprawled on the floor. Kelly was on Alex’s bed so I carried Alex over to Kelly’s bed. Well, more like dragging her to the bed. Alex is half awake when she sees me and the only thing she said was, “I feel like death.”

I chuckled at that and drew the curtains in their room. When I get back to my room, Sam is finally ready so we head downstairs to the coffeehouse for breakfast.

“How was Alex and Kelly?” she asks as we sit down at the table after we got our food.

“Alex was on the floor.”

“Oh God, she’ll be complaining the whole day today. Just watch.”

“Hey Sam, can I ask?” I thread carefully on the subject.

“Yeah?”

“Did something happen to you and Kara yesterday?” I ask.

“Did Kara say something to you?” Sam questions me back.

_“I really like you, Lena.”_

I clear my throat, “Yeah, something about Ben? But she was pretty out of it.”

“Look, I told her to tell you herself but yesterday that Ben guy followed us from the venue, and cornered Kara when she was alone.”

“What!? You should have told me the moment it happened!” I know I shouldn’t snap at Sam but this happened under my watch. If anything, god forbid, should happen to Kara yesterday, it’s my fault.

“I know, I’m sorry. Kara said it was all fine. She said the guy was just upset and she explained to him everything,” Sam explains further.

Now I’m really angry. 

“Look, Lena. I’m sure Kara would have told you if it’s serious. Remember when she said she thinks someone is stalking her? If it gets serious, she will tell you,” Sam reassures me.

I can’t forget the image of Kara crying out of my head. She must have been so scared and I wasn’t around. I give a small smile back at Sam, but inside I’m boiling mad. I have half the mind to ban this Ben from every Supergirls live from here on out.

“Okay, if something like this happens again, please inform me. Immediately,” I sound like I’m scolding her even though I didn’t mean to. “Of course,” was all the reply she could muster.

“Lena…?” Sam trails off.

I look at her, waiting for her to finish her sentence.

“It’s nothing,” she says. It doesn’t feel like nothing. Last thing I need is the members to feel distant with me and not dare to say anything.

“Sam, you can tell me anything. Sorry I snapped. Is this about Kara?” I ask.

“No, it’s not. It’s nothing. Sorry, I just had a thought,” she says.

I let it go. If it really is something, I trust the girls to approach me with it. Maybe I should have a talk with everyone once we’re back in Tokyo. After we had our breakfast, we went to the nearest convenience store to buy breakfast for the girls. I made sure to get some bread, water, aspirin and of course a salmon _onigiri_ for Alex. Sam said she would make sure they have their breakfast so I took my laptop and went back down again to the lobby to do some work.

* * *

I check the clock and it’s almost 11. Yikes, I better go up and check on the girls. I’m not sure if they still want to go out for lunch but I need to get Nia ready before her family arrives. When I got into my room, I could hear Sam, Alex and Kelly already in the adjoining room with Nia and Kara. They’re all gathered together to eat the breakfast I bought. That’s good. I turn on the TV but their conversation is louder than the TV’s volume. I can’t help but to overhear.

“I feel like death.”

That is unmistakably Alex. She’s saying the same thing she said to me half asleep.

“I woke up this morning and my throat was sore and I had a lot of acid in the back of my throat,” Kelly moans.

“I have a headache from hell and my lower back is in more pain than ever ugh,” Alex groans.

“Lena told me she found you on the floor this morning,” said Sam.

“If this is what hangover feels like, I don’t want to drink ever again,” Nia cries out. Poor girl, we might have swore her off alcohol forever.

“I had a weird dream where I said something weird or did something, do you guys remember?”

_“I like you, Lena.”_

I turn the TV volume up to indicate to the girls that I’m in the room. Sam pokes her head in a few moments later. 

“Oh, Lena. You’re here, Nia is ready for her sister to fetch her. Well, as ready as she could be."

Kara’s head appeared under Sam’s, “Hey Lena, good morning.”

“Good morning, Kara,” I try to reply as normally as possible. 

She smiles and disappears again. This is fine. For her, nothing has changed. This is fine.

_“I really like you.”_

Stop it, Lena.

* * *

The posters for DC Entertainment auditions are now posted up everywhere. Everywhere I go, I can see advertisements for it. They even got it on the huge billboard outside Akihabara station. It's November, meaning the yearly auditions to be idols for DC Entertainment have started. Brainy told me they will announce the winner, or winners, at DC’s Annual Grand Meeting in January. Next one is the 10th AGM so it’s extra special. Meaning Supergirls is almost at their one year anniversary, as they were announced as members at the 9th AGM. 

I wasn’t into idols then but the clip was played at almost every news station. It was rare for Cat to create a new idol group, so when she announced that only 1 girl won the audition to be part of Amazons, and the other 6 girls gets to be part of a new group, it’s huge news. National news, even. Kara’s ‘it feels like a dream’ soundbite was replayed almost at every news outlet. 

Kara.

Kara who told me she likes me.

I play around with the friendship bracelet that’s on my wrist. It’s been a week since Nagoya, and my mind is filled with nothing but her. Ever since the confession, I over-analyze every single thing she does. Every word. Every look. Every glance. Every touch. Everything Kara does is now intensified by a thousand fold. Things I’ve never noticed before, the way she touches my arm every time she reminds me I need to eat. The way she pokes my sides when she asks me who is my _oshimen_. The way she laughs when I make a silly comment. The way she sings. The way she dances. Just the way she is.

I can’t help but to be conscious of her. Before, I would stare at her mindlessly but now I’m aware of everything I do. I try to distance myself with her as much as possible. I don’t know if it helps her with her feelings but it doesn’t help with mine at all. I don’t walk her home anymore. If she drives, I’ll sit at the back. I try to stay away from the dressing room as much as possible. I try to avoid her as subtly as I can. 

Today is not going to be any different. We have dance practice with The Canaries the whole day. We’ll be collaborating for 2 songs during the encore, plus a special bonus sibling number with Kara, Alex, Sara and Laurel. We also have a special MC segment thanks to Kelly’s suggestion; a dance off between Supergirls and The Canaries during the MC.

I arrived with breakfast but Quentin already bought enough for everyone including Supergirls. I thanked him profusely and it sucks that it feels like I’m not doing a proper job lately. I’ve become too preoccupied with Kara that it’s not fair to the other members. I have to get my head back in the game.

The rehearsal starts and Quentin invites me to the cafe. I followed him with my laptop in tow, not sure if he’s just more comfortable doing work at the cafe or just wanted to chat.

“Ah~” he exhales as he takes a sip of his coffee, “I love the coffee here.”

“I’m more of a tea girl,” I say as I raise my cup of tea.

“I rather sit here and do my work, it’s a bad look for a middle aged guy like me to stay in the room watching young girls dance their butt off,” he says as he takes another sip.

“I hear you.” 

“You can head back in if you want, I’ll just stay here.”

“Oh no, here’s better. I can concentrate more here,” I said as I opened my laptop. There’s no Kara to distract me.

“So how long have you been with us now? Almost half a year, no?” Quentin asks, starting up the conversation.

“Just coming up to four months.”

“Wow, four months, feels like longer.”

“Time really flies. I feel like I’ve known the girls forever.”

“How are you finding it so far?”

That’s a loaded question. Where do I even start? 

“I’m getting the hang of it. We just finished our first outstation live. I’m also looking into getting them more exposure.”

“That’s good, good. I love your Twitter thing, the girls are always raving on about it. I’m bad at the social media stuff,” he admits.

“The Canaries have their own Twitter accounts, right? So you don’t need to keep the group one that active. That’s good. I’m afraid once my girls have their own Twitter accounts, I don’t have anything to do.” I’ve never actually said it out loud, but the prospect of the girls actually having their own account probably means I can slow down on the social media side. I still need to oversee their account though.

“As managers, we always have some work to do, trust me,” he says, “it never stops.”

“Quentin-san, can I ask you something?”

Quentin has been with The Canaries for years, and he’s also a dad to two of the members, he seems like the best person to ask this. The thing with Ben has been bothering me for a while. He never came to any of our lives since, and I don’t know if I should be glad or worried. I wanted to ask Kara, but I’m avoiding her, and she never approached me to talk about it as well. 

“Shoot,” he says.

“Have you ever had problems with fans?” I ask.

“Lena-san, we’re managing a group of girls who sing and dance for a majority of fans who are mostly passionate males, be more specific.”

I smile at his forthrightness.

“Sorry, you’re right,” I clarify myself, “Kara has this one fan who gave her this very expensive present. I refused it saying it’s too extravagant, and he followed her to give it to her personally after a live.”

“Did he get violent?” Quentin asks further.

“Not physically, no. Thank God. But he was really vocal about it, he got really angry. Kara didn’t say it, but I know she was a bit shaken up.”

“Look, in their line of work, creepy fans or obsessive ones are bound to happen. Some are harmless, some might take it to the next level. It’s our job to prevent it from getting to that next level. These girls, in the eyes of the fans, are angels. They don’t see the girls saying no or being mean to them. That’s where we come in. We’re the bad cops.”

I just quietly listen to Quentin as he makes his points. 

“I can’t say if you need to take further action or let it go. These kinds of things,” he says “you have to play by ear. Trust your guts. Trust your girls. Keep that line of communication open. Talk to Kara, ask her if she feels safe.”

Talk to Kara. Easier said than done.

"I know it's asking too much of us to take care of the girls AND to watch out for creepy fans, so you have to learn to delegate. You alone can’t possibly look out for hundreds of fans during a live. The girls need to come to you if they feel unsafe. The fans too, I hope you have your fair share of good fans?"

My mind goes straight to Coville and other fans who didn't give me problems. I nod.

"Trust them. They love the girls, they will do anything to protect or help them. Have a good relationship with them, but not that good of a relationship. Gotta find that balance, you know what I mean?"

I nod again.

"And I know I'm a guy, and also the dad. So the fans know better than to mess with me. I’ll take down any son of a bitch who comes for my girls. Maybe you should have a talk with Diana. Ask her how she handles this issue for Amazons," he clarifies further.

"Good idea, thank you, Quentin-san."

"Whatever you do, whatever we do, it's for the girls. Better be safe than sorry."

He's right. I need to talk to Kara. I fiddle again with the friendship bracelet on my wrist.

* * *

“Kara, can we talk?” I ask her after the dance practice ends. 

“Sure, what’s up?” she replies as she takes a gulp of cold water. She extends her head back and I could see her neck, glistens with sweat as a few more drips down the nape of her neck and… concentrate, Lena!

“I want to ask you about what happened in Nagoya,” I went straight to the point, “with Ben.”

“Lena, it was nothing. He just happened to find me after a live, and insisted on giving me the present. I said no and he walked away.”

Liar.

“Kara, you told me while you were drunk. And you were crying.”

She was silent.

“Look, I need you to tell me if things like this happen,” as I say this I lightly hold her hands, “I care about you.” What am I doing?

“I’m sorry, Lena. I was scared you might do something drastic. Please don’t report him to the cops or something, he’s just having a hard time. He understands now,” she explains.

“Okay, I trust you.” And I do. I really do.

"You sure you're alright?" I ask again.

"Yes."

She starts to squeeze the hands I was holding and in a panic I jerk it away. 

“Right, okay, so, let me know, if you need me to do anything,” I try to walk away from the conversation.

“Walk me home?” she sweetly asks with her usual smile.

“Sorry, Kara. I have a lot of work to do.”

She looked taken aback but said she understood and walked away. 

* * *

Lately, I’ve begun to hate ‘Story of yours’. Because during the “I want to be able to laugh with you forever” line, the members would pick different fans to point at and wink. And somehow, lately, every time without fail, I notice Kara’s fingers keep pointing at me.

I would stand at the back and it would point at me. And my heart skips a beat.

I’d stand at the side, and still the finger found me. And her wink makes me smile.

If I stayed backstage while looking at their performance through the monitors, Kara will point and wink directly at the camera. And I know it’s for me. 

I don’t know what I’m feeling.

_This is really bad._


	19. Kara VI

I’m annoyed. 

Lena is avoiding me.

It sounds weird to say that Lena is avoiding me because we practically see each other everyday this past week, but she is.

Every time I drive, she sits at the back. If she’s driving, she makes Sam or Alex sit at the front. She never hangs out with us anymore in the dressing room, she doesn’t even watch us during dance rehearsals and vocal practice. Sure, she’s probably overwhelmed with work. She booked us another outstation live in Karuizawa, she’s already planning for Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ to be held in December and last I heard she’s in talk with someone about something international. Plus, we have the upcoming two-man live with The Canaries next week. But she’s always been busy before so I don’t understand why.

I can’t help but think the Ben incident made her angry. Maybe that’s why she’s avoiding me. Of course, it was my fault for not telling her when it happened immediately, but come on, it’s been weeks. And Ben hasn’t even come to any of our lives since.

My phone starts to ring so I pick it up, but there’s silence. It’s been happening for a week. I stop saying hello first anymore. I can’t even talk to Lena about this. Every time I ask her to walk me home, she says she’s busy. She never has free time anymore. The more I think of it the more annoyed I get.

This week has been our busiest week with four lives in a row since Thursday. Today is the last live of the week and I am ready to get this done and over with. It’s an afternoon live so I can just enjoy my Sunday night later with a pint of ice cream. Lena gave us off for tomorrow and Tuesday since we practiced enough for our dance with The Canaries. Of course, she will go to the office anyway, it’s Monday so she has her meeting with Cat.

Our turn is up next so we head to the stage.

> _ You cheer me up and make me laugh _
> 
> _ Always and without fail _
> 
> _ Because everyone is here  _
> 
> _ I can be here as well _
> 
> _ My strongest companions! _
> 
> _ Let’s find the key to courage _
> 
> _ I want to be able to laugh with you forever _

I love performing ‘Story of yours’ during live. It’s a good song where we can interact with fans with our pointing and winking. But I couldn’t see Lena anywhere. I don't care, I’ll just point to this camera here and hope she sees it. Just because I’m annoyed doesn’t mean I don’t like her. Plus, I like watching her flustered face when I wink at her. It's fun.

* * *

It’s Monday and my phone is blowing up with messages from Lena. Must be the questions for the AMA she wants me to answer. Whatever, if she’s avoiding me, I’m avoiding her. Two can play at this game.

My phone starts ringing again with an unknown number. I really don’t want to answer in case it’s a prank call again, but I’m afraid it could be an important call. With a heavy heart I pick it up anyway, but I stay silent.

“Hello? Kara?” it was Lena’s voice on the other end.

“Lena?” 

“Why didn’t you say hello?” she asks.

“You’re the one who called.”

“Well, a normal person would greet someone when they answer a call.”

“Maybe I’m not normal,” I reply and roll my eyes. She can’t see but I hope it was conveyed in my tone.

She just sighs, a sign she’s giving in. 

“Kara, why haven’t you replied to my message? About the AMA questions?”

So this is the only reason she’s calling. Now I’m beyond annoyed. 

“I don’t like… reading,” I groan internally at my own excuse.

“You don’t like reading? It’s literally 5 short questions.”

“It looks like an essay. I don’t like it,” I sound like a diva but whatever, this is the most we talked since last week. If this is how we’re going to have a conversation then so be it.

“Okay,” she sighs, “do you want me to read out the questions?” 

“Yes… please,” I might be a diva but I'm a diva with manners.

“Okay then. Question 1, what is your favorite food? Beef bowl, right?”

Just because I eat a lot of it, doesn’t mean it’s my favorite. Even though it totally is.

“Hello, Kara?”

“If you already know the answers, why bother calling? Just tweet the answers yourself.” I don't know why I'm being difficult. I'm actually happy she knows the answer.

“I'm sorry,” she corrects herself, “what is your favorite food?”

“….beef bowl,” I answer begrudgingly. I hate that I can hear her smile through this call.

“Okay, question 2. What is your favorite Ghibli movie?” she continues.

“My neighbor Totoro,” this time I answer straightforwardly. 

“Oh. Okay.”

“What? Why the oh?”

“I thought you would be more of a Spirited Away girl.”

Hmph, seems like you don’t know me as well as you thought. Serves you right.

“What's yours?” I ask.

“Princess Mononoke.”

“Oh,” I replied, mocking her earlier oh.

“What's with your oh?”

“I thought you would be more of a Grave of the Fireflies girl.”

“I'm not THAT sombre.”

We both laugh at that. I miss this. Seems like this call is not all that bad. I got up from the couch and lay down on my bed, still talking to her.

“Third question. What's your favorite Doraemon gadget?”

“His 4th dimensional pocket. So I can grab any items I want.”

“That is such a cheating answer,” she commented. Excuse me? It’s a smart answer.

“What? You have a problem with it?”

“It’s like a genie gives you one wish and you use it to wish for a thousand wishes,” she grumbles. 

“Let me guess, your favorite gadget is Anywhere Door?” I won’t be surprised if it is, it’s such a typical popular gadget.

“Nope. You could never guess,” she says, challenging me.

“Time Machine,” I guess again.

“Good one, but no.”

“The bamboo copter.”

“No. Give up yet?”

“Translation Jelly? What-if phone booth?” Now I’m intrigued, I wonder what it is.

“No and no,” she answered smugly.

“Fine. Tell me,” I give up. I really want to know.

“Do you remember that one episode where Nobita has to memorize for his exam and he eats this bread that copies his notes?”

I started laughing really loud. So loud, Alex pops in my room and I just point at my phone and mouth the word ‘Lena’.

“The bread?? The MEMORY BREAD is your favorite gadget of ALL TIME?” I still can’t believe her answer.

“What? I had a big exam coming up when I watched that episode, I really wanted the bread,” she defended herself.

Dork.

“Fourth question. I love you.”

_ What? _

“Sorry?” I said, maybe I heard it wrongly.

“Oh yeah, it’s just ‘I love you’ with sorry it’s not a question in brackets. I just thought it was cute. Do you want to respond?” she clarifies.

Oh. For a moment there, I thought...

“I love you too.” I just wanted to see how it feels saying it out loud.  _ Why does it feel so right? _

“Hmm?”

“Sorry, just reply, ‘I love all my fans too, come meet me at our two-man live with The Canaries next week. I want to see you all.’”

That’s an idol-like answer, right? I could hear her clearing her throat before she asked the last question. 

“Last question. What is your favorite starting Pokemon?”

“I don't know… what’s a famous one, Pikachu?” I answer, not so sure of my Pokemon knowledge.

“Pikachu is not a starting Pokemon. Well, actually if you count Pokemon Yellow and the secret options…” she ponders.

“What's a starting Pokemon?”

“Well, the first gens are Squirtle, Bulbasaur and Charmander. Second gens are Chikorita, Cyndaquil, Totodile-”

“Oh my God,” I cut her off. What a dork. I laugh a little at her knowledge of Pokemons. Pokemon? Pokemons?

“What? I just know my Pokemon,” she countered.

“Is that why you’re on your phone all the time? You’re always playing that Pokemon Catch game,” I saw her playing it sometimes on her phone.

“Pokemon GO,” she corrected me.

Whatever.

“Just so you know, Nia and I caught a lot of rare Pokemon in Nagoya,” she added. Oh, just because I don’t play and I don’t know my Pokemon (Pokemons?) I’m now out of the loop?

“Of course Nia also plays,” I reply irately.

“Is that jealousy I detect?”

_ Yes, you idiot.  _

“Right, so that’s all the questions. See you Wednesday. Goodbye, Kara,” she quickly ends the call, as if realizing her questions have come to an end. I hate that that was our only good conversation since last week. Maybe I should ignore her more often. I browsed through my messages with Lena.

> **Lena 2.55pm**
> 
> Since we’re not meeting today, I’ll send you the questions for the AMA shortly. You can just reply to me here.
> 
> **Lena 3.35pm**
> 
> Kara, here are questions for this week.    
>  Q1: What is your favorite food?
> 
> Q2: What is your favorite Ghibli movie?
> 
> Q3: What's your favorite Doraemon gadget?
> 
> Q4: I love you (sorry it’s not a question) <\- that’s how it was submitted
> 
> Q5: What is your favorite starting Pokemon?
> 
> **Lena 3.36pm**
> 
> I know Q4 is not a question but it was cute, maybe you like to reply
> 
> **Lena 4.05pm**
> 
> Kara? Did you read my questions?
> 
> **Lena 4.56pm**
> 
> Kara, I’ll call you with the office phone in a few minutes

What is happening with us? How did it become so awkward all of a sudden? Is Ben really the cause of this? Or is it because I kept it a secret from her? 

As I ponder on why Lena is behaving this way, I downloaded Pokemon GO from the app store. I am totally not downloading this because of Lena. I was just curious. After a few tinkering, I made an account. And found something called the trainer code and shared it with Lena.

> **Kara 5.12pm**
> 
> 9014 5319 4998

Not even a minute later, I got a reply.

> **Lena 5.13pm**
> 
> I gave you a gift.

I open the app back, excited to see Lena’s gift.

> **Kara 5.14pm**
> 
> It’s an egg, what do I do with it?
> 
> **Lena 5.14pm**
> 
> Go outside and walk.

Hmpf. 

* * *

Alex speaks up when she sees me open our apartment door.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“I want to go hatch an egg.”

She looks at me quizzingly for a moment, shrugs and continues watching the television. 

I grabbed my scarf and went outside to face the chilling November air. I walked for 7km that day and smiled when that egg finally hatched. It was something cute which I already forgot the name of. I named it Lenamon instead. 

I got less annoyed for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick thanks to my online friend who plays pogo with the pokemon help lol (yes that’s their trainer code up there)


	20. Kara VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the angst

The day of the two-man live with The Canaries finally arrived. We’ve been having rehearsals for the past 2 weeks to make sure everything’s perfect. I’m very proud of our double siblings number and I’m sure the fans will love it. And we’ve perfected our dance-off segment to make sure it flows naturally. It’s going to be great.

Lena rushed into the dressing room, only to find I'm there alone. I was just doing last minute adjustment to my hair and makeup.

“Live starts in 10 minutes. Where’s the rest?” she asks while trying to catch a breath. 

"They're in The Canaries’ dressing room,” I smile and grab a hairbrush, “ Have you been running? Your hair's a mess.” Without waiting for a reply, I start brushing her hair. 

She pulls away in a sudden movement. It’s been happening a lot. Every time I touch her or get too close she retreats quickly. I can’t do this anymore. 

“Fuck, Lena. What is up with you?” I speak up. I’ve had enough. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“What do you mean? I see you everyday,” she replies, feigning ignorance. 

“You… you don’t sit next to me, You don’t talk to me, you blatantly avoid me every time we’re alone together. What is up? Are you angry with me?”

“No, no. I’m not angry,” she looks down towards the floor. 

“Then what is it, Lena?”

_ Talk to me, damn it! _

“Lena? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry,” I apologize. I don’t know what I’m apologizing for. I just want her to forgive me and be like before. 

“No, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t apologize for this. I’m sorry. I’m being a jerk.”

_ Yeah, no shit. _

“Yeah, no shit,” I say my thoughts out loud, “Okay. So why are you being a jerk?”

I could see her mind running a million miles a minute as she contemplates on something to say. When did all of this change? Since Nagoya? Did something happen that night? Lena said I told her about Ben while I was drunk...

“You’ve been weird since Nagoya. I’m sorry Lena, if I said something wrong, I was drunk and-”

“Yeah, no. You shouldn’t apologize. That wasn’t you,” she cuts me off.

So it was Nagoya. What the hell happened that night?

“What did I say actually that got you all riled up like this?” I ask. I need to know now.

“It’s not important,” she replies, brushing me off, “I have to get the girls.”

I grab her hand, “No, Lena. Tell me. I need to know.”

She looks at her watch and at the door. I don’t care if we’re late. I need to know what I said. What if I said something hurtful? I need to let her know I didn’t mean to hurt her, whatever it is.

“Did I hurt you? What did I say?” I ask again.

She's still not saying anything.

“Please, Lena. The truth,” I plead to her. “Please? If I said something hurtful I need to know, I don’t want to ever repeat it again to you.”

She finally looks up at me and takes in a deep breath.

“You told me you like me.”

_ Oh. _

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Shit, Lena, I was drinking and…” I start to backtrack. Fuck. I regret drinking now.

“No no, you don’t have to explain. You didn’t mean anything by that. I know it now. Sorry if I was being weird.”

_ Fuck it. _

“I did mean it.”

“What?”

When she said I didn’t mean what I said, that hurts. Because I did. Even though it was drunk me who said it, I know I meant it. And she's been sitting on this for weeks. Is this why she's been recoiling? Been avoiding me? The fact that she knew I liked her and the idea of it repulsed her, I'm heartbroken. This is hurting more than I ever thought a rejection could be. I know what I'm about to say next might throw our whole friendship down the drain. Not like there’s anything to salvage at this point.

“I really like you, Lena.”

_ Fuck it, it’s already out there anyway. _

“Kara…” she trails off. I already know what her reply will be. And I don’t want to hear it. This already hurts too much.

“And… and I know, we can’t be anything more, I won’t ask of anything more of you,” I confess, “I just… I just can’t keep it in anymore. What I feel… how I feel about you, can it not affect us? As friends?”

I can feel my eyes tearing up but I don't want to cry. Not in front of her. 

“Can we please… be like how we were before?” I beg, “this is for me to process, can you pretend that night and this moment didn’t happen?”

She’s still not saying anything. Lena starts to fiddle with her friendship bracelet. She has been wearing it since the day I tied it on her wrist. I wish we could go back to that day. How did I mess this up so bad?

“Lena… us, not talking… this hurts more than anything," I lied, her rejection hurts just as bad, "Can we… can we just go back to how we were before? Pretend I didn't say anything. Please?” I blink my eyes fast while looking up. I’m not letting the tears fall. I won’t let it.

“Say something, Lena.”

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry,” was all the reply she could muster.

“Okay. Let’s… don’t be weird. Please,” I beg once again for us to go back to the way we were before. But deep down I know everything’s changed. It’s too late now. I’ve fucked up.

“I’ll let the rest know we need to get ready,” was the last thing I said before I ran out of the room.

I take a deep breath before I enter the dressing room. No one else needs to know what happened. This is between me and Lena. This is my mess. I went into The Canaries’ dressing room with a beaming smile telling them to get ready. 

Dinah and Sam gathered us all together in a circle as we all linked our hands.

Sam leads our calls, "Super?"

"Girls!" I shouted as loud as possible along with Alex, Nia and Kelly.

Dinah starts The Canaries call, "We are we are…."

"The Canaries!"

All of us, Supergirls and The Canaries do a final shout to pump us up before we went on stage. The curtain opens and the stage light shines on us as we run up the stage to greet the fans.

_ Smile, Kara. Smile. _

After our introduction, The Canaries started the live with four back to back songs but we stayed on stage on the build in steps on the stage. We pretend to be fans by cheering and waving our glowsticks. When it was our turn to perform, The Canaries stayed on stage and pretended to be our fangirls.

Every time the spotlight lands on me I put on my best smile. When it was my turn to sing, I hit all the right notes with joy. When it was my turn to dance, I took delight in every movement. I gave the best performance with every fiber of my being.

_ Smile, Kara. Keep smiling. _

For our double siblings performance we performed a song by The Canaries, ‘Melodies’. It's a very sultry and sexy song and I was paired up with Laurel while Alex is paired up with Sara.

> _ My voice sounds _
> 
> _ Like I’m crying _
> 
> _ It gets like that _
> 
> _ When I feel your warmth _
> 
> _ I can’t stop kissing you _
> 
> _ It’s your fault _
> 
> _ We were born _
> 
> _ To do _
> 
> _ Nothing but this _
> 
> _ Melodies in the memories _
> 
> _ A girl's reality _
> 
> _ Melodies in the memories _
> 
> _ A girl's reality _

The song ended with cheers and whistling from the fans. We go backstage to get ready for the MC.

_ That's it, Kara. Keep going. _

For our MC segment it actually became kind of a skit show as Nia and Zoe keep forgetting their lines. We ended up breaking the fourth wall and started roasting them instead. We made them do all sorts of dance that we know they don't know the moves to like Electric Slide or The Running Man. When something funny happens during MC, I laugh my heart out. 

_ Laugh now, Kara. Everybody's laughing.  _

We continued our performance until the last number. And I keep smiling until we take our bows and the curtain closes. 

After the live was over, the rest of the girls went to the dressing room to freshen themselves up. 

Meanwhile I remained backstage, hidden in the darkness. With no one around, the silence intensifies this dull but sharp pain in my chest. The energy I had to keep pretending is slowly dissipating, and the continuing hurt in my lungs is growing. My stomach turns until I feel sick. I feel like someone is crushing my heart with their hands. And that crushing feeling moves to my throat until every breath I take feels like I'm inhaling broken glass. Everything hurts. 

Engulfed in the darkness, I broke down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melodies is a real song by the group GAM, please enjoy this [very gay music video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egk9HsbKiUU)


	21. Lena VIII

I go to my usual place behind the fans to watch the live. Quentin is with me this time, quietly watching his girls. Brainy is here today too, supervising the camera operators. Quentin has arranged for the whole live to be recorded, so we can produce the show and sell it as DVDs. 

I think back on our interaction just minutes before. She said let's pretend it never happened. If that's what she wants, then I better do that. It's for the best anyway. This thing, whatever it was, couldn't be whatever any of us hope it could be. 

"Hey Lena, where is Nia's position on stage? I want to make sure I get her good side," Brainy said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Brainy, I swear, if the whole DVD is just footage of Nia, you'll answer to me," Quentin pipes up. 

"I was kidding! Relax, Quentin!" 

Brainy then leans in to me and whispers, "But seriously, which side will Nia be?"

I laugh and shake my head. 

The music starts, and the girls from both groups get on stage. Kara looks fine. In fact, she looks the happiest I've ever seen her on stage. This is fine.

As the live goes on, I couldn't help but to land my eyes on Kara each time. Every time she sings, every time she dances, every time she laughs, she looks fine. Too fine. I notice her laugh is even more than usual. Her smile is wider, and still filled with the same grin. She looks at the audience as she performs, but at the same time never actually looking. No one else could see it. Only I could feel something was off. 

She didn't point and wink at me this time, and I feel my chest tightened. 

When the live was over, Quentin and I made our way to the front of the stage to set up our  _ buppan  _ table for  _ tokutenkai _ . Quentin helps over at my table after he finishes setting up his, and Brainy comes along as well to help. 

"We got this, you go get the girls. Bring them in 10 minutes," said Quentin. 

When I arrived at the dressing room to alert the girls, I can't help but notice someone's missing. 

"Where's Kara?" I ask.

"Maybe she's with The Canaries," answers Sam. 

"Okay,  _ tokutenkai _ in 10 minutes," I warn the girls. They all nodded. I went next door and Kara is not there as well. I give the heads up to The Canaries and look around backstage for Kara.

When I couldn't find her, I got worried. I started running looking through every room and hallway. So when she appeared suddenly in front of me, I got startled.

"Where were you?!" I said, breathless from all the running.

"Sorry, I went to the bathroom.  _ Tokutenkai _ starting?" she said. She looked fine. 

I just nodded and she cheerily said she'll meet us there. The feeling that something was off was still there. But she wants us to be like before. Alright, I can do that. I should do that.

" _ Tokutenkai _ for Supergirls will start now. Please queue up!" I shouted.

The moment the line starts forming, I get into a rhythm. Fans will start buying from  _ buppan _ first. Right now we're selling t-shirts, our 1st and 2nd single, and our bromide sets from the photoshoot which all comes with a free ticket each. Or they can just choose to buy the tickets only at 1000 yen. One  _ cheki _ will cost them one ticket.

After buying, they'll form a line in the member's lane. And I will take care of the polaroid shooting.

"Next for Kara," I shout.

I'll take a ticket, wait for them to figure out a pose and take the photo. 

Snap.

Then, I'll pass the printed polaroid to Kara and I'll hear her start the timer. Beep.

"Next for Alex," I shout.

Take the ticket, wait for the pose, take the photo. Snap.

Pass the printed polaroid, hear the timer. Beep.

"Next for Sam," I shout.

Ticket. Snap. Beep.

"Next for Kelly." Ticket. Snap. Beep.

"Next for Nia." Ticket. Snap. Beep.

"Next for Kara." Ticket. Snap. Beep.

It goes on and on like a well oiled machine. Sometimes I head back to the  _ buppan _ table if someone is there to buy more merch.

When there's no more fans queuing up in their lane, the members help me take care of the  _ buppan  _ table. Today it's Kelly and Sam, as Alex, Nia and Kara still have fans lining up. With Kara's being the longest.

I get into my rhythm again.

"Next for Alex." Take the ticket. Snap. Beep.

"Next for Nia." Ticket. Snap. Beep.

"Next for Kara."

I automatically take the ticket from the fan's hands and pan up to look at his face. 

It's Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel bad leaving it on a cliffhanger so next chap is up lol


	22. Kara VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad leaving the previous chapter in a cliffhanger so I guess it’s a 2 chapters day today lol

"What pose do you want to do?" I will usually give them a few seconds to decide. If they don't know what to do I'll suggest the pose to speed up things along.

"Let's do a heart shape with our hands. Ready?"

And Lena will snap a  _ cheki _ , pass me the polaroid and move along to the next member.

I'll start the timer. Beep.

"Hi, first time here?"

"How did you enjoy the live?"

"What was your favorite part?"

"I'm glad you had fun."

"Am I your  _ oshimen _ now?"

I'll hold up my end of the conversation and sign the  _ cheki _ at the same time. I'll usually write their name, today's date, and a simple message. After 30 seconds, the timer makes a sound. Beep.

"That's time. Thank you! Here's your  _ cheki _ ! Please come again!"

"Next for Kara!" I could hear Lena already calling for the next fan when I finished.

Our operation is smooth. Everything moves along fine and we get into some sort of rhythm. Almost factory-like. I love meeting my usual fans and new fans. The conversations are never boring. It feels like I'm meeting friends in a 30 seconds block at a time.

"Next for Kara!" Lena shouts as I see her taking a ticket from Winn. 

"Hey Winn, what pose?"

"I feel like dying, can you pretend you're holding my noose over my head."

"Ha ha okay sure."

Snap. 

Lena passes me the polaroid and I'll start the timer. Beep.

"Is your boss still giving you a hard time?"

"He's a pain in the ass, Kara. Sorry, pardon my language."

"It's fine, hope you enjoyed the live."

"I really did. Man, that siblings number was THE bomb."

"I know right? I couldn't pull off that song with just Alex so good thing I have Laurel."

"Oh my God, you and Alex doing that song is just plain wrong."

"Next time you feel stressed out at work, just come to our lives."

"You're right, I always feel better after watching Supergirls."

Beep.

"That's time, Winn. Thanks. Here's your  _ cheki _ ! Come again!"

"Next for Kara!"

"Hey Jess, what pose?"

"Um…."

"You want to do a heart? Let's do a heart."

"Okay!"

Snap. Beep.

"Enjoyed the live?"

"Yeah, I love the dance off! I was laughing so much."

"That actually didn't go according to plan at all, you know! But Lena recorded what we planned to do during practice, maybe she'll upload on Twitter later."

"I love when she uploads videos, especially when she's the cameraman."

"Oh, why's that?"

"You can hear her giggling or snickering behind the camera. Sometimes the camera shakes so much because she's laughing."

"Oh my God, you are totally right? Remember that wake up prank video?"

"Yes!!"

"Jess, it sounds like Lena is your  _ oshimen _ not me."

"Don't tell Lena that!"

Beep.

"Thanks Kara!"

"Here's your  _ cheki _ ! Come again!"

"Next for Kara!"

"Coville!!!! Pose?"

"Up to you, Kara."

"Let's do a cool pose."

Snap. Beep.

"Enjoyed the live?"

"Tremendously. You were shining brightly as always."

"Thank you, Coville. How many tickets do you have today?"

"Just 5."

"You always loop for me, I'm so lucky to have you as a fan."

"I'm the one who's lucky, you're such a joyous presence in my life."

"I try to be. Any new updates in your life?"

"Same old. Same old. Oh, it's almost the school holidays, so my son will be spending his time with me this year."

"Oh, Coville Jr is coming? Bring him over to a live sometime!"

"Maybe I will."

Beep.

"See you next round, Kara."

"Here's your  _ cheki _ ! Okay."

"Next for Kara!"

"Hi, what pose do you want to do?"

"Peace sign?"

"Sure, no problem."

Snap. Beep.

"First time here?"

"First time watching Supergirls, so kinda? I'm a fan of The Canaries, Laurel is my  _ oshimen _ . I love your number with her just now."

"Oh my God, thanks for taking a  _ cheki _ ! What's your name?"

"Tommy."

"Tommy-san, thank you again for taking a  _ cheki _ with me. I hope you can watch more Supergirls' live in the future."

"I'll try to, you girls are fun. I really enjoyed today."

"Thank you, Tommy-san. What do you like most about The Canaries?"

"I love how they're so cool and work well together."

"Yes, I love that about them too and I also-"

Beep.

"Oh no, time's up. Let's chat more next time. Here's your  _ cheki _ ! Come again, Tommy-san!"

"Next for Kara!"

I was taken aback when I saw the fan's face. And I could see Lena's eyes warily looking just in case something happens. But I act as normal as possible.

"Hi, Ben! Pose?"

"Let's just smile."

"Sure, Ben!"

Lena snaps the photo and passes me the polaroid. I just nod slightly to her, signalling it's okay and she moved on to the other members.

"Next for Alex!" I could hear her call out.

I start the timer as I get ready to sign the  _ cheki _ . 

Beep.

"I haven't seen you in a while. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Did you enjoy the live?"

"Yeah, you were amazing."

"Will you be coming to our lives again? We've missed you!"

"I saw your AMA. That 'I love you' was for me, right?"

"Yeah, it's for all my fans. I really do love all of you."

"You stopped saying hello."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You stopped saying hello, why have you stopped?"

"....Ben, have you been calling me?"

"I just want to hear your voice."

"Ben, please don't do this, Lena-"

"STOP saying her name! M'gann was always saying his name and looked at what happened!"

"Ben, there's nothing between Lena and-"

Beep.

"I'll see you again, Kara."

He left and didn't even take his  _ cheki _ . Lena takes a photo of Nia with her fan and comes over to me. 

"Are you okay to continue?" she whispers.

"Yes," I smile back.

"Next for Kara!" she shouts as she takes a ticket from a fan.

"Hi! What pose?"


	23. Lena IX

I've packed up all our merch into the minivan. I look over at Kara. She's still not saying anything about Ben, so I really hope it was all okay. I know she said she wanted everything to be like usual, but I promised Alex I'll discuss Kelly's  _ seitansai _ with her today after the live. I've been slowly roping Alex into management work as she expressed interest in the area, and she's been a tremendous help with the  _ seitansai _ planning. I would have Kara sit in the front with me otherwise. I don't know if I'm making things worse, but I feel like I need to explain myself.

"Hey Kara," I whisper, "I know you want things to be… like before… but I promised Alex a discussion. So, urm, I need her to sit in front. You, you can sit in front next time, okay? I promise."

"Yeah, no. I don't feel good, I want to sit in the back anyway," she replies.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I just need to rest," she trails off as she climbs into the minivan.

"Boss, let's go," Alex pipes up from the front passenger seat, "I have a few ideas in mind."

Nia joins Kara at the back row seats while Kelly & Sam sit in the middle row seats behind us. As Alex and I were discussing, Sam and Kelly joined in sometimes to give their point of views.

I look in the rear-view mirror to see Nia sleeping and Kara just looking out the windows. 

"So, here's your birthday t-shirt design," Alex says as she shows off Kelly something from her phone, "I've made three, you can choose your favorite."

"Oh my God, Alex. These look so cool. I love the first one!" exclaims Kelly.

"Boss, you want to take a look?" Alex asks.

"Just send me the design later." I said.

"So, the venue will be at Akiba Theater, 300 pax capacity. We'll do it on your actual birthday on 20th Dec. It's a Sunday, so probably a night live is not advisable in case it ends late. We can do an afternoon live. How's that sound?" I explain further about our planning.

"Sounds great! Thanks Lena, thanks Alex."

"Alright, Kelly. We're here. See you Monday." I say as I reached the front of her apartment building. We have no live tomorrow, so the girls can have a good Sunday rest.

"Bye, everyone. Have a good rest, see you Monday."

I continue driving. Next, I have to drop Sam off. I look in the rear-view mirror again and Kara is still looking out the window, not moved since the last I saw her.

"Alex, I'll be talking with the set designers and the lighting team on Thursday, you can join me if you want."

"Nice. Why don't you start recording it like today's live? Quentin got Brainy to do it. It'll be good if we can have a full recording of our own  _ seitansai _ . And I'm sure fans would love to buy DVDs of it," Alex suggests.

"Yeah, good idea. I'll talk to Brainy and Cat-P about the logistics of it," I agree. Alex seems to have a knack at this, I might have found my protege.

"Alright Sam, we're here. See you Monday."

"Thanks, Lena. Oh, can we have a quick talk on Monday before your meeting with Cat? It'll be quick," she asks.

"Sure," I said, "anything important?" 

She hesitates before she answers, "It can wait till Monday."

"Okay Sam, have a good rest."

Nia stays 5 minutes away from Sam but it becomes an awkward drive as both Nia and Kara are still in the third row seats, with no one in the middle. Alex starts spouting more ideas for the  _ seitansai _ and I just nod along as I look at the rear-view mirror again.

"Kara."

"Kara," I say it again, and she finally snaps out of it and looks at me.

"Can you wake Nia up? We're here."

I got out of the minivan and walked Nia up to her apartment. In her sleepy state, I don't want her to accidentally get into the wrong house. I already have enough worries as it is. When I got back to the minivan, Kara had moved to the middle seat.

The drive to Alex and Kara's apartment was smooth as there's no traffic this late at night. As we reached their apartment building, I put the gear in park and turned to Alex, "Alex, can you go up first? I want to talk to Kara."

"Sure, boss. See you Monday. Kara, I'll leave the door unlocked."

Alex leaves and makes her way up to their apartment. I turn off the radio so the only sound accompanying the still night is the minivan's engine. I'm still in my driver's seat as I look at Kara through the rear-view mirror.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I ask again. And she's still silent.

"Hey, if it's about the seating, I swear I'm not avoiding you, I promised Alex-"

"Ben has been calling me," she admits.

"What?"

"I… I didn't know it was him. He's been calling me the past week, but never says anything,” she starts confessing and her breathing picks up with every word, “I… I don't know how he got my number… That's… that's why I didn't say hello first… That's why I stopped saying hello… he's been…”

I unbuckle my seat belt and climb to the back. All I want to do is calm her down. 

“Hey hey, Kara, it's okay, it's okay…” I sit next to her and slowly rub circles on her back to soothe her.

“What else did he say?” I ask further.

“He said.. he said he wanted to hear my voice, that's why he's been calling… I don't know what to do, Lena,” she starts crying now. I swear I’m going to kill this Ben guy.

“You don't have to do anything, leave this to me,” I reassure her. I’m thinking about making a police report, getting a restraining order, enhanced security, banning him from live, getting Kara a new number…

As my mind went through a million check lists, Kara’s breathing became erratic and I could feel her whole body shaking. I quickly wrap my arms around her to hold her.

“Kara? Kara?”

She’s not hearing me. I’m racking my brain to remember what to do in a panic attack. At least, I think that is what is happening now. Grounding. Yes. Things you can hear, can touch, can smell, can listen…. I look around the minivan. Ugh, there’s nothing in here that can help.

“Kara,” my hands are still around her shoulders, “listen to my voice. I’m right here.”

“I can’t breathe, Lena.”

As her breathing becomes more erratic, I start to panic. 

_ Calm down, Lena. She needs you. _

“Kara, just follow me. Breathe in, good. Breathe out. Good. I’m right here.”

“Follow me. Breathe in,” I hold my breath for a few seconds, “Breathe out. You’re doing so good. Can you hear my voice? I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Can you feel that? That's the bracelet you gave me,” I take her hands and trace her fingers over my friendship bracelet that she gave me. 

“Do you remember the colors of the bracelet?”

“Red,” she finally replies, “my color.”

“Yes, good, keep breathing. Breathe in. And out. You’re doing so good, I’m right here. Do you remember the other colors?”

“Blue. Nia’s.”

“Breathe in. Breathe out. I’m right here.”

“Green. Kelly’s.”

“Breathe in. Breathe out. I’m right here.”

“Orange. Alex’s.”

“Breathe in. Breathe out. I’m right here. Just one more color, you remember Sam’s color?”

“Yellow.”

“That’s right, you’re doing so good. Keep breathing with me. I’m here.”

“Breathe in.”

“Breathe out.”

“I’m right here.”

I repeat those three mantras in what seemed like an eternity in that minivan.

“Take your time, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

It took awhile for her breathing to go back to their normal pace.

A while longer for her crying to stop.

But all those while, I keep whispering words of comfort to her.

“I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.”

My phone starts ringing but it’s at my seat so I need to leave Kara to get it. 

“Kara? I need to get my phone. I’m still here, okay?” I say calmly, careful not to startle her.

She starts crying again, “No, please hold me.”

“Okay, okay. I’m here,” I rub her arms up and down and ignore my phone. After a while, the ringing stops. Kara is full on sobbing and I’m not sure if it’s still because of Ben, because of the panic attack, or because I said I’m leaving her side for a while to get my phone. I held her tighter and closer despite whatever the reason was.

The minivan door opens suddenly.

“What’s going on!?” Alex yells, “You’ve been down here an hour and I called and… Kara?” 

“Alex, can you please park the minivan? I’ll bring her up.”

Alex nodded and I gently instructed Kara to get out of the minivan, my arms still draped over her, never leaving her side.

While Alex parked the minivan, I waited with Kara by the entrance. The three of us got up together and Alex pointed me to Kara’s bedroom. I tucked her into bed, and I held her hands tightly.

“I’m right here.”

Her grip on my hands starts to loosen as she drifts off to sleep. I tuck the stray hairs on her face behind her ears. I make sure she's really sleeping before I leave her. As I gently caress her hair, I take one last look at her. Without realizing it, I kiss the top of her forehead. I don't know why, I just felt like doing it. 

I went to the living room where Alex already made us hot tea and I filled her up on what happened. We agreed to report Ben to the authorities and do the necessary measures for this. I bid her farewell and told her to text me if anything else happens.

When I got back in the minivan, I rested my head against the steering wheel. 

And I finally allowed myself to cry.


	24. Kara IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually I was conflicted on whether I want the previous chapter to be in Lena’s POV or Kara’s so i wrote both version lol (tw i guess as I go deeper into the anxiety attack with Kara’s POV)

“He said.. he said he wanted to hear my voice, that's why he's been calling… I don't know what to do, Lena,” I confessed. It feels like I confessed about a lot of things tonight. I could feel Lena's hands rubbing smooth circles on my back. My tears start to fall and I don't know if it is because of this Ben incident or because of our talk in the dressing room. I’ve cried a lifetime tonight.

Lena said something but I can't hear her. People say when you talk about your feelings, and let it be known, it will set you free. But I feel like drowning. I feel like I'm in the open sea and every time I say something a wave crashes over me. I can't breathe. My strength is being taken away as wave upon wave crash onto me. I'm drowning. 

I can't breathe, Lena. 

I want to say it but my words are stuck in my throat. I can't breathe. Lena, help. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm falling into nothingness. I’m falling and I can’t hold on to anything. I feel like dying. 

I can't breathe, Lena. I don't know if I got the words out. I can't breathe. I'm dying.

"Kara, Kara? I'm right here."

Lena's voice sounds like an extended hand, helping me to get back up. But I'm struggling to reach it. 

"Kara…" I hear her voice clearly as her grip on me tightens, "...follow me. Breathe in."

She starts to breathe in and hold her breath. I try to follow but I can't hold my breath as long. 

"Breathe out. Good. I'm right here. Follow me. Breathe in."

I try to follow her and hold my breath longer this time. 

“Breathe out. You’re doing so good. Can you hear my voice? I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

I can. I can hear her voice. But I couldn’t find the strength to reply. I’m still in the ocean, the waves still crashing on me but they’re coming further apart. Lena’s voice is like a piece of wreckage I hold on to. I can hear her breathing in and out slowly. I follow. I’m floating now as I hung onto Lena’s voice, I’m no longer falling.

I can feel Lena taking my fingers as she makes me touch her bracelet, “Can you feel that? That's the bracelet you gave me.”

I can. I remember making it in Alex and Kelly’s room in Nagoya. We all made one for each of us with all of our colors. But Lena is the only one still wearing it. I kept mine in my room. I don’t want to lose it when I perform, that’s why I don’t wear it. Alex said it’s childish so she doesn’t wear hers. She doesn’t want to admit it but she cherishes it as well, I see her wear it during her off days. 

“Do you remember the colors of the bracelet?” I can hear Lena’s voice more clearly now.

“Red… my color.” It’s always been my color. The center gets red usually. And I’ve learned to love the color. 

Lena keeps telling me to breathe slowly. And I did.

“Do you remember the other colors?” she asks.

“Blue. Nia’s.” Blue is my other favorite color. Like my eyes.

“I’m right here,” she says as she tells me to keep breathing.

“Green. Kelly’s,” I continue. Like your eyes.

“Orange. Alex’s.” Almost the same shade as mine. Orange and red, side by side.

“I’m right here. Just one more color, you remember Sam’s color?” she asks again.

“Yellow.”

“That’s right, you’re doing good. Keep breathing with me. I’m here.”

“I’m here.”

“I’m right here.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I find comfort in Lena’s words, and security in her hold. I feel like I’m slowly getting to shore. Finally out of that ocean of loneliness. I slowly breathe again as Lena patiently guides me. How long was I feeling like this? It felt like an eternity. I open my eyes and we’re still in the minivan. That’s right, we’re in front of my apartment. I slowly gain some sense back.

I hear Lena’s phone starts ringing. Where is sound coming from? It feels far away.

“Kara? I need to get my phone. I’m still here, okay?” Lena says as she slowly loosens her hold on me. I feel like a wave crashed into me again.

No. No. Don’t leave me. 

“No, please hold me,” I start crying again. Please don’t leave me.

“Okay, okay. I’m here,” she says the mantra again as she holds me tighter.

I half remember Alex opening the door. Half remember Lena holding me up with all her strength as I weakly get into my room. Half remember getting into bed while she tucks me in.

What I fully remember are her words, “I’m right here.”

She holds my hand as I lay in bed and it feels like a dream. Today was not real. A person who rejected my love would not be doing this for me. It’s all a dream. I feel Lena kissing the top of my forehead. I’m definitely dreaming. I embrace the feeling of floating in nothingness, and gently drift into this dream of mine. 

* * *

I wake up and I feel someone holding me. Lena?

I turn around and Alex wakes up.

“Hey, good morning. You’re feeling okay?” she asks.

The realization of what happened yesterday comes crashing down on me. Lena. I told Lena I like her outright. She didn’t like me back. The live. I remember the live.  _ Tokutenkai _ . A lot of fans. Ben. He came. I feel a wave crash into me.

“Kara, hey, hey, breathe, you’re home. You’re safe. It’s okay,” Alex calms me down.

_ I’m right here.  _

Lena’s words echo in my head. 

“Lena,” I uttered my first word since last night.

“She went home after you fell asleep. She’ll come again today and we’ll go to the police station together, okay?” Alex explains.

“Lena told me everything. I swear I’ll kill that fucker if I see him again,” she continues.

Alex gives me a tight hug, “I’ll fix you breakfast, okay?”

I nod. I could hear her shuffling about in the kitchen and calling somebody.

“... yeah, it happened again.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m making breakfast already.”

“Okay, my door’s unlocked. Just come in.”

* * *

Lena orders a taxi. She must have returned the minivan last night. We could have walked or taken the train, but Lena wants to take the taxi anyway even though the police station is just a 5 minutes drive away. 

The police officer took down my statement and Lena held my hands throughout the entire process. She stayed by my side the whole time. And when she leaves, Alex is there by my side. I was never left alone. Alex and I wait in the waiting room while Lena talks to the police officer. I leaned my head over Alex’s shoulder, and she leans her head over mine. My eyes started to tear up because how am I so lucky to be loved by these two special people in my life? We stayed like this until Lena came over.

“All settled,” she smiles, “ready to go home?”

I nod.

Alex gets a call and leaves me and Lena alone. I see Lena about to call for a taxi but I stopped her, “I don’t want to take a taxi. Can we walk home?”

“Okay,” she replies.

“That was Kelly, she wants to have lunch together. Wanna join us, Kara?” Alex said, explaining the call.

“I think I’ll head home,” I reply.

“You sure? I can cancel Kelly if you want, we can get something from the convenience store,” Alex said worryingly. 

“It’s okay, Alex. You go have lunch with Kelly, I can take Kara home,” Lena assures her.

“Call me if anything,” was the last thing Alex said before she dashed off to the train station.

We walked back home together, with Lena holding my hands the whole time.

“You don’t have to keep holding my hand,” I said.

“No, I want to,” she replied assertively. 

We waited for the traffic light to change before we crossed the street. Just at the moment the walking man changed its color to green, Lena’s stomach started to rumble.

“Did you eat breakfast?” I ask.

She hesitated before answering, “Not yet…” 

Not yet? It’s almost 12 o’clock, you have officially missed breakfast. Now that I think of it, because of what happened yesterday night, I didn’t remind her to eat dinner as well. 

“Did you even eat dinner last night?”

“I forgot,” she quietly admits.

“Let’s go grab something,” I said as I pull her hands towards the nearest cafe shop.

* * *

I watch Lena as she finishes her chicken  _ katsu _ sandwich. I’ve never seen her this hungry. She has mayo on the side of her mouth and I want to wipe it, but I hold myself back and just tell her instead.

“You have mayo right here,” I say as I point to my own mouth.

“Oh, thanks,” she says and takes a napkin to wipe it. The mayo spread even further.

I chuckled.  _ Idiot _ .

She smiles as she looks at me. Oh no, do I have something on my mouth?

“What? Do I have something?” I ask.

“No, just that… that’s the first time you smiled today,” she says, “glad my moronic wiping made you laugh.”

“Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you, I didn't realize how starved I was.” she says as she wipes her mouth properly this time.

“No, thank you for not being weird,” I clarify, “about the whole thing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she winks.

I laughed quietly. If this is the way she wants to pretend that nothing happened, she’s doing a bad job at it.

“We're still friends, no matter what,” she says. 

“Friends,” I repeat. That’s right. She doesn't want me, not like how I want her. But we're still friends. And I'm thankful for that. Today, somehow, the truth hurts a little less.

“Do you want your fries?”

I shake my head and push my plate towards her. How hungry is she?

“Thanks. By the way, I've cancelled all our lives for next week.”

“You don't have to do that.”

“No, I want you to rest. I'll handle everything,” she decided, “I'm your friend but I'm still your manager.”

“Okay.” 

“You don't have to come for practice tomorrow if you don't feel up to it,” she says further.

“No, I want to,” I reply. I really did. Tomorrow is dance practice and I don’t feel like slumping in my bed all day.

“I'm done, ready?” she extends her greasy hands signalling me to grab it.

“Ew, no, go wash your hands first,” I laugh again. She smiles and goes to the sink to wash her hands. I suspect she did that just to make me laugh. She succeeded at least. I watch her pay the bills at the cashier before she comes back to our table.

“Ready?” she extends her hands again. Cleaned ones this time.

“Yeah. Walk me home?”

“Always.”


	25. Lena X

_ I’m sorry, Ma’am. Prank calls do constitute harassment but this doesn’t rise to the level of criminal intimidation. Unless we have more proof or intent, I don’t see this case merit police interference. We will, however, give him a warning. You can let us know if you need more police patrol near the venue where the group performs. _

The officer’s words play again in my head. Ridiculous. If the police are not going to arrest him, I have to take this matter into my own hands. I’ve hired extra security personnel for our next live, and I will personally make sure that Ben does not enter the venue.

Sam arrives early for our meet-up as promised. I update her all about Kara and the police report.

“So, is Kara okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, she’s a bit shaken up but she’s okay now. I’m putting extra security measures in place and will tell Cat-P about this today. Can you update the girls for me later before practice?”

“Of course.”

“And what did you want to talk to me about?” 

“It can wait. I think it’s almost time for your meeting with Cat-P,” she says while she looks at her watch.

She was right, if I leave any later I’ll be late.

“Okay, have a good practice. I’ll meet you girls later after my meeting.”

* * *

Lunch was silent. Cat is very supportive of the measures I wanted and approved all the budget for the extra securities. She even reimbursed me on the new phone and number I got for Kara. Some might say she’s strict and conceited but I realized now she does care about the girls. I’ve cancelled the live we planned for this Friday and Saturday so for the first time in months, the girls will have a free weekend this week. Practice and rehearsals run as usual and Kara is acting like normal. But all the girls are aware now of what happened, so everyone is tiptoeing around Kara and not saying a word. 

“No AMA today?” Kara asks, breaking the silence.

“Err… no, I didn't tweet anything today,” I replied. The truth is, I didn’t want to make her work even more than usual. If it’s up to me, I just want her to stay home where she’ll be safe and resting.

“It’s Monday, fans look forward to it,” she says. Always thinking about her fans.

“Okay, only if you want to.”

“I want to.”

“Okay, we can do it later after practice. I’ll tweet now.”

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Sorry for the late tweet! Reply this tweet with questions for Kara! I will choose 5 for Kara to answer. - Manager Lena 
> 
> #KaraAMA #Supergirls
> 
> 12:21 PM · Nov 23

* * *

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Kara wakes me up.

I wake up and realize I fell asleep while they were practicing. I was seated on the floor with the wall on my back, facing the dancing mirrors. There was no one else in the room, except for Kara and me.

“Oh, sorry. Is the practice over?” I look at the clock and it’s almost 6. It ended an hour ago, so Kara must have been practicing on her own while I was asleep.

“Yeah, the rest went home,” she says as she sits down next to me, both of us looking straight ahead at our reflections in the mirror, “by the way, Nia took tons of pictures of you sleeping. For revenge, she said.”

She must be quite tired from the dancing, as I could feel her body leaning on me to rest. We’re seated shoulder to shoulder, with our legs stretched out in front of us. 

“Sorry, you must be tired because of me,” she says. It’s true I’ve barely slept the past few nights but it’s part of the job. I want to make her feel safe, I  _ need  _ to make her safe.

“You’re worth the extra effort. I can sleep later,” I smile.

“You always do that,” she pouts.

“Do what?”

“The way you say things. Like that just now. ‘You’re worth the extra effort’? And that damn smile. You're making this hard for me,” she confesses.

I look at her, taken aback by how she’s talking about this openly. With all this Ben stuff, it just registered to me that she has to figure out her feelings for me on top of it. No wonder that night took such a toll on her.

“HAH!” she shouts abruptly. 

“What's that about?”

“I just feel so free talking about it in the open. No more secrets,” she looks down and smiles.

“I'm glad you're not burdened by it anymore,” I smiled back, at least she has one less thing to worry now.

“I like you!” she looks at me and cries out.

“Yeah,” I look around, double checking and making sure no one else is in the room.

“And you know!” she cries out again, she looks so happy and free.

“Yup,” I smile again, I love seeing her happy.

“And it doesn't feel weird. Fuck, that feels so good,” she sighs.

“Kara, we don't have to make fun or joke around about it. I don't want to belittle your feelings,” I clarify. It feels like she’s taking it lightly so she can make me feel at ease. 

“Don't do that,” she glowered at me.

“What?” I am really confused. What am I doing again? 

“Care. That's why I fell for you in the first place,” she admits.

Oh.

“Okay, I’ll stop caring. And I’ll stop smiling,” I look at her with a sad face, making the smile disappear. That made her laugh a little.

“Can you stop existing? I think that will help me the most,” she says, looking straight ahead at the mirror. She brings up her knees to her face and hugs her legs.

“Sorry, you’re stuck with me,” I look straight ahead too, but looking at her in the reflection.

“Damn. Guess I have no choice but to live with an unrequited love,” she laughs again and hides her face. Maybe joking about it makes it better for her, but I feel a pang in my heart.

“You’ll find someone. Better than me,” I reply, and I sincerely hope so. I don’t know what she sees in me.

“You’re a good manager, Lena. And an even better friend. Thank you,” she bumps my shoulder with hers as she says this.

“Ready to do the AMA?” I ask, almost forgetting the real reason why she stayed back.

“Okay.”

“Oh, darn. I haven’t chosen the questions,” I remembered. I was supposed to choose it while they were practicing.

“Let’s choose together?” 

I nod and she moves in closer so she can see my phone as I scroll through the replies.

“How about this one? If you could be another member, who would you choose and why?” I ask.

“Nia. So I can fall asleep easily.”

“How does she do it? I’m so envious,” I commented.

“Right? Me too.”

“Which one do you want to choose?” I scroll through the replies again.

“This one is in English,” she pointed out a reply that stood out.

“ _ Which countries would you like to visit if Supergirls do an international tour? _ ” I repeat the tweet.

“Woah, you speak English?” she yelped. Now we’re both looking at each other.

“I studied abroad for my degree,” I explain, reminiscing all my years in Ireland.

“I am so attracted to you right now,” she teased softly. 

“Kara,” I said while looking at her seriously. Maybe this being open thing is a bad idea after all.

She quickly retorts with, “Kidding!”

“I’ll make sure I don’t speak English around you,” I scoffed. 

“What does it mean?”

“If Supergirls do an international tour, which countries would you like to visit?”

“America. Or Europe I guess,” she answers, “Do we have a fanbase internationally?”

“I often see tweets in Thai, Malay and Tagalog as well. We actually have lots of followers from South East Asia,” I reply. It helps that those countries are closer to Japan, and they are familiar with our idol cultures.

“Really? Wow. Then include those countries too.”

“Next… ahaha,” I laughed as I saw the tweet.

“What?”

“This one says, ‘Would you do a mukbang video?’”

“Only if it’s beef,“ she grins.

“Does this mean I have to bring you to an all-you-can-eat  _ yakiniku _ restaurant?”

“Yes! Because that means you’ll pay,” she smiles with that sly smile of hers. 

“I’ll be broke just feeding you,” I commented.

“Not like you’re using the money to feed yourself,” she chuckled.

“Fair point. This one’s good,” I said while pointing out another reply, “why do you want to be an idol?”

“I like singing and dancing. By being an idol, you watch me grow. Like, when I debuted I might not sing the perfect notes, or dance with perfect moves. But as we practice, you can watch us improve. I love that we grow with the fans. As you watch us improve, we watch you be inspired. I like how idols inspire people to do their best. I aim to inspire and give hope to people through my performances.”

She tangents off into a speech as she gives her answer. I just watch her calmly explaining her reasons and smile. This. This is Kara the idol that people look up to. That beam on her face as she describes her purpose of becoming an idol reminds me why I’m trying my best as her manager. I want to support her dreams. 

“You’re staring again. What is it?” she asks, breaking my look of adoration.

“I don’t know how to tweet that perfect answer within Twitter’s character limit.”

“Just condense it, I trust you.”

“Last one, you choose,” I said as I held up my phone and let her scroll.

“You’re still wearing it,” her fingers moved from my phone’s screen to the friendship bracelet around my wrist. I haven’t taken it off since that night in Nagoya.

“It’s my most prized possession,” I said.

“Why are you so cute?” she says as she fiddles with my bracelet.

“I’m not, you’re just blinded by rose-colored glasses. Also, I’m not trying to change the topic,” I really wasn’t but one tweet caught my eye, “but how about this for the last question, ‘Who is your favorite manager and why is it Lena?’”

“That is NOT the question,” she exclaims as she grabs my phone from my hand.

“It is! See!” I pointed out the tweet to her.

“Oh my God, who asked this question? @stan_lena? Is this your secret twitter account?” she accused.

“I swear it’s not me!” I defended myself, although I did find it funny that someone created an account to be my fan.

“Reply with ‘because she pays for my food!’” she says as she passes back my phone.

“Is that the only reason why I’m your favorite?” I don’t know why I asked that, I’m treading on thin ice here. Perhaps, I was still curious about why she likes me.

“If I list them all, it’s not enough for Twitter’s character limit,” she smiles faintly.

We looked each other in the eyes for a moment before she sat back on the wall beside me. I look at our reflections in the mirror and I can see her gently put her head on my shoulder. We stayed like that for a few minutes until she finally said something.

“This is nice.”

“Yeah,” I replied back. It really was.

“Can we stay like this? For a while?” she pleads.

“Okay,” I said. I think back on what happened last weekend. Maybe the one good thing that incident did is made us close again. Maybe even closer than we had ever been before Nagoya. That incident. I start thinking about the security I hired. The other measurements I haven’t placed. I’m thinking about informing the other managers so they’re aware of Ben as well, just in case.

“What are you thinking?” Kara asks, interrupting my thoughts. It was as if she could tell.

“Me? A lot,” I told her. I’m always thinking about a lot of things.

“Care to share?”

I didn’t want to worry her about the issue with Ben. So I start spouting off my plans for the week.

“I’m thinking about vocal rehearsal tomorrow, dance practice on Wednesday, the meeting with set and lighting on Thursday about Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ , the meeting with all managers for AGM next week, our outstation live in Karuizawa in 2 weeks, Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ , our Christmas live, our New Year’s live, next year’s AGM, the annual DC Fest live…” I look at her reflection in the mirror and her eyes are closed, “are you sleeping?”

“No, keep going,” she says with her eyes shut, her head still over my shoulder.

“I’m thinking about Supergirls future, getting you girls an original song for your 3rd single, getting you girls your own Twitter account, more merch, magazine appearances, radio appearances, TV appearances, gain as many fans as possible, get your songs ranked in the charts, maybe a Supergirls national tour, an international tour.”

“What about my future?” she inquires.

“I want to make you hugely famous so people can see your talent. I'll book the biggest venue for your performances. Give you the best lighting, the best audio mix, the best camera shots money could buy. I'll make sure you're known as the most famous singer songwriter of all time, so famous that the lyrics journal I gave you will be the highlight of your own museum. The plaque will read, ‘My most favorite manager believed in me and gave me my first journal. Here lies all my earliest lyrics.’”

I got a bit animated with her hypothetical future that I probably moved my shoulders too much and is making her uncomfortable. She lifts her head from my shoulder and looks at me.

“And where will you be? In this future?” 

“Oh, I’m your museum tour guide,” I joke.

“Idiot,” she mutters as she shakes her head.

I'm not sure if all of this is helping Kara with her feelings or not.

But it’s definitely not helping with mine.

* * *

“How about mirrors? Can we set up mirrors on stage? To make it look like a dance studio?” Alex asks.

“It does look cool, but we’ll be playing with lighting and cameras so there’s an issue of reflection and all. If it’s an outdoor stage, it can definitely be arranged,” the set designer replies.

“You’re right. That’s good, though. We can definitely keep that idea for future outdoor live. Hey boss, how come we don’t have any outdoor lives now?” she asks.

“It’s winter, Alex. Last thing I need is to induce hypothermia to you girls when you dance in those short skirts,” I explain and the set designer chuckled at that.

We finished up our discussion and both Alex and I went to the cafeteria for a drink.

“So, what did you think?” I ask as we sit down at the table with our drinks.

“Oh, I learn so much, now I understand a lot more on why the set is designed the way they do,” she proclaimed, “thanks for bringing me along, Lena.”

“Not at all. I like that you’re interested in all this. I would love to include you in future plannings. If you want, that is. You already have enough on your plate with your vocal rehearsals, your dance practices, doing lives…”

“No, no, I like this. I’d love to be included more,” she says. Then, she perks up and waved at someone. I turn around and it’s Bruce, Birds of Prey’s manager. I rarely work with Bruce, as Birds of Prey is always doing outstation lives. Last I heard, they’ll be going to London as the main performers at the UK-Japan Culture Festival for Christmas. 

“Bruce-san, good afternoon,” I greet him.

“Lena-san. Alex. What are you girls doing here? Supergirls have practice today?” he asks.

“Oh, no. We have a meeting with set and lighting about Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ . We just finished and we’ll be headed home after this drink,” I explain.

“Alex, you joined the meeting?” he asks and Alex nods, “you remind me of Diana. I used to bring her to meetings as well,” he reminisced. Of course, he’s talking about how he used to be Amazons’ manager before he transferred as Birds of Prey’s manager. Diana was his protege back then. 

“Careful, she might steal your job next,” he quips to me as he points to Alex.

“If she does, I won’t mind. I trust her with Supergirls,” I smile at Alex, “It’s so rare to see you at the company, Bruce-san.”

“We have practice today, Barbara’s  _ seitansai _ is this Saturday,” he replies, “Lena-san, I heard about the incident. Thank you for the update.”

“Of course. I want other groups to be aware just in case. Do you want to sit down?” I gestured at the empty seat next to us as Bruce was still standing talking to us.

“Oh, it’s okay, I’m just getting snacks for the girls. I’m heading back to the practice room. I guess I’ll see you next week? For the manager’s meeting.”

He’s talking about the huge end-of-the-year manager’s meeting. It’s also the meeting where Cat will brief us about next year’s AGM. I’m nervous thinking about it because I have to present to everyone on Supergirls’ activities the past year. It’s been quite eventful. 

“Yeah, on the 1st right? See you then. Best of luck with  _ seitansai _ .”

We bid each other goodbye and Alex kicks my feet under the table, “You totally have a crush on him!”

“What? Oh my God, Alex. No way! He’s too old for me,” I say as I kick her back.

“Did you really mean what you said? About trusting me with Supergirls?” Alex asks seriously.

“There’s no one else I trust."

I think back on the hypothetical future I talked about with Kara. Maybe in Alex’s future I do see her in managerial work. Like Diana, who graduated from Amazons and became their manager, maybe Alex can become Supergirls’ manager after she graduates. Where does that leave me then? I laugh a little with the thought I might actually have to become the tour guide at Kara's museum.

"Boss," Alex says, "you sure you don't have a crush? You're grinning a lot."

"Just thinking about the future," I reply with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the previous chapter got heavy so here's some fluff lol


	26. Lena XI

"Hello?" I greet as I pick up the phone.

"Lena-san, it's Bruce. I need a favor," he says.

"Yes, what is it?" I look at the clock and it's almost 2pm.

"Our guest performer bailed on us. Both Amazons and The Canaries have a live tonight. Can Supergirls help us out?" he pleads.

Tonight is Barbara's  _ seitansai _ . It's already very last minute to look for a replacement, so I get his urgency. But this is Supergirls' first live since the incident, plus I cancelled all our live this week for a reason, so I was hesitant.

"Please, Lena-san, there's no one else.  _ Seitansai _ starts at 7pm," he begs again.

"Okay, I'll contact the girls," I relent. We're only the opening guest so it is at most just a 2 songs performance.

"Thank you so much, I'll arrange for pick-up."

"It's okay, I can stop by the company to get the minivan," I reply.

"Okay, I'll call Eve up and get the minivan ready for you."

"Thank you, see you tonight."

With a heavy sigh, I get ready and call all the girls for this last minute live. Good thing they didn't have anything else planned for tonight. I tweeted about tonight as well.

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Surprise!! #Supergirls have a surprise live tonight because we're the guest performers at @BOP_Barbara's  _ seitansai _ ! Come meet us tonight 7pm at Zirco Club Shinjuku! 
> 
> 2:23 PM · Nov 28

* * *

Birds of Prey has 10 members comprising 4 generations so saying that their dressing room is noisy is an understatement. So when the 5 Supergirls members joined in, the dressing room was packed to the brim. They are practicing for a last minute collaboration number which they will perform before Barbara’s solo performance. They will perform ‘Unrequited Love Finally’, their 2nd single which also coincidentally is an original Birds of Prey song. But this is the first time they will perform it in a 15-member formation. 

“No, Nia, after the second verse you move to the left with Selina and Zinda. Barbara and I will split down the middle and Sam and Alex you follow me to the right. Okay, again, from the top,” Kara instructs. Kelly and Kendra practice their own dance as they will be the highlight for the bridge of the song. After 30 minutes, they finally got the moves nailed down. I’m so impressed at this last minute rehearsal.

They all take a breather and get ready as  _ seitansai  _ will start in an hour. Kara saw me by the door and came by as she took a sip of water. 

“I’m okay, don’t worry about me,” she said even though I haven’t asked.

“That was impressive, that last minute rehearsal.”

“It’s the same song we sing every week. We just need to remember where to go so we don’t bump each other. Hardly impressive, Lena.”

“No, it’s incredible,” I said with a low voice, “you’re incredible.”

“You’re doing it again,” she says with a sad smile. 

I really should watch what I say to her. I realized sometimes I don’t say things intentionally, it just comes out. Lately, she's been pointing out what I say or do that makes it hard for her to get over me. I didn't realize there were so many to begin with. The way I look at her, the way I say things, the way I care… how do I even begin to stop doing all this? I can't.

“Sorry. You go get ready, fans will be coming in soon.”

Bruce assured me that extra security is in place, and the patrol police are informed as well. But I want to be by the door looking at every face who enters the venue. I’m not taking chances. Bruce saw me by the door and came over.

“Thank you again, Lena-san. I owe you one,” he said in a grateful tone.

“It’s nothing, Bruce-san. We were free tonight. Happy to help.”

“The girls okay?”

“Yeah, they finished rehearsing for that collab number. It was amazing to watch.”

“I get it. I’ve been an idol manager with DC for 10 years and not a day goes by where I’m not impressed by their efforts and energy.”

“10 years. You’re just as impressive, Bruce-san.”

“You handle the girls well too. You care about them, that’s good.”

“It’s hard not to,” I replied. I can’t imagine my life without Supergirls. 

The fans started pouring in and I must have looked like an extra security staff as I stared at every face who came through the door. There weren't a lot of Supergirls fans who came, mostly because it was last minute. But I did see some familiar faces. The most important thing is that Ben didn’t show up. When the live started, I breathed easy, knowing I kept Kara safe for one more night.

Supergirls perform 2 songs for the opening and head back to their dressing room. They have to go back out again in an hour for the collab song. I grabbed their  _ bento _ dinners and dropped it off at the dressing room.

“Just 5? Where’s your dinner, Lena?” Nia pouts, “Kara! Lena is not eating again!”

Kara just laughs and takes my hand, “Let’s go get your dinner. Eat with us, okay?”

I just followed her to the catering area. As we grabbed an extra  _ bento _ , I hesitated but told her anyway, “Hey, we don’t have to do  _ tokutenkai _ if you don’t want to.”

“Is he out there?” she said dishearteningly.

“No, I personally made sure of it.”

“Then, it’s okay. I want to. You’ll be there, right?”

“I won’t go anywhere. I’m right here,” I say as I grab her hand. 

We walk hand in hand to the dressing room. When I opened the door I got surprised by Nia & Kelly who were hiding by the door to scare us. I make a mental note to exact my revenge the next time at dance practice. We ate our dinner happily until Bruce came by to give us a 5 minutes warning. I let the girls get ready and do their thing. I watched them from my usual spot in the back, fiddling with my friendship bracelet the whole time. Only one thought ran through my mind as I watched my girls perform; I would do anything for them.

* * *

“That’s the last of it,” I said as I lifted the last box of merch, “everyone ready?”

Kara is seated in the front passenger seat, in her usual place now. Sam and Kelly in the middle seat with Alex and Nia at the back. Nia already looks like she’s about to fall asleep. 

“Let’s go, Boss.”

I close the minivan door and get to the driver’s seat. Just as I was about to drive, I started to panic and looked around my seat.

“What’s wrong?” Kara asks.

“My bracelet.”

I’ve never taken it off so it must have dropped somewhere. Kara and the girls helped me by looking for it in the minivan.

“Girls, you wait here, I must have dropped it during  _ tokutenkai _ . I’ll be quick,” I say as I open the driver’s door.

“Lena, just leave it. I have another one, I’ll give mine to you,” Kara appealed.

“No, you gave me this one. I’ll go look for it, I’ll be quick, I promise.”

I head back inside and most of the staff have left the venue. I can’t ask anyone if they saw it. I look around the front of the stage area. I remember I was still wearing it during live, so it must have dropped during  _ tokutenkai _ . I’m sure of it. The tables for  _ buppan _ are still laid out so I look around it. I finally see that 5-colored bracelet on the floor near our  _ buppan _ table and sigh a breath of relief. I squat down to grab the bracelet and hold it close to my chest. It’s stupid that I find this woven thread so precious to me but somehow it is.

When I got up, I saw a shadow of a human approaching me. Must be one of the girls coming for me.

“It’s okay, I found it, sorry to keep you waiting-”

“Bitch! You reported me to the cops?” the shadow screams angrily as he emerges under the house lights.

“Ben," I whispered to myself.

“Are you fucking her? Huh?” he accused angrily. The knife that he’s holding is now visible.

“Ben, calm down,” I say cautiously as I back away slowly to the stage area. I look around and there’s nothing I could use to protect myself. I only have the bracelet which I’m still holding tightly in my hands.

“DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!” he yells as he waves the knife.

I grip my bracelet tighter, wishing it’s a shield I could use to protect myself. 

He starts laughing maniacally, "Now I get why you rejected my present. You're fucking her. You bitch."

"Ben, there's nothing going on between me and Kara…"

"You're so jealous she'll fall for me instead."

He's not listening to me as he is only believing his perception of truth. I can't reason with this guy, not when he's unhinged like this.

"Did you become a manager to make idols fall in love with you? HUH??"

I back away again until I hit the stage, I have nowhere else to go.

"ANSWER ME!!!"

"Ben, you don't want to do this," Kara's soothing voice appears out of nowhere, quietly echoes the empty room.

_ Kara, what are you doing here. Get out. _

"Ben, I told you, right? Do you believe me? There's nothing going on between me and Lena-"

"STOP. SAYING. HER NAME!!!"

"Okay, okay. Ben... you wouldn't hurt me, right?”

I slowly step in closer to Ben. Kara is walking slowly towards me but she’s too close to him. I’m trying to tell Kara to run but I don’t want to provoke him unnecessarily. 

“Kara, how could you think that? I love you.”

“I know that, Ben. Can you put down the knife for me?”

“I need to protect you from her.”

“But I'm scared, Ben. I don't want to see you holding that knife.”

I can’t take this any longer. My heart is pounding at the thought that Ben could reach for Kara at any moment. I inch closer to Kara and when I'm within earshot, I plead with her to get away.

“Kara, run.”

“BITCH, SHUT UP. Kara's talking to me!!” he screams again and waves his knife wildly. This was a mistake. I stop talking and just try to grab Kara’s arms. I’ll be damned if Kara gets hurt.

“She's just worried about me, Ben. She's my manager, nothing more.” Kara gestures for me to stop walking. Against all my instinct, I complied. 

“Ben,” Kara pleads again in a soothing tone, “please drop the knife. You wouldn't hurt me right?” Kara says and she steps right in front of me. The only thing between me and Ben is Kara.

“WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING HER???!!!”

“I'm not, Ben," she says "I'm protecting you.”

I tug on Kara's shirt, begging her not to get closer to Ben.

"Ben, please, look at me. You don't want to do this."

"Move, Kara," Ben's eyes are resolved. He's determined to get to me. The only thing stopping him right now is Kara. But I don't know for how long.

"Ben… please drop the knife. You won't hurt me, right?" 

"I'm not gonna hurt you, Kara," he cries with his face in his hands, knife still dangling in between his fingers, "I will never hurt you."

Kara moves in closer, I want to yell for her to stop but I was scared Ben would get triggered again.

"I would never hurt you," he raised his face to look at Kara, and at that quick moment his eyes pans to me, "but she will!!"

"BEN, NO!"

The next thing I knew, Kara lunges in front of me to stop the sudden attack.

It all happened so fast. The screaming, the knife, the anger.

It all happened so fast. The police arrive, the girls running towards us, Alex yelling at me.

It all happened so fast and in a blur that I couldn't remember anything.

The last thing I remember was Kara's blood and Ben's regretful words.

"Oh my God, Kara. I didn't mean to."

"I'm so sorry, Kara."

"I'm so sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: writes fluff in previous chapter  
> Also me: ends on a cliffhanger like this


	27. Alex I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! It’s an Alex chapter.

"It's been 5 minutes, I'll go help her look," Kara says.

"Just tell her to leave it, it's just a bracelet."

"You know it's not just a bracelet to her, Alex," Kara retorts back as she opens the door and walks into the venue.

Of course I know that. She never took off that stupid bracelet ever since Nagoya. I would never admit to the members but I still kept mine and wore it sometimes. It's nice to know that Lena cares about us. After J'onn, I never thought we would get a good manager again.

Nia is already sleeping even though we haven't started driving. I poke at Kelly and Sam's shoulder, bored out of my mind. They get annoyed quickly and Sam just throws me a look. I just want to get home.

"This is ridiculous, I'm going inside and dragging them out."

Just as I was about to open the minivan's door, my phone started ringing.

"Kara? Did you find the-"

"WHAT?"

"Get back here, Kara!"

"Kara!!"

Sam looks at me worriedly.

"It's Kara, she asks me to call the cops," I explain, "Ben's inside with Lena."

* * *

"WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING HER!!??" Ben's voice echoed through the hallway. 

"Kelly, she's literally in between Lena and him, I have to go in," I whisper quietly and we watch them through the slits of the window panes.

"And stop them with what? The cops are coming, let's wait for them. Sam, a little help please?" Kelly is holding me tight, begging me not to barge in. 

I look over at Sam and she's holding the fire extinguisher. 

"What? It's the only weapon I could find. Let's go," Sam says. Finally, someone with common sense.

“We are not going in with a fire extinguisher! We can’t even see what he’s holding!? What if it’s a gun?” Kelly is seething through her teeth.

Nia quietly barges in on us, "The cops are here. They'll make a move."

"Oh, thank God," Kelly sighs.

"What are you doing with the fire extinguisher, Sam? Is there a fire?" Nia asks.

"It's my weapon!" Sam screams quietly.

"BEN, NO!"

I look over and Kara steps in front of Ben when he lunges to attack Lena. I couldn't see clearly but the cops were too late. By the time they reached Ben, he was already kneeled over Kara, spouting useless apologies.

"Kara!"

I ran over to Kara, her hands bleeding non-stop. I took off my leather jacket to stop the bleeding, not the best material to stop a bleed but I had nothing else. I keep putting pressure on it. The cops arrested that bastard Ben while Lena is stunned at the side watching the whole thing unfold. 

"Boss."

I called out to her but she's looking straight ahead in a daze. 

"BOSS."

_ Oh, for fuck's sake. _

"LENA! Snap out of it! We need to bring Kara to the hospital!"

She finally looks at me.

"NOW!" I yelled again. 

I propped Kara up, careful of her bleeding hand, and all of us dashed to the minivan. I get to the minivan and Lena's hands are shaking at the steering wheel.

"Get out of the way," I shoved Lena aside and passed my leather jacket to her, "make sure you apply pressure."

"Nia, Kelly, can you look for a clean towel? Sam, you stay here and update the cops. Make sure that fucker stays in jail," I instructed them.

I probably broke about a hundred traffic rules but I don't care if I get a ticket. We drove to the nearest hospital and I zoomed into the emergency ward. 

One of the nurses took Kara away and we waited at the waiting room. Kelly took Nia home in a taxi and went back to the venue to check on Sam. I look over at Lena, who is still sitting in a daze. 

"Are you injured?"

"What?" her first words since the incident. 

"Your hands," I pointed out her bloody hands, "are you injured?"

She’s holding a bloody Supergirls’ t-shirt, the only clean cloth Nia could find. My stained leather jacket is still in the minivan. I don’t know if I should get it cleaned or just throw it away. 

"No, they're… Kara's." 

"Come on," I grab her shoulders and we head to the toilet to wash off Kara's blood. She was still holding that stupid bracelet, now all in red. After running it under the water for a few minutes, the other colors started to show. I made sure her hands were okay before we moved back to our seats in the waiting room.

We left the bloodied t-shirt in the toilet.

* * *

"Boss?"

Lena looks up at me when I call for her.

"The doctor said it's a minor laceration on the back of her left hand. She can move her fingers, so they think there's no nerve damage. They're stitching her up in room 5. 12 stitches they said. We can go in later."

She nods at the information I gave. No one is saying anything, but based on what the doctor told me, it seems Kara used her hands to block the knife to stop the attack. Fucking idiot. 

"Nia is home. Kelly and Sam are back home too. They gave their statements, but you need to give yours as well. They said they can charge the fucker with attempted murder."

She just nods again and I sit next to her.

"I'm sorry," she muttered as soon as I sat down.

"You were in shock, I get it. Sorry I yelled," I replied.

"I'm sorry," she repeats.

"Boss?" 

"I thought I lost her," she's teary eyed. Fuck, now I feel like crying.

"Me too," I said, "she's safe now, that’s all that matters."

"I could have done more. He was targeting ME, Alex," she cries out.

"He's a deranged asshole, no one could have done anything."

“Sorry I’m so weak, this is all my fault.”

She starts crying and damn it I’m not good at this. I awkwardly pat her back to comfort her. I don’t know if my words would do anything to help so I stayed silent.

“Thank you, Alex. For stepping up,” she said with a sense of guilt.

“She’s my sister, I’d do anything for her.”

"It should have been me in that room right now," she's full on crying now. 

"It shouldn't have to be anyone," I said as I comforted her, fighting back my own tears.

* * *

"You coming?" I asked.

The nurses gave us permission to enter Kara's room. They finished up the stitching and said we can take her home soon.

"You go in first, I'll come later," she replies. 

I enter the room and take one last look at Lena. Her face is in her hands, and she's crying again. If people hadn't known better, they would think she's Kara's sister and not me.

I opened the door and got greeted by a grinning moron.

"Let's put a smile on that face."

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," I groan. Her stitch is in a crescent shape and she holds up her palm in front of her mouth making it seem that the wound on the back of her hand is her smile.

"How the hell is it shaped like that? Did that fucker hold a sickle or something?"

"I don't know, I must have been doing some bending technique when I stopped him," she laughs and animates a silly bending motion.

"How can you be laughing? You're so fucking stupid," I laugh along as well, “Can you go home yet?” 

“Yeah, the nurse is getting some bandages to cover it up, then we can go home.”

"So how long are you down for? We can't possibly have lives without our center."

"They said I just need to keep it dry and come back in 10 days to remove the stitches. I can definitely perform anytime, Alex."

"I don't trust you, I'll ask the doctors."

"You just want more off days," she says in a snide tone.

"Hah! I bet our manager will give us anyway," I said, "she's pretty distraught, you know."

"Is she okay? Is she injured?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She's still out there. You want me to bring her in?"

Kara nods.

I gently tap her arms, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Got a smile out of this at least,” she holds up her hand again to show me.

“Dumbass.”

“Love you too, sis,” she smiles. 

"Oh, by the way," I paused before I leave the room, "don't do that stupid smiling scar joke to her. It’s so dumb."

Kara puts her hand against her mouth again, then moving it down slowly to show her real smile. Fucking moron.

I went to Lena and gently touched her shoulder, "She wants to see you."

Lena got up and followed me to the door.

"Boss, why don’t you go in first, I'm gonna go grab coffee. Do you want anything?"

"I'm good. Thanks."

“Hey Lena,” I call out for her before she enters the room, “it’s not your fault.”

“Thanks, Alex,” was all she could reply.

I just hope she believes it as much as I do.


	28. Kara X

“So we’ll be cleaning the wound now, this is going to hurt a bit,” the nurses informed me.

“Ah fu- ummhhh…” I tried to fight back the curse that almost left my mouth.

“Can you try to move your fingers one by one for me, start with your thumb,” the doctor says.

I move my thumb, followed by my index finger, until I reach my pinky. I could move it all.

“That’s good, I think it’s just a clean cut, a quick stitch and you’re good to go.”

As the doctor stitches up my hand, she starts up a conversation, “You’re an idol?”

“Yes, with a group called Supergirls. Under DC Entertainment.”

“DC? Is that the same label as Amazons?”

“Yes, they’re our sister group. We share the same producer. We’re a new group, just debuted this year.”

“My daughter loves Amazons. She’s always singing, uhhh, what was it? It goes like this, ‘ _If you wish for a blue sky~_ _But no matter_... something..’”

“‘ _ But no matter how much you cry, you still can't move on~ _ ’ yeah, that’s our 1st single, we sang the cover of Amazons song,” I beamed. I can’t believe someone knows our song, well, Amazons’. I can only imagine the day someone will know my own song. I hope we can get an original song soon.

“Yeah! That song. We stay up and watch their weekly shows too. Does Supergirls have their own TV show?”

“Uh… not yet. Hopefully soon. Our manager is working hard to get us more promotional opportunities.”

“Well, I don’t know any other idol who would stop a knife attack with their own hands, so you certainly got a story here.”

“I don’t think stopping a knife attack can warrant us our own variety show,” I joke, “unless we play a knife throwing game for a segment.”

“You’re funny. I think you’d make great TV,” she laughs a little, “We’re all good. So, keep this dry, I’ll have the nurses bandage it. And we’ll make an appointment in 10 days to open up the stitches.”

“Could I still perform?”

“Just try not to do strenuous activities, you don’t want the wound to open up. I don’t see anything wrong with singing, but you might want to tone down your dancing a bit.”

I nod.

“Can my sister and my manager come in?”

“Of course. I’ll have the nurses call them over.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“I’ll be sure to check out Supergirls with my daughter,” the doctor smiles before she leaves the room. I love when people get genuinely interested in us. It’s a good feeling. I look down at my hand and my stitches kinda look like a smile. I bring it up to my mouth and laugh to myself. Just as I was about to take a selfie with my hand the door opens. I quickly pretended the stitches as my mouth.

"Let's put a smile on that face."

"You gotta be fucking kidding me."

* * *

I lie down on the emergency bed as I wait for Alex to call Lena over. It feels weird, to be in the hospital, injured, but oh so relieved at the same time. Relieved that Lena is safe. And I didn’t even care I got hurt, it’s not hurting as much now, because Lena is safe.

Lena opens the door slowly and enters the room.

“Hey,” I greet her, not sure what is the proper greeting for getting a knife related injury after protecting the girl you like.

“Hey there,” she replied. She looks like she’s been crying for hours.

“You okay?”

“You're asking ME? Are YOU okay?? Jesus, Kara,” she snaps.

“It's just a scratch, Lena.”

“You got 12 stitches, Kara! What the fuck!” she cries out and looks up at the hospital’s fluorescent lights, trying to fight back tears.

“Woah,” was all I could reply. That’s probably the first f-bomb I ever heard from Lena. She must be really upset. 

Her attempt to hold back her tears failed, because she’s full on crying now.

“Hey, come here,” I call for her.

Right at that moment the door opened and the nurse came in, “Sorry for intruding, I’m here to bandage your hand.”

Lena stays by the door and quietly wipes her tears. The nurse was chatty, which I normally appreciate, but I just want Lena to come over so I could hold her. I sat on the edge of the bed while the nurse showed me how to wrap the bandage.

“So, keep this clean, keep it dry. You can clean around the wound but not for the first 2 days, dear. We’ll give you more clean bandages if you want to replace it. Try not to bend your wrist or move it too much, we don’t want the wound to open up. If the wound gets swollen, it’s normal but if it goes on for more than a few days, just come back here. If it gets painful, just come back here. Any questions?”

“Nope, all good,” I smile back at her.

“Will she have a scar?” Lena asked. Her voice is still quivering a bit.

“Looks like it, but with proper care you can minimize it. Just keep it clean and let your body heal itself,” the nurse replies to Lena but looks at me while saying it.

“Anything… anything else we should know? That we could do?”

“You can help her by doing things for her, remember, no strenuous activities. There’s a pamphlet for wound care by the nurse station.”

“I can perform, right? Sorry, I’m an idol. I sing and dance for a living. The doctor said I can do performances but to hold back on the dancing.”

“Kara-,” I could hear Lena already protesting my intention.

“Sure, dear. If the doctor says it’s okay, but don’t tire yourself out. Resting is important too. Okay, I’ll leave you two alone. Once you settle the discharge papers, you can take her home,” the nurse says to Lena as she leaves the room.

Lena walks slowly to me and looks around. There was no chair in the room, so I scooted over and made space for her on the bed. She sits down, the warmth of her body was a welcomed presence in that cold hospital room.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore,” I reply.

“Hey,” I bend my head down to look at her face, her eyes are fixed on my hand, “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“It’s my fault,” she starts sniffling, trying to hold back her tears again, “if only I didn’t go in to get this bracelet.”

The friendship bracelet that she holds so dear is in her hands. She’s clutching it so tightly, her knuckles turned white. 

“You don’t want to wear it anymore?” I asked.

She shakes her head, “I can’t tie it around my wrist with one hand.”

I grab it from her to help tie it, “This is something that is precious to you, so don’t blame it.”

I couldn’t bend my wrist or move my left hand much and it’s making it impossible to tie the bracelet with one hand. We both quietly laugh at this idiocracy. 

“Guess I have one hand too,” I said, “here, hold this.”

She holds one end of the thread while I make a loop and tie it. It was hard for me to pull the knot tight, so I lifted her hand, hold the bracelet with my right hand and used my teeth to grip the other end of the thread, securing it tightly on her wrist.

Her hand is so close to me. She looks me straight in the eyes and gently cups my face with it.

“Please, Kara. Don't ever ever ever do anything like that again."

Her hands drop and she tenderly takes my wounded hand in hers, her thumb gently tending the bandage. “It could have gotten so much worse, you know,” she continues, staring at my bandage.

“Hey, hey, it’s fine. The doctor said it’s just minor laceration. I’ll have a cool scar at least,” I said cheerily. 

“No, it’s not fine! I’m supposed to be the one looking out for you! Don’t ever pull that kind of stunt ever again,” Lena’s voice was stern but her touch was still gentle, still caressing my bandage.

“I thought I lost you...” she said as her voice trails off.

“You can’t get rid of me that easy,” I joked but she wasn’t laughing.

“The nurse said I can’t get it wet, so you better stop crying, you know?” I made a lame attempt to make her stop crying. I’ve never seen her this upset. 

She’s still not saying anything, and I don’t think my jokes could make the situation better.

“I couldn’t just stand back, he was about to hurt you,” I finally gave my reason on why I stepped in. 

“Then let him!!” she cries out, her voice aching with pain.

She lifts up her head to look at me. The vein in her forehead bulges slightly. I wipe away the tears that were about to fall down her cheek with my other hand.

“You know I couldn’t let that happen,” I smile faintly as I look at her in the eyes.

“God, Kara,” she brushes off my hand.

“I like you, you know that right? This is what you do for people you like!” I defend myself.

“Not to the point where you have to risk your life!”

“Then what did you want me to do? Just watch? He wasn’t gonna hurt me!”

“But he did!! He did, Kara. And it’s all because of me.”

“It was an accident! If I wasn’t there, he would have taken a stab at you!”

"Then maybe he should!"

Lena's voice was quivering with fear, and tears were falling non stop. I sense there was something else that's really bothering her.

"Lena… what is up with you? The truth," I ask.

“I just…” she stops midway, “I hate that you got hurt.”

“I hate that I was so weak. I hate that I couldn’t do anything. I hate that… that I just stood there. I will never forgive myself for that,” she says quietly, "I wish that you didn't get hurt at all. I wish it's me that's injured."

"You don't mean that. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Especially you," I said.

“I hate... that you like me. I’m not worth your affection,” she said it softly like she was saying it to herself. But I heard it loud and clear.

“You are worth all the affection in the world,” I said.

She turns around and looks at me, “Stop it, Kara, please stop it.”

I'm done. I'm fucking done with her being hot and cold with me. She gets close to me one second, and distant the next. I'm the one with a stitched hand here. 

"Stop what? Liking you? So what if it was reckless of me to step in? I couldn't live with myself either if you get stabbed instead. This is my mess as much as yours! You think that Ben wants to kill you? There wouldn't even be a Ben in the first place if I didn't exist!"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't, Lena. What do you fucking mean? Tell me!"

"It scares me how much you like me! Because I don't deserve your love! And now… now you got hurt because of it."

“Well, falling in love with someone I can never be with hurts a million times more than any knife wound, so yeah! I’m sorry! I'm sorry if my one-sided love scares you!"

"That's just it, Kara! It's not one-sided!"

_ What. _

Lena’s reply took me by surprise. What does she mean by that? I look her in the eyes but the tension is unbearable. I swallow heavily as she longingly stares at me.

“I like you too, Kara."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


	29. Lena XII

"That's just it, Kara! It's not one-sided!"

Kara looks at me wide eyed. In the heat of the moment, I realized I didn't mean to say what came out of my mouth earlier. But what comes next is as intentional as it could be.

"I like you too, Kara."

I said it.

It was the truth I didn't even dare to entertain, not even in my deepest thought.

But now I've said it out loud. 

"Always have been."

There's no turning back now.

"That's why… I'm so angry with myself. That I let the one person I care for the most get hurt right in front of me, and I couldn't do anything to stop it."

The tension in the room got heavy after my confession. Kara looks at me as her eyes drop to my lips and I leaned–

“Boss, I know you said you didn’t want anything but I got you and Kara some hot green tea,” Alex declares as she barges into the room.

I immediately stood up from the edge of the bed, “Right… thanks, Alex. I’ll… go handle the discharge papers.”

As I huddled over the nurse station, my mind only had one thought.

_ Shit. Shit. Shit. What do I do now? _

* * *

> _ “Today, Tokyo: After Birds of Prey’s live at Zirco Club Shinjuku was over, Kara from Supergirls along with her manager were attacked by a knife-wielding fan. Kara suffered injuries to her hands. The manager did not sustain any injuries.  _
> 
> _ We deeply apologize for any concern this may have caused to the fans. As soon as the situation is known in more detail we will report again. (DC)” _

The official statement put out by the company was succinct. Sunday was filled with police reports, media statements and publicity control; I hardly had time to visit Kara. But Alex is with her, so I’m not too worried. We haven’t talked since that day at the hospital. It’s Monday today, another meeting day with Cat, so I told the girls to rest. Nobody needs to practice dancing at a time like this. Tomorrow is an off day as well as it’s the big meeting with all the managers and production for DC’s 10th AGM. I walk into her office and she starts reading the newspaper headlines from today.

“Stalker takes a stab at love.” 

“Nice fan turns into knife fan.”

“Barbara’s  _ seitansai _ took a sharp turn.”

“Supergirls’ center a cut above the rest.”

“Ignore the puns in the headlines. It feels like they’re trying to outdo each other,” Cat grumbled while showing me the papers.

Cat seems more stressed out than usual. I wouldn’t blame her. With auditions underway, 10th AGM coming up, and now this? I’m just waiting for the inevitable lecture I’m about to get. That’s why I was so shocked when she said this instead.

“It’s time to release a 3rd single. Let’s target for a Christmas release.”

“What?”

“You heard me, it’s great publicity. Supergirls’ name is out there. We need to get them to release something. Choose a song in the discography. Get back to me as quickly as possible,” she continues.

“Oh, uh... Cat-san, I was thinking,” I clear my throat, “why don’t you collaborate with Kara? She loves writing songs. The song she sang solo during her  _ seitansai _ is composed by her.”

She looks at me like I just murdered her whole family. Cat has been composing, writing and producing all the songs for DC, so asking her to collaborate with someone is like telling her a hamburger is a salad. I had to think fast of a reason.

“I mean, Kara is the one getting attention now, I think it’s good publicity to have the first original Supergirls’ song as a collaboration with her. It’ll get the group’s name on the map.”

She thinks for a while and finally says, “Set me a meeting with her, and tell her to bring all her songs. I’ll see what we can work with.”

“Understood, I'll arrange with Eve,” my face is serious on the outside but inside I am grinning eternally. I can’t wait to tell Kara this news.

“Show me what you’ll be presenting tomorrow,” she instructs.

“Yes, of course,” I whipped out my laptop and showed her my presentation.

“You can start from July, from when you joined. Brainy will present the first half of the year.”

I told her about the comeback live when I first joined, the second single release sales number, guests at Nubia’s  _ seitansai _ , our two-man with The Canaries, Kara’s  _ seitansai _ in O-South and Nia’s  _ seitansai _ in Nagoya, when I touched on the attack she stopped me.

“You can skip that part. Do you have December’s schedule? Talk about your upcoming activities.”

“Err… I have a schedule but I didn’t put it in the presentation. Do you want me to talk about upcoming activities?”

“Yes, get it ready by tomorrow. But show me your December schedule now, let me take a look.”

I took out my planner and browsed through the calendar. I hate when Cat catches me off guard like this, I panic and stumble my words.

“Okay… umm… Well, we have outstation live in Karuizawa next week on the 12th, Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ on the 20th, and um...Christmas live on the 24th & 25th, and I haven’t told girls yet but um… I’m waiting for confirmation on our first abroad live in Malaysia for New Year’s.”

“Malaysia?”

“Yes, it was an invitation to be guest performers at their Japan Expo, I’m still waiting for their side to confirm.”

“Can you confirm it by tomorrow’s meeting? Put the Malaysia live in the presentation, that’s good.”

“Yes, of course, I’ll follow up with them.”

“It’s your first AGM meeting, I just want you to be prepared,” Cat said sincerely.

“Thank you. Is there anything else I should do?”

“Look at the other group’s past activities. Learn from them. Ask if you have questions. Supergirls is only in their first year, you still have ways to go.”

I nodded. Cat usually just listens to my reports every week, it’s rare for her to give out advice like this, so I’m really grateful.

“Okay, I think we’re good. Are the girls downstairs?” she asked.

“No, I gave them the day off. Tomorrow as well,” I said.

"How's the case going?"

"They charged him with attempted murder. They'll update me on the date of the court case and everything."

“How’s Kara?”

“I haven’t seen her since the hospital but Alex is keeping tabs on her, she’s recovering.”

“Good. Don’t forget to set up that meeting with her. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes, thank you for today.”

* * *

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> [Announcement]
> 
> This week’s Supergirls Day will be on hiatus starting with Kara’s AMA today. We sincerely apologize to fans who look forward to it each week. - Manager Lena
> 
> #Supergirls
> 
> 11:45 AM · Nov 30

I sent out a tweet after the meeting with Cat. There’s no need to bother the girls this week. They need a good rest. I pondered again and sent out another one.

> @DC_Supergirls
> 
> Kara is recuperating and I am fine. Thank you for all your tweets and concerns. Our next live will be in Karuizawa on the 12th. Please continue to support us and wait for us, okay! - Manager Lena #Supergirls
> 
> 11:46 AM · Nov 30

It was a bit less professional and on a personable side, but I felt it fits Supergirls’ image. 

My phone starts ringing and it’s Kara. I take a deep breath and answer the phone.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” she greets back.

It was silence on both ends as we didn’t know what to say to each other. We haven’t talked since that night.

“I want to tell–”

“You didn’t have to–”

We both laugh at our impeccable timing.

“You go first,” I said.

“You didn’t have to cancel the Supergirls Day, you know. I am more than capable of doing the AMA from my bed.”

“Yeah, I know. I just want you to rest.”

“About that night…” she trails off.

“Kara, can we talk face to face? On Wednesday during dance practice? I don’t want to do this over the phone.”

“Okay. Just.... tell me. Did you mean what you said?” she says quietly.

“Yes. All of it.”

I’m done beating around the bush with my feelings. If she knows, she knows. And however we want to proceed with it, we’ll deal with it.

“You’re smiling, aren’t you?” I say with a smile myself.

“Well, wouldn’t you be? I’m over the moon. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Well, I’m sure this next piece of news I’m about to give will make you smile even harder,” I grin with anticipation.

“What’s better news than finding out that the girl you like likes you back?” she giggles.

“How about showing all your songs to Cat and she might choose one as our 3rd single?”

“You’re joking!”

“I’m not you, I never joke.”

“NO WAY! NO FUCKING WAY!”

“Your meeting with Cat is on Thursday at 10am. Bring all your best songs, okay?”

There’s no more Kara at the other end of the line. All I heard was joyous screaming, Alex asking her to shut up, Alex joining in the screaming, and laughter. I hung up and laughed at the image of Kara dancing on air. It’s okay, we can have our talk on Wednesday. For now, I need to prepare for the big meeting tomorrow.

* * *

“Quentin, where should I sit?”

The amount of people attending the meeting was more than I thought. There’s the four main managers, including me. Brainy and his team are there. A few more grim-looking men and women in blazers, some vendors I recognize and of course, Cat. Right at the head of the long meeting table.

“If you want to listen to humorless quips and babble, go sit next to Brainy. If you want to learn from the best, sit next to me, kid.”

Quentin and I got along well after the two-man. He called up to check on me after I made the initial police report, and again after the knife incident. It feels weird because he’s my colleague but he felt like the father I never had. I take a seat next to him and look over the entire room again. Brainy and his team sat opposite us with Bruce and Diana at his side. The men and women in blazers are all seated near Cat. Some of the vendors and production team are standing at the side of the room as there’s not enough chairs. I don’t know how long this meeting is going to be but it doesn’t look comfortable to be standing for hours so I’m glad I got a chair.

Cat started the meeting by introducing the shareholders and the big guns from DC. I straightened up my posture and got a hundred times more nervous as I’ll be presenting in front of the people who could fire me at any minute.

“We have 15 finalist from the audition, all 15 girls will be undergoing a month of training camp starting tomorrow. Brainy, you’ll be in charge of recordings as usual. I need 10 minutes summary footage of the whole audition process plus the training camp for the AGM. And a solid 3 minutes montage for '10 years of DC'. Get last year's editing team, I like their work.”

“I want all 15 girls to perform on stage before I make my final decision,” she continues.

“Do you want them to be split into groups for the performance?” Bruce asks. He’s been put in charge for the finalist performance during AGM.

“No, let all 15 girls perform at once. If they can truly shine, it doesn’t matter how many girls are on stage at a time. I want stars, not background dancers. And I want the set to be empty! Nothing on stage except for the girls.”

"All groups will perform a number. And collab on one big number together. Diana, you take charge of the big number."

Diana jots down on her notebook and nods at the instruction.

“I also want a special centers performance. Get all the centers from all groups to perform a number. Quentin, you take charge on this one,” Cat instructs.

“So, a special number with Sara, Kara, Barbara and Donna? Any specific song?” Quentin inquires.

“Pick any songs by The Canaries. It’s already a 4-member formation, shouldn’t have too much problem performing it.”

“Understood.”

“Lena, you’ll be assisting Quentin.”

Both of us nodded at the instruction. I’m just glad I’ll be working with Quentin again. And working on the centers’ number means I’ll be spending time with Kara. I quietly smiled at that thought.

“We’ll start with Supergirls’ activities. Brainy will present the first half of the year followed by Lena.”

I’m so glad Brainy is up first because my nerves are getting to me. After Brainy is done, I got up and Quentin pats my back in a ‘you got this, kid’ kind of way. I presented as concisely as I can, just like I did to Cat yesterday. When it came to future activities planned, I included our 3rd single and the abroad live.

“The Malaysia live is confirmed?” Cat asks.

“Yes, I received the formal invitation this morning. They will announce it on their website next Monday.”

“Good. Quentin, you’re up next.”

It was probably my imagination but I could feel that Cat was proud of me. I look over at Quentin and he smiles as we pass each other. I sat down and Brainy gave me a thumbs up. I breathed a sigh of relief that my presentation went well.

For the next few hours, I just sat and listened as Quentin, Bruce and Diana gave updates on their respective groups.

What I didn’t realize was how much lacking Supergirls are compared to the other groups. Sure, we’re new but I feel so small looking and listening at their accomplishments. The Canaries have a lot of solo activities mostly; Sara with her weekly radio show, Zoe is the correspondent for the morning kids show, Laurel has her modelling on side and Dinah has her own column in a magazine. Not to mention, they have their own regular live every Thursday for the past 8 months. 

Birds of Prey has tons of outstation and abroad lives, their fans span across the borders. Bruce has been making them take English lessons aside from dance rehearsals and vocal practice. Their upcoming MC in London for Christmas will be conducted entirely in English. They also have plans to start a tour next year, starting with a national one and maybe expanding to international. 

Amazons was by far the most impressive. Every one of their singles are ranked #1 in the Oracle rankings, and even their yearly released album reached #1 in the charts. Nubia’s graduation is set to happen during the 3-day DC Fest event, a yearly concert involving all groups from DC Entertainment. Nubia will continue to sign on with DC, as their first solo artist. She then starts talking about their weekly variety show, The Amazonians.

“Our ratings are 0.3 percent among adults in the 18-49 age range. Our streaming playback reaches an average of 600 thousand views for each episode. The sketches episodes have the highest rated views, so we’ll be incorporating more sketches in future episodes. We’re also aiming for an earlier programming slot for next year.”

“Is that ratings a good number?” I whispered to Quentin. I didn’t know much about television but the percentage seemed small to me.

“That means hundreds of thousands of people stayed up to watch an idol show at 1am on a Wednesday, sounds pretty good to me.”

The meeting moved on with Cat updating us on AGM’s rundown, and the upcoming DC Fest. AGM is always held on the second Saturday of January so for next year it will be on the 9th.

“AGM's venue will be at the Banquet Hall of Fortress of Solitude Hotel, where they will also sponsor a one night stay for all the idols and staff. Yes, including all of us in this room.”

I look over at Brainy and he’s fist pumping the air. I chuckled.

“The after party will be held at the hotel’s rooftop restaurant. Brainy, behave yourself.”

We all laughed at how Cat just called Brainy out. I admire him for always being true to himself, even in the presence of a lot of important people in this room.

“DC Fest will be held at Metropolis Stadium. It will run from 22nd till the 24th of January. DC Sports Day will be held on the 22nd, Day 1 concert on 23rd and Day 2 concert which is also Nubia’s graduation on the 24th. Only the concert on 24th will be recorded but I expect tech rehearsals and sound check to be done before Sports Day. Diana, you take the lead on this. Liaise with the production manager on the requirements. Bruce, Quentin, Lena all three of you will assist her.”

We all nodded at Cat’s instructions.

“I want sold out seats on all three days so promote DC Fest as much as possible for all your December lives. And again, I remind you. Don’t book any live between AGM and DC Fest. I want all groups to be present during rehearsals and practice. Any questions?”

After a few moments of silence, Cat adjourned the meeting. When the meeting is over, Cat ushers our stockholders to what I assume is our executive's dining hall. The rest of us went to the room next to the meeting room where lunch was catered and I sat down at an empty table. 

Brainy joins me excitedly, “You know why we can’t have lives between AGM and DC Fest, right??”

“Because we have to do rehearsals?” 

“Cat always has some surprise for AGM, this year was creating Supergirls. Last year was that big draft thing. She's planning something huge if she's blocking off all activities. Hey Quentin, do you have any guesses on what she plans this year?” he asks as Quentin sits down with his lunch.

“I don’t care, Brainy. I have to oversee this centers performance. Lena, can you pass me Kara’s schedule later? I’ll look for a date where all 4 centers are free to do practice.”

“Sure, what do you need me to do?”

“Can you help me choose the song? I’m too biased, I think all The Canaries’ songs are good.”

“Of course,” I chuckled. I make a mental note to go through all of The Canaries songs later. I need something that highlights all 4 centers as they perform.

“Diana! Bruce! Join us!” Brainy calls for them, “what do you think Cat-P has planned for next year?”

“I bet she’s making another group again,” Bruce says.

“This soon after Supergirls? Highly unlikely,” Diana replies as they both sat down.

“What was last year's big draft thing?” Brainy mentioned it in passing, but I got curious.

“Oh, don’t get me started on that,” Quentin groans.

“For the 8th AGM, instead of her making the decision who gets to be in what group, she made us decide,” Bruce explains.

“We were like baseball teams picking our drafts,” Diana laughs.

“Lena-san,” Bruce says, “your Karuizawa live on the 12th. Where are you staying?”

“Oh, it’s just a day trip. We’ll drive down there, do our live and come back on the same day.”

“No, that’s ridiculous. I have a place I always stay with Amazons and Birds of Prey there, Gotham Inn. You go down on the 11th, stay one night and get freshen up for your live on the 12th,” he offers.

“Oh, no. There’s no need. It’s only a 2 hours drive.” I refused. Plus, I didn’t even ask for an overnight budget from Eve. 

“It’s on me. Karuizawa’s my hometown, and this is a good inn. Let me do this for Supergirls. After what happened,” he pleads. It didn’t occur to me that he felt bad because of the incident. Sure, it happened after Barbara’s  _ seitansai _ and we were only there as a last minute replacement, but I don’t hold it over him for that. Ben could have attacked us at the next live, wherever and whenever it was.

“Take the offer, Lena. That inn has a private hot spring, you know,” Diana teased softly.

“Okay. Thank you, Bruce-san.”

We continued eating but my mind is now thinking about the hot springs. Maybe we do need a relaxing day after all that happened. Just me and the girls, bathing in the hot springs, surrounded in rich nature, healing the fatigue from our journey, the warm water releasing all the tensions in our naked bodies…

Oh.

OH.

We’ll be seeing each other naked.

“You okay, kid? Your face is red.”


	30. Kara XI

"Are we still driving there or is Bruce paying for a chauffeur?"

"He's already paying for our stay, don't be demanding, Alex," Lena replies. 

"So? How did you get him to do this? Did you bat your eyelids all lovey dovey at your crush?" Alex accuses her.

I'm ticked off.

"I do not have a crush on him!" Lena denies.

"You have a crush on Bruce? Oh my God, scandalous!" Kelly joins in.

Lena does not have a crush on Bruce. She likes me! Me!

I want to scream it on top of my lungs but I hold back while all the other members are teasing Lena on her so-called crush on Bruce.

We still haven't talked.

Somehow, we always got interrupted and no one ever leaves us alone long enough for us to have a proper conversation. Every passing moment fills me with doubt. She likes me back. Right? I don't know, she's acting like usual. Maybe this is how she always acts when she likes someone. I'm losing my mind.

"Oh, one more piece of news. Get your passports ready," Lena grins.

"No way!" Alex shouts.

"Where????" now Nia joins in.

"Malaysia, for New Year's live countdown."

"Our first abroad live!!" 

Everyone is jumping and laughing except for Sam who pulled Lena aside to talk about something. Lena still hasn't told them about my meeting with Cat, although Alex knows. Probably not to get their hopes up in case Cat doesn't want to use my songs I guess.

Dance practice started as usual. Today, they need to learn our songs choreography in a 4 member formation, as Lena insists on me sitting on the chair at the sideline for our lives. Any time I start dancing, either Alex or Lena will bark at me to stop. So I just watch them dance and shout my critiques back.

"Alex, your hands dropped after the second verse. Keep the same energy as Kelly. She's dancing next to you, so it's really apparent."

"Nia, don't forget to smile. You look like you're overthinking your steps."

"Sam, you're a half-step behind there during the bridge."

"You're even worse when you're not dancing!" Alex complaints.

"If you want me to join the dancing, I'm all in. Just say the word."

"Kara, if you dance, I won't even let you watch the practice," Lena pipes up from the back of the room.

I crossed my arms and sat back down to watch them. I could have joined Lena at the back and maybe have our talk but this room is surrounded by mirrors and I don't feel comfortable with everyone watching. Plus, I love critiquing Alex.

"Alex, you dropped your hands again."

* * *

It's almost the end of the day and we still haven't talked. Why is it so hard to get some alone time with her?

Practice ends and this is my opportunity to stay back and have her walk me home.

"Why do you wanna stay back? It's not like you can practice dancing," Alex asks in a confused tone.

"Alex is right, Kara. Go home," Lena agrees.

I shot her a look and she could only mouth the word 'sorry' when Alex wasn't looking.

"You have a meeting with Cat tomorrow morning, just go home and prepare. I'll be here."

Oh, shit. The meeting with Cat. I was too consumed by my thoughts of Lena I almost forgot about the meeting.

"Okay, tomorrow."

We will have our talk tomorrow.

* * *

Meeting with Cat ran long. We were talking and bouncing ideas off of each other, after lunch we both went into the recording studio brainstorming some songs. Cat loves the lyrics to my 'Wish' song, and she tinkered around with the melody. We even did a rough recording as she played the keyboard and I did the vocals.

It was a 10 hour creative session and by the time we were done, I was absolutely spent. Lena patiently waited at the cafeteria the whole time I was with Cat. When I was done, I walked to the cafeteria and slumped on the chair opposite her.

"So, how was it?"

"I think she'll use 'Wish' as our 3rd single," I said gleefully, “but I don’t know, we did a rough recording and we tinkered with a few more songs. But I think she likes it?”

“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you,” she says while she packs away her laptop, "I'll check back with her and ask for an update. Ready to go home?"

I take her hand and run out of the cafeteria and into one of the darker hallways in between the offices.

“This is not home.” she said teasingly.

“I just want a hug from you.”

She pulls me close into an embrace and I wrap my arms back around her shoulders. I sunk into the warmth of her body in this air-conditioned hallway. It felt like the whole world around me dissolved as I squeezed her back, not wanting this moment to end. I take in the smell of her perfume, still strong even after a long day.

“Kara,” she asks, still hugging me tightly.

“Yes?”

“Are you sniffing me?”

“...you smell good.” I said nonchalantly.

“Okay,” she said acceptingly, as if this was a totally normal situation, “I’m so proud of you.”

“Of my sniffing skills?”

“Your songwriting, silly. Not anyone can spend hours with Cat in a recording studio.”

“Thanks.”

I stay in her arms, feeling safe from any harm the world can inflict on me. We must have been hugging for minutes.

“Lena, what are we?” I asked her, still nuzzled against her neck.

It’s the question I’ve been dying to ask since that night. I know we can’t be anything more, deep down I know it’s not possible. But maybe, just maybe, she figured it out. A loophole, a way, an escape, an... anything, so that we could be something.

She breaks off the hug and looks at me. 

“We’re… two friends who like each other,” she said.

“And?”

“Kara.”

“Can’t we be more?”

“You know we can’t.”

I lean my forehead against hers and close my eyes, wishing the world would stop so I can just bask in this moment.

“So what? We pretend we’re just friends?” I ask disgruntledly. 

“We are friends,” she said.

“Friends who give secret hugs in dimly lit hallways?” I laugh a little.

She was silent, so I opened my eyes and she's looking back at me. God, I just want to kiss her so bad. I lean in but she takes a step back, holding me by my shoulders.

“Kara, please don’t make this any harder,” she pleads.

“Can’t we be friends who kiss each other?” I protested.

“I don’t want to cross the line with you.”

I sigh in frustration and lean back on the hallway wall. I slowly slid down and sat on the floor, hugging my knees tight. Lena followed suit and sat next to me.

“I hate this,” I declare.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“How do you do this? Turn off your feelings like a robot?” I look at her.

“You think I’m a robot?” she asks in a shocked tone.

“Well, I didn’t even know about your feelings until you told me.”

“I guess I’m just better at hiding it,” she says smugly.

I scoffed. “And I’m not?”

She raised her eyebrows to make her point. Fair enough, I did confess while I was drunk. Allegedly. 

“Can you not tell Alex about this?”

“You’re afraid she’s going to kill you?” I laugh a little.

“That. And… the less people that know about this, the better,” she explains.

“I don’t tell Alex everything, you know,” I said.

“You told her you initially wanted to room with me in Nagoya and was secretly pissed at Sam for rooming with me.”

“Well, I did… wait, how do you know that?!”

“...she told me,” she said sheepishly. 

“That blabbermouth!” 

She laughs at my irritation towards Alex. 

“Can I ask for a hug every now and then?” I ask.

“Sure,” she smiles softly.

“Can I hold your hand?” I ask again.

“We’ve been holding hands all these while anyway,” she answers.

“Can I ask for a kiss?” hoping my trick question could mess her up.

“Don’t make me set some ground rules with us, Kara.”

“No, no, that’s good! What are our ground rules?” I got a bit too excited and kneeled down beside her on the floor. It’s fun to listen to her way of thinking, and she thinks a lot all of the time.

“We’re friends. Nothing more,” she starts.

“Okay, fine. If you’re that into labeling. Ground rule number 1, we’re just friends,” I pout.

“Ground rule number 2, we can hold hands,” she adds.

“In public?” I asked.

“You’re making this weird. I’m going to get self conscious,” she said.

“I promise I’ll behave,” I hold up three fingers, a girl scout’s promise.

“Fine, we can hold hands in public.”

“Ground rule number 3, hugs in public are okay,” I added another rule myself.

“Not in public,” she corrects me.

“What? Why?”

“I don’t even hug the other girls. Even if I really like to give you a hug, I’m afraid I’ll show favoritism.” 

“Fine,” I said.

“Plus, it feels intimate, I don’t want to do it in public,” she said.

“If you think hugs are intimate, wait till you kiss me,” I tease.

“Ground rule number 4, no kissing.”

“You’re no fun,” I grumbled, “how about sex? I can have sex with you without kissing, you know?”

“Kara!” she yells and her face turns red in an instant. This is fun.

“Ground rule number 5, no sex! And all the bases that go above kissing!” she continued.

“All the bases? What kind of bases did you imagine us doing?” 

She brings up her knees to her face and hides it between her legs. This is really fun.

“Ground rule number 6, I can tease and flirt with you,” I add. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” she replies, her voice muffled because she’s still hiding her face.

“Ground rule number 7, you tell me who your  _ oshimen _ is.”

“That’s not a ground rule, that’s just you wanting to know my secret.”

“Fine. Ground rule number 7, you walk me home,” I said and nudged her shoulders.

She looks up and replies, “Always.”

* * *

“Girls, it’s official. Our 3rd single is our first original song. We’ll start recording and dance rehearsal next week after Karuizawa,” Lena announced.

Everyone starts cheering and celebrating but I’m smiling waiting for the next piece of news Lena is about to tell them.

“And the original song is a collaboration song between Kara and Cat,” she looks at me and smiles.

There was no reaction and everyone just nodded along. Is it not amazing? I look at everyone then at Alex.

“Sorry, they already know about you and Cat.”

“You blabbermouth!” I hit her.

“But it’s still amazing, Kara! We’re so proud of you,” Nia praised.

Everyone is happy celebrating the news of our 3rd single. I slowly creep up to Lena and whisper, “I really want to hug you.”

I know we can’t. Not in front of the girls, anyway. One of her ground rules.

She suddenly goes to Nia and says, “Nia! I feel like hugging you, this is great news, right?”

“Yay! A Lena hug!” Nia cries out and hugs her back. 

_ What the hell? _ Now I’m annoyed. Why is she hugging Nia?

“Sam! Your turn!”

“Me too? What’s up with you?” she asks.

“I’m so happy for you girls,” Lena replies.

“Thanks, Lena,” Sam says and they share a look.

“Kelly, come here!”

“Bring it in, Lena,” Kelly says as she hugs Lena back.

Lena takes one look at Alex and Alex immediately shakes her head.

“No, thanks.”

“Come here, Alex,” Lena walks over to Alex with her arms out.

“No, what the hell? Go away!”

“It’s coming whether you like it or not.”

“You’re being weird, Boss.”

“You’re the weird one, everyone gets a hug. Even you,” she slowly wraps her arms around Alex’s limp body.

We all laugh at Alex’s hesitance to hug Lena back. The fact that she’s going through hugging all the girls just to hug me proves how stupid she is. But I love her for it.

After Alex, she looks at me and winks, “Your turn, Kara.”

She opens her arms and I don’t hesitate to go into them. I whispered into her ears while she’s hugging me, “You’re an idiot.”

“No favoritism, everyone gets a hug,” she whispers back and gives me one last tight squeeze. 

So much for ground rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s soft supercorp hours uwu


	31. Kara XII

“Are you sure you’re fine with driving long-distance?” I ask again.

“It’s only a 2 hours drive, Kara. Plus, I have two good hands,” Lena retorts.

“Ha ha, good one, Boss,” Alex laughs while she places our luggage to the back of the minivan.

“I will not allow the two most important people in my life making fun of me!”

“Just get in, we’re running late to pick up the rest,” Alex instructs.

We picked up Kelly, Nia and Sam and made our way to Karuizawa. At this rate, we’ll reach on time for check-in at 4pm. I sit at the front beside Lena while the rest of the girls at the back. My fingers rub against my thinly bandaged wound. The nurses took out the stitches 2 days ago, and it itches like crazy.

“Don’t scratch, you’ll make it worse,” Lena commented.

“Eyes on the road,” I said.

“I can see you dying to scratch within my peripherals,” she chuckles.

“Can you see this?” and I showed her the finger, “OW!”

I don’t have to turn around to know that it was Alex who hit me.

“Don’t be rude to Lena,” she lectured.

“I like it better when the two of you aren’t best friends with each other,” I grumbled. 

“Lena, can you stop by the roadside?” Sam asks out of the blue.

“What’s wrong, Sam?”

Good thing the road to Karuizawa was a bit of a country road so we stopped by easily. Sam got out of the minivan quickly to puke her guts out. Lena was worried that it was her driving that made Sam sick but Sam reassures her she’s just feeling nauseous. Kelly comes out of the minivan with clean tissues and some water. Once we made sure Sam feels okay, we continue driving.

We reached around 4.15pm at the gate of Gotham Inn. As everyone took out their luggage from the minivan, I went to Lena’s side and whispered, “I’ll sneak into your room tonight.”

“Ground rule!” she hissed. It’s been like this for a week, any time my flirting gets way too far for her, she invokes the ground rule. It’s been fun pushing her buttons.

However, once we got to our room, I found out there wasn’t much sneaking around I could do.

“This is all courtesy of Bruce-san, he’s been our most loyal customer. The group room is attached to the private hot springs, accessible through this door.  _ Yukata _ will be laid out on the  _ futon _ once all you are settled in. Would you like dinner to be served at 6pm or 7pm?” the Inn lady asks.

Lena takes a look at us but we all shrugged so she decided on her own, “7pm would be lovely. Thank you so much.”

The Inn lady left all 6 of us in the room and we all looked at each other.

“Guess we’re all sleeping in the same room?” Kelly states the obvious.

“Sleepover! This is just like a school trip!” Nia hops excitedly to the bedroom.

The room is split into two, the bedroom where all six  _ futons _ are laid out in a row and the dining room, where dinner will be served later. Outside of our room is a door that leads to the private changing room that connects to the hot springs. 

Alex, Nia and Kelly are already claiming which  _ futon _ are theirs. And I waited patiently for Lena to choose so I could choose the one beside her. But she’s looking after Sam, who still doesn't look so good. 

“You girls go into the hot springs first, I’ll look after Sam for a bit.”

Alex drags me out of the room, along with Nia and Kelly to go into the hot springs. We got out of our clothes in the changing room, and washed ourselves first before we headed to the hot springs. The girls help wash my back, as I can’t get my hands wet. It wasn’t weird being naked with the girls, but I find myself thinking about seeing Lena’s body. I hope she visits the hot springs even for a short while, she really deserves it. But I know she cares a lot about her job and Sam is one of her priorities.

Even though it’s a private hot spring, it was still located outdoors and it looks huge. Bruce must have spent quite an amount of money for this. It’s a cold December so we quickly and carefully made our way into the hot springs. The hot water instantly soothes my aching muscles, I marvel at how hot springs truly is the world’s original spa.

“The power of hot springs, they say it heals forty thousand diseases,” Alex sighs as she spouts some lame-ass fact about hot springs.

“What it doesn’t heal is your potty mouth!” I announced.

She starts to get angry and splashes some water at me. 

“Hey, watch it! I can’t get my hand wet!”

I was resting by the side with my hand above the water, carefully propped up on the edge. Nia, Kelly and Alex and lounging around and talking in the middle of the hot springs. I don’t know how long I was there for but Nia is feeling the heat so she excuses herself. Kelly and Alex followed soon after.

“Not too long, Kara. You’ll get heat exhaustion,” Alex warns me.

“It heals forty thousand diseases, right? I’m healing my hand,” I quip.

“Dumbass. I’m serious. I’ll come back in 15 minutes,” she says as she leaves the hot springs.

I close my eyes and try to relax before Alex comes back out again to get me. I could feel someone entering the hot springs, and I shouted into the air, “It’s not even 15 minutes yet, Alex!”

“Sorry, not Alex.”

The sound of Lena’s voice jolted me awake, as I sat up and got greeted by a beautiful goddess slowly stepping into the hot springs. She makes her way to my side, and I curse the foggy nature of the hot springs, making it hard for me to see her more clearly.

“You have a hot body,” I commented.

“Ground rule.”

“I’m not breaking any ground rule, I’m just objectifying you,” I smile slyly.

“You alright?” I asked because she was being so quiet.

“Yeah… just thinking about Sam,” she ponders.

“Is she okay?”

“The rest of the girls are looking after her. They’re the ones who forced me to try out the hot springs.”

“You need a hug?” I stood up a bit and opened my arms, showing her my chest on purpose.

She looks away, her face flushed. 

“Nope! You just want to feel me up. And Alex told me to tell you to get out. You’ve been in here long enough.”

“But you just got in,” I sit back down again and pull a face. 

“Okay, I’ll come out with you.”

Now I feel guilty. I want her to enjoy the hot springs. But I know she’ll get up if I tell her too.

“No, you stay. But before that…” I swim out until I’m in front of her, careful not to get my hand wet.

“A kiss?” I ask as I pucker up my lips.

“Ground rule.”

“A hug?” I ask again, holding my arms out.

“I’m amending the ground rule, no hugging while we’re naked.”

“Can I sleep beside you tonight?”

She thinks for a while, and finally nods. I got out of the hot springs with a spring in my step, pun not intended, knowing I get to sleep beside Lena tonight. 

I turned around one last time and called out for her, “Lena!”

She takes one glance at my body and quickly looks away, and I burst into excitement at another successful attempt of teasing her. 

* * *

“ _ Kanpai! _ ” we toast with our  _ sake _ as we enjoy our dinner. It was a lavish multi-course meal with fresh ingredients taken from the nearest mountains, freshly sliced  _ sashimi _ served with homemade miso soup and a selection of vegetables as our sides. We all wore our  _ yukata _ that they provided us, even Sam who didn’t even go into the hot springs today.

“To Bruce!” Alex yells out.

“To Bruce!” we echoed and laughed together. 

Lena was seated between me and Sam, with Alex, Kelly and Nia seating opposite us. We all had the same meal but I gave my pickled vegetables to Alex, and she gave me an extra slice of  _ sashimi. _ Nia also followed suit and gave Alex her pickled vegetables, along with Kelly.

“Stop giving me the pickled vegetables!” Alex cries out and all of us laugh at her. Well, all of us except for Lena and Sam. They look preoccupied with something and it’s been bothering me all evening.

Alex chimes in, “Boss, can we order more  _ sake _ ? I need alcohol to help me finish these pickled vegetables.”

“Absolutely not. You have a live tomorrow. Give me half,” Lena offers her empty plate. 

I lean in and whisper to her, “Hey, just so you know, I’m not wearing any underwear under my  _ yukata _ .”

“Ground rule,” she says in a soft voice, but her face was serious. Now I know something is really bothering her. 

* * *

After dinner, we’re all lounging in the bedroom but Lena is nowhere to be found. I assume she’s at the Inn’s main hall, probably on her laptop or her phone doing work. As soon as the girls were engrossed in some card game, I excused myself for the washroom, but in truth I went out to look for her.

She was sitting by the entry to the public hot springs, in front of the vending machine. I could see her drinking something, which was rare. 

“That’s not fair, you didn’t let us order more  _ sake _ for dinner and you’re out here drinking.”

“I'm not performing tomorrow.”

She's trying to hide it, but I could feel something is wrong. It was something with how her voice slightly quivers, and her slight annoyance at me.

I sit down heavily beside her, audibly voice out my annoyance as well with a loud hmph.

"Sorry, I'm thinking about something," she apologized.

"Care to share?"

"I have to figure out this one alone."

"Okay," I relent. Sometimes she’s in over her head too much and she won't let me in. It's her way of protecting me, as much as I hate it.

"I'm here, too. You know?" I divulged.

"Sorry?"

"I know it seems like you're always there for me. But I'm here too for you. If you want me."

She looks at me slyly with a raised eyebrow, "You're really not wearing underwear?"

Oh. Alcohol makes her more brazen. Two can play at this game.

I glance left and right making sure no one is around, and pull my  _ yukata _ apart, far enough to give her a sneak peek of the top of my breast. She takes a sip of her drink without averting her gaze, the corner of her lips smirking. Why is this making me embarrassed instead? I hate how drunk Lena makes me feel so I quickly wrap back my  _ yukata _ tightly.

"Kara from Supergirls getting shy? That's a first," she teased.

"I like it better when I have the upper hand," I pout.

"Darling, you will always have the upper hand," she says as she takes her last sip. She gets up to throw away her empty can and offers her hand to help me stand. It's not like I need the help, but I take it anyway. 

As we walk our way back to the room, still hand in hand, she stops in the hallway and asks, "Do you think I'm a good manager?"

"Who is saying you're not?" I don't know where this self doubt is coming from, but I suspect this is what she's been thinking about tonight.

"I want to hear from you."

“You are a good manager,” I said, “don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You can fix any of our fuck-ups.”

"Thank you, Kara."

We got back to our room and everyone is getting ready for bed. I practically have to fight Nia for a spot next to Lena but ultimately I won. We all slept in a row where Lena is at the furthermost right and Sam is at the opposite end with the rest of the girls sandwiched in the middle.

Right as I was about to sleep, I could feel a hand slipping underneath my comforter, looking for another hand to grab. I turn on my side and Lena is on her side, looking at me. I grabbed her hand and we fell asleep facing each other, our hands clung together till morning. 

* * *

“ _ Tokutenkai _ for Supergirls will start soon, please queue up!” Lena shouts to the fans.

“Another reminder _ , cheki _ for Kara today will not include a signature but you will have 1 minute of talk time. Thank you again for your support!”

I told Lena I’m perfectly capable of signing with my right hand but she insisted on me not using my hands as much as possible. I suspect the fans love it though, a minute of talk time for 1 ticket is a steal. And they still get a  _ cheki _ on top of it.

The downside however, it’s taking a long time for my queue to be over. The rest of the girls are back in their dressing room and it’s just me and Lena. We’re finally down to the last fan, and I can see Lena is already packing the leftover merch on the  _ buppan _ table.

“Bye, thank you! We’ll try to come to Karuizawa again~!”

“Kara, go back to the dressing room. I’ll meet you girls there,” Lena instructs after the fan left the hall.

“No, I want to stay out here with you,” I protested.

“Go change out of your outfit at least.”

“No.”

“Please, Kara. I don’t want to argue with you today,” she sighs. I huffed. I’m not being difficult, she’s the one keeping something from me.

“I want to add a ground rule,” I said.

She stops her packing and looks up at me. 

“Okay, what is it?”

“Ground rule number 8, we don’t keep secrets from each other,” I declare.

“I don’t keep secrets. I just… don’t tell you stuff,” she revealed.

“Ground rule number 9, we tell each other stuff.”

“I just don’t want to bother you with it. You’re already going through so much,” she explains.

I didn’t say anything else so she continues packing. When she’s done, I tug at her shirt before she makes way to the dressing room.

“I want a hug,” I said.

She takes my hand and we go backstage, to one of the darker areas in the hall. We wrap ourselves in a familiar embrace. I’ve been asking for hugs more often now, and she always complies. Something about a hug from Lena when we’re alone, makes her more calm and takes her guard down, so I asked her again to share with me her problems.

“Please Lena, just share your burden with me, I want to help you,” I whisper against her shoulders.

“Okay,” she whispers back, “but I don’t know how you can help.”

“Just say what it is, idiot. Even if I can’t help. They say sharing lessens half the burden.”

“You can’t tell anyone else.”

I hug her tighter, “I’m not Alex. I can keep a secret.”

“I want you to trust me.”

“Why are you even saying this? I always trust you.”

“Trust me that I’m handling it. I’ll fix this. I promise.”

“Lena, what’s wrong?”

“Sam’s pregnant.”

I break off the hug to look at her. She repeats it again like it was a death sentence being handed down by a judge. It might as well be. Supergirls as a group is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: gives them another crisis after a fluff chapter  
> everyone: what is wrong with you


	32. Sam I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise Sam chapter! (the way that I’ve been sneakily dropping subtle hints in previous chapters just to set up this one lmaooo)

“You should change it to Nia AMA on Monday then!"

Kara storms off from lunch and we just look at each other. 

"Did I say something wrong?" Nia wondered.

"I'll talk to her," I said and got up to chase after her.

“Hey, what’s up with you?” I finally caught up with Kara and grabbed her arms. She looks surprised to see me.

“Nothing,” she says, trying to brush me off.

“This doesn’t feel like nothing. Are you okay?” I ask. Something has been bothering her for weeks. 

“I don't know, I feel so…” she trails off, “do you ever feel tired of this life?”

“Everyday. But I love it, so I put up with it. I do it because I love performing, I love seeing the smile I put on other people's faces,” I said with a smile.

She looks like she's contemplating something so I want to remind her of the reason why she's doing this.

“Hey, remember during our audition, remember when Cat said we're not chosen for Amazons, but she decides to make us into a new idol group instead? You remember what you said?” 

“I said… 'it feels like we're living the dream'."

“Look, it's normal to feel tired, even if you're living your dream. If you want some time off, I'll talk to Lena,” I reply.

“What if… your dream comes in between another thing?” 

“What other thing?” 

“Like, what if you have your dream in one hand,” Kara said while raising her right hand, “and you have another thing you really want on the other hand,” and now she raises her left hand, “and they coincide?” 

“Is this hand as important as your dream?” I ask as I touch her left hand.

“I don’t know. It could be."

“Well, you choose which one is your more important hand. Or, I don't know, make them work together,” I say as I bring both of her hands together. “Exist together.”

It's so rare to see Kara so bothered by something. Being our center, she's always at the top of her game, always focused.

“Do you… wanna talk about this other thing?” I inquire as I pat her left hand. 

“No."

“Okay. If you want to, you know I'm here, right?”

“Thanks, Sam.”

Lunch went along fine again after Kara came back. After dance practice, I head home with Nia since we live nearby. We always take the same train and we split ways once we reach our station. I reach my apartment and someone sneaks up to me from behind and covers my eyes.

"Surprise," he says. 

"What are you doing here in Tokyo?" 

"I miss you," he looks left and right before he gives me a kiss, "and yes, I was careful. No one saw me."

"I miss you too."

This is my left hand. They can exist together with my dream just like I told Kara. My own well-kept secret.

* * *

“Hey, you alright?” I ask Kara. That incident with her fan that afternoon gives me a bad feeling. The fact that she's not telling Lena worries me.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“I really think you should tell Lena.”

“Sam.”

“I mean, I know you said it’s nothing. But she should be aware of what happened.”

“Can I tell her after a few drinks?” 

“Sure, take your time, kid.”

“Thanks, you’re not drinking tonight?” 

“Someone has to take care of you girls,” I lied.

Truth is, I was late. We've been very careful but I'm so late, I'm getting worried. I bought a pregnancy test earlier when I went out with Kara without her knowing. At least, in Nagoya there's less people who know who I am. I still haven't had time to use it, so I'm nervous.

We talked about Lena for a bit then about the two-man with The Canaries until I noticed Alex is making Nia some weird drink. 

I better step in before this gets worse. Maybe not drinking tonight is a good idea after all, pregnant or not.

* * *

“Sam, could you stay here while I bring them up to their room?”

“Sure, take Alex up first, she’ll get angry drunk if you let her drink more,” I reply.

She nods and helps Alex stand, Kelly following right behind as she insists she could walk. I stayed back with Kara and Nia at the table, both drunk out of their minds. I don't know how Lena is going to be able to bring them both up.

"I like you, I like you," Kara starts mumbling incoherently. I laugh and reply, "Sure, Kara. I like you too."

She can be cute sometimes.

Lena comes back exhausted and asks me to wait while she brings Kara up. I bring Nia closer to me while we wait for Lena and she rests her head on my lap. I gently caress her head, happy for her for having a good 20th birthday at her own hometown.

"Baby girl, are you asleep?"

She purrs like a kitten and nuzzles her head more into my lap. Even drunk Nia is cute as hell. Being the youngest, I can't help but to pamper her. With us living nearby, I always go to her house to check up on her. She's my girl, I tell her everything. Except for this one secret. 

"Baby girl, I'm so sorry," I say as I stroke her hair, "I think I might be pregnant."

The vocal admission got me crying. She looks so innocent and I cried at the possibility that I might have jeopardized her entire career. I need to take responsibility, I can't let Cat disband Supergirls. She continued her drunken slumber, and I got myself together. Lena is taking a long time, so I bring Nia up myself. 

I need to take the test. 

I need to know for sure.

* * *

"Lena? What time is it?" 

"Almost 6. I'll go down for breakfast and grab you girls something. What do you want?" 

Lena waking up early messes up my plan. I wanted to get up early and use the pregnancy test, and now I don't get a chance to. Maybe if I do it quickly.

"I'll come with, can you give me 15 minutes to get ready?"

"Sure, I'll check on the other girls in the meantime."

I run the shower to mask the sound and peed on the stick. I placed it on the sink and took a quick shower to take my mind off the upcoming result. 5 minutes pass by in an instant, and I breathe in deeply before I take a look at it.

Two lines.

_ Fuck. _

* * *

“Okay, if something like this happens again, please inform me. Immediately,” Lena lectures me. 

“Of course,” I reply. 

The thing with Kara's fan upsets her more than I thought it could have. If she's this upset about a stalker, I can't imagine what my news could do to her. But I have to.

“Lena…?” 

She looks at me and all of a sudden it feels like everything is crumbling down. What if it's a false positive? Then I would have told her my secret relationship for nothing. I need to be really sure. 

“It’s nothing,” I shrug.

“Sam, you can tell me anything. Sorry I snapped. Is this about Kara?” she asks again. I feel bad because she really cares about us.

“No, it’s not. It’s nothing. Sorry, I just had a thought,” I lied. 

I need to go back to Tokyo and do a proper check-up. Then, I'll tell.

* * *

Alex and Lena are having a discussion about Kelly's  _ seitansai _ . Something about getting Brainy to do a recording of it. 

"Alright Sam, we're here. See you Monday."

"Thanks, Lena. Oh, can we have a quick talk on Monday before your meeting with Cat? It'll be quick," I ask.

"Sure, anything important?" 

_ I need to quit the group. _

"It can wait till Monday."

"Okay Sam, have a good rest."

I got up to my apartment and he's waiting by the door.

"Sam."

"I will tell Lena I'm quitting on Monday. We can be together! It will all be fine," I say excitedly.

"You'll break your contract," he says.

"So what? We'll find a way. I'll find a way to pay the fines."

"I'm sorry, Sam. I can't do this."

I looked at him and his face was resolved. 

"Babe, please don't do this," I beg.

"I'm fine with the sneaking around and the hiding... I didn't sign up for a kid. I’m sorry, Sam."

Why is this happening? I dropped down to my knees and broke down. He left just as quickly as he arrived.

"I'm sorry," were his last words to me.

_ What do I do now? _

* * *

I met up with Lena on Monday and she's telling me about Kara's anxiety attack and the police report they made.

“So, is Kara okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, she’s a bit shaken up but she’s okay now. I’m putting extra security measures in place and will tell Cat-P about this today. Can you update the girls for me later before practice?”

“Of course.” 

I always take charge whenever Lena is not around. Who's going to do it when I'm not around? Alex would be mad as hell if I thrust this role upon her.

“And what did you want to talk to me about?” Lena asked, interrupting my thoughts.

_ I'm pregnant. I have to quit the group. I'm raising a baby alone. _

There's so many things to say but the words are not coming out. I look at my watch and she's running late for her meeting with Cat. I better not hold her up.

“It can wait. I think it’s almost time for your meeting with Cat-P."

“Okay, have a good practice. I’ll meet you girls later after my meeting.”

* * *

"Oh, one more piece of news. Get your passports ready!" Lena exclaims.

The rest of the girls made noise inquiring which country we'll be going to.

"Malaysia, for New Year's live countdown."

_ Fuck. _

I grab Lena to the side while everyone else is busy jumping up and down and celebrating.

"Lena, have you bought the flight tickets?"

"No, the organizers will arrange them, so I need your passports."

"Can I not go?"

"Why? Do you have a problem with your passport? I'm sure I can help you sort it out. I have to accompany Kara to a meeting tomorrow, but I'm free on Friday."

"I'm sorry to tell you now but I was thinking of graduating before New Year's," I blurted out. If I keep this from her any longer, I would only inconvenience her.

"What? Sam!" she looks behind at the girls celebrating, "what's going on?"

_ How do I even begin to tell her? _

"Can we put a pin in this? Meet me at the cafeteria tomorrow. Please?" she begs.

"Okay."

  
  


* * *

"Good morning, Lena," I greet her.

"Good morning, Sam. Have you eaten your breakfast yet?"

"Yeah, I had something already. How's Kara's meeting with Cat?"

"She's… wait, I didn’t tell you it’s with Cat.”

“Alex told me. Said Kara might write our 3rd single with Cat,” I said as I took a seat opposite hers.

“She’s still in the meeting. We can talk now."

I take a deep breath, trying to figure out how to form the words to explain everything. Maybe if I don't tell her the whole thing, I can still salvage the group.

"I want to graduate."

"You signed a 3 years contract, Sam. If you quit now, you'll be liable for fines and penalties. What is so urgent that you need to graduate now?”

_ I fucked up, Lena. _

“I just need to, I’m so sorry to do this. Please, Lena.”

“Can we wait until after DC Fest?

_ I’ll be 3 months along. I’ll be showing by then. _

“I need to leave by end of this year.”

“What is happening, Sam? Talk to me.”

_ I don’t know how. _

“Okay,” she sighs, “I took a look at your contract. It says here if you breach it, you’re banned for 7 years from signing on to another label or even appear in show biz. You’re also liable for a 10 million yen penalty, and the company can claim compensation consists of cost incurred from dance practice, vocal rehearsals, photo-shoots, costumes… Sam?”

I silently cried because of this situation that I’m in. I don’t know what to do. If I quit, I have to pay the penalty. If they catch me breaking the rule, I have to pay the penalty and Cat might disband the group. The longer I stay here, my symptoms will start to show. I need to leave now. Even though I don’t want to.

I didn’t even realize Lena left her seat and came over by my side. She puts her hand on my back, consoling me.

“I didn’t mean to scare you, Sam.” 

“I’ll figure out a way to pay, I just need to leave now,” I said between sobs.

“Can you tell me what’s going on, Sam? Please?” she pleads.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. 

“Okay, I’ll have a look-over at your contract again. Maybe I can find something to help,” she says.

“Our next live is in Karuizawa, I don’t want to announce your graduation at an outstation live. Can we wait until our next normal live to announce your graduation?”

I nod.

“We’ll figure something out,” she says while rubbing my back.

* * *

  
  


“Lena, can you stop by the roadside?” 

“What’s wrong, Sam?”

I quickly got off the minivan and threw up. The morning sickness is getting to me. And now all the girls just witness it.

“Oh my God, are you okay? Was it my driving?” Lena asks worryingly.

“I told you to keep your eyes on the road!” Kara yells back.

“No, Lena. I’m fine. I just don’t feel too good.”

When we reached the inn, I excused myself to the bedroom. Maybe this nausea is a good thing, at least now I don’t have to find a reason to avoid the hot springs. I don’t even know if pregnant women can enter hot springs or not. Pregnant women. Me. I still can’t believe my situation. I start to tear up and blame my hormones. 

I can hear the girls make their way to the hot springs but Lena stayed back.

“Are you sure you’re alri… Sam? Are you okay?”

Lena came over by my side when she noticed my crying. 

“Is this about your graduation? I told you I’m looking for a way – ”

“I can’t lie to you anymore, Lena.”

“Sam?”

“Lena, I’m pregnant.”

I open my eyes and she’s looking open-mouthed trying to form some words.

“How.... how far along are you?”

“2 months.”

“Who?”

Her question was short but I get what she means.

“Non-issue. Father is out of the picture. I will raise the baby alone.”

Lena is speechless. She looks like she’s thinking quietly. Probably thinking how she can save this situation. She can’t.

“I have to tell Cat, Sam.”

“Please, don’t. If you do, she’ll disband Supergirls. I can’t do that to the girls. Just let me graduate.”

“She will question why you want to graduate. If she finds out the real reason why, we’ll be in trouble. We need to tell her the truth.”

I don’t know what to do now. Lena’s right. All I can do is apologize.

“I’m sorry, Lena.”

“We’ll figure this out.”

“I’m so sorry.”

We stayed in silence until Nia came back.

“Lena! Go try the hot springs, I can look after Sam,” she cries out happily. She looks so content. I’m so jealous.

“Yes, Lena. Please go,” I look at her.

Nia came and lied down next to me after Lena left. Alex and Kelly soon showed up, refreshed from their hot springs visit. The three of them start to talk about nothing and laugh along. When Kara shows up, her and Alex do their usual sisterly spat routine that Kelly has to break-off. Nia just giggles at the whole absurdity. 

I’m going to miss this so much.


	33. Lena XIII

I held Sam’s hand while we waited in the waiting room outside of Cat’s office. I fidget nervously as I go through my talking points in my head. A semester of Crisis Management in University was not enough to prepare me for this. I decided to tell Cat the whole truth about Sam, but my strategy is to hide the information on Sam’s pregnancy from the public. A last-ditch effort to appeal to her side that cares about good publicity, and hopefully Supergirls won’t be reprimanded for this.

“Are you sure this will work?” Sam asks again for the hundredth time. I wasn’t sure, but I nodded anyway. 

We went in and I led the meeting and told Cat everything. Sam just sat in silence and so does Cat. When she finally spoke, it was concise and resolved. 

“You’re fired.”

She looks directly at Sam and repeats it again.

“This is a breach of contract, you’re fired. Of course, you know that. That’s why you’re sitting there completely quiet.”

“Cat-san, I’m really sorry.”

  
  
“An apology means nothing. You’ll cease activities with Supergirls immediately. You won’t get a graduation. Starting today, you’re no longer an idol.”

“Cat-san,” I interject, “letting Sam go out of the blue will raise questions with fans and tabloids. We should give her a graduation, and we’ll say she has to graduate due to medical issues.”

Cat shoots me a look and I immediately apologize, “I’m sorry but it’s a suggestion. I don’t want the company to face bad press when AGM is in a few weeks.”

Cat pondered a little before asking, “When is your next live?” 

“Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ on the 20th,” I answered.

She groans. She’s strict but even Cat wouldn’t tarnish a  _ seitansai _ with a graduation.

“The live after that?” she asks again.

“Christmas Eve, on 24th.” I answer, already knowing where this is going.

“Announce your graduation during Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ , and you’ll graduate on the 24th. When I go to the recording studio tomorrow, I hope you know you won’t be expected there.”

I’m surprised Cat is still going through with recording for their 3rd single tomorrow. I calmed down a bit knowing Supergirls won’t be penalized for this. I look over at Sam and she nods. Cat then lists down the penalties and fines that she’s liable for, the ones I went through with Sam. 

“I expect everything to be paid in a lump-sum payment,” she says at the end of the list of damages.

“Cat-san, please, maybe we can discuss some sort of installment,” I plead. I didn’t expect her to force Sam to pay in a single payment, so I jumped in to defend Sam.

“Or, you quit showbiz. Forever,” she says.

Sam looks at me. We already know there will be a 7 year ban to sign on with another company. But forever? That means Sam can’t ever work in this industry, ever again.

“I will waive the repayment of costs incurred by this company if you agree to quit showbiz indefinitely. You won’t participate in any more dance rehearsals and vocal practice. Your last two live is Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ and your graduation. And after that, I want you gone,” she says in a strict tone. This is her way of punishing Sam. If she can’t have her, no one can. No one ever will.

“You are done as an idol. There won’t be a future for you in the entertainment industry. You won’t appear in any form of media. Any sort of future interviews, documentary, radio, television won’t be allowed. If I see you as much as a background actor in a weekday late night drama, you’ll be liable for all the penalties I’ve listed today.”

“I agree,” Sam speaks up.

“Sam,” I say to her, this was a huge price to pay. Cat is basically asking her to give up on her dreams, and she can never pursue it ever again in the future.

“It’s okay, Lena. I deserve this.”

I disagree. But I didn’t say anything. I silently watch as Sam’s dream is crushed right in front of me.

“I will have the lawyers draft up a new revised contract and confidentiality agreement. Now leave.”

We both got up but Cat stopped me, “Not you, Lena.”

When Sam left and closed the door, I immediately tried to get in the first word.

“Thank you, Cat-san, I know you care about the girls and – ”

“I don't run a charity here, Lena,” she interrupts, “I run a business.”

I sit in stillness, scared of saying the wrong thing. Cat is going through some random documents on her table and started signing some and looking through the others. The silence is deafening. It’s a good few more minutes before she starts talking again.

“What happened with M'gann... that was under J'onn so I don't hold you to that.”

She looks up from her documents and looks straight in my eyes like a knife, “What happened today? That's on you.”

“I choose these girls from auditions because of the potential I see in them. I invest in them with my time, my energy and all the training this company can provide,” she continues.

“Sam… was an investment loss. And between you and me, she doesn’t deserve a graduation ceremony. But you’re right, we don’t need the negative publicity. Not this close to AGM.”

I continue to sit in silence, there’s nothing to say to quell Cat’s displeasure.

“I appreciate your honesty of telling me the whole truth today and not keeping this from me. But do not undermine me in front of my idols. Ever again.”

I keep my head down, not daring to face her.

“Maybe handling 5 girls is too much for you. After AGM, I’m transferring you to be Nubia’s manager as a solo artist.”

It was like a punch to the gut and my breathing became erratic. Now she’s punishing me. I look up and plead my case.

“Cat-san, please. I could handle Supergirls. This was my mistake and I admit it. I promise you I will keep a closer look on the girls from now on. What happened with Sam will never happen again.”

Cat just looks at me and continues signing her documents. She can’t do this. The idea of being separate from Kara is sending me into a spiral.

“I understand your disappointment and I won’t let the company down ever again. I am fully capable of handling them. Please, Cat-san. I know these girls and they trust me. Please don’t take them away from me.”

“I don’t give a lot of people second chances, Lena,” she said, looking straight into my soul. This is it. I messed up.

“I highly suggest you don’t waste it,” she continues.

Does this mean I can stay? I stare at her looking for more confirmation.

“So I need you to keep a closer eye on your girls. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Cat-san. I apologize,” I said in a relief tone. I can stay. I’m still their manager.

“Have you informed the Malaysian organizers yet?”

“I will today, they haven’t purchased the flight tickets. I will make sure they don’t buy one for Sam.”

“Good. Don’t forget to amend the performance contract as well. Give them a discount on the artist fee if needed. We’re the one sending 4 idols instead of 5, not their fault. Arrange for a 4 member photo-shoot pronto, we need new photos for the website and social media.”

“Understood.”

“Now leave,” she instructs as she continues to sign her papers.

“Yes, Cat-san, I apologize again for today.” I bow to Cat as I make my leave. 

“And Lena?”

I stop and turn around to look at her.

“One more mistake and Supergirls are done.”

* * *

“Did Cat yell at you?” Sam asks in a worried tone.

“More or less. You’re okay?” I ask back.

“More or less.”

“Sam, you didn’t have to agree to Cat’s deal.”

“No, it’s better than I hoped. I don’t have to pay the penalties now. I just… can’t perform ever again.”

“I can help you find the money to pay back the company,” I offered.

“You have already done enough, Lena. Maybe this is the real price I have to pay for getting knocked up,” she smiles sadly while she rubs her stomach.

“We have to go downstairs to tell the girls,” I said. The rest of the members are blissfully unaware about Sam’s situation. Except for Kara, but I made her promise to keep it a secret until Sam tells the rest of girls herself.

We went down to the dancing room to break the news. Suffice to say, no one took it well.

“So, we’re announcing your graduation at MY  _ seitansai _ ? Gee, thanks Sam!” Kelly fumed.

I look over at Sam who is looking down at the floor. We just told the girls that Sam is pregnant but the official reason we’ll be giving to the fans and press is that she’s graduating due to a back injury, thus corroborating the story that she can’t ever perform ever again. 

Kelly is mad because we might have ruined her  _ seitansai _ with a graduation announcement, Nia is crying, Kara is being silent but Alex… I thought I had seen Alex when she’s angry. But this is the most livid I’ve ever seen her. She looks like she’s about to punch Sam when she marches towards us but she walks past Sam and storms out the door. 

Nia goes to Sam and starts hugging her and crying. I don’t know if I should chase after Alex or stay in this dance practice room. Kara gives me a look and nods, giving me permission to leave. I run after Alex but I can’t find her. I searched the whole floor and even the waiting room. I went to the studio and The Canaries were there for their vocal practice. 

“Hey, kid. Supergirls have dance rehearsals today?” Quentin asks when he sees me peeking through the door.

“Yeah. Urm… have you seen Alex?”

“No. Try the cafe?”

“Thanks, Quentin.”

“Lena, is everything alright?”

I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

* * *

“You’re a hard one to find, you know that?”

I sit down beside Alex on the bench and look out at the view.

“I didn’t even know our company has a rooftop garden,” I said.

“When did you find out?” she asks.

“Last Friday in Karuizawa. Alex, I swear I didn’t know before that.”

“She doesn't deserve a graduation ceremony,” Alex says in a disapproving tone, her eyes looking straight ahead at the view.

“Funny, Cat said the same thing. Why is that?”

“A graduation is sacred, we're celebrating an idol who puts in her hard work… her effort into building her name and those that honor her relationship with her fans.”

“You don't think Sam put in her hard work and effort?” I ask. 

“She broke the rule, Lena!” Alex barked, “It's literally our only one golden rule. It's not fair to the rest of us who's been respecting it. She should have been fired like M'gann.”

“She was fired,” I said, Alex turned around and gave me a look, “I fought for her to have a graduation.”

“You?? And were you the one who thought of the fake ‘graduating because of a health issue' or was it Sam?” she asks while mocking my made up reason.

“That was me as well.”

“I can't believe you. You don't even know what you're putting me through, don't you?” 

“If the fans or the press knows the truth, Supergirls are done! I had to lie,” I explain.

“You're making ME lie to my fans! When they ask me what's wrong with Sam, I have to lie straight to their faces. You're making us all accomplice in your scheme at the expense of our relationship with our fans.” Alex screams out, her voice trembling as she goes on.

“I'm sorry… I didn't think of it that way.”

“That's right. You didn't think.”

“I know how much of a professional you are, I'm sorry I'm making you lie.” Alex’s confession makes me realize I didn’t think of my strategy the whole way through. I’m basically forcing them to participate in my plan of deception. 

“It's not about professionalism, Lena! It's… ugh. Do you even know why idols have love ban rules?”

“Because it's in their contract? So the company doesn't have to deal with negative presses and backlash that comes with a scandal?” I wonder. I genuinely didn’t know why they have the rule. I assume it’s a company decision.

“It's more than that. It's been like that since forever. The number one commitment idols need to have is with their fans. If you are in a relationship, you're sacrificing what little free time you have for something that’s unimportant. Sure, we sign the contract with the company, but we also sign it with the fans, it's like an unwritten social contract. You can’t break the trust you have with your fans,” Alex explains.

“And you think having a relationship is bad?”

“A relationship is a distraction. You should be 100% focused in your career.”

“You really believe that?”

“An idol is not a 9 to 5 thing, Lena. To be an idol means to have conviction to be an idol. To practice hard in rehearsals, to learn songs, to perform lives, to connect with the fans, to inspire them. In return, the fans support the idol for being an idol. We’re selling an image, and part of being dedicated to being an idol is to not be distracted by trivial things like love.”

“I don’t think love is trivial,” I pondered, looking straight ahead at the view.

“It is when you should be concentrating on your job,” Alex replied quickly. 

“I just find it weird that there's a clause that states you can't get into a relationship in your contract. No other job would ban you from falling in love,” I argued.

“Every workplace has their rules, and in the idol world, this is our golden rule. It’s not a rule that they hide or conceal, you know what you’re in for when you sign up for this life. To be an idol is to know that the love ban rule exists. However overly controlling or unfair you think it is, the love ban is part of the essence of being an idol.”

Alex spells it out for me although I have a hard time comprehending. Maybe I’m biased because I have feelings for Kara, and I wanted the love ban rule to cease to exist. But on the other hand, I do get Alex’s point of view. Maybe this is why she is so mad at M’gann, and now at Sam.

“Whatever, you’re new to this industry, I don’t expect you to understand that,” she added when I stopped responding.

“I’m all for it for the sake of warding off the unwanted advances of creeps, but if any of you girls genuinely found love, how can I deny you that?” My head is thinking of Kara as I said it.

“You fucking should, you’re our manager. Do your job, dumbass.”

I chuckled a little. It feels weird to laugh when someone curses you out but when it comes from Alex, I know it comes from a place of endearment. 

“Maybe I wasn’t doing my job right, that’s why Cat wanted to transfer me,” I lamented.

“What? Where?”

“To be Nubia’s manager. She’ll be starting as a solo artist after her graduation. Cat said I couldn’t handle all of you girls.”

“So you’ll be leaving us?”

“I fought. I fought to be your manager. I can’t afford to mess this up anymore,” I started tearing up, “her exact words are ‘One more mistake, and Supergirls are done’.”

“Fuck, boss. Don’t cry on me. You make me wanna cry,” Alex said while looking up to the sky, holding back tears.

“Don’t tell the others, I don’t want them to worry,” I said and Alex nodded.

“If you need me to help out with management stuff, just tell me,” Alex offers her help, “and what happened with Sam today? She’s in the wrong. She almost jeopardizes the group, and your job.” 

“Is it bad that I don’t blame her? Look, I know how important the love ban rule is for idols. But I don’t think I’ll ever understand it.”

“It's not for you to understand. It’s been like this since forever, no one questions it.”

“Maybe someone should.”

Alex looks at me like I’ve said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“And who is going to do that? You? You want to change a deep-rooted rule and reform the mindset of the idol industry as a whole?” she scoffed.

“I can try, then I’ll be in charge of you girls and your loved ones,” I smile.

“You know, Kara’s lame attempts at making jokes in awkward situations is rubbing off on you. And not in a good way,” she smirks, “at least hers are funny.”

“And don’t make me laugh. I’m really pissed, Lena,” she said, changing her tone.

“And you have every right to be.”

“I always think of the group before myself. She should have set an example as the leader. When she did this, she took a risk to damage her reputation and the group’s. I won't forgive her for it."

“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but when she found out, she was thinking of nothing but the group,” I said and Alex just looks at me in disbelief, “Her boyfriend left her, you know? She’s raising this baby on her own.” 

“Only Sam would fuck a deadbeat,” she said angrily. Alex is fuming, she had no sympathy for Sam’s situation.

“But even then, Sam was willing to put everything on the line to save the group. She was ready to pay whatever the amount of penalty was as long as Cat spared Supergirls.”

After a few moment of silence, Alex finally asks, “So how is she going to pay?” 

“She took a deal with Cat. Quit showbiz forever in lieu of payment.”

She continued being silent. I let her be and got up.

“Rules or not, hasn’t she been a friend to you the past year? I think you should take that into account as well.”

I left her alone on the rooftop and went back down to the dancing room. I know I can’t change her mind about the love ban rule, or her anger towards Sam, but I hope she sees where Sam is coming from and where I am coming from. Maybe one day, she’ll understand our actions are purely to save Supergirls.

And maybe someday, rules can change. A rule where idols can freely be with who they want to be. 

Certainly not today. But maybe one day.


	34. Kara XIII

I could see Sam wince her eyes fearing Alex might slap or punch her but Alex just walks past them. Nia starts hugging Sam and crying and Kelly is beyond pissed. Lena looks like she’s unsure on what to do so I just slightly nod, hoping she knows what it means.

She does because she immediately goes after Alex. The room suddenly becomes awkward with Sam just standing there, Nia hugging her and crying, Kelly in the corner fuming mad and me, just watching everything unfold.

“Nia? Baby girl, I can’t be here. I’ll see you this Sunday, okay?” Sam says calmly to her, “I can’t join rehearsals anymore.”

“No, I’ll drop by your house later,” she replied in between sobs.

“There’s no need. I’ll just see you this Sunday, okay?”

“Sam, I’ll walk you out,” I said.

I’ve always seen Sam as our strong leader, this is the first time I’ve seen her so meek and unmotivated. I remember our conversation right in front of this dance room about choosing between your dream and your love. I didn’t mention love, but now I suspect she knew. Would she have the same answer still?

“Lena told me everything. Before today, I mean. She told me,” I confess.

“Are you here to berate me?”

“I think it will be hypocritical of me if I do,” she gives me a look and I corrected myself, “I mean, I’m not Alex.”

“I’m sorry, Kara.”

I stop in my tracks and look at her, “Why did you do it?”

“I was in love. Love makes you do stupid things.”

We continue walking to the main door until Lena calls me.

“Lena? Have you tried the cafeteria? How about the recording studio?”

Sam looks at me, “Ask her to go look at the rooftop.”

“Lena, try the rooftop, they have a garden up there.”

After I hung up, Sam spoke up, “Remember our first week here? We explored the company just to get familiar with it and found that rooftop garden.”

“Yeah, you and Alex used to eat lunch there back then,” I remember fondly.

“I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me,” she said in a dejected tone.

“Sam,” I said, “what do you think of the love ban rule?”

“I think it’s stupid that they don’t expect us to fall in love and then not do anything about it,” she answered frankly. I look back at her, shocked at how blunt she’s being.

“My only mistake was I got pregnant. I stand by all my other actions,” she smiles sadly.

“What about your fans? Won’t they feel betrayed if they know the truth?”

“If they’re truly my fans, shouldn’t they be happy if I found love?”

I pondered on Sam’s last sentence. She certainly has a different view than Alex. Meanwhile, for me… I don’t know where I stand. Of course, I know the rule is there for a reason. And I love and respect my fans. But Lena makes me forget the rules. Maybe Sam is right. Love makes you do stupid things.

“I don’t think falling in love is wrong, Kara. You should know, right?”

“What?”   
  


“I’ve seen the way you look at Lena.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Aside from all your songs are about her?”

We share a small laugh. 

“I don’t know what to do, Sam.”

“We’re restricted by rules, Kara. But it’s also our life. Just know that whatever you choose, you are responsible in every decision you make. You take the risk you want to take.”

“Do you regret this?”

“I don’t know, Kara. Ask me again in a few years,” she laughs a little.

We lingered too long at the building’s door so we bid our goodbyes and promised to see each other again on Sunday. As I was about to enter the dance room, I bumped into Lena.

“I found Alex, I didn’t even know we have a rooftop gar—”

I didn’t ask for permission and just hug her right then and there. She hesitates for a moment but I could feel her hugging me right back. 

“Thank you for saving Supergirls,” I said.

“I promised, didn’t I?”

She gives me one last tight squeeze, she does that when she wants to end the hug, always that one last squeeze, “Come, let’s get inside.”

* * *

Recording was nerve-wracking.

Cat is overseeing literally everything. Every verse, every line, every note. But it’s fun watching her creative process. Even during recording, she would have ideas to add an instrument here, or a new beat there. My song went from okay to great under her hands. Everyone has finished recording their lines and my turn was last.

> _ Life is wonderful _
> 
> _ Meeting someone and giving love a try _
> 
> _ Ah, it’s wonderful, you can laugh and cry _
> 
> _ With all your heart _

“Good take, Kara. Come back here and listen.”

I head back to the control room and watch Cat do her magic. She overdubs and mixes a bit of my portion and plays it back for me. 

“What do you think?”

“That sounds great! Is that really our song?”

“I think I got all the vocals I need, I’ll finish this in this studio. You’re welcome to stay.”

“Thank you, Cat-P, I’d love to!”

“Lena, what is Supergirls’ schedule this week is like?”

“Umm.. yes, tomorrow is dance rehearsal. Thursday... we have a photoshoot with Brainy. Friday and Saturday is our day off. And.... Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ on Sunday.”

Cat makes Lena nervous. Understandably why. Cat has been micromanaging her ever since that meeting with Sam. Even now, she’s questioning Lena on every single decision.

“The dance rehearsal tomorrow is for the  _ seitansai  _ or the single?”

“They’ve finished rehearsing for  _ seitansai _ , this one is for the single.”

“Is the photoshoot with the new outfits?” Cat asked further.

“Yes, everything is ready for them.”

“Okay, you and the others are excused. Kara, you can stay if you want,” Cat instructs.

“Umm…” Lena looks at me then at Cat.

“You can go home, Lena.”

“Yes. Understood. Thank you.”

I tug at her shirt, our secret signal for a hug. She looks at me and shakes her head. All the girls left me and Cat alone in the studio, and Cat continues to mix the music in the control room. 

Not too long after, I got a text from Lena.

> **Lena 4.55pm**
> 
> I’m sorry. Cat is breathing down my neck. Not the right time.

I didn’t reply and just kept my phone away, tuning in my concentration to Cat and our song.

* * *

“Happy birthday, Kelly,” Lena said cheerfully, handing Kelly her present.

“Wow, new shoes! And all I got was a neck pillow,” Nia pouts.

Lena laughs, “But you use that neck pillow all the time!”

Everyone was getting along and laughing happily but the atmosphere died when Sam entered the room. Nia went to hug Sam but Alex got up and left the room. Lena chased after Alex but knowing Alex, I don’t think we’ll see her again until it’s right before the live.

And I was right. 5 minutes before  _ seitansai _ starts, Alex met up with us backstage. It’s a routine to do our circle chant before we perform so Sam stands in the middle with her palms out, waiting for us to grab it. Usually it’s Nia and Alex by her side, but the space Alex usually occupies is empty. I take Alex’s hands and hold Sam’s other hand myself and Sam gives me a grateful look. Kelly joins us by holding Alex’s and Nia’s hands.

“I know you guys hate me right now,” Sam remarked, “but we have a show to do. So please, for the next hour, let’s put on the best show for the fans, for Kelly’s sake as well. Let’s give them the best  _ seitansai _ ever.”

“Super!”

“Girls!” I don’t know if Alex answered Sam’s call but I shouted loud enough for the both of us.

The  _ seitansai _ went without a hitch and we reached the very end of the live. I looked out at the audience for that familiar face and was surprised to see Cat there standing next to Lena. I think Sam noticed her too and her voice begins to waver when she starts her speech. 

  
“I have an announcement.”

The whole venue responded with a resounding, “Ehhh…?”

We’re a new group, so I don’t think the fans expect a graduation announcement. But it’s generally never good news when an idol says she has an announcement at the end of a live.

“I, Sam, will graduate from Supergirls.”

The response from the fans was massive. Shocking cries and whispers of bewilderment swept the venue.

“I’m sorry to announce this on Kelly’s  _ seitansai _ , she must think this is the worst birthday present ever,” Sam looks over apologetically at Kelly.

Nia, Kelly and Alex are all looking down, not daring to face the fans or anyone at all. I just looked out to Lena. 

“I’m… suffering from a back injury. I’ve decided to take this time off to focus on my health and my road to recovery. This decision is mine alone,” she said with a resolved face. I know it’s hard for her to lie to her fans.

“My condition won’t allow me to perform, so I don’t see a future in this industry. With this graduation, I will also quit the entertainment industry forever.”

I take my eyes off Lena and look out to the fans. Most of them are crying and saddened by the news. I was conflicted knowing that it’s not the whole truth, but I know Lena decided this so that Supergirls could have a future.

“With my graduation, Alex will take over my position as leader,” Sam says while looking at Alex who still has her head down, “and I’m sorry to thrust this responsibility on her shoulders without notice, but I know Supergirls will be in good hands under her leadership.”

“I also want to thank our manager, who has supported my decision, and giving me the advice and help in my time of need.”

Sam has been really good even with her voice trembling and shaking while doing the speech. But I could see she’s about to break.

“My graduation is set to happen on our next live on the 24th, I hope you can come and celebrate my last day of being an idol with me.”

She starts to cry before the end of her speech, so she spits out her last statement as fast as she could. She took a long bow, so long Nia had to come over and get her. We all bowed and waved to the fans, leaving the stage. 

_ Tokutenkai _ was long for Kelly and Sam, whose lines seem like never-ending. Lena excused the rest of us to go back to the dressing room but I stayed at the  _ buppan _ table, to help Lena with the merch sales. A lot of the fans taking  _ cheki _ with Sam are looking sad and giving her support, and Sam has been smiling fondly at all her fans. I wonder if I graduate, what would the reaction be like? Will my fans be sad as well? Will they continue to support me when I become a solo artist? Will they continue to support me if they find out I broke the rule?

_ Tokutenkai _ ended and Kelly went back to the dressing room. I helped Lena pack the leftover merch and Sam came over to us.

“Lena, I can go back on my own. Thank you for today. I’ll see you on Christmas Eve.”

“No, Sam. I’ll send you home. Come on,” Lena offers.

“Cat will get angry if she finds out I’m using the company’s benefits again. It’s fine.”

“She already left after your announcement. Sam, it’s late. I won’t tell.”

“Sam, let Lena send you back,” I interrupt, “I’ll sit at the back with Alex. You can sit in front.”

It was as if our tiny act of kindness is the catalyst that breaks Sam as she drops to her knees and starts sobbing. I go over to Sam and start rubbing her back.

“You continue packing, I got this,” I told Lena. 

I bring Sam over to the stairs at the side of the stage and just let her cry her eyes out.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying,” she explains herself.

“You need a good cry. It just happens to be now.”

“Am I doing the right thing, Kara? I’ve been lying to my fans the whole night. And I’m making all of you lie as well.”

“I don’t know if it’s the right thing, Sam, but it’s something that had to be done.”

“I’m moving,” she reveals, “I can’t stay in Tokyo anymore, there’s nothing for me here. I’m going back to my hometown to raise this baby.”

“Do you need any help?”

“You helped enough, Kara. I’m sorry again.”

“Don’t. You’ve apologized enough.”

“Kara?”

“Yes?” I replied, looking at her.

“Don’t get knocked up,” she said earnestly.

“I don’t think Lena can impregnate me,” I replied with a smirk.

“Oh. My. God. You’re ridiculous,” Sam starts laughing, “I’m going to miss your stupid jokes.”

“I’m going to miss you too.”

We stayed at the stairs until Lena came to get us. After changing out of our costumes, we all head to the minivan and Lena sends us all back home. Even as she reached her apartment, I can see Sam is still in tears. In 4 days, Sam’s career as an idol would be over. If it was me, I would be crying non-stop as well.

* * *

Christmas Eve means candlelight dinner, present exchange, and spending the day with loved ones. But today feels a bit somber as it is also Sam’s graduation day. Kelly has softened up to Sam after her announcement during  _ seitansai _ , and Nia is already tearing up even though the graduation live hasn't started. Sam is consoling Nia but Alex is sitting in silence, just waiting for Lena to come in with a 5 minute warning. They still haven’t talked since the day Lena told us the truth. 

“Hey,” I elbowed Alex, “have you two still not talked? She’s leaving Tokyo tomorrow, you know?”

“So?” she replied unemotionally, not looking up from her phone.

“I know you’re mad at her, but at least talk to her, you know? Listen to her side at least?”

“I already know her side of the story.”

“You have to talk eventually,” I’m talking about the graduation message. It’s tradition in an idol graduation ceremony for each member of the group to face the graduating member and give them their message. 

She stayed silent so I ignored her. Alex can be so pig-headed sometimes.

Graduation live started on time. We sing and dance our usual songs as Sam couldn’t join our rehearsals. There was no special segment, special songs or planned MC. It was as if Cat just wanted this to get done and over with. It feels like one of our normal lives, with just the name ‘graduation ceremony’ slapped on it. But for Sam, each song we perform is her last.

It’s the last song before the message ceremony and we’re singing ‘Story of Yours’. Sam starts the song, but she couldn’t get the words out as she starts crying on stage.

“You’re always… by my side… I’m never alone…” she tried to sing in between tears but it was incoherent.

I could see Lena run towards the front of house, and ask for the audio engineer to stop the song. Nia runs to Sam and kneeled down beside her. 

The venue was quiet as the song stopped and in the stillness, one of the fans started singing loudly.

> _ You’re always by my side~ _
> 
> _ I’m never alone~ _

In an instant, all the fans come together and start singing the song.

> _ Let’s come together~ _
> 
> _ And tell our story~ _

I give the signal to Lena to start the song again. When the instrumental begins again, just as I was about to cover Sam’s line to start the song, Alex jumps in and sings Sam’s lines.

> _ You’re always by my side _
> 
> _ I’m never alone _
> 
> _ Let’s come together _
> 
> _ And tell our story _

Alex offered a hand for Sam to stand up, and she carried on with singing the song. The song continued with all of us singing together, along with the fans. Sam just stood in the middle of the stage, crying while looking out to the audience.

> _ You cheer me up and make me laugh _
> 
> _ Always and without fail _
> 
> _ Because everyone is here  _
> 
> _ I can be here as well _
> 
> _ My strongest companions! _
> 
> _ Let’s find the key to courage _
> 
> _ I want to be able to laugh with you forever _
> 
> _ No matter what we’ll be okay _
> 
> _ I believe in those eyes _
> 
> _ You’re always by my side _
> 
> _ I’m never alone _
> 
> _ Let’s come together _
> 
> _ And tell our story _

It was time for the message ceremony, and as tradition the youngest member goes first. Nia stands in front of Sam in the middle of the stage holding her letter, now with incomprehensible writing due to the smudge caused by her tears.

“Dearest Sam, congratulations on your graduation. I know it’s weird to say congratulations because of your current situation but congratulations anyway. When I first joined, I was the youngest member and you took me under your wings. When they chose you as leader, I thought it was the best decision they made. You were the calmest, coolest, and kindest person I know. You looked over us this whole year, and me especially. I’m…” she stops reading, “sorry, my writing is smudged, I forgot what I wrote.”

The fans all laughed in between cries. Only Nia’s awkwardness can bring a smile on this sad day.

“Whatever,” she keeps back the letter in her pocket, “I just want you to know that I’m going to miss you so much. And I know you can’t perform ever again but know that every time I perform, I’ll be thinking of you. I love you, Sam. My big mama.”

“My baby girl,” Sam responds by hugging Nia. Both of them share a moment and Nia leaves to make room for Kelly. Kelly also wrote a short note and she took it out of her pocket.

“Dearest Sam, congratulations on your graduation. I know you said your announcement was my worst birthday present ever, but your presence in my life is one of the best presents I could ever receive. I’m sorry your situation is robbing you of pursuing your dreams. I hope the one thing you don’t regret is how you get to spend your time with us. We’re going to miss you.”

Kelly’s message was cryptic, and only we know the real meaning behind her speech. 

“Congratulations again on graduating,” Kelly ends her message with a smile. They hugged on stage and then it was my turn.

“This is my first graduation ceremony, I didn’t know I had to write something,” I joked. Of course, I prepared something but I just feel like I need to crack a joke in situations like this. It worked, because the fans and Sam started laughing.

“Hi Sam,” I look at her and she says hi back.

“Congratulations on graduating. We were always so close, even back in training camp during auditions. I had my real life sister with me but I gained another sister when I met you. I remember when we thought we failed the auditions, it was soul crushing. But when Cat announced we’re in a new group together, I thought how lucky I am to be in a group with all my friends. You helped me even when I didn’t ask for it, and you led Supergirls into becoming the group it is now. Supergirls will never be the same without you. Thank you, Sam. For everything.”

We shared a smile, then a hug. I made room for Alex and I waited in suspense not knowing what she’s going to say.

Turns out she didn’t say anything. When Alex stood in front of Sam, she started crying. Sam pulls her in for a hug and they just embrace together on stage. The fans started crying hard because it’s so rare to see Alex so emotional like this. They know how real this moment is, even if they’re unaware that the reason for the graduation is fake.

They break off the hug and Sam starts facing the audience to give her graduation speech but Alex stops her.

“No, I want to say something.”

Alex clears her throat and takes a deep breath, “Sam, congratulations on your graduation.”

“The fans don’t know this,” Alex looked over the stage and addressed the fans, “but I was so angry at Sam when she… when she said she wanted to graduate.”

“Even up till today, I was still so angry. I’m so angry that this is how I get to be the leader of Supergirls.”

I’m sure Alex didn’t mean it to be funny but something about how she’s so vexed to be the leader makes all the fans laugh at her statement.

“It’s not funny!” she cries out and that makes us all laugh even harder.

“Today, when I watched all the fans sing together for you, I realized what an important presence you have been for the group. I may not have respected some of the decisions you made, but I saw how you endured, how you struggled and how you overcome many challenges with your sheer willpower. I am grateful for all the sacrifices you made for Supergirls.”

I don’t know how the fans would interpret that message, but I know for Sam it means a lot for her to hear this from Alex.

“You will always, always be a part of Supergirls. No matter what happened. I hope you don’t forget that. And I am forever your friend. Don’t forget that too.”

They shared a cathartic hug and Alex makes room for Sam to stand in the middle of the stage for her speech.

The fans started a “Sam! Sam! Sam!” chant and Sam is trying to gather the strength to muster up a coherent speech.

“Thank you,” Sam starts the speech by thanking the fans.

“Today, 24th December, I, Sam, will graduate from Supergirls. In addition, I’ll be leaving DC Entertainment as well.”

“To all the fans who are here today, and to those that have supported me thus far, thank you so much.”

“To the members,” she turned around and looked at us, “you have taught me so much. Not just through words, but by being on stage with me. Your passion for Supergirls and your love for Supergirls was felt through all your actions. I cherish all our times together.”

“Nia, you will always be my baby girl. I will miss you the most.”

“Kelly, I’m sorry for ruining your  _ seitansai _ . Please keep on dancing, that’s where your star shines the most.”

“Kara, you said Supergirls will never be the same without me, but Supergirls is nothing without you. You are Supergirls.”

“Alex, oh jeez Alex, stop crying, you’re making me cry again.”

I pat Alex on her back and the fans laughed at Sam’s candid comment.

“Starting tomorrow, I’ll be entrusting my leadership duties to you. Take good care of Supergirls.”

“To our manager, Lena,” all the fans turned around to look at Lena, “I know you hate it when we point you out but I want everyone to turn around and look at this amazing person who has been managing us troubled girls.” 

Lena covers her face at the attention she’s been given.

“You came to my side in my toughest time, I will never forget your kindness. Thank you for your irreplaceable friendship.”

“And lastly, I want to thank my precious fans again. Thank you for your support. Thank you for all the yellow glow sticks you wave, thank you for chanting my name, thank you for singing along and dancing along, thank you for all the encouragement that’s been given, most importantly thank you for your smiles and your love. It’s been a blessing to be a part of Supergirls. I might not be a member of Supergirls anymore, but without doubt I’ll be one of their biggest fans. Thank you everyone.” 

Sam takes a bow and I scan the view to appreciate the moment. Sam's bowing figure appears like a shadow in the blinding stage light, the audience all raise up their yellow glow sticks, giving the impression of stars surrounding her. I glance over at the members, all looking over Sam. I look at Lena, who is smiling fondly while watching everything from the back.

Starting tomorrow, it’s going to be a new day for Supergirls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why did i cry writing this ;_; i’m thinking of my oshimen’s graduation ;__; i miss her


	35. Kara XIV

“Merry Christmas!” Lena yells out as she barges into the dressing room with a bucket of KFC.

“Wow, Lena! How long was the queue?” Kelly wondered.

“Doesn’t matter, it’s tradition! KFC during Christmas is a must have,” Lena grins.

_ Idiot. _

I still don’t know why it’s tradition to eat fried chicken for Christmas in Japan but somehow it is. All of us hovered over the food and grabbed a piece. We’re all sitting in our usual outfits but with Santa hats on. This will be our last time wearing these outfits since our 3rd single will be released next Monday so we’ll be getting new costumes. 

“Hey boss, come open our Christmas present for you,” Alex beckons for Lena.

We all giggled in anticipation waiting for Lena’s reaction. I suggested to Alex to get Lena this present and all of us chipped in.

“Is this a… reindeer costume?”

“It’s a reindeer onesie!” Nia shrieks excitedly. 

“And what do you expect me to do with it?”

We all look at her while grinning from ear to ear, and Lena sighs. I laughed quietly because that means she’s relenting.

“Fine, I’ll wear it.”

“Yes, boss! If we have to be Santas, you get to be our reindeer!” Alex gives her a thumbs up.

Live starts in an hour so Lena doesn’t have to wear it now. She placed the reindeer onesie on the table and left to check out the stage area. I followed her from behind and tugged on her t-shirt.

She turns around and apologizes, “Sorry, Kara. I’m a bit—”

“Busy. I know,” I cut her off. We haven’t hugged in more than a week. Not since that day in front of the dancing room. We rarely had free time, and the times that we’re together we’re never alone. Either the girls are with us or Cat is observing Lena. I don’t blame her for trying to keep a distance.

“I just want to give you this,” I hand her my present.

“You girls already got me a present,” she said.

“This is from me. My Christmas Eve present,” I gulped. Only couples give each other presents on Christmas Eve. I hope my gift doesn’t want to make her run away.

“Kara…”

“Just take it, Lena,” I shove the present in her hand and run back to the dressing room.

* * *

“10 more minutes, girls,” Lena says as her head pops in through the door.

“Lena, you have to wear the onesie!” Kelly shouted cheerfully while grabbing Lena’s hand and pulling her into the room.

Kelly dragged Lena to the back of the dressing room and made Lena wear it over her usual jeans and t-shirt. 

“Awwwww you look so fluffy and cute, Lena-chan!” Nia exclaims while jumping up and down while Alex is doubled over laughing.

I steal a glance and damn it, she does look cute. 

“Okay, live is almost starting, let’s go!” Lena yells out while looking at the clock on the wall.

“No, no, wait,” Nia cried out, “let’s take a _ cheki  _ of us. Where’s the  _ cheki _ camera?”

“We don’t have time, Nia!” Lena complains. 

“It’ll be quick,” she says as she grabs the camera, “Okay, Alex you go first!”

Alex just smiled widely with Lena, their hands on each other’s shoulder. Kelly did a heart pose with Lena as they smiled and looked at each other. I grabbed the camera from Nia and took a picture of them, with Nia hugging Lena tightly and Lena doing a shrugging pose. When it was my turn, Nia asked, “What pose do you want to do, Kara?”

“Well, I’m Santa. Of course, I’m going to ride the reindeer.”

Lena shoots me a look but the other girls are laughing at my statement. 

“Yeah, bend over, boss. Make it seem like Kara is riding you, it’ll be hilarious.” Alex says in between laughs.

Lena looks embarrassed but she bends down a bit anyway, not going on all fours on the floor but low enough to appear like it. I rest on her back, not fully climbing on her even though I want to, and pretend I’m riding her. Nia took 2  _ cheki _ because she’s laughing so much, the first polaroid came out blurry. 

We took too long with the photo taking, so we rushed backstage since live is almost starting. We gather in a circle and all of us look at Alex who is looking perplexed.

“You have to lead the circle chant, Alex,” I said.

Today is Alex’s first day as leader. We’re still getting used with Sam’s absence in the group. I even saw her practicing what to say for the MC session as she paced back and forth nervously in the dressing room earlier.

“Right. Err… so…. have a great live, everyone. Most importantly, have fun. I know we’re down to 4 members right now, and there’s more singing to do, so don’t forget your lines and we’ll backup each other, okay? SUPER!”

“Girls!”

* * *

_ Tokutenkai _ ran long as Lena offered the fans a special Christmas  _ cheki _ , a picture with all the members for the price of 2 tickets. Everyone took advantage of the good deal and got a group  _ cheki _ . Most of the fans came dressed up as Santa or reindeer, there was even one who came as a Christmas tree. Complete with blinking lights and decorations. After group  _ cheki _ ended, it was time for our individual  _ cheki _ . Lena seems to have an easier time as it’s only 4 members now, and everyone already used their tickets for the group  _ cheki. _

“You girls go back to the dressing room, I’ll clean up here,” Lena instructs after the last fan left the venue.

“I’ll stay and help,” I offered while everyone else went back to the dressing room.

While we were packing and keeping away the leftover merch, I saw something shiny on Lena’s wrist.

“You’re wearing my present,” I beamed when I noticed it.

“Well, yeah, you gave it… so… thank you. It’s beautiful,” she replied.

It’s a bracelet that resembles the friendship bracelet, and I was hoping she would wear it instead of the flimsy friendship bracelet, which is so worn out by now.

“You can stop wearing the friendship bracelet, you know? Now you don’t have to worry about it being dropped somewhere.”

Her response was quick and cold, “Okay, thanks, Kara.”

She didn’t have anything for me to tug with so I pulled on her reindeer tail, a signal that I want a hug.

“Sorry, Kara. Not now,” was all the excuse she gave.

I packed the rest of the merch angrily and she must have noticed it, you have to be a real idiot not to. But she ignores me, picks up the packed box and walks away to the dressing room. She looks so ridiculous walking fast in that reindeer costume so I chase after her.

“Why am I not getting hugs anymore?” I whispered angrily, since we’re in front of the dressing room and I didn’t want anyone to overhear.

“Sorry, Kara. Right now—”

“Don’t tell me you’re busy! Cat is not here today and the rest of the girls are sitting in that room right now! There’s no one here!”

“Please, Kara. I don’t want to argue,” she whispers back and puts the box down, gesturing for me to lower my voice down.

“And I don’t want to have a whisper fight with you while you're wearing that ridiculous reindeer onesie so tell me why you’re avoiding me yet again! Rule number 9!” I invoked rule number 9: ‘We tell each other stuff’ because she’s keeping something from me. 

She stays still and replies softly, “We can’t be like before.”

“Is this about Sam? We’re not like Sam,” I whisper back angrily. It’s so hard to argue in a low voice with someone.

“I need to take care of the rest of the girls as much as I take care of you.”

“So do it! I’m not asking for favoritism here! You can do your job and we can still be like before.”

“If I wasn’t so preoccupied and distracted by you I would have seen it coming. I could have saved Sam’s career.”

_ Is she kidding me? _ I stood there totally flabbergasted. 

“Are you seriously blaming ME because of what happened to Sam? That’s rich of you,” I stand a bit closer to her to make sure she hears my words clearly.

“I’m blaming myself, Kara!”

“For what? When Sam fucked that guy that was her own undoing! She knew what she got herself into,“ I scoff and take a few steps back. I can’t believe her right now.

“It’s still dangerous for us to be together,” she grabs my arm and pulls me closer, there's no one around but she whispers the next line as quietly as possible. “Whatever we are doing, we have to stop.”

“And what is it we’re doing, Lena? Aren’t we “just friends”,” I reply in a hushed tone, gesturing quotation marks on the words 'just friends', the label she slapped on this unconventional relationship of ours.

“You know what we did was more than just friends,” she replies back more quietly.

“What exactly did we do? Tell me, Lena. What are we?”

She swallows a lump in her throat, “We’re a mistake. This is a mistake.”

“Mistake?? Are you for real right now?”

“You’re an idol. You’re under the love ban rule,” she defends her flimsy reason. Alex must have got to her head. Or Cat. Or someone. Because this doesn’t sound like her.

“Since when do you care about the rule?”

“Since Sam got punished for breaking it!” she yells it through her teeth as quietly as possible. Looks like I’m not the only person having a hard time arguing quietly. 

“So I’ll fucking quit!” I snapped back.

“I won’t let you. Not for me. This is your dream.”

“What the fuck do you know about my dream? You don’t get to make my decisions for me. I’m not a child.”

“But I am your manager, I can certainly make decisions for you!”

“Like how you decide we have to lie to our fans for Sam’s sake?” I didn’t know why I said it, it just came out. I know she did it for us. I hate saying something so hurtful but I can’t take it back now.

“You know that wasn’t my intention,” she sighs while pinching the bridge of her nose, “I could have stopped her before it even happened if I saw it coming.”

“Stop her... how exactly? Are you beside them passing condoms while they’re having sex?”

“This is not something to joke about, Kara.”

“I’m telling you, you need to stop blaming yourself! Sam took the risk. She knew what she was doing. Like what I’m doing now!   


“I don’t want you to take ANY risk! Do you understand that?”

“That’s up for me to decide! I like you, Lena!”

“You only like me because you see me everyday. If you get another manager, you’ll fall for the new one instantly.”

I stop arguing and try to fight this lump in my throat. Is that what she really thinks of me? 

“Do you think my heart is that fickle? Is that how you really see me?” I question her, trying to hold back tears.

“Kara… I didn’t mean—”

“Do you even see a future with us, Lena?” I cut her off. I need to know now.

“We can’t, Kara.”

“I’m right here, Lena. And I want you. It’s your move.”

We stood there facing each other in silence. I’m letting my last declaration wash over her. The ball is in her court now. Her next reply will make or break my decision.

So reply.

  
  


Say something.

  
  


Anything, Lena.

When it looks like she’s not going to say anything, I already know what I have to do.

“You’re a fucking coward,” I said it loud and clear and right to her face. I stomp away angrily.

“Kara…” she says as she tries to grab my arm again.

“No, no. I got your message. Loud and clear,” I say as I brush off her hand, “you want to push me away? Congratulations. You did it. You don’t have to avoid me now, I am done chasing you. If you aren’t willing to reciprocate my love, I’m leaving this… whatever this is for you.”

I put my hands on the handle of the dressing room’s door, “From now on, the only relationship we have is a work relationship.”

“We’re done,” was my last words to her as I entered the room.

I changed out of my outfit angrily and Alex commented, “Lots of leftover merch to pack away out there?”

“Yeah,” I shrug her off. 

“Here, your  _ cheki _ . Don’t leave it behind. Meet you at the minivan.”

I look down at the  _ cheki _ of me riding Lena the reindeer. One is a bit blurry but you can still make out the figure of me and her in that stupid reindeer onesie.

Stupid stupid Lena. 

I hate her.

* * *

Monday usually means dance practice but Lena decides to meet up earlier to have a quick group meeting as tomorrow is our flight to Malaysia. We’re seated around a table in one of the smaller meeting rooms in the company. It’s so rare to actually have a proper meeting like this as Lena usually briefs us on schedules and our calendars over lunch or in the group chat.

Alex and Nia sit at Lena’s side, while I try to sit as far away as I can from her. I was serious about our argument during Christmas, I’m done chasing her.

“Okay, as you can see in the schedule, our flight tomorrow is on 29th December at 10.45pm. We will meet here at the company at 6pm and I have arranged a transport to the airport. We’ll have dinner at the airport after check-in. Remember to pack lightly, it’s warm there so bring appropriate clothing. Don’t forget to bring your new outfits.”

“We will reach Kuala Lumpur on 30th December Wednesday morning at 6.45am. The organizers have set up the first day as our tour day, they will bring us around Kuala Lumpur for sightseeing. Girls, if you want to go shopping bring your own money. Let me know if you want me to exchange currency for you. Their currency is ringgit there, 1000 yen is around 40 ringgit.”

“We will check-in in the hotel in the evening. For that night, we will have dinner with all the guests and performing artists for ‘Japan-Malaysia Expo’, at a local Chinese restaurant.”

She turns the page, and everyone else follows suit.

“31st December Thursday is the big event day. The event is held at a shopping mall. It starts at 11am when the mall opens, and ends at 1am, after the midnight countdown for New Year’s. They have 3 stages, which are the Main stage, Sakura stage and Origami stage. Our sound check is early, before the mall opens at 8am but we get to rest until our performance which is scheduled at 2pm at the Sakura stage, 6pm at the Origami stage and lastly 10pm at the Main stage. We only have to perform 2 songs each slot with a 5 minutes MC session in between songs. Our  _ tokutentai _ is scheduled only twice at one of their expo booths at 4pm and 8pm. We will be expected on the Main stage at 11.45pm for the midnight countdown.”

“We are scheduled to be back at the hotel by 2am, then check out at 10am 1st January Friday because our flight back is at 2pm, and we’ll reach Tokyo at 10pm the same day.”

“Seriously, boss? We have to go back the NEXT DAY? On New Year’s Day itself?” Alex complains, while leaning back on the chair and groans.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s such a quick turnaround after such a late live but we have dance practice with all DC groups for the big number for AGM on Sunday. You can get Saturday off. Rest well, because it will be straight practice day from 3rd Jan till the 8th for AGM. Especially for you Kara, you have to participate in group practice, big number practice and the centers number practice.”

She sounds concerned but I look up to her and reply, “Okay, whatever.” 

“Right, moving on to our 3rd single, it’s officially released today in all major music stores, we should know our Oracle daily ranking by 6pm today. And our weekly ranking by Sunday night.”

Oracle ranking is the biggest music ranking chart in the nation. If we get within Top 10 of the weekly ranking, we can get invited to their show, “Oracle Music Station” to perform our song. It’s the most sought after show to perform for especially if you’re a new artist. Amazons is always guaranteed to perform every time they release a single, they always hit #1 in the weekly rankings. Sometimes they perform for 2,3 weeks straight as their songs stayed in the charts even after a few weeks of release. Our sales for 1st and 2nd single are not bad, but never high enough to get in the charts, hopefully this 3rd single can change things. After all, it’s our first original song.

“Sorry, this is a Malaysian number, I have to take this,” Lena interrupted my thoughts about being on “Oracle Music Station” to answer a call.

_ “Hello? Yes, speaking.” _

_ “Oh, that’s good news. I’m glad it arrived on time.” _

_ “Yes, our flight is tomorrow, I will contact you again once we checked in.” _

_ “Of course, see you at the airport on Wednesday. Thank you again.” _

I HATE how sexy she sounds in another language. Why is this turning me on? What is wrong with me?

“Everything okay, boss?”

“Our merch has arrived there. Shipping took awhile but I’m glad it arrived on time,” Lena translated her conversation.

“Boss, when you have time, I would like for you to explain our performing contract, it’s all in English,” Alex requested. Lena has been looping Alex in all the emails with the Malaysian organizers. She gets so excited when Lena shares her managerial duties with her, sometimes I think she wants to be a manager more than she wants to be an idol.

“Of course, we can do it after your dance practice. Okay, meeting adjourned. Let’s head to the dance room.”

* * *

“This just says they will provide accommodation and flight tickets, and all our meals at the event is provided for. But any expenses incurred during sightseeing day like shopping and food is on our own budget,” Lena perusing the contract and translating it for Alex. Nia and Kelly already left after dance practice was over so it’s me, Alex and Lena in this dance room.

“This line is an agreement of how much percentage of cheki sales they can get. We agreed on 70/30 where we’ll keep 70% percent of the profit and they get the 30%. The event is free so they don’t have profit from ticket sales, this is where they’ll get the money,” Lena explains further.

“This is the artist fee that we’re charging them, and this line says they’re not liable if anything happens to us outside of event time. This page is just the performance permit, which allows us to perform for the event.”

“Thanks, boss. Your English is really good. So will you be translating for us for MC? Do we need a translator?” Alex inquires.

“The event will provide a translator as the other guest performers are from Japan too. But we’re the only idol group. Although, I’m not sure if the translator will follow us during  _ tokutenkai _ , remind me to check about that with the organizers,” Lena wondered. 

“Okay,” Alex replied as she got up, ready to leave. I got up and followed Alex from behind until Lena called for me.

“Kara… Um... actually I was thinking of starting Supergirls Day again. Do you want to stay back and do the AMA today?” she asks meekly.

“Just text me the questions, Lena. I’m going home with Alex,” I reply, throwing her an exasperated look.

“Oh, okay,” she murmured, looking slightly startled by my reply, “yes, of course. Have a good rest.”

* * *

“Are you fighting with Lena?” Alex suddenly asks on our train ride home.

“What?”

“You were so cold to her just now.”

Was it that obvious? Of course I’m mad at her. I’m mad she accuses me of being this floozy girl who throws herself at anyone who pays me the slight attention. I’m mad that she’s blaming herself for what happened to Sam. I’m mad that she doesn’t want me. I’m mad that she’s being a coward about all this. 

“I’m mad at her about something,” I replied, keeping it simple.

“Is it about Sam?”

“Yeah,” technically I’m not lying.

“You should lay off of her.”

Ugh, Alex being best friends with Lena is not helping me with my anger. If anything, now I’m annoyed at Alex too.

“Why are you defending her? Aren’t you like the gatekeeper of the golden rule? Sam broke it. Lena makes us lie about it,” I don’t know why I bring it up, maybe I wanted Alex to be on my side so we both can be angry at Lena.

“I’m not the gatekeeper. I’m just… it’s THE rule. We have to follow it. Sam knew, she broke it, she got punished for it. End of story.”

“You’re not mad at Lena?”

“She did her best.”

I huffed at my seat. I almost want to tell Alex about me and Lena so she can get REALLY mad at her but even I’m not that dumb. If Alex knew about me and Lena, I… no, I don’t even want to think about it.

At that moment the group chat’s notification popped off. Both Alex and I checked our phones.

> **Lena 6.01pm**
> 
> Rankings are out! We are #11 today in the daily rankings! We sold 15,876 copies of our single! Good job, girls!! Hopefully we can keep climbing up the rankings!

I look at the message and laugh, “How do we tell her that Amazons reach a million copies of sales with each of their singles? Plus, #11 in daily rankings? You know if we start at #11 in daily, we’ll just keep dropping, we won’t get Top 10 in the weekly.”

“She doesn’t know how the rankings work, just let her be happy for us.”

I rolled my eyes and leaned back on my seat.

Alex speaks up when I was being silent, “Look, she told me not to tell any of you this, but Cat threatened to transfer her.”

“WHAT?” I got a bit too loud and Alex gestures for me to calm down.

“Yeah, Cat wanted to transfer her to be Nubia’s manager after she graduates. Said something about how she can’t handle us.”

Is this what has been bothering her? Stupid Lena. Why won’t she tell me this? But that means....

“Wait, is she leaving us?” I asked Alex for more clarification.

“No, Cat gave her a second chance. I think she said something like, “No more mistakes, or Supergirls are over” something like that.”

Mistake. That’s what she called us. Has Cat’s words been hanging over her head since then?

“She’s trying her best not to mess up anymore, so give her a break okay?” Alex continues.

Lena’s actions on Christmas now makes more sense with context. But I’m still angry with her. Why does she keep hiding all of this from me? I hate that about her. I want to reach out but if she keeps this up she’s just gonna avoid me again if another crisis pops up. I’m serious about the other night, I’m done chasing her. 

Lena, you big idiot. 

* * *

We reached home and I got a message from Lena. My heart beat excitedly when I saw her name on my phone notification, I almost forgot about the AMA that she wanted me to do.

> **Lena 6.13pm**
> 
> 1) How is your hand? I’m sorry that happened to you. You’re so brave!
> 
> 2) If you’re in a band, what kind of instruments do you want to play?
> 
> 3) Would you cut your hair short?
> 
> 4) What is your favorite manga?
> 
> 5) Tell us something about the 3rd single!

Idiot. Even her message is impersonal and work related. I replied as fast as I could.

> **Kara 6.19pm**
> 
> 1) It’s good now! I have a tiny smiley scar on my left hand. Come take a cheki with me and you can see it!
> 
> 2) I can play the piano so maybe the keyboard. But I would love to learn how to play the drums! Drums are cool!
> 
> 3) Would I look good with a short haircut? Let me know! Retweet for yes, fav for no, comment if you want me to try a different hairstyle.
> 
> 4) I loved reading Dragon Ball when I was young. I don’t have time to read a lot of mangas now, sorry!
> 
> 5) I wrote it! It’s the first time Cat-P is collaborating with someone for her music and I’m grateful that she chose me to work with. Please look forward to our first original song, it’s released today at all major music stores nationwide! Get yourself a copy! (split this into two tweets if it’s too long or shortened it whatever idc)

After my response, I could see Lena trying to conjure up a reply. The three dots appear and disappear and reappear again and again. What is she typing? I waited a few more minutes.

_ Just say what you want to say, Lena.  _

After a moment, the ellipsis is gone. And there was no more reply from Lena.

Fucking coward. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the idea for the reindeer cheki because of [this cheki](https://i.imgur.com/OfvphkY.jpg) lol also sorry for the angst


	36. Lena XIV

I type something to reply.

> 6) If Lena says she’s sorry, will you forgive her?

No, this is stupid. Why am I posing as a sixth question? I deleted that and typed another one.

> I’m sorry I’m such a coward.

I deleted that too, maybe this is how much of a coward I am, I don’t even dare to send that message. I pick up my phone and type something again.

> I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?

_ Just send it already _ ! Ah! 

I deleted that reply and opened the countdown app on my phone. 2 more years. I sigh deeply.

She’s right, I did try to avoid her. And now I’ve messed this up and chased her away. Maybe it’s for the best, this way we’re not doing anything wrong. We’re just an idol with her manager, nothing more. She wouldn’t have to take any risk, and she can pursue her dreams. 

And maybe in due course, this aching in my heart will stop.

* * *

“Here are your flight tickets,” I said as I was about to pass out the flight tickets, “you know what, on second thought, I’ll hold all the tickets and passports.”

“Shit boss, you can’t even trust us to hold stuff?” Alex laughs.

“It’s easier to manage, come let’s go to our gate.”

While we waited to board our plane, I looked over at Kara who was still not talking to me. Our seat is next to each other, so it’s going to be a painful 8 hour flight. Hopefully, we can just spend the time sleeping so we’ll be fully rested for sightseeing tomorrow.

Kara is seated in the middle between me and Nia with Nia at the window’s seat. Kelly and Alex are seated at the row in front of us. The plane took off without a hitch and I looked over at Nia, already peacefully asleep with the pink neck pillow around her neck. I love that she uses my present all the time. 

Kara notices me looking over at Nia and she looks over too and lets out a small laugh, “Guess planes have the same effect.”

I laugh along softly with her and she immediately drops her smile.

“Did you just remember you’re mad at me?” I comment quietly, so no one can overhear our conversation.

She didn’t say a thing and turned over to Nia’s side, trying not to face me.

“Okay," I wearily sigh, and make an effort to force myself to sleep.

I wake up in the middle of the night with Kara’s head on my shoulder, the closest we’ve been since the past few weeks. I gently lay my head on hers, and continue sleeping. Preserving this moment of ours even if she doesn’t realize it. 

Maybe this is all I deserve. Tiny subconscious moments with her. 

* * *

“ _ Are you Lena? Hi! I’m Lana Lang, we’ve been talking on the phone.” _ Lana greeted me as we reached the arrival gates at the airport.

“ _ Hi Lana! It’s so nice to finally meet you, these are Supergirls _ ,’ I greet back. The girls politely extended their hand for a handshake, I told them bowing was not necessary in Malaysia.

“Hi, my name is Lana. I’m part of the Malaysian organizers and will be in charge of Supergirls. I’ll bring you girls for sightseeing today. Just let me know if you need anything,” she spoke in perfect Japanese.

“Lana-san! You speak Japanese?” Alex asks in a surprised tone. Heck, I was surprised too.

“Please, just Lana. But my Japanese is not that fluent. Good thing Lena can speak English, right?”

“Are you kidding? You sound like a natural! Will you be our translator too?” Kelly questions her further.

“There will be an official translator during the event, but I will help around during  _ tokutenkai _ as requested by Lena.”

“Thanks, Lana. We don’t speak Malay at all,” I said.

“Nothing to worry about, in fact, you can survive here with English. Most of us understand English. Shall we?”

We all grabbed our luggage and followed Lana to her MPV car. Looks like she has her own driver so she sits in front at the passenger seat and all 5 of us climbed to the back. Nia, Kelly and Kara sat at the back while Alex and I sat in the middle row.

We stopped for breakfast and boy, I do not agree with the weather at all. I've been in this country for an hour and I am already missing Japan's cool winter weather. I quickly rummaged through my luggage after we parked.

"Oh. My. God. Lena. That umbrella is huge!" Kelly commented loudly, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Is that a UFO? That is massive, boss." Alex shakes her head.

"How did you even fit that in your luggage, Lena-chan?" Nia wondered.

"I don't suntan, I sunburn, okay?"

I looked over at Kara who didn't say anything, but I saw her snickering to herself. 

Lana ordered us some local food to try for breakfast. There's  _ Nasi Lemak _ , which looks like fragrant rice served with some spicy sauce and a side of cucumber, peanuts and eggs, and there’s  _ Roti Canai _ which according to Lana, originated from India, and it was served with fish curry. I look over at Alex and she’s making a face.

“Try it, you might like it, we don’t have salmon onigiri here,” I said.

“Oh, actually, if you want I can get some for you,” Lana interjects as she overhears our conversation, “there’s a Japanese convenience store nearby.”

“There’s no need, we’ve come all this way, it’ll be a waste not to try the local food. We can eat salmon onigiri anytime, right Alex?” I said as I elbowed her.

“Yes, uh, okay, I’ll try,” Alex replied.

She takes a bite of the  _ Nasi Lemak _ with a spoonful of the spicy sauce and immediately asks for water. We all laughed at her and even Lana commented they never eat a spoonful of just the spicy sauce, they mix it a bit with the rice. I look over at Kara and she’s laughing along. I need to stop stealing glances at her but I can’t help it. I’m glad she’s enjoying her time even if she’s mad at me. All of us finished the rest of the food, and I personally like the  _ Roti Canai _ as the fish curry texture was more light and watery than our usual thick curries in Japan.

Lana then brought us to KL Tower, the tallest tower in Malaysia. Similar to our Tokyo Skytree I guess. When we arrived there was a huge letters signage in front of the tower. It has a big red heart with a big ‘K’ letter and ‘L’ letter beside it, standing atop the word ‘TOWER’. Kara is standing next to me while Lana explains about the monument.

“KL Tower stands for Kuala Lumpur tower and it’s our tallest freestanding tower at 421 metres. 7th tallest in the world. I’m sure you know which is the tallest right?”

“Mount Fuji?” Nia answered and we laughed at her innocent mistake.

“That’s not a tower, silly,” Kelly replies Nia.

“It’s actually Tokyo Skytree at 634 metres.”

“Do you want to take a picture with the signage?” Lana asks as she offers to take our phones to snap photos.

“KL also stands for Kara Lena,” I whispered to Kara instinctively before I remembered that she's giving me the silent treatment. “Sorry,” I tried to correct myself and walk away from her. I took a phone from Lana and snapped pictures of the girls with the signage.

We went up to the observation deck and marveled at the 360 degrees view of the city. Each of us took turns to look through the telescope. Lana then brought us to the sky deck where they have this clear sky box jutting out from the tower. The floor was made out of clear glass so it really seems you're standing over the city from the sky. I take a few more photos of the girls and the pictures turn out amazing so I immediately update our twitter account with it.

“Boss, get up here on this sky box,” Alex calls me over.

“No, thanks,” I refused.

“Lena, are you afraid of heights?” Kelly’s face is beaming with the new information.

“Oh my God, she totally is!” Nia squeals in delight.

“No! No!” I run away as the girls try to force me to get on the sky box. Kelly catches up to me and pulls me to the sky box’s direction. Alex and Nia help her as I’m struggling to get away. 

“Leave her alone, girls. Let’s go. Lana said it’s time for lunch,” Kara says with simple directness so the girls left me alone. I can’t help but feel she was helping me to get away from it, without actually helping me.

Our lunch was at the tower’s revolving restaurant, with a buffet spread for the kings. The food selection was massive ranging from Western, Asian and Mediterranean themed. We enjoyed the rotating view as we ate to our heart’s content.

We stopped by the souvenir shop where I bought a ‘I ♥ KL’ keychain. One reason was because I really like a souvenir to remind me of this trip but another main reason is because it’s the initial to our name. The ‘KL’ letters on this keychain are close together, even though we’re so apart right now. Maybe I should go through with my apology and just do it. But a lot of time has passed, it feels awkward to say anything now.

Lana then brought us to KL Bird Park where it’s basically a zoo catered for birds. Every kind of bird that you can imagine is here, they even have peacocks roaming about freely so I took pictures of the girls with them. One almost pecked at Alex and I got a video of that. I laughed to myself thinking what are the odds for the video to get viral, because Alex would be pissed at me if that’s her most famous video on the internet.

It started drizzling a little so everyone huddled under my umbrella while we searched for shelter.

"Oh, so now EVERYONE wants to use my umbrella," I grumbled. 

“It’s a freakin’ UFO boss, we can just take shelter under here,” Alex laughs.

After the Bird Park, Lana brought us back to the hotel. Finally a time for us to rest and freshen up before dinner. The girls’ room is a huge suite with 2 queen beds. It’s way too fancy than I initially thought, I would assume they would give us all individual rooms.

“So, this is the members’ room, Lena, your room is on the 3rd floor, room 313.”

“Okay, bye girls, have a good rest. Meet me in the lobby around…” I look at Lana hoping she would fill up the answer.

“We’ll meet up for dinner at 8pm, so be in the lobby by 7pm?” she replied.

“Okay, 7pm, girls,” I repeat it again.

* * *

The dinner at the Chinese restaurant was great. We mingled around with the other Japanese guests, Nia even made friends with one of the cosplayers. Kelly talked with the Kabuki dancers while Alex sits with the fashion models talking about the latest street fashion. Kara is enamored with the food and kept eating the potstickers, probably her latest favorite food now by the looks of it.

Everyone stays in the same hotel so we all continue talking on the ride home on the tour bus. I talked with Lana the whole ride, trying to get a feel on what the idol perception is in Malaysia. Looks like there is a dedicated following but it’s not huge, so they’re trying to introduce the concept by inviting us for the Japan-Malaysia Expo. I learned a few basic Malay phrases to get by and before I knew it we already reached the hotel.

I reminded the girls about the sound check at 8am tomorrow and we agreed to meet up at the lobby at 7.30am. I went back to my room, tired from all the sightseeing and socializing. I changed into my pajamas and just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard a knock on my door.

“Nia?” I’m surprised, even more surprised at the presence behind her, “Kara? What’s wrong?”

Nia lunges to hug me, “I want to sleep with you, Lena~ I think our room is haunted~”

“What? What makes you think that?”

“I can hear voices, and I can feel like there's something. It’s creepy,” she explains herself badly and makes her way inside, “Wow, Lena, you have a king bed? You can definitely fit all three of us!” 

“Yeah, I guess,” I don't know how to refuse this request anyway, so I just accepted it.

“Kara, are you okay?”

“She said she didn’t want me to sleep with you alone!” Nia pipes up, already making herself at home on the bed. Kara throws her a look like she just told a heavily guarded secret. 

I smiled silently, knowing how she is still capable of jealousy even when she’s mad at me. We lie down on the bed with Kara in the middle, but plenty of ample spaces between us as the bed is big. And there’s another knock.

I open the door and it’s Kelly, holding her own pillow.

“Nia scared me with all that ghost talk. Now I’m hearing voices, I don’t want to sleep in that room too.”

“Come in,” I sigh.

We made space for Kelly beside Nia and Kara inches closer to me. It was still a comfortable space for all 4 of us to sleep in, so I quietly thank the organizers for giving me a room with a king sized bed.

As I was about to go to sleep, there’s another knock.

“Look, I’m not scared okay. And I don’t necessarily believe in ghost but Nia left, then Kara left, then Kelly left and I’m all alone up there in this big room and—”

“Just come in, Alex.”

Alex grins widely and slips in beside Kelly. Kara moves closer to me, so I lay on my side to make more space for the girls. 5 girls in one bed was not how I imagined my day to end today. Especially with Kara so close to me, I can feel her breathing against me. Maybe this is my chance.

I waited for the girls to fall asleep, which didn't take long since it has been a tiring day.

“Kara,” I whisper, as quietly as I could.

She opens her eyes and puts her finger on my lips and shakes her head slightly, even a whisper is too loud in this silent night. And we’re in bed with all the girls. 

She makes a gesture for a phone and I turn myself around to take my phone on the nightstand. I unlocked it and the brightness of the phone made me wince. She smiles a little as I bring the brightness to the lowest setting. I open my notes app to type something and show it to her.

> _ I’m sorry. _

She takes the phone and adds something to my message.

> _ You big idiot. _

I take back my phone and write some more.

> _ Yes, the biggest. I shouldn’t have tried avoiding you. I’m sorry. _

She takes the phone and we begin a series of chatting back and forth but it’s just us typing on my notes app.

> _ Are you scared because of what happened to Sam? _
> 
> _ I’m petrified. _
> 
> _ We’re not going to be like that. _
> 
> _ You don’t know that. _
> 
> _ I know us. We’ll be careful. _
> 
> _ I don’t want to take the risk. Fucking coward, I know. _
> 
> _ I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I was angry. _
> 
> _ Angry with me? _
> 
> _ Angry with the situation. _
> 
> _ Me too. And I’m sorry I said you like me just because I’m your manager. The truth is, Cat wanted to transfer me, and the idea of you getting a new manager is sending me into a spiral.  _
> 
> _ You’re so stupid. _
> 
> _ I am. And you’re so brave. Braver than me. _
> 
> _ Nah, you just think too much. In that big brain of yours. Overthinking everything. _
> 
> _ Maybe. _
> 
> _ Do you really want to call us off?  _
> 
> _ No. I don’t want to give up on this, even if we don’t know what this is. _

Kara smiles when I read my last message. I know it’s hard for us to pursue a normal relationship, but I really didn’t want to let her go. 

> _ I’m sorry I was being such a bitch on this trip. It’s been amazing. I’ll behave better tomorrow. _
> 
> _ I’m your manager, I will handle your divaness all day any day. _
> 
> _ Also, there was something I really wanted to say but I was too mad to talk to you. _
> 
> _ What is it? _
> 
> _ Your umbrella is too big. _

I laugh at her last message, and it reminds me of something that I wanted to say to her earlier too.

> _ Oh btw, I bought a KL keychain because it reminds me of us. _
> 
> _ I bought one too! _
> 
> _ Is it weird this is the most we’ve talked since we left Japan? I missed you. _
> 
> _ Technically we still haven’t talked, we’re chatting. _
> 
> _ You know what I mean. _
> 
> _ I miss you too. I hate being in a fight with you. _
> 
> _ I’m sorry. I’m sorry you think I was blaming you for what happened to Sam. I really wasn’t. I messed up, Kara. _
> 
> _ No, you didn’t! Stop blaming yourself for what happened to Sam. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. _

She showed me her message but won’t let me take the phone to reply. She types more and shows her added message to me.

> _ I’m not giving you the phone if you’re just gonna reply with “oh, it’s my fault” “oh woe is me” _

I smiled and nodded, grabbing the phone from her.

> _ I just can’t afford to make another mistake.  _
> 
> _ Did you mean it? Are we really a mistake? Am I a mistake? _
> 
> _ No. You are the BEST RIGHT in all my mistakes. _

Kara tears up at my latest message and smiles at me. Her face is just so beautiful even if the only lighting is from this dimly lit phone. I gently wipe the tears that’s about to fall with my thumb and smile back.

> _ Alex told me you know? About the transfer Cat threatened you with. _
> 
> _ Of course she did. _
> 
> _ I know she’s a blabbermouth but she cares about you, we all do. _
> 
> _ That’s why I can’t mess up, Kara. Cat will take Supergirls away from me. I can’t imagine losing you.  _
> 
> _ I’m right here, silly. You’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere. _
> 
> _ I’m afraid of what’s going to happen. _
> 
> _ You don’t have to be afraid. I told you. I want you. If you want me. _
> 
> _ I want you so bad it scares me. _

She looks at me and smirks before she types a reply.

> _ I really want to kiss you. _

She shows me the message and before I could take the phone from her, she adds something quickly.

> _ Ground rules. I know. _

Little did she know I really wanted to reply ‘me too’. 

I take the phone away from her and put it under my pillow. Kara slides closer and I drape my arm around her, pulling her close. I let her head nestle under my chin as I buried my face in her hair and we snuggled together until the morning.

* * *

This morning was a close call. I didn’t hear my alarm as my phone was under the pillow but I managed to wake up before everyone else and let go of Kara from my embrace. We were late so I quickly woke everyone up and told them to get ready.

Luckily, the shopping mall where the event is held is a quick 10 minutes walk from the hotel. I told the girls we can change into outfits later as we're only there for the sound check. We arrived on the clock at 8am and Lana is there to greet us and introduce us to the other staff. We walked around to familiarize ourselves with the stages. Sakura stage is on the right wing of the mall, with Origami stage on the other end at the left wing. Main stage is at the center, with all the event booths surrounding the area. 

The dressing room is just a big area behind the stage they cordoned off, and we have to share with the other guest artists. I secured a table for us and waited for the girls to finish their sound check. When they got back, I gathered them for one last briefing. 

"Okay, here is the schedule for today's event. Remember, our slot is 2pm at Sakura stage, then 4pm is our first _ tokutenkai _ at the main stage. Then 6pm at Origami stage and 2nd  _ tokutenkai _ at 8pm. Main event starts at 9pm on the main stage, and we are scheduled to perform at 10pm after the Kabuki dancers. Then we come back out at 11.45pm for the midnight countdown."

"Come on, Lena, you've briefed us so many times already. Can I go watch the fashion show at 1pm, please?" Alex begs.

"Yes, and I want to watch the dancers at 3pm!" Kelly joins in.

"Okay, okay, you girls can go off in your free time to go watch the other acts and shop around but please stay together, okay. Don't go off on your own. Sam, can you—"

I stopped myself when I realized it. I didn't mean to say her name, it was just out of habit.

"Sorry, Alex, can you look after the girls if I'm not around? I have to go back to the hotel to arrange a new room for you girls later. And I'll be busy with the merch booth."

"Yes, of course, boss. I'll make sure we're not separated."

When I dismissed the girls to go back to our hotel room to change, Alex approached me and touched my shoulder. I quickly said something before she could get a word out, "Sorry, that was out of habit, I know you're the leader now."

"It's okay, I miss her too," she smiles back sadly.

"Thanks, Alex. Make sure they change into their outfit but bring a sweater or a jacket or something, I don't want you girls walking around the shopping mall with just your outfits."

"You got it, boss."

* * *

“Lena, you have to try this!” Nia says as she shoves something to my face.

I took a lick of the ice cream and made a disgusted face, “WHAT is this?? And why does it smell so bad?”

“It’s durian ice cream!” she says excitedly as she takes another lick.

“I told you she won’t like it, no one does,” Kara commented.

“Why does it have a weird aftertaste??” Alex took a lick as well and stuck her tongue out, probably to get rid of the taste.

“Enough eating, you have to be back on the main stage in an hour,” I commented as I looked at my watch. It's already 10.45pm where did they even get ice cream at this hour?

We’re all at our table backstage while we’re waiting for our cue. Most of the acts are here waiting with us as well. Everything went on well except for a few hiccups with timing. It was a bit hectic as the organizers managed a last minute swap with a few acts, we ended up performing at the Main stage earlier than intended at 9pm to open the midnight countdown show so the girls are having an extra hour of rest time. They’ve been walking around the shopping mall and buying items here and there, mostly food.

“Alex, take care of the girls, I’ll bring over your shopping bags back to the hotel room first,” I said as I pick up all their shopping bags. Lana arranged for their haunted (according to Nia) suite to be changed into 4 single rooms without extra charges. It's a good thing all our merch sold out so I don’t have to carry anything extra back to Japan. 

“I’ll help,” Kara offers. I look at my watch and she adds further, “we have an hour, the hotel is just 10 minutes away, right? Plus, you can’t carry all this yourself.”

“Okay. Alex?” I ask as I look at her.

“Yeah, yeah, go. I got this, boss.”

The weather cooled down at night so it was just nice to walk about. I carried two shopping bags in each hand and Kara carried one in each of her hands. 

“By the way, all your new rooms are on the 2nd floor. All single rooms. I checked everything personally and carried all your luggage to each room. Hopefully there’s no more ghosts this time.”

Kara just chuckles at my exasperated comment. 

“They should have invited Ghostbusters to the expo, then you’ll have some contacts to help Nia out,” she jokes.

My watch beeps indicating it’s 11pm. They always beep at every hour. I stopped walking and looked at Kara.

“What?” she asks, looking puzzled.

“Happy New Year,” I said, smiling softly at her.

“It’s only 11, you still have an hour more.”

“It’s midnight in Tokyo.”

“You’re such a dork,” she said and continued walking, but I saw that smile of hers. 

“Where’s my New Year’s kiss?” she turns around and puckers up.

I run up to her and exhale on her face, “My mouth still smells like durian, are you sure you want a kiss?”

“Ew, Lena! You’re the worst!” she cries out, making a disgusted face, “your mouth smells like shit!”

“Blame Nia,” I said, trying hard to conceal my laughter.

She starts walking faster but looks back at me and shouts, “Happy New Year to you too!”

* * *

“Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!””

Confettis and fireworks fill up the midnight, as everyone cheers and celebrates the new year. All the acts are on the Main stage and the shopping mall is packed with people as they mark the start of the year. All the guest acts stayed on stage as the press and media took photos of them. 

By the time we reached the hotel it’s almost 1.30am and I reminded the girls again to have a good night's rest as we’re leaving the hotel at 10am.

“Alex, this is your room,” I said as I guided everyone to their rooms, “I’m not sure the blue shopping bag is yours or Nia’s.”

“It’s mine, thanks boss. Good night.”

“Kelly, yours is next to Alex,” I continue showing everyone their room, “have a good night. See you tomorrow at 10.”

“Good night, Lena.”

“Nia, this is your room,” I said as I open the door carefully, “will you be okay?”

She takes a look around her room and closes her eyes, when she opens them back she’s smiling, “I think this room is okay!”

I breathe a sigh of relief as I close her door, “Good night, Nia.”

“Your room,” I showed Kara hers, saving the best for last. 

She already knows where her room is when she accompanied me back to the hotel earlier, but I guess I wanted to spend a bit more time with her. I bid her good night as I take my leave but she grabs my arm, pulling me in.

“Stay. Please?”

Every single cell in my body is telling me this is a bad idea. My mind is racing and my heart is beating fast but only one word came out of my mouth.

“Okay.”

I take a step inside and close the door behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I really make them travel to Malaysia so I could fit in this [KL ](https://nerdnomads.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/I-Love-KL-KL-Tower.jpg) [Tower](https://livelifelah123.files.wordpress.com/2016/04/aa2f2-p4288835.jpg) signage in the story? Yes yes i did lol 
> 
> Also the keychain looks something like [this.](https://www.gogotrophy.com.my/uploads/product/original/661C.JPG)


	37. Kara XV

What am I doing? What am I doing? Lena is on my bed right now and I’m showering. This totally looks wrong like I’m implying something but I really just want a quick shower after a long day of performing. I didn’t expect Lena to say yes when I begged her to stay and now I’m the one freaking out.

I step out of the shower and Lena is still on my bed. I took my pajamas out of my luggage and just changed right in the middle of my room. I smiled when I saw Lena averting her gaze to the window.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen everything,” I commented.

“Just tell me when you’re done,” she said, her ears are flushed red. 

I sit next to her on the edge of the bed, “I’m done.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes until the tension between us became so awkward I can’t help but to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” she finally asks.

“I don’t know! What are we doing? Why are you not saying anything?”

She smiles back and shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“Idiot,” I reply and look at her, looking so worn out after a long day.

“Do you want to take a shower?” I ask genuinely but she looks at me and raises her left eyebrow.

“I don’t mean it like that, you dick! You look tired!” I hit her arm as I said it.

“I know, it’s fine. I’ll go back to my room and shower,” she replies.

“Why did you come into my room?” I ask. I have no idea what she’s thinking at times.

“You’re the one who invited me.”

Well, that’s true. Shit.

"Hey Lena,” she turns around and looks at me, “are you sure we're just friends?" I ask, because right now having her in my room like this doesn't seem like it.

"It's what I'll say if people ask," she replied.

"But what if I ask? Just between you and me."

“What do you think of the love ban rule?” 

I look at her in wonder. Has she been thinking about the rule all these while?

“I’m sorry, I just want to know what you think of it personally. I’ve never asked you,” she explains herself.

“Did you have a talk with Alex about this?”

“Yeah,” she chuckles, “she’s very passionate about it.”

“Well, she is a professional, being an idol is important to her,” I answer.

“Is it not important for you?” 

I pondered a little before answering, “It is. But so are you.”

“You can’t have both,” she replies, looking up to the ceiling and then back at me, “not according to Alex anyway. A relationship is a distraction, she said.”

“I mean, this is something that is weighing upon me as an idol, but my feelings for you are so strong, and I truly believe I can still do my job and be loyal to my fans, even with you in the picture,” I answer earnestly looking back at her. “Loving you makes me stronger.”

“What will your fans say… if they find out?” 

“If you’re a true fan, shouldn’t you be happy if your _oshimen_ found love?” I repeat back Sam’s sentiment, a view I have adopted myself.

Lena stands up suddenly and faces me. “Okay, there's something that I want to say to you.”

“What are you doing?” I ask with a puzzled look, just staring at her.

“A _kokuhaku_ ,” she replied. 

“You already confessed, I already know you like me, you dork,” I can’t believe her right now. Why is she being so traditional right now and doing a proper confession? I hid my face in second hand embarrassment, she is being too much. 

“I know, but I want to do it properly this time,” she said sincerely. She looks so serious and determined so I humored her. 

“Okay,” and I stood up facing her. Just us, in a tiny hotel room in Malaysia. Declaring our feelings for each other officially. 

“Kara,” she smiles, “you are talented, absolutely hilarious, and the most beautiful person I know.”

“You should go out and meet more people,” I quip.

“To be honest, I probably fell for you the first day I met you,” she ignored my joke and continued with her confession.

“When you first met me, did I steal your breath away?” I said teasingly, my tongue sticking out a bit.

“You didn’t have to steal, I was willing to hand it over freely.”

Oh God, I feel bad making jokes when she’s being romantic like this. That actually was so sweet my eyes teared up a bit so I let her continue.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away, and I’m trying hard to open up and letting you in. I know I have a lot of trouble with sharing, but I promise I will never keep a secret from you again. You asked me if I see a future with us, and I do. I know our relationship is unconventional, but I want to give us a try.” 

She takes a small pause.

“I'm going to say it,” she says.

“Okay,” I wait in anticipation.

She takes a deep breath, “Here it is.”

She fidgets around nervously and repeats herself, “Okay, I’m saying it—”

“Just say it, Lena.”

“I like you. Will you go out with me?” she spits it out and looks down with her hands extended to me, waiting for me to grab it.

“Yes, I would love to,” I grabbed her hand, pulling her in for a hug.

This is everything I ever wanted since I realized my feelings for her. As we stay in each other’s embrace, I ask her again for confirmation, “Are we doing this? Is this real? Like, are you my girlfriend?”

“Yes, and I’m yours,” she confirms it and gives me one last squeeze and lets me go.

“So what does this mean? What happens now?” I ask.

“We keep doing what we’re doing. And I’ll wait. I won’t make you do anything that breaks your current contract,” she clarifies. 

“When your contract is up in…,” she fumbles and takes her phone to open up an app, “2 years, 10 days and 22 hours, we can officially be out in the open. In the meantime, just between us, you’re my girlfriend.”

“Wait. Are you telling me you have an app that countdowns when my contract will end?” 

“Is that weird?” she looks at me worried.

“You’re such a dork,” I laugh. 

“Lena, you would really wait for me?” I ask. I just needed to hear it again.

“Of course, and if you want to renew your contract with DC, that’s fine by me too. I’ll wait some more.”

“You promise to be Supergirls’ manager? As long as I’m still here?”

“I would wait forever, as long as I’m waiting with you by my side.”

“I won’t make you wait forever.” 

We lay down on the bed, drained from all the emotional outpouring declaration of love for each other. I snuggle up to her and hug her waist. She puts her arm around me so I nuzzled my head on her. 

“Hey,” I said as I face her, “normally people would end a _kokuhaku_ with a kiss you know? To seal the deal.”

“Rule number 4,” she replied.

“Are we still following your ground rules? Even when I’m your girlfriend?” I pout.

“You’re still an idol with DC. And I can wait,” she said smugly.

“Well, I can’t,” I mumble.

She sighs. I look at her wide eyed. Is she relenting? 

“Okay, close your eyes.”

Are we really doing this? I close my eyes and my heartbeat races faster with anticipation. I can feel her body on top of me, her warm breath on my face and… 

“You made me close my eyes for a forehead kiss?” I grumble. She can be such a big idiot sometimes.

She just lies back down and laughs quietly, “I’m amending rule number 4, forehead kisses are okay.”

“Did you set up the ground rules because you think I couldn’t help it? That I would just sleep with you?”

“It’s me, Kara. I'm the one that couldn’t help it.”

Her face is red and her ears are flushed as she says it. I’ve never thought about her having to hold anything back, I thought it was just me who really wants her. Seeing her getting flustered is making me shy as well.

“What are the things that I do that make you couldn’t help yourself?” I tease her.

“That look you give me every time you ask for a hug. Yeah, that one. It’s so irresistible.”

“Okay then you have to stop staring at me when I’m dancing! It’s so distracting,” I argue, trying to list down my reasons as well.

“I’m not staring at you! I’m staring… at nothing. I’m being pensive,” she defends herself, her hands started to loosen the embrace.

“Pensive? Does pensive look like this?” I mock her face doing a lovingly stare at nothing. She really does distract me when she stares at me like that.

“Shut up. I don’t look like that,” she pouts, letting go of me and crossing her arms together, “Okay, then you have to stop wearing your glasses, because it’s ridiculously hot.”

“Oh my, God. Do you have a glasses fetish?” I tease her.

“It’s… hard for me to deal with,” she looks away while she says it and I can’t help but to smile.

“Fine, then you have to stop talking in English,” I said, adding more reasons.

“That’s a turn-on?” she asks.

“It’s hot.”

“ _So you like it when I speak in English?”_ she starts talking in English. I don’t know what she’s saying but I swallowed a lump in my throat.

“ _Is this turning you on, my love?_ ”

“Stop it!” I hit her, “or I am going to pounce on you!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she backs off.

She looks at her watch and back at me. “It’s late. You only have a few hours of sleep.”

“Are you going back to your room?” I ask.

“I have to. If I stay here any longer, I can’t control myself,” she smiles, and I know she’s telling the truth.

“Can you stay till I fall asleep?”

“Okay.”

She pulled the comforter and tucked me in. I stay under the comforter while she lies down on top of it by my side, with her arms around me. I don’t know how long it took for me to fall asleep, but when I woke up she was gone and it felt like a dream. 

Alex knocks on my door to make sure that I wake up before we have to gather. I quickly pack my luggage and meet up with everyone in the lobby. I look at Lena and she’s acting normally, not like the sweet and romantic Lena I saw last night. I wonder if everything was really a dream, something I just imagined.

It wasn't until we're standing in the main lobby, waiting for our transportation to the airport, that I knew I wasn't dreaming.

Lena leans in and whispers to me, "2 years, 10 days, 14 more hours to go."

That's right. We can still stay together even if I'm binded to a rule. She'll wait for me right by my side. And after that? After that maybe we can finally truly be together. 

* * *

"Girls," Lena addresses us while we're in the MPV car on the way to the airport, "I want to talk about Supergirls' direction for this year."

"What about it, boss?"

"You know, it's the new year and all. I want to hear what's your personal goal or the goal you want to achieve for the group. And maybe we can work on it together. What do you think?"

Everyone murmurs what a great idea it is and agrees with Lena.

"Leader, you want to start us off?"

"Well, I would love to see Supergirls rank high in the Oracle ranking. Maybe even get to perform for "Oracle Music Station". Probably there's no chance now for our 3rd single, but maybe for our future singles?" Alex said.

"That's good. Okay, our first goal for this year is to perform on "Oracle Music Station"." Lena jots it down on her planner, "How about you, Kara?"

"I would love to write more songs. Oh, I want Supergirls to have a girls only live!"

"Oh my God, that's a great idea. Our male to female fans ratio is so lopsided. This way, we can get more female fans to come to our live!" Kelly adds on.

Lena takes down more notes on her planner.

"Kelly? How about you? Do you have a personal goal or something you really like to try this year?"

"I don't know if this is possible but… I really like to try choreographing some of our songs." Kelly replied sheepishly.

"That's great! I didn't know you wanted to do that!" Lena exclaims, "I'll talk to Cat about it."

"Nia? You've been so silent… Are you sleeping?"

"No, no, I'm awake. I don't know, really. I've just been going with the flow. Never thought about goals."

"Well, is there something you like to do? Or something you like to try?" Lena asks further, "Or something you like to see Supergirls do?"

"Hmm… I would love for us to have our own music video. The one Amazons did for their latest single was amazing."

"Oh, yeah, the one in the jungle? I heard Brainy said he got lots of mosquito bites from that shoot," Lena commented.

"And I," Lena adds, "would like for you girls to have your own Twitter accounts." 

"You're just tired of maintaining our group one, aren't you?" Alex side eyes her and Lena laughs it off.

"Okay, this is good. Let me list it down. Supergirls goals for this year: Oracle Music Station appearance, songs written by Kara and choreographed by Kelly, girls only live, our own music video, personal twitter accounts."

She looks so proud listing down our goals that I can't help but to smile wildly at her.

"Let's have a great year, Supergirls."

* * *

Saturday is our off day and starting tomorrow I'm going to have straight practice day until AGM. Personally, I get so bored on off days, I don't know what to do. I grabbed my phone and texted Lena.

> **Kara 1.24pm**
> 
> Bored! Alex is out shopping. What are you doing? Let's grab lunch. I bet you forgot to eat lunch again, right?

The reply was immediate.

> **Lena 1.24pm**
> 
> Sorry! Last minute meeting with all the managers. Thank you for the lunch reminder, I'll eat later.

She's been working non-stop now that AGM is near. I didn't realize there's so much planning that goes into an event of this scale. On top of it, she has to manage us as well. I'm glad I'm not into managerial stuff because handling people and organizing time would drive me crazy. Even looking at an excel sheet makes me nauseous. I'd rather look at a music sheet.

I start to doodle in my music journal, just randomly writing lines and anything that inspires me. When suddenly a text came in.

> **Lena 1.29pm**
> 
> I'll be done in an hour if you still want to meet up? 
> 
> **Kara 1.29pm**
> 
> Do you want to go to the aquarium? They have a new penguin exhibit.
> 
> **Lena 1.30pm**
> 
> Is this a date?

Wait, is it? I didn't mean for it to sound like a date, I just wanted to see penguins. I didn't have time to reply, because Lena texted me again.

> **Lena 1.30pm**
> 
> Okay. See you at the aquarium at 3.

I put my phone down and smile. We're going on a date.

* * *

"Hi," I greet her.

"Hi— what is that?"

"It's my disguise," I said, as I twirl my fake mustache.

She gives me an exasperated look and walks away.

"You said the glasses turn you on, so my new disguise is this glorious fake mustache I found at the 100 yen store."

"You look even more suspicious, take it off!"

I took off my mustache, and wore my usual face mask and glasses. I take her hand and we walk towards the entrance.

"Don't we need tickets?" I ask.

"Already got them," she shows me the two tickets.

"How much was it?" 

"It's on me, come let's go in."

"Lena, you don't have to keep paying everything for me. Today is our day off." 

"No, I want to," she insisted.

"We're not breaking any rules, are we?"

"If people ask, we’re just two platonic friends, going to see some penguins," she smiles. 

* * *

"That's you," I point out at a stingray's face, sticking weirdly to the aquarium's glass.

"That's you," she points at a weird looking fish with a bump on its head.

We've been sitting on the bench of the aquarium, pointing out weird fishes to each other. We missed the feeding time for the penguins so we opted to just sit and watch the fishes at the big tank. 

"That's you," I point out at some weird eel, slithering on the aquarium's floor.

"That's you," she points at a puffer fish.

"Wow are you saying I'm fat?" I puffed.

"No, you look like that when you're being stubborn," she laughs.

The aquarium was dark so we weren't worried if anyone could see us. I lay my head on her shoulders as we keep looking at fishes, our fingers intertwined with each other. 

“I wish we could do more,” I lamented.

“I’m sorry that we can’t,” Lena replied.

"Hey, pretend I'm not an idol. And you're not my manager," I look up to her and plead, "just for this moment, pretend we're just two normal people. What would you say?"

"Not an idol Kara," she looks at me and I laugh a little, "I, not a manager Lena want to tell everyone I know that we’re girlfriends. I want to shout it from the rooftops. There’s no ground rules for us. You don’t have to wear a disguise anymore and please throw that disgusting fake mustache away."

"Not a manager Lena," I reply, and we both chuckle at the absurdity, "I, not an idol Kara would definitely NOT throw my fake mustache, and I will continue to wear it while we make sweet sweet love to each other."

"In this pretend world, I would be kissing you right about now," she continues, her eyes looking straight at me, staring into my soul.

I look at her and my heart is racing. It’s something I’ve been wanting from her and I know how hard it is for her to say it out loud, even with the guise of pretending. 

"In an aquarium? How romantic of you, not a manager Lena." I make my usual attempt at a joke to get out of a tense situation.

"Shut up," she laughs.

This time, she's the one leaning her head on my shoulder, as we continue to gaze on the big blue tank in front of us, watching the underwater creatures swimming peacefully. I kissed the top of her head that’s on my shoulder and rested my head on it. Her thumb plays over the scar on my left hand.

"Does it still hurt?"

"No, it just feels like a weird bump, feel it, it's so smooth," I take her whole hand over my scar.

"It's new skin basically, so it feels smooth like a baby's skin."

"What are you thinking?" I've been asking this question a lot recently, it's fascinating to hear her thoughts out loud.

"AGM mostly. Then DC Fest. Brainy has been going on and on about theories on what Cat will announce during AGM. And thinking of us," she replied, her thumb still stroking over my scar.

"Us? What about us?"

"How if I'm not careful, Cat will take Supergirls away from me. How if you get caught, what happened to Sam or M'gann will happen to you. How every moment and act of endearment I want to show you have to be scrutinized every single time and I can't just do it or act on it. How much I want to go back to that pretend world to hold you and grab you and kiss you but I can't. How much I really wish I'm not a manager right now, and you're not an idol."

"But if you're not my manager and I'm not an idol, we wouldn't have met."

"True."

We continue to rest on each other in silence. 

"That's you—"

"That's you—"

We both pointed at the hammerhead shark that swam by at the same time and laughed ourselves silly. I really wish we could run away to that pretend world right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of the best thing i love about japan is their _kokuhaku_ (confessions) tradition, it’s just something so personal i love it so much i had to write it for supercorp also they’re soft girlfriends now uwu
> 
> also would i really make them (and you guys) wait 2 years for the kiss? read on and find out lmao


	38. Lena XV

"A stalker attack and a graduation. Not even I have it that rough my first year on the job," Quentin says as he sits down on the floor next to me during dance practice.

We finally had some time together on the last day of practice, which is the rehearsals for the centers number. Since it's just for 4 idols, Sara is leading the dance practice because it's a song by The Canaries. They've already split up the lines of the song between themselves, now they only need a few hours to perfect the moves.

I noticed all the centers are rehearsing like Kara, dancing and singing together. It's amazing to watch the 4 idols, top of their game, working together so seamlessly. Maybe this is why Cat wants to showcase them. 

"Yeah, some luck I have. Can you give me some of your dad manager energy so I can manage my girls properly like you?" I replied.

"You think I managed them properly? Oh, I struggled," he laughs as he leans his head back on the wall. 

"I couldn't imagine you struggling," I replied.

"Don't tell anyone, but first year on the job? Sara and Laurel both had a crush on a fan. Ollie, Oliver, something. Whatever his name was. The sister rivalry during that time? Boy, I'm telling you, almost broke the group."

"What did you do?"

"I didn't know what to do, but one day that boy came to the live with a girlfriend. Sweet looking girl, blond with glasses, and they both stopped fighting. It solves itself," he said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Sometimes, we just don't know what to do, and that's okay, kid. That's life. We don't have all the solutions."

"Cat wanted to transfer me to be Nubia's manager," I confess. I don't know why it's easier to talk with Quentin about my problems but it just is. 

"She won't, she likes you," he replied.

"I don't think she does anymore. One more mistake and Supergirls are done," I look at Quentin and he's looking back at me with a quizzed look, "her words, not mine."

"You're doing great, kid. Trust me. Just relax and do your job. If you think too much about not making a mistake, you're more than likely to make one."

"Thanks, Quentin," I said, "hey by the way, if that Ollie guy is here today? What would you do to him? I mean if Sara and Laurel are fighting over him today?"

"I would grab that son of a bitch by the collar and threaten him not to come to any of our lives anymore."

"Holy shit, Quentin," I look at him with a shocked face. I don't think he's kidding. 

"Nobody messes with my girls. And that includes you too," he says as he looks at me, "you're my girl now too, kid."

I smile back at him fondly. 

* * *

"Tired?" I asked Kara. It's her fifth day in a row of rehearsals, and she looks worn out as she sits down next to me, taking a quick break from dancing.

"A bit," she takes a huge sip of water and some dribbles down her chin.

"You want me to get a taxi later?" I offered, I don't mind taking a taxi if she's too tired to walk and take the train.

"Can you bridal carry me back to my house?" she jokes, or at least I think she is.

"I'll drop you the minute I step out of the company's door," I reply, shaking my head.

"You're so weak," she laughs, "I bet I could carry you longer."

“Yeah, right.”

"Get up," she instructs, standing up herself.

"What are you doing?" I whisper loudly, my eyes gazing at Quentin and the other girls that are still in the dancing room.

"Proving my point. It's fine, we're just playing around. Watch," she says and winks at me, "hey Sara, Donna, Barbara. I bet you 1000 yen I can bridal carry Lena for 1 whole minute." 

"5 minutes and you got a deal!" Sara yells back.

In one quick motion, Kara places one arm around my back and another under my feet and picks me up in one swoop, barely giving me any time to prepare. I let out a tiny yelp in surprise and Kara yells back, "Start the clock!"

Sara, Donna, Barbara came over with Sara holding her phone with the timer. It's been two minutes and I could feel Kara struggling to keep up. 

"You're going to drop Lena at this rate!" Donna laughs.

"Kara, don't force yourself, just drop me," I said.

"I’m not gonna drop you. Just come closer, hug my neck for support," she grunts, sweat droplets start forming on her forehead. 

I feel like we're playing with fire, openly embracing each other in front of every group's center like this, but I comply. I close my eyes and hug her neck, just fully giving in into this feeling that Kara is carrying me, not concentrating on the jeering sounds of the other girls who are betting on Kara to drop me at any moment. 

_ Beep. _

"Well, I'll be damned. Guess I owe you 1000 yen, Kara." 

She brings me down gently to my feet and wipes her brows with the sleeves of her t-shirt, "That was fun."

"Hey dad, it's our turn, I bet I can bridal carry you for 5 minutes," Sara yells out to Quentin.

"No one is carrying me anywhere! Go back to practice!"

The girls all giggled away and continued with their practice. I wanted to yell at Kara to tell her how reckless that move was but the other girls looked like they didn't care. Maybe Quentin was right, I've been concentrating too much on trying not to make a mistake, maybe I should just enjoy it like it is. 

* * *

“All the idols are on the 15th floor. The managers and staff are on the 9th floor. Bruce, here you go. 10 idol rooms, 1 manager room,” Diana distributes the keycards for our hotel rooms, careful not to mix up the keys to the idols floor and the staff floor.

“Quentin, 4 idol rooms, 1 manager room.”

“Lena, 4 idol rooms, right?” she looks at me and asks.

“Yes,” I answer, my mind goes to Sam. We’re down to 4 now.

“5 keycards, this one here is your room,” she says as she passes me the keycards.

“The 15 finalists are all on the 16th floor, do not let the idols mingle with them. Cat do not want any biases to influence her decision.

“Get all your idols checked in and then let’s go back down at the banquet hall for a quick briefing.”

She looks at her watch and I take a look at mine as well. It’s 3.25pm. Tomorrow is the AGM so the company arranged for a two night stay, with tomorrow night complimentary from the hotel. Cat told us we get to check-in today so that we won’t have to rush for tomorrow. The banquet hall is fully rigged with cameras and equipment, all prepped for the live televised event. Tonight will be the tech rehearsal and sound check for the finalists but I guess Diana wants the managers to meet up earlier to do some final checking. I grabbed my luggage and walked over to my girls, who were already mingling with the other idols. 

“Let’s go, girls, 15th floor,” I loudly announce to everyone.

Between the 4 members of Supergirls, 4 members of The Canaries, 10 members of Birds of Prey and 7 members of Amazons the elevator lobby is absolutely packed. We went up with The Canaries first and got to our room. There’s only one keycard each so I reminded the girls again not to lose theirs. I jot down their room numbers in my phone in case I forget.

When I was done, Amazons and Birds of Prey just started to come up and the whole floor turned into a noisy dorm hall as all the idols were keeping their doors open and going into each other's rooms. 

“Girls, girls!” Bruce yells, and all the idols turn to look at him, “Rest well and DO NOT go anywhere without telling your managers, okay? We’ll bring up dinner for you later tonight.”

“Don’t go too crazy tonight, we have AGM tomorrow. Have fun but not too much fun, okay?” Diana adds.

All the girls agreed and waved the managers away, continuing with their mingling. We rarely have lives together with all the DC idols so it must be a rare once in a year opportunity for them to catch up. All of the managers got on the elevator together, and I shared a smile with Kara as the elevator door closed.

The banquet hall was massive with a huge stage set up right at the front of the hall. In front of the stage, are banquet style seating with 50 tables set up for the idols, the managers, shareholders and also the media. At first glance, I could see two huge jimmy jib cameras set up right at the side of the stage, and 3 more at the back and 2 at the sides. 

The technical manager & the director came up to us and introduced themselves. The technical manager then briefed us on the camera positions so that we’re more aware.

“So we have 11 cameras for tomorrow’s event. The 3 master cam at the back will focus on the performances on stage and all the speeches for the night. The 2 pedestals camera here at the side is also for the performances on stage. We have 3 handheld cameras for each table to capture reaction shots. 2 jimmy jib cameras here, and 1 steadicam that will follow the performance. We need to do a full rehearsal with the steadicam camera,” the technical manager briefed us.

“Yes, tonight will be rehearsal with the finalist. Tomorrow morning is with the rest of the group,” Diana confirms.

“Where are the handheld cameras positioned again?” Quentin asks.

This time the director speaks up, “So the 3 tables at the front of the stage are for the idols and their managers. There’s 10 seats for each table. Cat-san says the 4 members of Supergirls and 4 members of The Canaries will be seated together with the managers. Next table is all 10 members of Birds of Prey. Bruce-san, you will sit together with 7 members of Amazons, Diana-san and Cat-san at the third table. The handheld cameras will follow each table for reaction shots.”

“So, we’ll have a camera up to our face the whole night?” I asked Quentin quietly. It’s my first live televised event, and I’m feeling very self aware. 

“It’s okay, kid. They will only cut to the camera if they think our reactions are interesting. Just keep a straight face the whole night,” he reassures me.

The technical manager briefed us more on the audio and lighting setup and I just followed and nodded along. I trust the other managers know what’s best and they would speak up if they need something changed. The director briefed on the rundown and which channel the live event will be broadcasted at. 

After the briefing, Diana gathered the managers again.

“Bruce, let the finalists know that they have to be down by 7pm for sound check. Dinner is catered tonight during tech rehearsal and it’s all packed individually so bring it up to your idols tonight. They absolutely cannot be here during the finalists’ sound check.” 

“Tomorrow’s breakfast is served at 7am. The finalists will have their breakfast delivered to their room. First sound check will start with Amazons at 9am. Followed by Birds of Prey, The Canaries and Supergirls. Then we’ll have a final rehearsal for the big group number and the centers number. Hair and makeup will be here at 4pm. Make sure everyone is ready an hour before the event starts.” Diana continues.

“We can go up to our room and rest, let’s meet up again, say, 6.45pm?”

“Sure, D,” Bruce agrees.

* * *

I knock on Alex’s room but there’s no answer. Carrying 4  _ bento _ boxes while trying to check my phone is a struggle, but I managed anyway. I double check the room number with the info in my phone and I’m at the right room. I went to Kelly’s door and knocked on it, no answer as well. Then I heard Kara’s voice across the hall. I went to that room and knocked on it and Sara opened the door.

“Hey, Supergirls, your dinner’s here!” she yells out when she sees my face.

“Woo hoo, food!” Kelly cries out and grabs dinner from my hands.

I peeked in and I could see some members of Birds of Prey and The Canaries in the room.

“Are my girls all here?” I asked Sara.

“All your girls are here except for Nia, she's hanging out in Zoe's room, I'll bring her dinner to her later. Where’s my dad?”

“He’s taking a smoke break, he’ll bring up your dinner soon. Should I tell him to bring it to this room?”

“Yeah, that'll be awesome, thanks Lena.”

“Lena, I want to follow!” Kara pipes up and comes to the door.

“No, you can’t come down,” I cautioned, “the finalists are doing their sound checks. I’ll see you girls for breakfast tomorrow. Leader, 7am!”

“Got it, boss!” 

“Walk you to the elevator?” she pleads, looking at me with endearing eyes that she knows I can’t resist.

I sigh, “Fine.”

“You’re being ridiculous, you know? The elevator is just there,” I point at the elevator at the end of the hall.

“I like walking with you, however short it is.”

“Hey, don’t forget to eat dinner, okay?” she says while we walk the short distance to the elevator.

“Okay, I’ll eat with all the managers later.”

“What’s your room number?” she suddenly asks.

“922, ninth floor. All the managers and staff are on the same floor, so don’t even think to try and sneak in.”

She makes a shocked gesture and gasps loudly, “What are you implying, manager?”

“Just don’t, okay?” I laughed a little, I wouldn’t put it past her to actually sneak in into my room tonight.

I press on the elevator’s button and wait together with Kara.

She tugs on my shirt and gives me that irresistible look. I look at the elevator and it’s on the 4th floor. I look left and right. There’s no one in the hallway so I pull her in for a hug right in front of the elevator. I kept my eyes on the elevator display, we can hug for 8 more floors. I close my eyes for a few seconds and check it again. 6 more floors. She nuzzles her head against my shoulder. 5 more floors. I take in a deep breath and just take in her smell. She smells like heaven. 3 more floors. I wonder what she tastes like. 2 more floors. I give her one last squeeze and let her go.

The elevator door opens and Quentin looks at us while holding 4 dinners in one hand.

“They’re all in Sara’s room,” I said.

“Okay, thanks. Kara, what are you doing here?”

It didn’t occur to me that it looks weird to have Kara here waiting with me by the elevator, I look at her in a panic.

“I’m reminding her to eat dinner later! Quentin, can you help? She always forgets to eat,” Kara replied cheerily, clearly a more natural liar than I am.

“I’ll bring this to them,” she continues and takes the dinner from Quentin, “bye Lena, bye Quentin. See you tomorrow morning!”

The door closes and Quentin turns around and looks at me, “Is she always this cheerful?”

“Yeah,” I laugh a little. Sneaking around telling a few fibs can actually be quite fun.

* * *

I didn’t anticipate a knock on my door this late at night so I groan internally, half expecting the person who is on the other side. 

I opened the door and I was right, so I pulled her in quickly.

“What are you doing!! I told you not to come! Did anybody see you?”

“I just want to see what the manager’s room is like,” she walks in and marvel in wonder, “why is your room bigger than mine?”

“It’s the same single room, Kara.”

I sit down next to her on the bed, “This is not funny, Kara. The whole hotel is filled with our staff and crew. What if someone saw you? What if Alex knocks on your room right now looking for you?”

“I already told them I’m going to bed early, no one will knock on my room.”

I sigh. Sometimes when she decides on something she can be so stubborn about it.

“It’s late, Kara. We have to be down at 7am tomorrow. Come, I’ll bring you back up to your room,” I offered. 

“Can we cuddle? Just for a little while,” she says.

A cuddle? She is really testing me. If I didn’t have any self-control, I would be doing her right here on this bed. Just imagine how easy it is for me to rip that pajamas off—

“What are you thinking?” she asks.

I immediately shake that thought out of my head. I know we don’t keep secrets anymore from each other, but I can’t possibly admit it out loud.

“Thinking about how I’m supposed to cuddle up with you in this small single bed,” I lied, a white lie.

She slips under the comforters and pats the empty space next to her. I slide in and throw my arms around her and she snuggles up to me. She keeps her head buried against my chest, her arms gently placed on my back. In the darkness, the cuddle feels warm and safe. 

“Are you nervous for tomorrow?” I ask her. 

“Not really. It’s just like any other live, except that it’s being broadcasted on national TV.”

“I am,” I admit.

“Why? Are the managers doing a special song together?” she laughs a little.

“The technical manager said they have cameras on each table for reaction shots, I’m too self conscious for that.”

“Just don’t go picking your nose, they would definitely use that for a reaction shot,” she looks up to me, “can you imagine? If you pick your nose and that is the biggest news from this year’s AGM.”

I just giggled at her imagination, “How do you even think up these hilarious situations?”

“My main purpose in life is to write songs, to sing and dance, and to make my girlfriend laugh,” she nuzzles her head against my chest. I propped my head on top of hers.

“Do you think we’ll get new members tomorrow?” she wondered.

“Probably, we’re not The Canaries, we can’t remain with 4 members forever,” I answered.

“Did you see anyone you think would make a great member for Supergirls? From the sound check tonight?”

“I don’t know their names, they were only wearing numbers tonight. Number 11 looks good. She has a very distinctive voice, and she looks smart too. We don’t have a smart character in Supergirls.”

“Is this your way of telling us that we’re all stupid?” she looks up at me, looking annoyed.

“You know what I mean! She looks like the studious type.”

“Is that your type? Studious? Is that why my glasses turn you on?” she teases me.

“Oh God, I hate admitting that to you,” I groan.

“But what’s your type? For real,” she asks seriously.

“My type is overbearing, stubborn, hard headed, devious...” I hug her tighter as I continue, “talented, clever, hilarious, creative and an all around amazing little devil.”

“Your type sounds like a handful.”

“She is. She is awesome... and gifted... and breathtakingly beautiful and I'm just… ordinary. I don’t know what she sees in me.”

“Hey,” she looks at me, “you’re not just ordinary.”

“I am though,” I bring her up to my face, “you can say it. I know I am.”

“No, you are a fucking amazing and phenomenal person. I wish you could see yourself as like a tenth of how great I see you, then you’ll know,” she affirmed with such sincerity, that it makes me believe in her. If she thinks I’m phenomenal, then I trust her words. 

"You're amazing too," I add.

"I know that," she replied smugly.

"And humble," I laughed.

"What do you think of Supergirls' goals this year? You think we can achieve it?" she asks me all of a sudden.

"Of course. Goal setting is important, at least we have targets to achieve this year."

"We didn't even rank Top 10 with our 3rd single. I thought an original song would give it some push. We're the least popular group in DC, and the most troublesome. What if we don't make it?" 

I listen to her as she spells out her worry about Supergirls' future. 

"Number 13 in weekly rankings is not a bad number. 22,434 people bought your single. That's 22,434 people who listened to something you wrote! Plus, that ranking only tracks physical copies. Between lives, radio play and streaming probably hundreds of thousands of people heard your song. That's something to be proud about."

"I never thought of it that way," she replied, "you're so optimistic."

"I'm a realist. Plus, Supergirls will totally make it, my girlfriend is the center for that group. She’s amazing."

“Your girlfriend? Then you must be biased, I don’t trust your opinion.”

I just chuckled at her comment. It's late so I gave her one last squeeze. I need to bring her back to her room.

“No, don’t let me go,” she begs.

I wrap my arms around her and hug her closer. I close my eyes and appreciate this feeling. Deep into the night, we started to breathe in unison as we held each other tightly. As long as she’s here, everything is going to be alright. 

A few more minutes of cuddling won't do anyone harm.

* * *

My phone starts ringing and I blindly reach out my hand for it. I didn’t even look at who was calling me.

“Hello?” I croaked, ugh it’s too early to start talking.

“Boss? I can’t find Kara. She’s not answering her phone.”

I look down at my other arm and at the entity wrapped around it.

_ Shit. Shit shit shit. _

I wake Kara up by shaking her hard. She was about to say something but I placed my hand on her mouth, not letting her talk.

“Uhh… yeah.. ALEX,” I say the name out loud, hoping Kara would get what I’m doing. Her wide eyes are telling me that she does.

“Kara is uh… uh….”

“Tell her I’m in the shower,” she whispers.

“And how would I know that?” I argue back quietly while putting a hand on the phone’s receiver.

“Boss?” I could hear Alex’s muffled voice coming from my phone. 

“Uh yeah, Kara already went down, she told me she went down early for a walk,” I shrugged and Kara gave me a thumbs up.

“Okay, see you downstairs, boss.”

I look at the clock and it’s 6.47am. SHIT.

“We overslept! Shit!”

“Lena, I can’t go up and change, a lot of the idols will be going down now, they’ll see me,” Kara panics as she tugs on my arm.

‘Uhh… okay, okay, let me think, uhh… wear my clothes! They fit, right?”

“Alex would know!”

“No, no, look, I have a Supergirls t-shirt here, it’s generic. Alex won’t know it’s mine,” I grabbed the Supergirls t-shirt from my luggage. I grab my jeans as well and pass it to her.

“These are clearly your jeans! All of the members know it’s yours! I know! YOU go up to my room and grab my clothes!" 

“Okay, okay. Pass me your keycard. It’s not weird if I go up now, right? I’ll just say I’m grabbing something from your room.”

“Get my phone too, it’s charging beside the table. And uhhh…” she hesitates.

“What?”

“My lucky underwear.”

“What??”

“My red bra, it’s hanging over the chair, I always wear it for sound checks,” she says sheepishly. 

“Okay, okay. Phone, red bra, clothes. Got it,” and I rushed out.

“Lena!” she called out for me when I was about to open the door.

“You should change too!”

I look down and I see that I’m still in my pajamas. Right. I quickly changed out of my pajamas and rushed up to Kara’s room. I passed by Barbara and the rest of Birds of Prey on my way up.

“Morning Lena, Supergirls already went downstairs,” Barbara commented.

“Yeah, I know. Just taking Kara’s phone, she left it in her room,” I smile back, telling a half truth.

I quickly rummage through her room for her desired items and go back downstairs to give her clothes. After she changed, we made sure no one else was in the hallway before we got out. We waited for the elevator, breathing heavily at our own induced panic, this last elevator ride down as the final hurdle.

The door opens and Diana looks at us puzzled.

“Is this the managers’ floor or the idols’ floor?” she asks while looking at the display inside the elevator.

“Manager’s floor, Kara is just tagging along with me, I forgot my phone in my room,” I lied smoothly.

“Oh, I must have pressed on the wrong floor. I’m going up to check on my girls, see you downstairs.”

We pressed down again and this time the elevator was empty. When we got in we both breathed a sigh of relief. We look at each other and just burst into laughter. The ridiculousness of this morning’s situation is finally dawning on me. 

I look at her and shake my head, “I told you not to sneak into my room!”

“No no no no, I wasn’t the one cuddling me the whole night, that’s on you,” she says as she boops my nose. 

“Please don’t do this again tonight, I’m having a mini heart attack,” I said as I clutch my own chest.

“Ground rule number 10,” I add, “no sneaking into each other’s room.”

“Overruled,” she dismisses my rule and the elevator door opens. The hotel’s coffeehouse is buzzing with idols, staff and management no one realizes we were a bit late or came together.

As I’m trying to compose myself before I enter the coffeehouse, Kara leans in and whispers, “See you again tonight, girlfriend.”

I swear this girl will be the death of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s supercorp sitcom hour lol something light for y’all next chapter is AGM. i won't spoil but… just be prepared 👀


	39. Lena XVI

“Wow, you look dashing,” Kara commented.

I'm in my burgundy three-piece suit, all geared up for AGM. I opted for a pantsuit instead of a dress because this is easier to move in.

"It's not fair that you get to dress up while us idols are stuck in our costumes," she grumbles.

We're in her room as I'm checking on the girls to see if they're ready. AGM starts in an hour so everyone is heading down to the banquet hall to be seated.

"You can dress up for the after party," I said, checking my watch, "okay, let's go down. Everyone else is ready."

"No, wait," Kara grabs my hand and pulls me closer.

Her face is so close to me, while her hand plays around with the tie around my neck.

"It's crooked. Now you're good to go."

I swallowed heavily, "Th- Thanks. Let's go."

* * *

“Woah, this dinner is fancier than last year’s!” Nia exclaims as she observes the menu on the table.

We’re all seated on the round table right at the front of the stage with The Canaries and Quentin. Kara sat next to me as they served up the appetizers. The dinner has already started but the live event will start in 20 minutes. Most of the guests are walking around and mingling. 

“Lena,” a familiar hand touches my back.

“Jack? Hi!” I get up and greet him, “Oh my God, what are you doing here?”

“I'm Nubia's new manager. Cat just hired me,” Jack informs, “I didn't know you work with DC.”

“Yeah, since July last year. I'm Supergirls' manager. So you've started working already?”

“I'm assisting Diana for now, and I’ll take over after Nubia graduates. I'm seated at the back there and I saw you. Had to come over and say hi.”

“Yeah, of course. That's Quentin, The Canaries' manager,” I introduced him, “Quentin, this is Jack, soon-to-be Nubia's manager.”

“Okay, I should go back. Have a good AGM,” Jack kisses my cheek, as we usually do. But I forgot it wasn’t the norm here, and I could see the eyes around the table taking note of that gesture in their mind.

“Sure, I'll see you around,” I sit back down, waiting for the inevitable questions.

“WHO is that?”

There it is. Surprisingly, it came from Sara.

“We went to the same University abroad.”

“And??!” now it’s from Alex.

“Sorry for being forward, we usually greet each other like that. Nothing more,” I explain myself.

“Didn’t look like nothing more,” Lauren pipes up.

“Girls,” Quentin comes to my defense, “behave.”

“Come on, boss. Tell us everything,” Alex grins at me. The whole table is grilling me except for Kara and Quentin. All of them could sense Jack used to be something more. And they’re not wrong. I sighed.

“Fine, he's also my ex,” I roll my eyes.

The girls oohs and aahs at my revelation and tries to pry more information. I only care about the one person’s reaction but she’s not giving any. She continues eating her appetizers nonchalantly.

The main dish is about to be served so the girls stop bothering me. At the same time, the emcee announces something.

“Dear guests. AGM will start shortly. Please be seated and kindly make sure your phone is on silent mode throughout the night. Your cooperation is deeply appreciated. Thank you.”

Everyone gets a bit more tense as the live event is about to start. The handheld camera for our table takes position nearby, the lens pointing right at me.

The floor manager takes his position at the front of the stage, he is talking to his headset then his voice booms loud enough for all the three tables to hear. 

“60 seconds to live!”

My eyes are still looking at the handheld camera that’s been pointing at me. Why is it still pointing at me? My legs start fidgeting nervously. 

“30 seconds to live!”

Kara gently places a hand on my thigh and whispers. I almost want to tell her not to, there’s a camera pointing at us.

“Relax, see that indicator on top of the camera? If it’s red, meaning this is the camera they’re using. It’s not red right now, so you’re not on TV, okay?” she reassures me.

“15 seconds to live!”

“Okay,” I calmed down.

The floor manager holds up 10 fingers in the air, and puts down one finger at a time. Indicating the last few seconds before AGM begins and we’re all broadcasted live on national TV.

The music starts and graphics plays on the big screen.

"Welcome to DC Entertainment's 10th Annual Grand Meeting!"

* * *

> Life is wonderful
> 
> Meeting someone and giving love a try
> 
> Ah, it’s wonderful, you can laugh and cry
> 
> With all your heart
> 
> There are days when I’m scared to even talk to anyone
> 
> But I get up the courage to talk about myself
> 
> You can’t have sunshine without rain
> 
> I’ll be able to accept it all someday!
> 
> Life is wonderful
> 
> I’ll find something, even if it’s the same road as always!
> 
> Ah, it’s wonderful, may that road
> 
> Lead to somebody!

“And that was Supergirls with their latest 3rd single, “I Wish”,” the emcee holds for applause.

“DC Entertainment is proud to have these 4 idol groups under their umbrella, as it’s been a product of a long hard road to success. This year, DC Entertainment will celebrate its 10th year in the business. It all started 10 years ago, with 5 original Amazons members and their determined producer, Cat-P. Please enjoy ‘10 years of DC’”.

As the clip starts playing, the girls come back to our table in the darkness.

“How was it?” Kara asks as she sits back down.

“You were great, everyone was.”

My eyes go back to the clip that’s been playing and it’s Diana, younger but still her. She’s outside a venue distributing flyers in the cold, trying to pull in fans. With a young looking Bruce at the side, watching over her. The clip then cuts to Cat, sitting on the floor with music sheets, and a laptop. I look over at their table and watch them looking at the clip, just taking in 10 years of their hard work.

The clip then moves on to the creation of Birds of Prey, The Canaries, and finally Supergirls. Brainy did a great job compiling the video, as it succinctly shows all 10 years of DC’s history.

The lights of the banquet hall came on and the floor manager is at the front of the stage again.

“3 minutes commercial break!”

I could see the finalists being ushered to the backstage. It’s time for their final performance. Cat has been taking into account their training and improvements but this final performance is their last chance to really impress Cat. It’s also a chance for the girls to watch the performance of a possible future member.

“Which one do you like again?” Kara whispers.

“I don’t  _ like _ her,” I whisper back defensively, “I just thought she would be good for the group. Number 11.”

“Right. You like Jack,” she accuses.

“Liked. Past tense,” I correct her.

“60 seconds to go!” the floor manager yells out.

I check the handheld camera to make sure the red light is not on.

“Kara, there’s no need to be jealous,” I say it softly, making sure no one overhears, even though the hall is buzzing with people chatting amongst themselves.

“I have a right to be jealous of,” she looks left and right, “my girlfriend’s exes.”

“30 seconds to go!”

“When you’re with me, you don’t have to wonder if there’s anyone else. I only see you.”

Kara gives a slight smile but quickly composes herself as the floor manager countdown the last 10 seconds to live.

He quickly gestures for us to clap so the whole hall bursts into applause as the music starts and graphics play on the big screen again.

The emcee announced the final performance for the 15 finalists. They all performed, “If you wish for a blue sky” with equally distributed lines and spotlight. I look over at Cat who is studying the performance intensely. After the performance, the emcee plays a 10 minutes montage video of the whole audition process and their training. 

All the idols get up to prepare themselves for the big group performance number once the video ends. I squeeze Kara’s hands as she gets up and I could see her giving me a smile in the darkness. I continue watching the video and watch a few clips of the training camp. Maybe I should ask Brainy for last year’s video. It would be fun to watch Kara at the training camp with the rest of the finalists from her audition.

When I saw Cat getting up from her seat, I could hear a lot of murmurs from behind me, everyone waiting in suspense on who Cat will choose.

When the video ended, it straight away transitioned to the big group performance on stage. Everyone performed Amazons’ latest single, “Left-handed kiss”.

After their performance, the idols remained on stage. The finalists are waiting anxiously. Once Cat announces their name, they can join their new group up on the stage. I can’t imagine what they feel right now, it must be nerve-wracking. Is this how Kara felt last year?

“I will now announce the winners from the DC Idol Auditions,” Cat began, suddenly appearing on stage with a microphone in hand.

“For Amazons, no new members this year.”

The hall started buzzing and I could see the look of shocked faces of the girls on stage. Amazons always get a new member or two each year, this is the first year they won’t get one so it’s quite the news.

“For Birds of Prey, two new members this year.”

I could see the finalists hold each other’s hands. They’ve spent a month training together, it bonded them with experience that only they share with each other. It must be bittersweet to see your friends get chosen but not yourself.

“Number 6, Helena.”

Number 6 is now jumping up and down and being congratulated by the other finalist. She joins Birds of Prey on stage where she is immediately welcomed.

“Number 15, Tatsu.”

Number 15 had a different reaction from Helena. Tatsu went down to her knees and broke down. The other finalists had to help her get back on her feet, and she was immediately embraced by Helena on stage. 

“For The Canaries, 1 new member this year.”

The hall buzzed even louder than when they find out Amazons won’t get a new member. The Canaries never had new members joining them before and has been a 4 member group for the longest time. I look over at Quentin who is now concentrating his gaze towards the stage.

“Number 3, Mia.”

The Canaries looked startled but still welcomed Mia into their group. Mia looks like she fits right in already. 

And now it’s the time I’ve been waiting for.

“For Supergirls, 2 new members this year.”

We get two. So we’re back to our original formation of 6 members. I could handle 6 girls. I can do this.

“Number 9, Gayle.”

I look over at number 9, the tall lanky blond gracefully takes slow steps to the stage. She looks regal and composed for someone who just won an audition. Nia immediately hugs her and the other girls welcome her as well.

“Number 11, Imra.”

I internally cheered. I was sure she would be a good addition to Supergirls and I was glad we got her. I look over at Kara and she’s raising both eyebrows up and down while looking at me. I covertly gave her a thumbs up.

“That is all,” Cat ends the announcement and cuts to commercial break. Brainy was wrong. There’s no special surprise for AGM. Unless you count the new members for The Canaries as a surprise.

All the girls and finalists went back to their respective tables, except for the centers. As they have the centers’ performance after commercial break.

“So, what do you think?” I ask Alex immediately when she sits down.

“I like their vibe, we’re back to six members,” she smiles.

“Yeah, this is Supergirls’ year,” I smile back. Everything is going great. We’ve got our goals we want to achieve, we got 2 new members, we’re back to our original 6 member formation, and I got Kara with me the whole way. I really could feel this is Supergirls’ year.

“Nia,” I call for her across the table, “you’re a senior now.”

“I love both Gayle and Imra already. They’re so cute!”

“The Canaries, you girls got a new member too,” I point out.

“Yeah, I’m actually a bit thrown,” Laurel replied, “It’s been just us all this while.”

“Hey Dinah, we both get 2nd Gen members at the same time,” Alex interrupts.

“Don’t be too cocky, we’re still your seniors in the company,” Dinah replies and the whole table laughs.

“60 seconds to live!”

I shushed the girls down as we waited for the centers’ performance. I look over at all three tables and notice that Cat is still not back. I have a bad feeling deep down in my gut but shake that feeling away.

When the stage light came on, my eyes went straight to Kara, shining brightly as always.

* * *

The centers’ performance ended with a huge round of applause from the hall. The four girls remained on stage and Cat appeared with a microphone on her hand.

“Another huge round of applause for our four centers please!”

After the applause dies down, Cat continues.

“I have one final announcement,” she said with conviction.

That bad feeling in my gut keeps getting worse. 

“For the 10th year of DC, I’m introducing a center’s shuffle.”

The whole hall murmurs loudly with quiet whispers. What does she mean by that?

“I believe my four centers are the best at what they do, and I want to challenge them. The center for each group will be shuffled into a new group effective immediately.”

_ What. _

“I hope in a new environment, it will elevate them to rise and bring a fresh element to their new groups. All the groups with their shuffled centers will debut at this year’s DC Fest, so please join us to see the new version of DC Entertainment’s idols.”

My breathing starts to get faster and faster. That bad feeling in my gut is now reaching my throat.

“Without further delay, the center’s shuffle first change is Kara from Supergirls. Kara will be shuffled into Amazons. The center’s shuffle second change…”

I didn’t hear the rest of Cat’s announcement. The moment she said Kara is shuffled into Amazons, my brain glitches for a moment. I’m trying to remember how to breathe. My whole body is shaking but absolutely stunned at the same time. Alex’s hand brought me back to the real world, when she tried to get me to sit back down, and eyes me to the direction of the camera. I realized I was standing looking at the stage with my mouth frozen wide open, the handheld camera pointed at me. The indicator light is blinking red.

Within the next hour, my shocked reaction will be replayed by every media.

Kara will no longer be part of Supergirls.

* * *

I’ve always thought of Kara as a packaged deal with Supergirls. I was so worried that Cat would take Supergirls from me, I didn’t think that she was able to take just Kara away. 

I watch as Kara comes down from the stage and sits at Donna’s seat, with Amazons. Cat must have instructed the centers to sit with their new group. I was still in a daze looking over at Kara when Sara came by to sit next to me.

“Hey Lena, guess I’m part of Supergirls now.”

I look over at Sara’s seat and Barbara from Birds of Prey is seating there. That must mean that Donna from Amazons is shuffled into Birds of Prey.

I’m still trying to process the information that I didn’t hear Quentin calling for me, telling me to come backstage. AGM ended a few minutes ago with Cat’s surprise announcement so all the managers rushed backstage, hoping to talk to Cat.

When I got there, Diana was already arguing with her.

“You can’t do this, Cat! Donna is part of Amazons!”

That’s right, I’m not the only one affected. Maybe if all the managers band up, we can make Cat change her mind.

“It’s done. There’s a reason I did this during AGM. My decision is final.”

“You should have asked for our opinions, Cat,” Bruce argued.

"Kara won't be able to handle being a center for Amazons, you're putting me in a bind. Sorry Lena, no offense," Diana apologized when she saw me reacting to Kara's name being mentioned.

"None taken," actually a lot taken. I believe Kara could handle anything, but I want to side with Diana now, and get Kara back to Supergirls.

"I believe Kara has a lot of potential that will be fully bloomed if she has a platform as big as Amazons. Trust me, she will bring your group to another level that you can't even imagine. And to everyone else, I'm not punishing you. I've been thinking about this for a long time. Bruce, you've worked with Donna. You know she can give Birds of Prey that extra push that you need. Quentin, I know separating with Sara will be hard for you, but Barbara and Mia will bring a freshness to The Canaries that will take your group from good to great. And Lena," Cat pauses and looks at me.

"Sara will fast track Supergirls into a much popular group with her stardom. So get ready."

_ I don't want a popular group, I want Kara. _

"For how long?" Quentin speaks up.

"As long as I see fit. I'll shuffle them back to their original group once I see results." Cat answers.

Everyone is being silent. We know there's no point arguing with Cat once she's made a decision. I'm slowly sinking into that sad feeling that Kara is being taken away from me.

"Anything else?" Cat asks.

"Okay, we're done here,” she concludes, “Practice on Monday will start with your new centers. You have two weeks to get them ready for DC Fest. I have faith in all of you to do your job."

Diana stomps away angrily, and Bruce follows suit. Quentin thanks Cat and walks away. While I just stood there, speechless. 

"Lena, you have something to say to me?"

A lot. I want to say don't take Kara away from me, from Supergirls. I want to ask her if this is her punishing me still for what happened to Sam. I want to say I don't want a popular group if it's a group without Kara. I want to say a lot of things.

But I open my mouth and nothing comes out and everything is terrible.

"I know you're close with your girls, but if you truly care about Kara, you know that she can achieve more with her potential being a center in Amazons than in Supergirls."

I look at her, not sure if I should be offended, angry or sad. So she thinks I can't bring Kara up to her full potential? 

"I hired you to be Supergirls' manager, not just Kara's. So do your job, no matter who the members are," she taps me on the shoulder, her way of saying this conversation is over.

"Go and enjoy the after party, Lena," she informed and left me standing alone backstage. 

* * *

The after party is filled with idols, all dressed up and out of their outfits, and staff of DC. No media is allowed, as AGM's after party is always off limits. No one is allowed to bring a phone either. It's the one and only chance for the idols to freely drink and enjoy the night without any worry someone might snap a photo of them. Their reward for working hard the whole year. Everyone has the day off tomorrow, and rehearsals for DC Fest starts Monday. With our new centers.

I look over at Kara who is already mingling with Amazons. She's wearing a purple high neck midi dress, that actually goes well with the burgundy suit that I'm wearing. We still haven't talked since Cat gave her announcement about the shuffle. There was no chance to. 

Quentin sits next to me on the bench and gives me a glass of something.

"No, I have to look after the girls."

"We're off tonight, Lena. Enjoy. It's the after party. The girls can take care of each other, there's no press here. It's their chance to get wild and rowdy."

"Wild and rowdy?" I laugh, "did something wild and rowdy happen at the after party last year?"

"It happens every year," Quentin reveals, I'm not sure if he's kidding or just wanted me to loosen up and have a drink.

I take the glass from him and take a sip. It's strong.

"What is this?"

"Bourbon. Good?"

"Strong."

"Then it's good," he said.

"So, what do you think of the shuffle?" he asked.

"I hate it," I answered honestly.

"Yeah, me too. Cat believes in it though. So maybe it's a good thing," he looks at me as he says it. I would think he would be the angriest, being separated from his daughter.

"Listen, I don't like her guts, but she does have an eye on these things. There's a reason she's the producer," he explains.

I continue being silent and sip my bourbon.

"If anything, out of all the groups in DC, I'm glad Sara is in Supergirls," he says as he leans back on the bench.

"Lena, take care of my girl for me, will ya?" 

I look at him and smile, "Of course I will, you didn't have to ask."

"I know you will, I just want to say it."

"I'm glad out of the centers that could be shuffled, we got Sara too. The girls already like her, we all get along," I confess. I look over at Kara who is still talking with the other idols. Would she get along with Amazons? We rarely work with them. 

I finished my bourbon and Brainy came by with another drink. I took his offer and finished it. What's done is done. If this is the situation I’m being dealt with, then I’ll handle it. Cat is right. I'm just going to enjoy this after party.

* * *

It's way past midnight and I'm not sober enough for this. Nubia just jumped into the rooftop pool followed by a number of other idols from various groups. I could see Sara, Alex and Kelly joining in. Brainy is on an inflatable unicorn in the pool, sipping something and lounging around. Cat and Diana are by the bar drinking, with Diana looking less pissed at Cat. Quentin and Bruce and some of the other idols are by the karaoke singing their hearts out. Most of the new members are there, not daring enough to join their seniors in the pool. Nia is with Gayle and Imra, enjoying the karaoke session.

All I want to do is look for Kara but I scan the perimeters and I can't find her.

I don't have my phone with me so I went back to my room to get it. When I went down to the 9th floor, Kara was sitting next to the elevator.

I kneeled down next to her in silence, touching her cheeks softly. She’s been crying.

"I forgot your room number," she says, her cheeks are flushed. She's been drinking as well.

"Someone could have seen you."

"I don't care anymore."

I got up and offered my hand to pick her up. We walk together to my room hand in hand. In the privacy of my room, she gets down to her knees and breaks down.

“Cat knows, Lena. She knows, she definitely knows,” she starts crying.

“Hey, hey, darling, what are you saying?” I get down on my knees as well and hold her face to calm her down.

“She’s punishing me, she’s taking me away from you,” she explains in between sobs.

I rest my forehead against hers and close my eyes.

“Listen to me. She doesn’t know. She sees something in you, and she’s giving you a platform I could never give you. You will shine in Amazons. You will be more popular and more people could see how talented you are,” I speak calmly, my hands at the back of her neck reassuring her.

“I don’t want to shine in Amazons, I want to be in Supergirls, I want to be with you!”

“I want that too. But Cat sees your potential. And Diana is a great manager. Cat says she’ll bring you back to Supergirls again in the future, so this is all temporary, okay? And isn’t this what you wanted? Didn’t you audition originally to get into Amazons? You get to live your dream.”

“I didn’t know you back then and I wasn’t in Supergirls back then. I don’t want Amazons now.”

“Don’t say that, this will be a great opportunity for you. You are the center for the biggest idol group in DC,” I try to dispel her fears. Kara starts to calm down.

“I’m sorry,” Kara apologizes.

“Why?”

“I promised you I’ll stay by your side. I promised you I wouldn’t go anywhere.”

“You’re not going anywhere, we’re still together, aren’t we?”

“Yeah.”

“Cat can shuffle us how many times she wants, my heart belongs to you, Kara.”

Our foreheads are still touching each other, and we’re surrounded by the distant sound of the city and the eerily calming night. Our breathing starts to slow down and sync together, my eyes are still closed, not daring enough to face the reality. 

"I wish we could go to that pretend world right now,” Kara whispers.

I open my eyes to find that Kara is already staring at me. Her eyelash is long and shiny, glistens by the tears that's been pouring down from her eyes. I slowly move my forehead away, and take a closer look at Kara's face. Kara's beautiful sad face. I gently cup her face, and use my thumbs to wipe away traces of her tears. I take a strand of wild hair and carefully place it behind her ears. 

Our faces are so close to each other, her lips are only a fingertip's distance away from mine. I could feel her warm breath on my face and I wonder if she could feel the rapid beating of my heart. My thumb starts to trace down to her lips now.

I can't. There's a line I can't cross. Supergirls' future, Kara's future, my future, it all hinges on us to not act on our feelings. To not succumb to the feeling of lust so we can keep doing our duties. I think back on my conversations with Alex about the love ban rule. I think back on Cat’s warning to me when she fired Sam. Every single worst case scenario and consequence is spinning around in my head. 

“If we get caught, we’ll be in trouble,” I say in between shaking breaths.

“So let’s not get caught,” Kara replies in barely a whisper, her eyes landing on my lips.

_ Fuck it. _

And I lean in for a kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I wish performance](https://youtu.be/DscBkiC28vg?t=106), [Lyrics translation source](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2013/09/morning-musume-i-wish-updated)
> 
> OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM  
> 90k words in and they finally kiss ashadjksjdlka i’m sorry to my readers


	40. Kara XVI

“Without further delay, the center’s shuffle first change is Kara from Supergirls. Kara will be shuffled into Amazons,” Cat announced.

I felt my heart beat faster. I'm sweating and my heart is pounding. I try to keep calm as we are still broadcasted live. I look over at Lena and she’s standing in shock.

_ No, my love. Sit back down. The camera’s on you. _

“The center’s shuffle second change is Donna from Amazons. Donna will be shuffled into Birds of Prey.”

I could see Alex pulling Lena to sit back down. I calm down a little.

“Barbara from Birds of Prey will be shuffled into The Canaries.”

“Sara from The Canaries will be shuffled into Supergirls.”

I look at Sara who is holding my hand and we smile at each other. 

“I will now invite the centers to sit with their new group,” Cat continues.

I went down the stage and awkwardly sat next to Diana, who welcomed me coldly. I could sense that she’s seething at this decision. The emcee announced that AGM is over and thanked everyone for the evening. All the cameras were set away, the event was over and we’re not live anymore.

Diana whispers to Bruce and they both got up and walked away. I could see Quentin barks at Lena to come follow along. The managers must have gone backstage to talk to Cat. I don’t think they can change the decision though.

Cat did this to punish me. She knows. She knows about me and Lena and she’s trying to take me away from her.

“Welcome to Amazons, Kara,” Nubia smiles gently at me.

The other Amazons members started a friendly chat and welcomed me. I smiled back and kept up appearances. But all I want to do is break down and cry.

* * *

“Kara?”

Alex comes into my room as all the idols get dressed for the after party. My dress is half zipped and I’m sitting on bed, contemplating the news of the shuffle.

Without saying anything, she comes over and helps me zip up my dress. She sits next to me on my bed and we’re engulfed in a comfortable silence.

“I don’t know what to do, Alex.”

“You do your job. You got this. I believe in you.”

“I don’t want to leave Supergirls,” I start to tear up.

“You’re not. Your place is always with us. I'm sure it's just temporary,” she assures me.

“If I don't have Supergirls, what do I have?”

“You got me,” she pats my arm and I look at her.

“I know that, silly.”

She hugs me and I hug her back. 

“We’re going to have different schedules now, you better start bringing your own house keys.”

“Can I just move out?” I joke.

“You’re going to be more popular soon, so I’m going to move in with you in your big new house.”

“What if they don’t like me as center? What if the fans don't accept me? What if the other members hate me because I stole Donna’s place?”

“They won’t once they get to know you,” Alex answers.

“You really think I’ll get more popular now?” I ask genuinely. I know Amazons is a much bigger group, but popularity is really fickle. I like my small fanbase, and knowing each fan by their names.

“You’re going to be on TV every week now.”

Oh, shit. I forgot they have a weekly TV show. That’s an added pressure.

“Oh God,” I bury my head in my hands, “what if they don’t like my sense of humor? I’ll be making a fool of myself on national TV.”

“Don’t worry,” Alex pats my back, “we all know you’re already a fool.”

“Dumbass,” I laugh. Alex knows just what to say to make me feel better.

“Love you too, sis.”

“Are you guys ready? Everybody is already going to the rooftop for the party,” Kelly pops her head in.

I give a nod to Alex and we both get up and make our way to the after party. 

* * *

Once there, Alex urged me to go mingle with the Amazons. I walked up to Nubia, who was warm to me during AGM earlier. Nubia is probably not the best member for me to get along with, since she’s graduating in two weeks, but she’s still the current leader and I want to make sure we’re on good terms.

Another member I was in good terms with is Helen, the 7th Gen member of Amazons. We were from the same audition group and went to training camp together. Only 7 finalists passed the auditions that year. She was the only person from that audition to get into Amazons, while 6 of us gets to form Supergirls. 

I look over at Lena, who is talking to Quentin on the bench. We still haven’t spoken since the announcement. I want to talk to her so badly, but there’s a lot of people around. All of us a sudden, I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“Kara,” Diana greets me, “welcome to Amazons.”

She gives a sweet smile, sweeter than the initial welcome during AGM. I'm not sure if it’s the drinks or the talk with Cat but she slowly warmed up to the idea that I’m the new center for Amazons. Or maybe she feels like she doesn't have a choice anyway.

“Thank you, Diana. I look forward to rehearsals on Monday,” I replied back.

“I’m sorry for earlier, I was upset with Cat, not with you,” she confesses.

“No, it’s fully understandable, I was… upset too,” I hesitated, not sure if I should be fully honest with her.

“Cat believes in you, and I want to have faith too. Being a center for Amazons will not be easy, I have to warn you.”

“Yes, of course. I’m up for the challenge,” I wasn’t sure entirely, but I had to show her some fake confidence, while I try to build up real ones.

“Good. I won’t go easy on you,” Diana said, “Our schedule is full every single day, it’s not going to be like your time in Supergirls.”

“I get bored on my day offs anyway,” I replied smugly. She’s intimidating me, and I’m showing her that I’m not backing down. 

My answer startles her a bit, as she stops with her intimidation and gives a slight smirk.

“I think you’ll fit right in,” she says as she taps my shoulder and leaves me alone.

* * *

After more mingling, I learn that Antiope will take over Nubia’s position as leader once she graduates. Mala, Orana and Artemis are still talking with Donna and I have a feeling it’ll be harder to be friends with them because they are so close with Donna.

“Hey, Helen, do you get along with the other members?” I ask.

“I mean, we’re civil with each other but we’re not really the best of friends, they respect seniority in this group,” Helen says in a scared tone, “I’m so glad you’re in this group now, at least I have a friend.”

I didn’t realize I had it good in Supergirls. Being from the same training camp with the same level of seniority makes it easier for everyone to get along. I make a mental note to tell Alex to treat Gayle and Imra the same way, although I have no doubt Alex will do so anyway. 

Amazons have been around for 10 years, some of the seniority and traditions are hard to change. Me and Helen have the same level of seniority, but still the lowest in Amazons. I have to work extra hard to gain their respect if I’m their center. 

“Nubia is 2nd Gen, Antiope is 3rd Gen, right? Who’s the next in seniority?” I ask Helen, I was a bit cloudy of the middle members in Amazons, but I know about Nubia and Antiope.

“Donna is 4th Gen. Mala and Orana are 5th Gen, Artemis is 6th Gen. But Artemis knew Mala and Orana from the same training camp. She didn’t pass the auditions that year but passed the year after. That’s why the three of them are so close,” Helen explains.

“How’s Diana as manager? She’s good to you?” I inquire. I need to know more about the group. Why can’t I be shuffled to The Canaries? At least I’m already familiar with the girls and Quentin. I envy Barbara right now.

“Diana’s good. She’s strict, but she cares. Even if she doesn’t show it.”

“She’s not Lena,” she added.

_ Huh? _

“What do you mean by that?”

“I see how you girls joke around with her, I heard from other girls that she hangs out in the dressing room too. Diana would never do that. Lena sounds like a great manager.”

“She is,” I smile and look at Lena who is now talking with Brainy and Quentin. 

I walk to the open bar and grab a drink. Might as well enjoy the after party. On Monday, my life will change.

* * *

There’s so many people at this after party, I’m getting suffocated. I take the elevator to the ninth floor to wait for Lena in her room. I got on the floor and I realized I don’t remember her room number, I blame the drinks I had. I start knocking on every door, calling out her name.

“Lena! Lena!”

None of the doors opened. Of course. They’re all still at the after party. Even if I do remember her room number, I can't get in. She's still upstairs. What am I doing?

I get back to the elevator but I find no desire to go back up. I sat down and started crying my eyes out.

It’s kinda calming to cry just openly in this empty hotel hall. 

Why did I get shuffled into the biggest group in DC? I can’t possibly handle all this. The members don't seem to like me, Diana is cold to me, and I don’t even dare to imagine the fans’ reaction. I haven’t even started rehearsals with Amazons yet but I’m already missing Supergirls and Lena immensely. Why can’t I be shuffled into The Canaries instead? I envy Barbara who is in The Canaries, and envy Sara even more who is now in Supergirls. I get along well with Sara and I have no doubt the other girls will treat her well too. And now Sara gets to spend time with Lena. Lena, Lena, Lena, where are you? Get down here, idiot. Please notice that I’m missing from the party and get down here. I need my girlfriend with me so badly. I want her to tell me it's all going to be okay.

Just as I’m missing her so much in my head, she materializes in front me and holds my cheek, ever so gentle. Am I dreaming?

"I forgot your room number," I said. If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up because Lena is finally in front of me.

"Someone could have seen you," she replies in a soft voice, her hands still on my cheek. I hold it back and close my eyes. She feels real.

"I don't care anymore,” I answer. Cat probably knows anyway. That’s why she punished me to be in Amazons. And so what if anyone catches us? I’m not in Supergirls. And if I get caught, I don’t have to be in Amazons anymore.

She leads me back to her room where I immediately broke down.

* * *

“So let’s not get caught,” I reply back softly, hoping in my heart of hearts that Lena would do what I want her to do.

Lena kissed me unexpectedly and I accepted it. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I pull away, breathless, and against all my judgement, I ask her, “What about the rules?”

I need to know how she feels before we proceed.

“Fuck the rules,” Lena replies and kissed me even harder, our hands tangled in each other’s hair.

I don’t know if it’s her cursing, the alcohol or the fact that she’s kissing me so passionately but I got so turned on. I fumble with opening her jacket and her waistcoat and her tie and why are there so many fucking buttons on her three-piece suit? I curse the inventor of buttons internally while she searches blindly for the zipper on the back of my dress. She does a better job than me as she immediately finds it and brings it down in one swift motion. I pull her by her tie to the direction of the bed.

My mouth never leaves hers as we make our way there. We kiss like we couldn't get enough of each other. I run my hands up and down her back, she’s wrapping her arms around my neck, and we just kinda melt into each other. After we got to the bed, she slowed down and kissed me two more times really softly with the kind of tenderness so rare, I felt so cared for.

She’s touching me lightly and looks me in my eyes. For the first time since the kiss, she hesitates a little.

I’m still breathing heavily so I give her permission in between gasping for air, “It’s okay. I want this too.”

She nods so I get on top of her and continue kissing her, slowly making my way down.

* * *

We both lie back down, panting after a vigorous round of declaring our love for each other physically.

She looks at me and starts laughing. I laugh along as well. 

"Well?" I ask.

"We did it," she says, catching her breath.

"Why did we have rules again?" I ask and we both laugh once more.

"I need water," I told her.

She gets up and takes a bottle of mineral water from the minibar. She tries to open the bottle but she's struggling. There's something about seeing your naked girlfriend grappling with a small bottle that makes it so funny to me. 

"Come here, you weakling. Let me open it," I laugh.

She comes over and passes me the bottle but I take her whole hand and pulls her into bed with me. Entangled in each other, I easily open the mineral bottle and take a sip. 

"I want some too," she protests.

I take a few more sips and she hits my arm, "Don't finish it!"

With my mouth full of water, I kiss her and make her drink the water from my mouth. The act of transferring the water from mouth to mouth was messy and few drops started dribbling down our necks. There was no more water but we kept kissing anyway.

I put the water away and forced her down on the bed as my hands travelled all over her body. My fingers search for the crevice between her legs, still warm and wet from our earlier touches. 

"Fuck, Kara. Right there. Fuck yes. Faster."

"Fuck me!" she yells out.

"I am," I whisper in between kisses.

* * *

Lena lies down on the bed, both exhausted and satisfied, trying to catch her breath.

"Kara. Let me rest," she says as I gently trace my fingers on her body.

"I'm getting you back for all those times you denied me with your damn rules."

“It's over. We can never do what we did ever again. The rules are back on.”

“Are you sure?” I say as I get back on top of her.

We did it two more times that night.

* * *

I snuggle into her embrace, while she’s playing with my hair, looking at the ceiling. It’s the most at peace I’ve ever felt. We only have a few hours left till morning comes. I finally let her rest after hours of intense activity.

“I don’t want to leave you,” I confess.

“You’re not. You’re still in DC. We just won’t see each other as often.”

“What if they don’t like me? The rest of the members, the fans…” I worry.

"They'll love you once they get to know you," Lena answers. I smile because she gave almost the same answer as Alex. They have more in common than they thought. Or maybe the most common thing they have is their love for me.

“I’d find it impossible that anyone who has ever met you doesn’t love you as much as I do,” Lena said.

“You love me?” I look at her, “Is it because I finally went down on you?”

“Yeah sure,” she lets out a tiny laugh, “I love you because we finally slept together.”

“No, for real,” I look at her with sincerity, fully regretting the joke I made earlier. I want to hear it from her.

“I am in love with you. For real,” she replies back with full honesty.

“I love you too,” I give a slight smile and we share a kiss. We’ve only been kissing for a few hours, but it comes so naturally it feels like we’ve been doing it all our life.

“I don’t know if I can do this without you by my side,” I snuggle back to her, hugging her waist.

“Close your eyes, Kara,” she instructs. I followed and closed my eyes.

She hugs me tighter, I could feel her skin against me, “Do you feel me?”

“Mmm,” I mumble. She’s holding me so tightly and I feel so secure. Nothing could harm me while I’m in her arms. We’re simply feeling each other’s presence.

“Remember this feeling. Whenever you feel alone, or whenever you need me, just close your eyes and remember this feeling,” she comforts me and holds me tighter.

“Tell me we’ll make it, tell me the pain will stop, tell me things will be better,” I quaver, fearing the future. Our future.

“Things will be better, the pain will stop,” she pauses and gives me a kiss on my head, “we will make it.”

“What now? We go back to the way they were?” I ask, still in her embrace.

“I don’t think we can go back to the way they were,” she lets me go and looks at me, “because now I know how it feels like to have you in my arms.”

She smiles and gives me another deep kiss. We can’t stop kissing each other.

“I didn’t realize you curse a lot in bed,” I tease her.

“Well, now you know,” she laughs. 

“Do you curse… with Jack?” I hate myself for being insecure, but ever since Lena said Jack is her ex I can’t stop being jealous. Now they’re going to be working side by side, and I don’t know anything about this guy.

She giggles, “Are you still jealous?”

“No,” I lied.

“You totally are, it’s not a good look,” she looks at me smugly.

I turned myself over and sulk. So what if I'm still jealous? I have every right to be. She nudges my shoulder but I don't turn around.

Without warning, she climbs on top of me and pushes me to lie on my back. 

"You don't have to be jealous."

She kissed my forehead, even on top of me she's still gentle. She continues to give more tiny sweet kisses all over my face, but I was still sulking.

“I meant what I said. When you’re with me, I promise you there’s no one else. Just you and me, always. Okay?” she says in between kisses.

I nod and she gives me another deep kiss. I let out an unintentional moan and I could feel her smile against my lips as we kissed. 

“Kara,” she whispers softly, touching my mouth with hers, “You’re my  _ oshimen _ .”

It was as if she said a magic word, because it fills me up with a renewed energy. I can’t contain myself anymore as I hold her head to pull her in for a fiery kiss. I cherish how warm her lips feel like pressed up against mine. I flip us around and pin her hands down on the bed, slowly kissing up and down her neck. 

I kiss her earlobes, and bite it gently, “Say it again.”

“You’re my  _ oshimen _ ,” she repeats.

I work my way down her neck, pressing lingering kisses along the way. 

"Again," I said as my tongue plays around with her nipple, my hands still pinning her down.

"You're my… ah… you're my  _ oshimen _ ," she moans.

I could hear her breathing become deeper, and I let her hands go as I went down even lower. She's grabbing my hair, as I play around with my tongue.

“Fuck, Kara. Ah, yes. Fuck.”

It delights me that she curses so much when I'm in between her legs, as she doesn't curse normally in her daily life. She grips the bedsheets tightly and arches her back, letting waves of pleasure run through her entire body. 

I lifted my face and came back up to lie on the bed beside her. 

“If I knew you’d be this excited, I would have admitted that you’re my  _ oshimen _ way earlier,” she looks at me slyly as she gets on top of me to return the favor. 

I wish tomorrow never comes and this night would go on forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps: that was my first time writing smut ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ how was it lol


	41. Lena XVII

I wake up with her legs next to my face. She's sitting in my bed, writing something down on the hotel's complimentary writing pad.

"Good morning," I say as I kiss her legs softly. 

"Morning," she bends down and gives me a peck on my head.

"Is that a new song?" I ask.

"Maybe. My journal is in my room, I could only find this to write on."

"Sing it to me," I requested. I love listening to her when she sings.

> In a single bed, when I held both you and my dream,
> 
> the two of us would laugh at the silliest of things.
> 
> With the scent of the wind tonight the same as it was then,
> 
> it's as if it wouldn't be so painful to fall in love again.

"I'm still tinkering with the melody, but that's the chorus," she explains while giving me the sweetest smile.

I stretch myself before I look for my phone on the nightstand. I groaned in realization when I opened Twitter. 

"What’s wrong?" Kara looks up from her writing.

"My face is on the internet," I show Kara my phone. Photos of my shocked reaction when I heard the shuffle news is now all over my feed.

"You should have picked your nose," she jokes, trying to put a finger up my nose but I laugh and brush it off.

She puts away the writing pad and I put away my phone. We both cuddle up to each other. 

"We have to go down for breakfast," I remind her.

"It's the morning after the after party, everyone is hungover," she kisses the top of my head as she says it.

"We have to check-out by 11."

"I want to stay in," she says.

"I wish we could, darling." 

I could feel her body trembling as she started crying. I hug her tighter and I start crying as well. The reality of our situation is finally setting in. Last night was nice, more than nice in fact, but now we have to go back to our lives. 

"We'll figure this out," I say it out loud, trying to reassure her and myself as well.

"I'll give you my schedule once I know what it looks like," she says.

"Okay, and you'll know mine."

"I'll be busy."

"I know," I guessed as much. Amazons has way more activities than Supergirls. They barely have a day off.

"I'll try to see you as much as possible," she sniffs, trying to hold back tears.

"Don't. Your job is your priority. If our day off happens to match up then we'll meet. Don't jeopardize your schedule just to see me."

She lifts up my chin so I would look her in the face, "You're my priority."

"We promised not to let this relationship get in the way. 2 more years, remember?"

Her face looks forlorn as I remind her of our promise. She looks like she's about to cry again.

"Let's call or text each other before we go to sleep. No matter what the time is," I suggest.

"Okay," she sniffs again, "you have to remember to eat, I can't remind you anymore."

"Okay."

"Don't forget to respect your seniors. Amazons is not like Supergirls."

"I know."

We keep going back and forth, giving each other reminders and advice.

"Tell Alex to treat Imra and Gayle like the others, I don't want Supergirls to turn into Amazons in 10 years."

"I'm sure she knows."

"Tell her anyway."

"Okay."

"Lena, I don't know if I can do this."

"Just be who you are, you can do this. I believe in you," I remind her again. 

"I miss you already," she says.

I hug her tighter, "Remember this feeling."

* * *

Check-out proceeded like normal. Kara managed to sneak in into her room this morning and no one realized she was gone. No one was sober enough to realize anyway. The lobby is filled with hungover and hungry idols who skipped their breakfast. 

I got my girls some  _ onigiri _ , coffee and painkillers. 

"Thanks, boss," Alex replied gratefully, while taking the food out of my hands.

"How was last night?" I ask. 

"I got wet," she's talking about the pool she jumped in.

_ I was wet as well. _

I smile to myself while thinking of Kara. 

"Morning kid," Quentin slaps me on my back, "did something wild and rowdy happened last night?"

I choked on my coffee and Quentin pats me on my back in a panic.

"What? What did you mean?" I look at him.

"You know? After party. Something wild and rowdy happens every year. Oh man, you're pretty hungover, huh? I was just making a reference from our conversation last night. Never mind, just ignore me."

"Sorry, too early for this," I make an excuse.

"I emailed you Sara's schedule. She has her radio show every Tuesday night, I'll follow along this week to introduce you to the radio producer."

"Okay. Thanks, Quentin."

I should email Diana as well but Kara doesn't have any solo activities she needs to follow up. Maybe I should just email for courtesy purposes.

"Ride's here!" Bruce announced to everyone.

We all took the bus ride home back to the company, and from there everyone went their own separate ways. All the managers let our girls go home as we head inside for a quick meeting. Today's their day off but rehearsals for DC Fest officially starts tomorrow. And we need to organize how to proceed with the new centers.

"So, I drafted up a schedule last night," Bruce informs us.

Last night? How did he find the time? Last I saw him he was singing 'Copacabana' with Quentin.

"We'll take turns with the vocal studio and dance room. Monday, Amazons will have vocal rehearsals and Birds of Prey will do their dance practice. Tuesday, we swap. Wednesday, The Canaries will have vocal rehearsals and Supergirls will have dance practice and you'll swap on Thursday. Friday, we'll all do our big group practice. Saturday & Sunday, Amazons will have the room for Nubia's graduation rehearsals."

So Kara will have Wednesday and Thursday to rest, while Supergirls have Monday and Tuesday off.

"We'll repeat the schedule again for the next week. Thursday is tech rehearsals and sound check for DC Fest. Then DC Fest on Friday till Sunday."

"Is that enough time for all of you? D?" 

"I'm not sure, we'll see. If need be, I'll rent a dance studio for extra rehearsals on our day off," Diana says with a furrow in her brow. She still doesn't think Kara can handle this. 

"Okay, so Supergirls and The Canaries, you guys can rest first for Monday and Tuesday. You need to be here tomorrow though. Your new members will sign their contract and register for a company ID. Eve will guide you but you can show them around," Bruce instructs. Being a senior, he already knows the procedure for induction of new members, which is a new process for me and Quentin.

We both nodded at the instructions.

"Quentin, I emailed you Barbara's schedule. She has English classes every Friday and Saturday morning but you can totally set up a new time if it clashes with The Canaries' schedule. She also has a photoshoot and an interview coming soon."

"Okay, noted. Thanks, Bruce."

"And I got your email about Donna's schedule, D. Thanks."

"I think that's it. Should we have a meeting again soon or we'll meet up for tech rehearsals next Thursday?" Bruce asks.

"Why don’t we have another catch up on this Friday, while the girls do their big group practice?" Quentin suggested.

“Good idea, okay, see you all again on Friday.”

The meeting was adjourned but I approached Diana to talk about Kara.

"Diana, sorry, Kara doesn't really have a lot of solo activities yet, so I didn't email you anything about her schedule. She basically follows the group's schedule."

"No worries, Lena," she smiles.

"And uh… she can do this, you know."

"Pardon?"

"I know Amazons is a much bigger group than Supergirls but please believe in her, she can definitely carry the group, give her a chance," I plead. 

"It's not like I have a choice, right?" she dismissed me.

"Sorry Cat shuffled Donna away from you," I console her, as it looks like she's still angry about the decision.

"I'm sorry, I'm taking out my frustration on you. I spent years molding Donna into the center that she is today. And now Cat wants me to do the same with Kara in a span of 2 weeks," she groans.

"She's a fast learner, she'll surprise you," I assure her.

"I hope you're right." 

I smile. I know I am.

* * *

"Hey you," the voice on the other line soothes my longing heart.

"Going to sleep already?" I look at the clock and it's only 9pm.

"I was thinking of going early and starting practice on my own first. It's my first day with Amazons."

"That’s a great idea. You'll do great."

"I checked," she says, leaving me hanging with her last word.

"Checked what, darling?" 

"Amazons have a total of 148 songs, I need to memorize lyrics & dance to 148 songs."

"You already know some of it, like "If you wish for a blue sky" and "Left-handed kiss"."

"Great, 146 more songs to go then," she mumbles.

"You don't have to learn all 146 songs in 2 weeks, you know. Just enough to perform for DC Fest. That's like what? 30 songs?"

"It’s still 30 songs in 2 weeks." 

“How about this? For every song you memorize, I’ll give you a kiss as a reward.”

She giggles, “So in 2 weeks, I might get 30 kisses from you?”

“More if you behave,” I giggled as well. Something about talking with Kara is turning me into a love-struck girl.

“You have tomorrow off?” she asks.

“Yeah, but I’ll stop by the company to get Gayle and Imra acquainted. I’m bringing them out for lunch with the rest of the girls too.”

“Do you… want to meet up earlier? And have breakfast together? My rehearsal starts at 9.”

I smile, “I thought you said you wanted to practice on your own first.”

“I still need to eat, can you buy me breakfast tomorrow and bring it to the dance room?”

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

We both sit in silence, with only our breathing sound on the phone call with each other.

“You have to hang up, you need to go to sleep, remember?” I said, breaking the silence.

“I don’t want to hang up.”

“You’re so stubborn,” I laugh a little.

“Yeah, but I think you’re kinda into it,” she replies. I could see her smirking as she said it.

“Good night, Kara. See you tomorrow,” and I hang up first. My face flushed red as she figured me out.

I got up and went into my kitchen to look at my fridge. I quickly take my phone and my wallet to rush to the supermarket before they close at 10pm. I hope they have some ingredients left.

* * *

I got into the dancing room quietly and I could hear faint music. Kara is playing a performance of Amazons from her phone and mimicking their dance. She must have been doing this for hours as she is drenched in sweat, and her body moves perfectly in sync with the movements on her phone. She stops when she sees me through the mirror, and comes running up to me.

“Hi,” she comes closer for a kiss, and when I look around cautiously she says, “it’s okay, nobody’s here.”

I gave her a good morning kiss and showed her her breakfast in the bag that I brought. We sat down by the wall on the floor and she immediately devoured the egg sandwich that I pulled out from the bag.

“This is so good, where did you buy this?” Kara exclaims as she takes another bite of the egg sandwich I made. 

“Slow down, you’ll choke,” I warned her as I poured a cup of green tea.

“There’s also  _ onigiri _ if you want,” I open up my bag and show her my homemade  _ onigiri _ .

“Did you make this?”

“Yeah, this morning,” I confess. I love seeing Kara enjoying my food.

“It’s so good, it’s the best egg sandwich I’ve ever had. Pass me an  _ onigiri _ ,” she insisted, and proceeded to stuff her face with more food.

“Oh, this is so good too. You’re a great cook,” she beams, “why are you so lousy at making yourself eat? If I could cook like this, I’ll make myself a meal everyday.”

"I don't have time to cook everyday."

"You had time today."

"Yeah, well… it's for you," I blush. Why am I blushing? I feel absolutely besotted with her. 

"I memorized three songs already, by the way," she reveals. 

"Do you want your reward now?"

She didn't answer me but she puts her egg sandwich down and slowly crawls over to me. I give her a deep kiss, a reward for her hard work.

"One," I smile against her mouth. 

I give her another long kiss. “Two.”

Lastly, I give her a smaller kiss.

"Three. You taste like eggs," I commented.

"I'll put that in my Twitter profile. Kara, Amazons center, tastes like eggs," she says. 

"You have a Twitter account now? Of course you have, you're Amazons now."

"Diana said she'll set it up today, I'll follow Supergirls' account once I get it."

"Don't slide into my DMs, the company monitors them," I warn her.

She looks at me like I gave her the best idea.

"I'm serious, Kara. Do not slide into my DMs!"

"Do you want to set up more ground rules?" she asks.

"I'm done with rules. We'll just be careful, okay?"

"Okay,” she smiles, “when will I see you again?"

"I'll be here for the big group practice on Friday. But you'll probably be busy rehearsing. And the managers are meeting up for a catch-up session."

"That's fine, as long as I know you're here. Friday, then."

"It's almost 9, I should go," I say as I look at my watch and get up from the floor.

"Miss you already," she says, looking up at me.

I kiss the top of her head, "Have a good practice. Love you."

* * *

"Lena, a moment," Cat calls for me when she sees me with Eve, giving the new members a tour.

I leave them alone and walk over to Cat.

"Brainy will help you with their accounts, I told him to pass all the details to you. Make sure you read up on our social media policy, ask Bruce or Diana if you have any questions," she rambles on about something that I feel I should know about.

"I'm sorry, account for?"

"Your girls, they'll get their own Twitter accounts. Including Gayle and Imra. It's not fair if only Sara has an account. I think it's time."

I beamed at the news, "Oh my, God. Of course! Thank you, Cat-san! I'll let the girls know."

"What did Cat want with you, Lena?" Imra asks.

"I'll tell you girls over lunch, ready to officially be part of Supergirls?"

* * *

I reserved lunch at this fancy cafe that has a private room for us to be somewhere secluded. Alex, Kelly, Nia and Sara were already waiting for us when we arrived.

"Welcome Sara, Gayle and Imra to Supergirls!"

Alex led the welcoming party as we toast with our cocktails and mocktails. It's rare to drink during lunch but it's our day off, and it's a welcoming party. Plus, Alex was begging for drinks so I allowed it.

I added Sara, Gayle and Imra to our group chat. But I didn't have the heart to kick Kara out of it. Good thing the girls understood and they didn't mind that Kara is still in the Supergirls group chat. This way she would know our schedule immediately as well. It's a win-win.

"I just want to start off to welcome our new center and our two new additions to the best group in DC!" Alex cheers.

"Don't let dad hear you say that," Sara laughs.

"As leader, I want to officially announce that we forget about seniority here, in Supergirls we're all equals."

I smile learning I don't have to tell Alex about the message Kara asks me to pass to her. I knew I could trust Alex to be the amiable leader I know she is. 

"It's okay, no one respects you anyway," Sara quips.

The whole table laughs along and I find myself smiling at the riffing Alex and Sara has going. I'm glad we all get along so easy.

"Okay, speech time! New center, you're up first!"

"Thanks, leader. Like what our fine leader just said, we're all equals here. So forget that I'm the most senior in this company, unless it's time to treat me to lunch or something," Sara pauses for laughs.

There's something about Sara, that she has the same charm that Kara has. Maybe all centers have that same star attraction.

"I have news for my radio show. I decided to have each of you as a guest host with me every week to introduce you to my listeners. So leader, you're up first tomorrow."

Alex's face lights up at the information as she looks at me. I just nod to confirm it. Sara informed me earlier about her decision and I told her to tell the news to the girls herself.

"Let's have a good rest tomorrow, and we'll give it our all for practice on Wednesday!"

_ "Kanpai!" _

"Thanks, center. New girls, your turn."

They both stand up awkwardly at the same time, but Imra gestures for Gayle to go first while she sits back down.

"Um, this is the group I really wanted to join since the audition, so I'm glad I'm here. Please call me out if I'm doing anything wrong or make a mistake. I'm looking forward to working with all of you."

We all clapped at the speech and Imra stood up next.

"Thank you for the welcome. I don't have any experience as an idol at all, so please treat me well. I'm looking forward to working with everyone."

She sits back down and I couldn't help but feel that she was nervous. We all clapped and welcomed them.

I broke the news about the Twitter account and everybody cheered. At least we achieved one goal this year. Everyone is going on and on about what to write for their Twitter profile. Lunch went per usual with everyone socializing and blending in. 

"Lunch was a great idea, boss," Alex starts talking to me when she sees me alone at the side.

"You're a great leader, you know that?" I praise her.

"You're a great boss," she responds back.

I think back on all the sneaking around with Kara and having a secret relationship with her. I'm not sure if she thinks I'm still great if she finds out. I do hate lying to Alex, we've grown to be great friends. Out of all the current members, I'm probably closest with her.

"I met Kara this morning," I told her. I didn't know where I'm going with this, I just felt like telling her part of the truth. Maybe to make up for this guilt I'm having.

"Oh yeah? She went out early to start practice first."

"I saw. She's working hard."

"She'll come back to Supergirls, right?" she asks. That was probably the first time I saw a slight hint of worry on her face.

"I'll make sure she will."

I don't know how, but I'll make sure of it. Supergirls is not the same without Kara.

* * *

"Hi, darling," I greeted her when I answered the call, "how was practice?"

"Tiring," she answered and yawned, "I just got back."

"Practice ended this late?" I wondered.

"No it ended at 6, I stayed back and practiced on my own."

"Don't overwork yourself," I cautioned her.

"It's okay, I need to prove to them I can do this."

"You can do a much better job if you're well rested."

"Mmm," she mumbles.

"Get some rest, Kara," I persuaded and as I was about to hang up she protested.

"No, no, please, keep talking. I want to hear your voice. What are you thinking?"

"I’m thinking of planning Imra’s  _ seitansai _ . Did you know her birthday is on 30th Jan? It’s a week after DC Fest but I’ll think of something. Still looking for a venue though. I’m thinking about Sara’s radio show tomorrow. Alex is going to be her first guest host. I’m kinda nervous because this is my first radio show, I’m glad Quentin is following along tomorrow to show me around. I’m thinking how we’re closer to our group goals this year, you know we got our own Twitter accounts today? I’m sure Alex told you. I’m looking into doing that girls only live that you mentioned. Maybe I’ll ask the other DC groups if they want to join and collaborate. I’m thinking about DC Fest. It’s my first big concert, the planning seems more technical than AGM. I’m thinking about us."

Soon, I heard nothing but light snores.

"Are you sleeping?" I say it softly, not daring to wake her up.

"I’m thinking about how much I love you. I’m thinking about telling Alex about us. I hate lying to her, but I’m scared of her reaction," I whisper to the phone. Nothing but sounds of her breathing accompanied my silent confession.

I kept my ears on the phone, and just listened to her breathing until I've fallen asleep myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The [Single Bed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYXNA54dDKs) song Kara sang.  
> domestic supercorp has my heart. in other news, I have planned out the chapters, chapter 50 will be the last one


	42. Lena XVIII

“Welcome to WaveriderFM’s Five Stars with your host, Sara from The Ca… oh, wait. Sara from Supergirls!” Sara corrects herself and laughs.

“Oi, oi, don’t forget you’re in a new group now!” Alex scolds her.

“And that’s my guest host for this week,” Sara pauses and gestures for Alex to introduce herself.

“It’s Alex, the leader of Supergirls!”

“WaveriderFM’s Five Stars is a show where you can submit suggestions on things that deserves five stars and at the end of the show we will reveal what is our five stars of the week. That was my first time introducing myself as Sara from Supergirls, AGM was crazy, huh?”

“Cat-P and her surprise announcements, maybe next year she will do a leader shuffle.”

“And which group would you like to be shuffled into?”

“Definitely The Canaries, we all get along!”

“We sure do. So Alex, do you want to read the first submission for this week?”

Sara’s radio show is going along well. Ava, the radio producer is listening along in the control room and giving cues to Sara from behind the clear glass. Quentin introduces us earlier and she briefs me and Alex on what goes into the radio show. The show starts at 11pm and runs for 30 minutes. They will read around 3 fan’s submissions, 2 if they run out of time, and they’ll play songs in between submissions. Ava gives a cue for Sara to wrap it up.

“That was the first time someone submitted an emoji for five stars. And for that, we will officially give our five stars seal of approval for the eye roll emoji. Up next, is Supergirls’ 3rd single, “I Wish”. Enjoy.”

The song plays, and Alex looks up at me. I gave her a thumbs up signalling that she’s doing well. The rest of the show went well and it ended right on time. Ava praised the rapport that both Sara and Alex had and mentions that she looks forward to Kelly guest hosting for next week. We bid each other goodbye and Sara went home with Quentin. I booked a taxi to go home with Alex since it was late. 

I got a call from Kara while we were on our way home but I didn’t answer since I was in the taxi. I quickly sent a quick good night and sorry message to Kara. She replied immediately and I smiled at my phone.

“Boyfriend?” Alex asks.

“What?”

“Or girlfriend? Who else would text at midnight and make you smile like that?”

I really don’t like lying to Alex. I hesitated for a moment before answering.

“Girlfriend,” I finally said, my eyes looking down, embarrassed. 

Her face lights up at my reveal, “Who? What’s her name!?”

“I’m not telling you that!”

“How the hell do you find time to date anyway? How long have you been dating?”

“Um… we’re both busy. We only had one date so far,” I think back on the aquarium date. 

“That’s so cute. You like her?”

“Yeah. I think I love her,” I confess. I feel relieved I could say it out loud to my friend. If only my friend is not my secret lover’s sister.

“Woah, it’s serious then. You know just after one date?” Alex turns her body at me, she’s fully into this conversation.

“Well, it’s only one date, but we’ve known each other for longer.”

“No wonder you look so happy recently.”

I laugh, “Am I not happy always?”

“You’re a fucking sunshine. But recently you have this extra glow.”

“Glow? I’m not pregnant.”

“You know what I mean,” she laughs and looks at me, “hey, I’m happy you’re happy. You deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks, Alex.”

“You’re going to introduce her to me sometime?”

“Yeah, I will. I promise,” I just need to talk to her first.

* * *

“This is Jack, he will be Nubia’s manager after she graduates,” Diana introduced us.

“Hi Lena,” Jack greets me.

“Oh, you two know each other already?” Diana asks.

“We went to the same University,” Jack explains.

Diana proceeds to introduce Jack to everyone at the table. All our girls are in the practice room while the manager catches up with each other. Diana passes us the rundown for DC Fest. Tickets were sold out completely after Cat’s announcement at AGM. Looks like a lot of people are anticipating to watch the groups with their new centers.

“DC Sports Day is on Friday, we have separated the idols into 2 teams, White team and Red team. Leader for White team will be Nubia, and Renee from Birds of Prey will be the leader for the Red team.”

I take a quick look at the list. Alex, Sara and Gayle are in White team, while Kelly, Nia and Imra are in the Red team. I scan the list for Kara. Red team as well. Looks like Alex and Kara are not on the same team. Yesterday, I made a resolve to talk to Kara about Alex when we meet up later today. It doesn’t feel right to sneak around behind her back.

“Brainy, how are the sets, are they all set up?” Diana asks.

“We’ll use the field at the stadium for Sports Day, but they will be covered for concert day. And the round stage in the middle is all set up. Lighting and audio rig will start tomorrow,” Brainy clarifies.

“Good. For Sports Day, we’ll start early at 9am with an Oath taking ceremony led by Nubia. We need to do a quick rehearsal for that on Thursday. Sports Day will start with 100m race and relay race. A quick 20 minutes rest as we set up for long jump and high jump. And managers, last year’s Sports Day the fans praised our involvement so we’re going to do it again this year.”

Bruce and Quentin groan collectively, while Brainy just bursts into laughter. Jack and I look at each other with a puzzled look.

“The managers will sit on a dunking tank while the idols will take turns to throw balls to dunk us in the water,” Diana explains further when she sees the confusion on my face.

Oh God, that sounds horrific. I understand Bruce & Quentin’s reaction now.

“Each win for each event will earn them a point for their team. Doesn’t matter anyway. The main event at the end of the day is the tug-o-war, winning team gets 100 points.”

“Can we just skip Sports Day and go straight to the tug-o-war?” Quentin quips and Bruce laughs along.

“Come on, let’s just get it done and over with. I’m not looking forward to the dunking either but the fans and the idols love it,” Diana groans. Seems like no one is a fan of being dropped into the water out of the blue.

“All the athletic events will end tentatively at 11 plus, and we’ll end Sports Day with a mini concert. 2 songs each from each group. There will be no  _ cheki _ but we’ll have a high five session with the fans. Our target is to end Sports Day by 1pm. So we can rest for the concert on Saturday.”

“Day 1 concert will start at 7pm. We’ll take turns between groups, as per the rundown. We have 2 big MC sessions, the game segment and the new members interview segment. I need leaders from all groups to lead the MC session.”

“Day 2 concert is mostly Amazons, Nubia’s graduation will take up the most of the portion. I just need Birds of Prey, The Canaries and Supergirls to perform a song each to open the concert. You can arrange your girls to go home after their performance.”

“Let me know the setlist for your songs, and I’ll share it with the Audio Director. Take note Day 2 concert is recorded so give us the songs early so I can arrange it with the technical team.”

“I think that’s about it, schedules and timing are in the rundowns. Any questions?” 

We all shake our heads so Diana concludes the meeting. I was talking with Quentin and Jack when I got a text from Kara.

> **Kara 2.47pm**
> 
> Rooftop.

I excused myself and walked briskly to the rooftop garden.

“Kara?” I called out to the empty garden.

“Back here,” a voice calls out for me behind the door for the stairs.

I walked around and let out a tiny yelp when she grabbed me by my waist.

“Hey, you,” I greet her.

“Hey,” she sounds tired.

“You’re okay? How long do you have?”

“10 minutes break,” Kara explains simply, “you owe me 13 kisses.”

“13 already? Are you cheating?” I look at her skeptically.

“Just kiss me, idiot.”

I have no doubt she already mastered 13 songs in 4 days. Even during her off days she practiced on her own, determined to get all her performance as perfect as possible. We share kisses on that vacant rooftop garden. 

One… deep and passionate.

Two… smooth and delicious.

Three… slower, deeper.

Four… her hands start to wander on their own.

Five… we grow into a rhythm.

Six… her tongue is exploring my mouth.

Seven… I brush against her lips, just enough that we’re touching. And she grabs my head, hungry for more.

Seven… is it seven? I lost count. We kept kissing each other until her phone beeps.

We parted our lips, I watched breathlessly as her eyes studied mine with silent intensity. The chill January air didn’t have anything against how hot I felt at the moment.

“I have to go,” she gives me one last peck and runs back down to the dance room.

I forgot to talk to her about Alex. Next time, then.

* * *

“In the name of all competitors, we promise that we shall take part in DC Fest’s Sports Day as fair players, respecting and abiding by the rules that govern the event, in the true spirit of sportsmanship, for the glory of sport and the honor of our teams.”

All the idols repeated the oath recited by Nubia and the whole stadium cheered. I’ve never seen Sports Day as a big event like this. It feels weird to see the fans cheering for their preferred team instead of cheering like they usually do during live.

The teams are evenly divided with 15 idols each in each team. The first event is the 100m race. Running for White Team is Nubia, Alex, Mia and Selina, running for Red Team is Renee, Kelly, Zoe and Tatsu. It’s hard when Supergirls is evenly divided into each team, I don’t know who to root for. I ended up cheering for both Alex and Kelly, even though they’re on different teams.

Kelly was fast, really fast. And earned a point for the Red Team. Alex wasn’t far behind as she got 3rd place. The event moves on to the next batch of idols for the 100m race. I walk up to Quentin who is lounging on the chair under the big umbrella beside the track.

“Guess you’re rooting for White Team?” I assume, since both Sara and Laurel are both in the same team.

“I made a bet with Sara that Red Team will win, I have my money on Kara to win the relay later,” he replies.

I love Quentin. Only he would bet against his daughters. But I know he really loves them.

The 100m event ends and the idols take their place for the 400m relay race. Kara is the anchor for Red Team, while Sara is the anchor for White Team. Everyone is wearing the same thing, a DC Fest’s Sports Day T-shirt with black sport shorts, with the only thing indicating their team are the white or red headbands on their forehead. But Kara still stood out somehow for me, standing tall at the anchor’s spot, elbowing Sara playfully as they waited for the race to start.

The relay starts and the race is close. It’s up to the anchors but Sara and Kara are head to head. It was too close to tell so they played the finish line in slow motion on the big screen. Everyone cheered when Kara won by a nose, the loudest being Quentin. Must have been quite a bet.

After the two races ended, Red Team was leading by 3 points. Everyone is enjoying themselves anyway and not caring about points that much, since the tug-o-war will give you 100 points. Seems like the point of Sports Day is just to have fun, and it’s the rare occasion for the fans to see their idols interacting outside of singing and dancing. 

Everyone participates in the high jump as the bar starts low at 50cm. Even that, Nia fails to pass it and the whole stadium laughs at her adorableness. Everyone else passes it easily until the 80cm bar, where it took out half of the idols. At 90cm, only 5 idols remain. Gayle, Kara, Mala, Helena and Laurel. Gayle and Mala failed the 90cm bar, so only 3 idols remained for the 100cm bar. Kara is receiving the most cheers as the only one remaining from the Red Team. She did the fosbury flop to pass the 100cm bar and the whole stadium cheered so loud, it might have broken the sound barrier. 

Helena failed the 100cm bar so White Team’s last hope to gain a point is on Laurel’s shoulders.

“1000 yen says she won’t make it,” I bet with Quentin.

“You’re on,” and Quentin stood up and cheered loudly, “Come on, honey! You can do this!” like the proud father he is.

Her butt lightly grazed the pole after her jump, and it fell after a few wobble. I fist pumped the air and everyone in the vicinity looked at me weirdly. Kara shakes her head when she sees me and I could imagine she’s muttering what an idiot I am under her breath. 

Long jump is up next and Gayle probably set a world record when she jumped as no one else got anywhere near her number. Probably those long legs of hers helped. After the long jump segment, everyone rests for a bit and the fan took the time to get snacks or go to the bathroom. I see four dunking tanks being rolled out to the middle of the field and start to dread it.

All the managers take a seat above the water, and I feel like the seat is so flimsy I could drop with any light touch of that red button. The idols all lined up with their ball and everyone looked eager to make us drop.

The whole stadium laughs when the first throw is from Sara and she immediately drops Quentin with one throw. A point is awarded to the White Team after Quentin gets dunked. I see who is at my lane and it’s Alex. Oh, boy.

She missed, thank God. And so did the next 4 idols. So far only Quentin gets dunked but it was just getting started. Next to get dunked is Diana with a throw from Imra, who looks at Diana apologetically as she goes back to the back of the line. Bruce gets dunked by Barbara, who just laughs at his face. I’m still the only dry manager on the dunking tank. Until I saw the next idol.

Kara looks at me menacingly while holding a red ball. I shake my head lightly as I try to plead to her with my eyes. She just mouths back the word sorry, and hits the button with one throw. The water was cold, too cold. When I got out of the water, I could hear her cackle echoing the field. It’s hard to get mad at her when she laughs so heartily like that. There’s something so contagious about her laugh that makes me smile as well.

I got dunked three more times that day.

* * *

“Sorry, I had to do it for my team,” Kara appears in the stadium tunnel in her Amazons costume as I hovered over the heater, still cold from the dunking. Red team won the tug-o-war and the whole Sports Day. The happiest person during the war was Quentin, who won his bet.

“Shouldn’t you get ready for the mini concert?” I warn her, I don’t want her to be late.

“It’s okay, Amazons performs last, I can go backstage once it starts.”

“You look great,” I comment. It’s the first time she’s wearing the Amazons’ costume.

“I like Supergirls’ costume better,” she lamented.

“You ready? It’s your Amazons debut.”

“It’s just 2 songs today, I’ll be fine. I got my reward for it,” she smiles.

“Hard work will always be rewarded,” I smile back.

“Lena, I was thinking,” she pauses as a few of the concert staff passes by us, “I want to tell Alex about us.”

“I was thinking the same thing!” I got excited that we both wanted the same thing, “do you think she’ll be okay with it?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll explain to her. I’m sure she would understand.”

“You don’t have to do it alone, we can do it together,” I offered.

“Okay, when do you want to do it? We have a concert this weekend.”

“How about Monday? We have the day off.”

“Diana wants me to continue practicing the rest of Amazons’ songs on Monday, I can do it after practice,” she said.

“You’ve been practicing every single day for the past 2 weeks,” I spell out my concern, she’s been pushing herself too hard, “You’re always falling asleep during our calls.”

“That’s because your voice is so soothing. I’m fine, Lena. Just watch me on stage later.”

“Gotta go,” she runs off when the music is starting. I stand by with all the other managers, watching our idols on stage. She performed well on stage. She sang her notes perfectly and danced in sync with the other members like she’s been a member with them for ages.

It’s fine. She’s born for this.

* * *

“I’m just saying, Supergirls have the best new members, sorry to other groups,” Alex banters with the other leaders during the new members interview segment of the MC. The fans are laughing along at the riffing between the leaders, proudly displaying their new members.

Dinah is with Mia while Renee is pushing Helena and Tatsu forward. It started innocently as a normal interview segment but it has now somehow evolved to which new member has the best special skill segment. Gayle just did a backflip on stage and Imra solved a Rubik’s cube in under 10 seconds, so Alex is proudly showing off her two new members to the other leaders.

I’m watching everything on the monitor backstage with the other idols and we’re laughing along at the MC. I watch Kara who is practicing with Helen at the sides. Amazons is up to perform next. They take a break so I walk over to Kara who is taking a sip of water.

“Still practicing? You did well yesterday,” I take a seat next to her while we’re overlooking the other idols who are watching the MC through the monitors.

“I missed a step yesterday, and forgot a line earlier,” she regrets, “I need to rehearse more. 2 weeks isn’t enough.”

“I thought you did well, I’m sure no one noticed,” I commented.

“Well, I noticed!” 

I keep quiet after she snaps. Tensions are running high and she’s so pressured to give a good performance as center so I let it go. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… It’s just that Donna learned all of Birds of Prey’s choreo so easily, Barbara barely needed any practice and Sara took what? Literally just a day to learn all of Supergirls’ songs? I don’t want…” she sighs, “fans would think I’m the biggest failure from the shuffle.”

“Kara,” I bring my chair closer to her, “you’re not a failure. Amazons has the most songs in all of DC, and you learned 30 songs in 2 weeks. That's an accomplishment, not a failure. All of our songs are from other groups, we only have one original song, of course it took Sara just a day to learn it. Don’t compare yourself to her.”

I can’t hug her or kiss her, not with everyone around, so I settled for gently holding her hand.

“I’m not saying I represent all fans but when I see my  _ oshimen _ on stage, all I care about is watching her enjoy herself, and performing with all her heart. I don’t care if she misses a step or forgot a line.”

“Kara, get ready,” Diana interrupts us and calls for all of Amazons. 

“I have to go, I’ll call you tonight?”

“Okay, you can just text me if you’re tired.”

She nods and gathers with all the Amazons. 

Kara didn’t text me or call me that night. 

I woke up with an apology text early in the morning, explaining she crashed as soon as she got home. I texted back telling her not to worry and wish her luck for today since Amazons have to perform the most today. It’s the last day of DC Fest and also Nubia’s graduation.

* * *

“You don’t want to go home?” I ask Alex, who is now in her casual clothes watching the graduation through the monitors backstage. Supergirls’ performances are long over and I gave permission for everyone to go home. 

“I’ll wait for Kara, plus I kinda wanna watch Nubia’s graduation,” she replies, eyes still watching the monitors, “why are you still here?”

“Because you’re here. I’ll leave when all of my girls leave,” I smile.

“It’s fine, go home. Spend time with that girlfriend of yours,” she teases.

“She’s working tonight,” I answer sadly.

“Aha!” she turns around and looks at me, “that’s the real reason you’re here, not because you want to accompany me.”

“Guilty as charged,” I look away. I promised Kara we’ll tell Alex together tomorrow night. I turned my attention over to the monitors, it was time for the members to give their farewell message to Nubia.

“It’s way more grand than Sam’s graduation,” I observe.

“Yeah, well, Sam’s was last minute,” she looks at me, “and not under the best circumstances. Nubia has been an Amazons’ member for 9 years, leader for 5. She’s the de facto leader for all of DC even, and will be DC’s first solo idol after she graduates. It’s incomparable.”

“She’s an idol when Diana was an idol, that’s like super OG. There’s a reason why it took months from her graduation announcement to her actual graduation. It’s a huge deal,” she explains further.

“I see. Do you still… do you still stand by your opinion about Sam?” I try to probe.

“What do you mean?” she questions further.

“Do you think she was still in the wrong?”

“She broke the rules, she got punished by it, end of story,” she brushes me off.

“What about J’onn?”

She fixes her gaze at me when I mention the name. We never talked about J’onn.

“What about J’onn?” she repeats my question back to me.

“You think he’s a good manager?”

“If he was, he would have stayed away from M’gann,” she looks at me straight in the eyes as she says it and it felt like it pierced through my heart. 

“Maybe he thinks that their relationship wouldn’t interfere with her life as an idol,” I try to defend him.

“Well, it did. So you’re wrong.”

“That’s because you reported him.” 

She looks at me like I’ve offended all her ancestors. I might as well have.

“What are you trying to say, Lena? Are you blaming me for Supergirls’ first scandal? Just bringing it up out of the blue like this?”

“No, I just, sorry, I guess I wanted to dive into your head for a bit and see where you stand.”

I couldn’t explain myself further as Amazons started filing in backstage. I look at the monitors and Nubia is getting ready to do a solo performance. We’re all huddled over the monitors to watch Nubia and I can’t help but feel I just made the situation with Alex so much worse. 

I walk over to Diana and congratulate her on the job well done as I make my leave. 

* * *

Good thing the train station is just a 3 minutes walk from the stadium. I walked a bit faster because Nubia’s graduation just ended, and the station will soon be packed with fans. 

I winced when I saw Alex’s name on the caller ID, I have a feeling she wanted to talk more about our earlier conversation, and I dread the feeling as I answer the call.

“Hi Alex.”   
  


“Boss, are you still at the stadium? Kara just fainted. They just finish—”

I didn’t wait for an explanation and just ran my way back into the stadium as fast as I could.

* * *

She fainted right after the graduation ended when she was backstage, and they quickly brought her to the med bay. The medic personnel explained that it was probably dehydration and heat stroke, due to her pushing her body to the limit. When I got to the room, she had already woken up and was happily drinking some sports drinks.

“Hey, boss, she already woke up. They said she just needed to rest and drink some fluids,” Alex informs when she sees me, “sorry I made you panic.”

“It’s okay, Alex,” and I look over at Kara, “you alright?”

“It’s nothing, just needed a drink,” she smiles.

I want to yell at her but Diana and Alex are in the same room. 

“Lena, since you’re here, can you stay for a bit? I need to settle the rest of Amazons, Jack probably has his hands full,” Diana requested.

“Yeah, of course, no problem, I can take them home if you like,” I suggested.

“Okay, thanks Lena. Kara,” she looks at Kara, “rest tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“No, wait, Diana. She’s dehydrated and just fainted from a heat stroke, in the middle of winter no less! Give her an off day tomorrow,” I raise my voice before I realize I have no say in Kara’s schedule anymore. I’m not her manager, just an angry secret girlfriend.

“It’s alright, Lena. I can join practice, I’m fine, I just needed water. See you tomorrow, Diana.”

“Lena’s right,” Diana said after a moment, probably startled at my outburst, “you can rest tomorrow, Kara. If you want. Our next live is not till Saturday. So if you think that’s enough time, you can join practice on Tuesday.”

“I’ll see you around, Lena. Thanks again for bringing them home,” Diana expresses her gratitude. It was probably my imagination, but she didn’t sound too pleased.

“What a bitch,” I can hear Alex mutters under her breath.

“Fucking hell, Kara,” Alex turns to Kara now, “you got us worried.”

“It was nothing, I just felt dizzy.”

“You fainted and blacked out for a minute! That’s not just a dizzy spell,” Alex scolds her.

“Can you get me some more water? The vending machine is on the top floor,” she looks at Alex with her big doe eyes, turning the water bottle she’s drinking from upside down to show that it’s empty.

“I’ll go get it,” I offered.

“No, boss, I’ll go. She won’t listen to me, maybe she’ll listen to you,” Alex sighs and leaves the room.

When Alex left the room, Kara immediately pipes up, “You shouldn’t have done that. She already doesn’t like me, now she’ll like me even less. I can join practice tomorrow."

“I’m sorry, I was out of line. I guess I was being an overprotective girlfriend,” I apologize.

“You’re lucky you’re cute. No more yelling at my manager next time,” she warns me. 

“Are you still going to practice tomorrow?” I ask. When she stayed quiet, I already knew the answer.

“Please, Kara. Diana already said you get a rest day tomorrow, promise me you’ll rest, please?” I beg her.

“Did you hear her words? I can rest IF I WANT. She’s clearly testing me. I have to go practice tomorrow.”

I sigh. Once she makes up her mind about something, it’s hard to change it. I just have to make sure she’s fully rested tonight.

“I’ll rest if you give me a kiss,” she gives a sly smile when she sees my saddened face. Good thing the vending machine is all the way on the top floor and it’ll take Alex a while to come back. I leaned down and gave Kara a kiss until I heard someone by the door.

“What the fuck!?”

I turn around and Alex is looking at us angrily. 

Shit.


	43. Alex II

“What the fuck!?”

I did not just see Lena bending over and kissing Kara. I did not just see my manager breaking the love ban rule with my sister. I did not just see my friend betraying every trust I have for her. I regret coming back to the med bay after realizing I didn’t have any coins for the vending machine. I regret stumbling into this absurdity. I storm my way out of the room. I don’t want to believe what I just saw.

“Alex, please wait,” that betrayer’s voice came from behind as she chased me down. I stop and turn around.

“My sister??!!”

“I really wanted to tell you. We were planning to tell you!” she gives a flimsy excuse. Yeah, right.

“My sister?? How dare you!” I hit her hard multiple times on the arms. I want to punch her in the face so bad.

“Alex, please—”   
  


“No, don’t talk to me,” I stop her. There’s no explanation that can justify whatever she did.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.”

“I don’t want to fucking hear it! You stay away from her,” I yell. How dare she. She knew what this would do to Kara’s career if people found out. What if it was someone else that walked into the med bay just now?

“Alex, I love her.”   
  


I pause. Love? You gotta be kidding me. 

I look her straight in the eyes when I say it, “If you really did, you would stay away from her.”

She didn’t move or say anything back. I can’t believe her. I walk back to the med bay, I just want to bring Kara home.

“Alex—”

“Can you get up? Do you need more water?” I ask as I pick up all her belongings.

“Alex please don’t get angry with—”

“Let’s go home, Kara. I don’t want to talk.”

It was a silent ride home. I got a taxi to take us home because I don’t want to go through the hassle of walking and waiting for the train. I have no mood for waiting, I just want to get home. At least Kara knows better as she’s not talking to me. She knows to leave me alone when I’m fuming. 

We got back to our apartment and I went straight to my room. After a few minutes, I felt guilty leaving Kara alone. She did faint just a few hours ago. I went to the kitchen and filled up a glass of water to bring it to her room. Her light was on and her door wasn’t locked.

“I’ll talk to her.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I promise I’ll rest tomorrow.”

“Good night, I love you.”

Love. That word again. She doesn’t know what love is even if it hits her in the face.

I knock on her door.

“Drink, I don’t want you to faint again,” I instruct her as I pass her the water.

“Are you ready to talk?” she asks.

“Drink first.”

I wait for her to finish her glass of water before I say a word.

“You’re breaking your contract, this is dangerous, Kara. And for what?” I sit down on her bed and start the conversation. 

“I love her, Alex,” she answers, eyes never waver from me. She’s serious about this.

“You don’t even know what love is. Trust me, this is not it. If she truly loves you, she wouldn’t have put you in this situation,” I reply, standing by my opinion.

“You don’t know our story! She was very respectful. She was holding back and wouldn’t let me break the rule, she was willing to wait for me.”

“Kissing you in the med bay didn’t seem like holding back to me. What if someone else walked in that room! What if Diana saw?” I yell back, why can’t she see this how I see it?

“That was entirely my fault, I asked for the kiss. Alex, we both agreed this relationship wouldn’t get in the middle of our job.”

“But it will. So what was that yelling to Diana about? I thought she was being concerned but now thinking back, she was acting on her feelings, wasn’t it? Things like this would get you in trouble if people caught on!”

“That was a one time thing, she was worried! I already told her not to do it again.”

“Sorry, Kara. You need to call this off. This is too dangerous,” I held her hands, I’m worried about her, “You’ll get caught.”

“I’ll take the risk,” she answers me back seriously.

“I don’t want you to take ANY risk,” I retort. Why is she willing to sacrifice her dream for… for Lena? I still can’t fathom this.

“You know, you two are more similar than you can imagine. She said the same thing to me,” she smiles.

“Please, Alex. Can you hear her out? I swear we’re different. I’m still working hard as an idol, am I not? Fuck, Alex. I just fucking fainted trying to learn 30 songs in 2 weeks,” she starts to raise her voice.

“How long has this been going on?” I start to investigate.

She laughs a little, “I don’t know where I should even start. I guess we’ve been sneaking around since… since Karuizawa? Or maybe a bit before then.”

“Since Karuizawa!?” I cannot believe her, “before we all knew about Sam? God, Kara. This is not funny. You saw what happened to Sam, aren’t you scared that’s gonna happen to you??”

“We didn’t do anything then! We just… we were friends. Who liked each other. We just started kissing during AGM,” she explains.

“So this is all recent? Come on, Kara. This is not love. You don’t want to sacrifice your dream for a fling,” I try to reason with her.

“It’s not recent,” she sighs, “and it’s not a fling. I don’t know how to explain it to you, we knew our feelings for each other were deeper than before we even realized it. She means a lot to me, Alex. Please believe me.”

I can’t reason with her. She’s so blinded with her feelings there’s no use talking. I left without saying anything and took the empty glass to put it in the kitchen sink. When I went back to my room, I reached for my phone. My finger hovered over the dial button for a few minutes, until I finally got the courage to press it.

The person answered the call after two rings.

“Hello? It’s Alex. Are you free to meet up tomorrow?”

* * *

When I woke up the next day, Kara was already lounging on the couch in the living room. I grabbed my jacket, getting ready to go out.

“You’re not going to practice?” I ask her. I half expected her to go already. The stubborn Kara I knew would have been out the door by now.

“I promised Lena I’ll rest today.”

Huh. Guess someone finally got her to listen. If only that person is not the same person jeopardizing her dream.

“Are you going out?” Kara asks.

“I’m meeting someone. I’ll be back by lunch,” I answer, avoiding her gaze.

“Alex,” she paused, “are you gonna report me to Cat?”

I stop what I was doing and look at her. I wouldn’t do that to her and I’m hurt that she even had to ask me that. But I had all the intention to report Lena. Never Kara.

“I’m sorry, I just… if you are, could you tell me first? So I could get ready?”

“Kara, you’re family, I would do anything to protect you.”

“Are you gonna report Lena to Cat?”

Honestly, I don’t know. So I just kept silent. 

“Can you hear her out first? Please? For me?”

I didn’t reply and just walked out the door. I don’t want to promise to hear what Lena has to say but I have something I want to get off my chest. 

Lena is so dead to me.

* * *

“Resign. Or I’ll report you to Cat,” I stood by her door, after rejecting her invitation to come in. I didn’t mean to come here, but after Kara accused me I just had to. If Kara doesn’t want to stop this, then I’ll force Lena to back away.

“Alex, please,” Lena pleads.

“Stay away from Kara. Don’t ruin her future like this,” I plead back. 

“Does she know you’re doing this?” Lena wondered. It’s like she knew.

“She’ll understand one day,” I convince myself. 

“If I quit, she’ll quit. You know deep down she’ll do it,” she answered in a convincing tone. I hate that she’s probably right.

“What do you want me to do? This is wrong!” I yell back. I don’t know what else to do. 

“Alex, we want you to accept us. I swear we wanted to tell you,” Lena holds my hand but I jerk it away. Don’t they get it? My acceptance doesn’t matter. The rules don't care about my acceptance. 

“She’s at home, you know? She didn’t go to practice,” I told her.

“That’s good to know. She needs the rest,” Lena breathed a sigh of relief.

“She listens to you. I have no doubt she would follow you anywhere. If you tell her to quit, she’d do it," It’s scary how much influence Lena has on Kara. 

“I won’t, Alex. I promise you. I know this is her dream. I would never let our relationship get in the way of that,” Lena looks at me sincerely.

“You think things aren’t gonna come up all the time? We need a long term solution. I don’t see a future where Kara can achieve her dream and be with you,” I argue. They are so insistent to be with each other with no future plannings at all. Fucking idiots.

“Can you stay here? I’ll be quick,” Lena says quickly before she dashes into her room. I wonder what is it that she needs to do urgently?

She came back with a black folder; full of papers and sheets and writings.

“Here,” she gives me the folder.

“What’s this?” I ask as I open and browse through it.

“I promise Kara I have no more secrets from her, except for this one. You said you see there’s no future with us. Well, this is our future,” she explains.

I look over all the papers and sheets and back at her. This is crazy. She’s crazy.

“So far, I’ve only planned it, I haven’t taken action yet. Nothing is set in stone, but this is what I envisioned,” she explains further while I keep looking through the folder.

“This is… insane. Are you doing this for her?” 

“I’d do anything for her. I don’t think anyone has ever loved me as much as she does,” Lena said with conviction, I almost believe her. In fact, I do believe her. This plan of hers isn’t just recent, this looks like months of planning.

“How long have you planned this?”

“Since Karuizawa, when Sam told me she’s pregnant. I wanted to help Sam with this but Cat gave her that ultimatum,” she answers.

I’m still looking through all her plans and shaking my head. 

“Alex, don’t tell Kara yet, I want to surprise her,” Lena begs.

“Do you really believe in this?” I ask again.

“I believe in us. I’m all in. And I would love it if you’d join me,” she touches my hand again. This time I let her.

“You really love her,” I told her. I had my doubts but these two idiots might really be in love with each other.

“More than anything. There’s nothing I know more than the fact that I wanna be with her.”

“So what? You’re gonna do all this in 2 years?”

“Actually,” she pauses and takes out her phone, “in 1 year, 11 months and 17 days.”

“What the fuck? Is that an app that countdowns till the end of our contract??” 

“Err… yes?” she looks back at me apologetically.

“Alex? Say something,” Lena commented when she sees that I’m silent. I’m still processing all this.

“Can you go to my house? Get her some lunch? I’ll meet you there,” I look at my watch. I’ll be late for my meeting.

“Alex, I know you tell Kara everything but this is the one thing I need you to keep from her. At least until I have something set in stone. I don’t want to give her false hope.”

“I’m sure this plan won’t fail,” I said.

“Oh, why’s that?” Lena has a confused look on her face.

“You have me now,” I smile at her. Her face beams when she hears my reply.

I look at my watch again and hurriedly leave her.

“Where are you going?” she shouted.

“Meeting an old friend.”

* * *

”Alex.”

The familiar voice greets me.

“J’onn. Thanks for meeting.”

He sat down opposite me and we ordered coffee when the waitress came by to take our order. It was awkward, probably more for him, since I was the one who called for a meetup. But now I feel equally awkward as well. We still stayed silent until our drinks arrived. I notice the ring on his finger when he picks up the cup.

“You two got married?”

“Yeah, last month. Small ceremony, just family,” he clears it up.

“Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

“Why did you want to meet up, Alex?” J'onn asks after a few more moments of awkward silence.

I didn’t know why I called J’onn last night to meet up. And now after meeting Lena, I felt more guilty seeing him. I hesitate for a bit while I try to find my words.

“Last night, I was faced with a similar situation like what happened with us. And… honestly, I don’t know why I called. I thought if it happened again, I would take the same action like what I did back then. But now I feel a change of heart,” I look at J’onn and I feel like I’m explaining it badly and too cryptic.

“If I don’t take the same action as I did back then, aren’t I a hypocrite? And if I change my mind on how I feel now, aren't I being unfair to you? I should have given you the same chance, like what I’m giving to my current situation.”

He just gives that knowing smile of his. 

“Opinions change, people change, and so does their action. It’s okay to change your stand when presented with facts and new information. I don’t think that makes you a hypocrite.”

I breathe easily hearing that from J’onn. He always knows what to say. Even when I was being unfair to him.

“It’s just, I had everything in my mind to report… that person when I called you last night. But they made me change my mind just before I met you. And I feel like I’m being unfair to you.”

“Did you call me first or Cat first?” he asks.

I look at him, eyes blinking. It’s true, I had all the intention to report Lena to Cat, but I’ve never made the call.

“You. I never made contact with Cat.”

“I don’t think that person changed your mind, then. If you wanted to, you would have called Cat anyway. Maybe… maybe this is what you really wanted to do all along. And I know now why you called me, Alex.”

“You do?” because I don’t.

“You want closure.” 

“Are you angry with me? That I reported you to Cat?”

We haven’t spoken since the incident, and I blame myself for that. I was consumed with my thoughts that he had jeopardized the group. And maybe he was right, I called him so that I could ask for his forgiveness.

“I’m not, Alex. In fact, I wish I could have taken the choice out of your hands. I didn’t mean for you to find out. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry!” I cut him off, why is he apologizing? I’m the one feeling bad right now, “I should have given you a chance to explain. I should have given you and M’gann a fighting chance instead of telling Cat straight away, I’m so sorry.”

“Are you anti love ban now? Alex, have you found someone?”

“No, I just… I still feel the love ban rule exists for a reason but maybe… it could be more lenient.” 

“You know what I find the biggest irony is about the rule?” he asks.

I look at him and he answers his own question.

“The biggest irony is how they expect idols to sing love songs like it’s the most beautiful thing to exist, yet bans them from experiencing it themselves. And then treating it as the worst sin they could commit when they break the rule,” he says as he takes a sip of his coffee.

“So maybe you’re right, it could be a little bit more lenient.”

The awkward silence that surrounds us is becoming less awkward now. I think back on all those memories of J'onn teaching me the technical aspect of a live, the gritty details of idol management, and just about life in general. If only I could take back what I did back then.

“J’onn, you’re a good manager.”

He just replies with that knowing smile of his. Lena's right. Maybe acceptance helps.

* * *

I open the door and the smell is so inviting, my stomach starts to grumble. Our house never smelt like this before.

“Did you cook lunch?” I asked Kara. She shakes her head and points at Lena. I forgot I told her to come by and bring lunch, I didn’t expect her to cook.

“You two, living room,” I instructed. If we’re doing this, I need everything to be out in the open and that everyone is clear about it.

I sit on the couch and the two of them instinctively kneeled down on the floor facing me, like they’re about to be executed. 

“I’m not telling Cat,” I could see the look of relief on both their faces, “and I’m offended that you would think I’d do that.”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

I roll my eyes.

“How serious is this?” I ask them.

“I love her, Alex,” Kara answers, “and I promise our relationship won’t get in the way.”

“And you know how I feel about her. I swear I won’t put her in any risk. I won’t let her break her contract. No one will find out,” Lena promised.

“I did,” I look at both of them straight in the eyes, “you have to be more careful.”

“That was my fault,” Kara looks down, “I was the one who wanted the kiss.”

“Where do you see yourself after your contract ends? Don’t you want to renew?” I asked Kara but eyed Lena. I already know what her plan is, I need to know Kara’s.

“I’ll think about it when the time comes. And if I do,” she grabs Lena’s hands, “she’ll wait for me.”

“Wait for what? You’re already sneaking around behind everybody’s back doing it. Are you saying you’re not going to act on your feelings from now on until your contract ends?”

Both of them went silent. I rub my temple. I feel like smacking these two idiots on their heads right now. 

“You two need me more than I thought. You’re hopeless.”

“Alex, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Kara’s face lights up.

“I don’t agree with all the sneaking around. But if you’re serious about this, I’ll help,” the moment I said it I feel like regretting. But Kara’s reaction threw all my regrets away.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, I love you!” she leaps and hugs me tight.

I break off the hug and hold her face to look her in the eyes, “she makes you happy?”

“Yes,” she smiles.

I look over at Lena and she mouths out thank you. I just gave her a slight nod. The smell has been enticing ever since I walked through the door so I invite Kara and Lena over to the kitchen. Lena cooked some grilled salmon, miso soup and stir fried vegetables for lunch.

“Shit, boss. If this is your cooking, feel free to come by everyday.”

I wasn’t kidding. This is freakishly good. Both of them just smiled at my eagerness. If we’re doing this, I need to help them out. Not only are their sneaking around dangerous, it’s full of risk. I propose my idea that I’ve been thinking since the meetup with J’onn.

“Okay, before we proceed, we need to set up some ground rules.”

The two of them just burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?”


	44. Kara XVII

I plant a soft kiss on her lips and pull away slightly, making her chase after me. She leans in for a kiss, and I pull away again, laughing ever so slightly at her eagerness.

“Don’t make me chase you,” she leans in and kisses me again.

“I like it when you chase,” I mutter while we kiss.

I could feel her smile against my lips as she held me closer, not letting me pull away. I rest my head against her forehead and we melt into tiny sweet kisses. Until a disgusting foot nudged me on my shoulders.

“Can you two not?”

Alex interrupts the two of us. She’s sitting on the couch while we’re on the floor. She keeps kicking me, urging us to stop kissing each other.

“I’m literally right here. I want to watch the TV, not you two morons.”

I stick my tongue out at Alex and continue to make out with Lena.

“I’m adding another rule, no kissing in the living room.”

Alex’s rules are even worse than Lena’s. We weren’t allowed to kiss or date in public, not even in places we think are hidden, and any affection we want to show each other can only be done in the privacy of my house or Lena’s. After the incident with Diana, she also added that we’re not allowed to interrupt each other’s schedule. Good thing she doesn’t dictates my sex life because I would riot.

“We can kiss at home and the living room area is part of that home,” I argue.

“Not when we’re about to watch you on TV for the first time with Amazons. Shh, it’s starting!”

The theme song starts to play and there I was with Amazons on our weekly TV show, Amazonians. We’re all huddled up in front of the television, at 1am on a Wednesday. Lena came over to watch it together with us. They could have slept in and watch the streaming the next morning but Alex insists on watching it in real time. They’re lucky they have a live the next day at night but I have practice at 9am. I stayed up anyway because a part of me is excited to watch their reactions.

“This is the episode you recorded on Thursday?” Lena asks.

“Yeah, we recorded two episodes on Thursday, and two more on Friday. So we basically got the whole month’s episode in two days of recording. Then we’ll do it again before the next month,” I explain. This is the first episode of my appearance in the show, since the January episodes were already recorded before the AGM. 

It starts with a sketch show. They’re making fun of the fact that I replaced Donna so the whole sketch is me wearing a bandage over my head and I pretended to be Donna who just did plastic surgery. 

“Is this scripted?” Alex asks.

“It mostly is, but we can go off script. It’s kinda like our MC. They have a guideline but we’re free to ad-lib,” I explain. We turn our attention back to the TV. It was time for me to reveal my face and I kept an eye on Alex and Lena’s reaction.

“Donna, you just did plastic surgery? Show us your face!” Antiope shouted in that surprised hacky telenovela voice.

TV me open my bandage and turn around to the cameras, the whole studio just burst into laughter and so did Lena. Alex just looks at me, “THAT is so fucking dumb, I can’t believe you did that on TV.”

I was wearing a fake mustache when they zoomed in on my face. I twirl the fake mustache around and pretend like it’s real. I found out that fans love it when Amazons breaks characters in sketch, so I brought in my own prop. I’m glad they kept the scene in because the other members are trying hard to keep a straight face and everyone broke characters.

The show moved on with a performance segment, and we performed “I Wish”. It’s weird to perform Supergirls’ single with Amazons, but Diana said it's good promo. Plus, all songs belong to DC anyway. The show ended with another sketch, it’s about Mala and Orana as dog owners and Helen and I are the dogs. 

Lena puts her arms around me as she continues watching the sketch. I turn my head to look at Alex who is concentrating on the TV show and rest my head on Lena’s shoulders. How am I so lucky that the two people I love most in the world are here with me at this moment? I close my eyes and try not to forget this feeling of contentment.

The show ended and Lena took her arm off my shoulders. 

“Right, I better head home. Good job on Amazonians, Kara. It was funny, I’m sure the fans loved it.”

“Lena, it’s late, just stay. Alex, can she stay?” I look at Alex and make the best pleading face I can.

“She’s right, Lena. It’s late.”

“Yay, you can sleep in my bed,” I cheered.

“The couch!” Alex yells as she heads into her own room.

“My bed can fit two people!” I yell back.

“The couch! And no hanky panky! You have practice tomorrow!” Alex concludes the discussion on her own and shuts her door.

Lena looks at me and puts both her arms around my neck and smiles, “She’s right. I’ll sleep on the couch. You have practice tomorrow.”

“We don’t have to do anything, plus she’s in her room right now, she won’t know,” I whisper in case Alex hears us anyway, “Please?” I give her the look I know she can’t resist.

She sighs and I smiled. I know that I’ve won.

I gave her an old sweatshirt and some pajama pants for her to sleep in. While she was changing, I took something from my drawer.

“Hey baby, happy to see me?” I said in my deepest voice.

“Kara,” she shakes her head and lets out a small laugh, “I can’t believe you still have the mustache.”

I laugh along and switch off the light. I pull Lena into bed, and we lie down facing each other, Lena gently caressing my face.

“Hey Kara,” she whispers.

“Mmhmm,” I close my eyes and just take in the feeling of her lightly touching me.

“Are you really going to sleep with the mustache?”

“I can’t take it off, it’s part of me now,” my eyes are still closed but I know she has a surly look on her face.

“I won’t kiss you with that thing on your face,” she threatens me.

“Yes, you would,” and I bring my face closer to hers. Lena laughs and makes a disgusted face while trying to avoid my lips.

“No, no, take the mustache off,” she laughs. We lightly wrestle with each other, with me forcing her to kiss me, while she swiftly avoids my kiss.

I get on top of her and pin both her hands down. “This is me now, accept me for who I am!” I declare.

We stop laughing and just look at each other in the darkness, both a little bit out of breath. I rip off the mustache and give her a deep kiss. She kisses me back and puts her hands on the back of my head, pulling me closer. My hands starts to travel under her sweatshirt and it’s warm—

The loud knock puts a stop to what we were doing immediately. Alex’s voice booms from the other side of the door.

“I told you, Lena on the couch! Go to sleep! You have practice!”

“We’re not doing anything! She’s sleeping here! Go away!” I yell back.

Lena just smiles and gently pushes me off of her, “She’s right. Good night, darling. I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow.”

Well, there goes the mood. 

I groan and lean my head back on my pillow. Next time, we’re staying over at Lena’s house.

* * *

“It’s so cold here, and the snow is so thick,” I exclaim excitedly to Lena on our night call. Amazons are in Sapporo for their Snow Festival and I just finished an outdoor live surrounded by snow statues and ice sculptures. It was amazing.

“We had snow yesterday,” Lena said.

“Oh, no. Anything in Tokyo is sleet at most. You have to come to Sapporo. THIS is real snow.”

“I’m glad you’re having fun. You have another live tomorrow?”

“Yeah, tomorrow at night, and Sunday at 2pm. But I’m coming home on Sunday night. How’s the preparation for Imra’s  _ seitansai _ ?” I ask her. Imra’s birthday was on 30th Jan but between AGM & DC Fest, there wasn’t enough time to get a venue, so Lena opted to do Imra’s  _ seitansai _ a week later, which is tomorrow.

“Gayle and Imra are getting the hang of it. They still make a few mistakes here and there. Imra’s nervous for her special segment. She’ll be singing “I Wish” solo.”

“That’s good. It’s fine, when we first started we stumbled through our lives. New members grow with the fans. They love watching us improve,” I reassure her.

“I love that. I love that you girls aren’t perfect idols right after debut, and fans get to watch you grow,” she commented.

“It’s part of our appeal,” I smile.

“You got next week’s timetable yet?” she asks.

“I have a magazine interview on Monday, live on Tuesday night, radio interview on Wednesday, practice on Thursday, and live Friday till Sunday,” I brief her on my schedule.

“Okay,” she replied with just a word. I already know hers since I’m still in their group chat. They have practice Monday and Tuesday, Sara’s radio show on Tuesday, off day on Wednesday and Thursday, and live as well Friday till Sunday. We won’t be able to meet up next week.

“I’m going to miss you,” I said. We last saw each other 2 days ago, and I already miss her terribly. 

“I’ll miss you more,” she replied, “Ummm… Kara?”

“Yeah?” her hesitation in her voice concerned me.

“Your live next Sunday is at what time? Ours is at 2pm.”

“It’s a  _ taiban _ , we have the 4pm and 6pm slot,” I answered.

“So, it’ll end around 8, 9 o’clock?” 

“Yeah, around there. What’s up?”

“Do you… want to come over my house after?”

Why is she being shy all of the sudden? I let out a tiny chuckle, “What’s the occasion?”

“Next Sunday is Valentine’s Day.”

Oh.  _ Oh. _

“Kara?” Lena’s voice dismisses the dirty thoughts that popped up in my head after that information.

“Yes, I’d love to. I’ll see you next Sunday night.”

“Okay, good night. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I closed my phone and googled the nearest lingerie shop in Sapporo. I hope Diana gives us some time for shopping tomorrow.

* * *

"Hey center, got you a seat!" Orana points me to the last seat in the dressing room.

"Thanks," I replied and she giggled along with Mala and Artemis. I grab the chair and it feels wobbly. I look at one of the legs and it's out of place, if I sit on it there's no doubt I'll fall.

"Seriously, guys? We're not kids."

All three of them rolled their eyes and looked away from me.

It's been a month plus since AGM and they still haven't warmed up to me. I don't know if they ever will. Antiope is civil with me and Helen is the only friend I have but the three of them have this mean girls’ clique going that makes Antiope and Helen not wanting to socialize with me that much. I can't believe I have to endure this even at this day and age, and I thought high school was bad.

I had enough so I walked up to the three of them to talk it out.

"Look, we probably got off on the wrong foot, and I think we just misunderstood each other. Do you three want to talk it out? We'll be a better group if we can work together in harmony," I say it in the most friendly tone I can, extending the first olive branch.

"I'm sorry, Kara. You're right," Artemis smiles and extends a hand for a truce. 

When I wanted to grab her hand for a handshake, she lifted it up at the last second and laughed at my face.

I got really pissed off at the childishness of it all, I stormed out of the dressing room. Outside, I see Diana finalizing the details of the live with other managers so I walked up to her.

"Yes?" she looks at me. It's hard to get a read on her. One day, I feel that she likes me then the next day she's pushing me so hard like I'm her rival. She's no Lena, that's for sure. I'm not even sure if I should talk to her about this.

"Can you have a talk to Mala, Orana and Artemis? They're not even trying to understand or respect me. And I've been nothing but civil. I'm done with the bullying, we're adults."

"So, go settle it like adults. Why are you complaining to me?"

I was taken aback by her response. Lena would storm into the dressing room right now and give the three of them an earful.

"I did! I wanted to talk with them but they wouldn't listen," I try to fight back the tears that's coming. I miss Lena so much, I miss having someone on my side.

"And what do you expect me to do? If I go in there and tell them to take it easy on you, they'll just go behind my back even further to bully you."

She's not wrong. I stayed silent because now I don't know what to do. No one is willing to help me.

"Look, Kara. Jealousy between members is normal. They don't think you deserve this center spot, especially when you didn't even get chosen as Amazons during your audition. You just have to prove them wrong," she holds my shoulder as she says this, "respect has to be earned. You can't just talk them into it."

"Trust me, I had my fair share of jealousy. I didn't start as the center. That was Hippolyta. When she graduated, Cat made me center. I had to prove my worth to the members and to the fans," Diana starts telling me her story back when she was an idol. Sometimes I forgot she used to be one.

"That's the downside of joining a group that's already established. In Supergirls, you set the bar. Here? The bar is already set for you. So you have to be the one rising up to the challenge."

"I'm not just your manager, Kara. I'm the manager for all of Amazons. I can't just cater to your needs and demands. Pettiness between members is on my lowest list of priorities. This kind of thing should be solved amongst you girls. Honestly, why do you think Bruce can handle 10 girls, now 12 with the new members? He doesn’t concentrate on the drama, his priority is to get them from one live to the next. And that’s what I’m doing with all of you. Settle the drama yourselves."

When it looks like she doesn’t have anything else to say I just nodded and left her. I’ll settle this like adults, but not today. Today I just feel miserable that Diana doesn’t have my back, and apparently no one in this group does. I hovered around backstage because I really didn’t want to go back to the dressing room. Then, I got a notification on my phone.

> **Lena 5.50pm**
> 
> See you tomorrow, darling! I miss you. 

I quickly read the message from Lena and it makes me smile. It’s like she just knew that I needed her. I replied instantly.

> **Kara 5.50pm**
> 
> Miss you too, my love! I’ll bring my strap-on!

I chuckle at my own reply and just watch the three dots waiting for her reply.

> **Lena 5.51pm**
> 
> Honestly sometimes I can’t tell if you’re joking or not. Just bring an empty stomach, I’ll cook. 

> **Kara 5.51pm**
> 
> I’m being serious. I’ll buy one... ;) ;) ;)
> 
> **Lena 5.52pm**
> 
> Ha ha funny. Have a good live, I’ll wait for your call tonight. 

Maybe I should really go buy that strap-on. Just for laughs. 

* * *

> I love you, I love you so much that
> 
> I don't know what it means
> 
> I love you so much, I feel like a fool~

“That’s an old song,” Diana commented when she came into the dance room. We have a live later but I decided to stop by the dance room to practice on my own first. She must have just finished her meeting with Cat.

“Yeah, I know,” I wipe the sweat on my brow with my t-shirt, “I figured it’s good practice to know the dance to all of Amazons’ songs, even if we rarely perform it.”

“You’re following the music video? We’ve updated the dance move since then,” she walks up to me and removes her high heels.

“1, 2, 3, 4 and head flip and 5, 6 and push and 7, 8 and hips,” Diana teaches me the dance moves. I followed along.

“And tap, reach, reach and back and tap, and step, yes like that,” Diana continues, “from the top.”

We went through the dance moves one more time and Diana stands back while she watches me as I try to sing the chorus again, this time with the moves she taught me.

> I love you, I love you so much that
> 
> I don't know what it means
> 
> I love you so much, I feel like a fool~

It’s weird but every time Diana is around, I do feel like I’m trying to prove something and I want to impress her. Especially now, when we just danced together. It’s a rare opportunity being taught by the first idol from DC.

“You got it, the second chorus has the same movement and the rest is just the same as the video,” she grabs her high heels and puts them on again, “you’re a fast learner.”

“Thanks.”

“How many songs have you learned so far?” she asks.

“Thanks to DC Fest and our lives, around 50 plus? And I’m going through the old songs on my own time so I would say around 70?” I answered. I’ve lost count to be honest, but I know that’s the general number. I haven’t even reached half of Amazons’ discography.

“70 songs in one month. You better slow down. Your old manager will yell at me again,” she lets out a tiny smile. 

“I’m sorry, she was just worried about me. I never overworked myself before in Supergirls,” I try to brush it off, I hope she doesn’t bring this up again.

“If she pushes her girls a bit more, Supergirls can be a great group,” she said, “like how I’m pushing you now. Trust me, Kara. I know your limit, I’ve been in your shoes. That’s one thing Lena would never understand.”

“She might not know what it’s like to be an idol, but I think she’s a great manager,” I replied defensively.

She looks at me and pauses before she asks the next question, “What is she to you?”

“Sorry?”

_ Did she figure us out? _

“Lena feels more than a manager to you.”

“She's a friend,” I reply quickly, hopefully that will throw her off the scent.

“You see, that's where she fails. I'm your manager, first and foremost. I'm not your friend,” she replies, and I relaxed internally. She didn’t figure us out; she was just genuinely curious.

“A friend coddles you, and treats you nicely. I hope you don't expect me to treat you the same way. I see now what Cat sees in you, so I'm going to push you to your full potential.”

“Bring it on,” I look at her smugly. She wants to give me a challenge? Well, I accept.

“And you’re wrong,” I add.

“Wrong about what?” she gives me a puzzled look. 

“Lena being a friend is what makes her excel as a manager,” I smile, “and there’s nothing wrong with being a friend. I’m a good one. You’re missing out if you don’t want to be friends.”

She gives me a half smile and walks towards the door.

“Don’t practice too much, you have a live later,” she says before she leaves.

“Okay, friend!” I yell out to her.

* * *

“Happy Valentine’s Day! Here’s your souvenir from Sapporo!” I gave her my gift.

“What is this, Kara?”

“It’s snow!” I replied cheerfully.

“It’s water in a plastic bag....” she lifts up my gift and shows it to me with a confused look.

“It was snow when I packed it, so what did you cook? I’m starving,” I open all the pots and pans eagerly, trying to see what she cooked.

“Come here first,” Lena opens up her arms for a hug, and I fit into it. There’s something about hugs from Lena that makes me feel right at home.

“Mmmm, I miss this,” I hug her back.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she finally says it back, “I love you even if you got me only water in a plastic bag.”

“It’s snow,” I mumble, “you can drink it, it’s pure water.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” she laughs.

“Hey, can I ask?” she gives me a squeeze but I hug her tighter, “No, no, just keep hugging.”

“Okay,” she answers me back.

“If Kelly or Nia badmouths me behind my back, I’m not saying they are, but hypothetically, what would you do? If we don’t get along or something?”

“Why the sudden hypothetical question? Are you testing my managerial skill?” she laughs a little.

“Yeah, it’s a test,” I laugh along, but deep down I’m serious about it. I really need to know what she would do.

“I’ll take them aside, maybe bring you along, and we’ll talk. There must be a reason why they’re badmouthing you, so I’ll get to the bottom of it.”

I break off the hug and look at her, “Would you say it’ll be your top priority?”

“It’ll be my only priority. I can’t rest well knowing my girls don’t get along.”

I give her a long deep hug. I wish she’s my manager again.

“Did I pass the test?”

“With flying colors.”

“Okay, I passed the manager test, let’s see if I can pass the girlfriend test. I know we can’t go out openly yet so...” she walks over to the fridge and takes out a plate of fresh meat, “it’s our own all-you-can-eat  _ yakiniku _ !”

“I have all types of beef, I’ll get the grill going now. And we can make our own sauces, and there’s rice and salad and what?” she stops when she sees me staring lovingly at her.

“I love you, you know that right?” In this one indescribable instant, I just want her to really know that.

“Of course I do.”

“No but like I really REALLY love you,” I emphasize on it some more.

“Is it the beef? You like it that much?”

“No, idiot,” I take the plate of beef from her and pull her closer, “I am in love with you. Beef or not.”

“I am in love with you too,” and she gives me a kiss.

She gives me three more small kisses and I whisper while we’re kissing, “by the way, the snow is not the only thing I got you.”

“You mean the water, stop calling it snow,” she whispers back in between kisses.

“Melted snow. I also got us this,” I slide my bag over the kitchen table and she opens it, taking a peek inside.

“Oh. My. God,” Lena reacted when she saw the strap-on.

“Kara! You’re an idol! You don’t just go out and buy this!” she tries to hide it even though we’re in the privacy of her own home.

“I told you I was bringing it!” I grin at her.

“I thought you were joking!”

We eat our dinner and catch up with each other. Our night calls were brief, so we still have hundreds of stories we wanted to tell each other. She told me how Ava, Sara’s radio producer really liked Nia when she guest hosted, and they’re talking about getting Nia her own radio show. I told her about making more music with Cat and how Cat promised me I could get a solo song on Amazons’ album this year. She told me about asking Cat to get Kelly to choreograph their next single, and I told her about the possible nationwide tour Amazons will do this year. She told me about doing the girls only live with The Canaries, and I told her about my future schedule. 

After plenty of stories and food, I bring back her attention to the naughty item I bought. I got it yesterday at the 7-floor sex shop in Akihabara after our call and I told her about the other items that were there. The first 3 floors are just porn DVDS, fourth floor was costumes and fifth to seventh floor were the toys. I even told her about the expensive sex dolls that I saw and she warns me not to buy them, even for fun. When I asked her if she wanted to try the strap-on, she was hesitant at first, but I promised her I'll be gentle. 

"Harder, Kara. Fuck."

I think I'm going to break that promise now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kara has bde (big dumb energy) lmao i love her also yes the 7-floor sex shop really does exist in Akihabara lol go visit it’s fucking amazing


	45. Kara XVIII

I woke up with her snuggling up to me. I don’t remember last night, I must have passed out.

“Morning, love. Sorry, did I just fall asleep last night?”

Last I remember we were talking and catching up with each other. Today was the rare day that we both got an off day after a while. I haven’t seen her in a month and the first thing I did was sleep. Great.

“It’s okay, you were tired. I’ll go make that egg sandwich you like.”

I pull her back into bed, “No, let’s stay in. I don’t need breakfast. I want you.”

I cuddle up to her and she pulls me into her embrace. I love this feeling of being held onto, and I lulled myself to sleep again.

I woke up to the smell of food. Lena was not in bed so I got up and dragged myself to the kitchen.

“Hey darling, I know you said you didn’t need breakfast, but you need lunch, okay? I’m making you a beef bowl.”

“Sorry, I fell asleep again.”

  
  
“Don’t be sorry, it’s your day off. Go and watch some TV,” she shoo me away from the kitchen.

I’ve been busy rehearsing for our upcoming national tour, and have been working on Supergirls’ next single with Cat. I hate keeping it a secret from Lena and Alex but I can’t wait to have them find out soon. I’m also writing Amazons’ next single and Diana has been making us take English lessons in between rehearsing and our normal live. So between songwriting, and collaborating, and rehearsing, and performing, and studying, I barely have time for Lena. And today when I did, I spent half of it sleeping.

“No, I want to watch you cook,” I said as I sat on the kitchen stool.

“ _ My girlfriend is cooking for me today _ ,” I said it loudly in English.

“ _ That is right. Your English is improving. What else am I doing? _ ” she replied back.

“ _ You are washing the vegetables, _ ” I comment as she washes some green onions in the sink.

“ _ I am going to chop some off and sprinkle it on your beef bowl, do you want eggs _ ?”

I nod. Lena walks to the fridge to take out some eggs and I don’t know why but I feel like narrating her every move.

“ _ She is walking. She is looking for eggs. She is taking out the eggs from the  _ rifurijiita,” I commented.

“I’m sorry, what was that last word?” she laughs.

“The fridge. Did I say it wrongly?”

“ _ Refrigerator, _ ” Lena corrects me.

“Rifurijiita,” I repeat.

“No,” she laughs again, “ _ Refrigerator, _ ”

“That’s what I said! Rifurijiita!” I hear myself now and how I said it wrongly, but I purposely repeat it again because I love making her laugh.

“Rifurijiita, Rifurijiita,” I said it over and over and she can’t stop laughing.

“Stop, you’re doing this on purpose now,” she said in between tears, we’re both laughing till the point of crying. 

I stop interrupting and continue watching her making me lunch. We stayed in and watched TV and talked all day. I don’t need elaborate dates, candlelight dinners or romantic getaways. Just us, laughing and talking, was enough for me. I could spend a lifetime doing this with her. 

* * *

“So Diana danced with you?”

“Well, she just taught me the moves because they updated the dance. She was great, I could really see why she was a center all those years ago.”

“Mmhmm,” Lena just nods and keeps her eyes on the TV.

“Even now, she knows if we make a mistake in our singing or dancing, even though she’s not performing. She understands what it’s like to be an idol. She even told me the story of how they give out flyers in winter, and how their first live only had 20 audiences,” I went on.

“Wow,” Lena replied unenthusiastically. 

I look at her and I smile at what’s happening right now. I goad her on. 

“Then during practice she grabs my arm and we look each other in the eyes so intensely, I felt like the world stopped for us.”

She turned to me at lightning speed, I thought she almost broke her neck. I gave her the widest and cheesiest smile I could manage.

She didn’t smile back.

“Not funny,” was all she said.

I inch closer to her till we’re shoulder to shoulder on the couch. 

“Don’t be jealous,” I nudge her shoulder with mine.

She brings her legs up on the couch and hugs her knees while still watching the television, “I’m sorry I’m not an ex-idol who could teach you dancing.”

I wrap my arms around her, “I don’t need you to teach me dancing. That’s not why I love you.”

“Why do you love me then?” she pouts.

“I love you for your heart. I love how much you care for others and not just me. I love how you overthink stuff in that big brain of yours. I love how you comfort me in my difficult times. I love how you never give up on us. I love how you make me realize what love truly is. I love you, I have always loved you, and no one else can stop me from loving you still. There’s nothing you could do to make me love you any less.”

She looks at me, almost crying.

“I thought you were gonna give a joke answer. I love you too,” she says, fighting back tears.

“I love you for your hot body,” I add.

“There it is,” she laughs a little.

“I love that you’re a terrible singer. I love how much you hate the mustache. I love how much you love Gary.”

“Please don’t name the strap-on Gary, Kara,” she rolls her eyes.

“I love that you don’t mind my lame jokes,” I give her a small kiss.

“I love your jokes. They’re horrible. But I love it,” she kisses me back.

“There’s only one manager I’d kiss, don’t be jealous, okay?” I reassure her.

“Good. Keep it that way,” she kisses me and smiles softly against my lips, “and Gary can join us tonight.”

God, I love her so much.

* * *

I saw her name on the caller ID and quickly answered the call.

“Surprise!!” I said it first before she could get a word in.

“When did you find the time! Kara, this is amazing!” Lena just got the news of Supergirls’ 4th single, a song I wrote with Cat. 

“I made sure the song is cheerful and bright too, so Kelly can add in some cute dance moves.”

“This is… you’re amazing. Make sure you get some rest, okay? Don’t overworked yourself again,” Lena worries.

“That day off I spent with you recharged me for the next few months,” I replied, “and there’s another surprise.”

“Oh?”

“Amazons’ getting a new single too, the same week as Supergirls. If you ranked in the Oracle chart, we can appear on Oracle Music Station together,” I say excitedly, it’s rare for Amazons to work with Supergirls, so I requested Cat to release our single at the same time. It’s good marketing if we can promote each other’s single and Cat agrees. Maybe this double single release is what it'll take to push Supergirls to rank in the charts.

“That’s incredible! I can’t wait to tell the girls!”

“Okay, send them my love, I have to go, I’ll call you tonight,” I said in a hush tone when Diana saw me on my phone. She’s gesturing for me to come over.

“Bye, have a good practice,” Lena says before she hangs up.

“Sorry, Lena called about Supergirls’ 4th single, Cat just told her,” I explain to Diana.

“Cat wants you to record another demo for the single, she wants you to come over to the studio now. And here is the tentative national tour schedule,” she gives me a pamphlet.

“Hakata, Namba, Sakae, Niigata, Tokyo, wow we’re hitting all the big cities. This is amazing.”

“We'll start touring after the single release and end the tour with the album release. How is your solo song coming?”

“It’s done, I'll show it to Cat later.”

“Good, you can go to the studio now, there’s no need for you to join practice, you already know this song.”

“Okay, thanks Diana. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I bid her goodbye.

“Kara,” she calls for me, “good job.”

I smile back. It feels good doing something right.

* * *

> So yes, I like you, I like you more than anyone else
> 
> I can't quite be composed about it
> 
> Come on, yearn for my kiss
> 
> It's not the end of the world
> 
> I know what you want to say,
> 
> But if I were to kiss you, surely I'd change
> 
> Don't defile my virginity

Cat REALLY liked my lyrics. Amazons’ latest single is titled “Virginity” and she loved that we’re pushing the boundaries a bit. An idol group with a love ban rule singing about virginity is sure to get that extra media buzz going.

After the recording session for Amazons, I stayed in the studio with Cat while we waited for Supergirls to come in. We’re recording for both groups today. Cat was showing me some mix when a high pitched scream greeted me in the studio.

“Kara!!!” Nia jumps and hugs me, “I missed you!”

“Hey, everyone, long time no see,” I greet them. Not really a lie. I haven’t seen Lena in more than a week, and I only see Alex if we happen to pass by each other in the living room. I’ve been really busy so I was glad to see them.

“Let’s get the solo recording first, then group. Sara, you’re up first,” Cat instructed.

I sat on the couch in the control room, Cat is with the audio engineer giving directions to Sara.

> 1! 2! 3! 4!
> 
> If you don't fall in love
> 
> If you don't fall in love
> 
> Nothing will begin
> 
> When people fall in love 
> 
> Their hearts become light 
> 
> They walk on clouds
> 
> To a world of dreams
> 
> It makes me wanna skip!
> 
> Pumping both my arms
> 
> And thinking of nothing but you
> 
> It's like I'm weightless
> 
> I feel like I can go anywhere
> 
> Life is wonderful
> 
> Let's get going today, too!
> 
> Love! Love! Skip!

“Love! Love! Skip!” is a bouncy song that will really make you skip along when you listen to it. Kelly came up with some cute skipping dance moves for the song and she was showing it to me in the control room. Gayle and Imra sit silently on the couch watching all of us.

I turn to Lena and whisper, “That’s how you make me feel by the way, this song is for you.”

“Is ‘Virginity’ about me too?” she whispers back and smiles softly.

Alex cleared her throat and looked at us, giving us the side eye. She’s being too paranoid, we’re in a small room, it’s normal to whisper to each other. Lena however, complies, and takes a step back. Sometimes, I really think she’s scared of Alex.

Sara comes back and it’s now Kelly’s turn to record.

“Nia, how’s your radio show going?” Since I can’t seem to talk to Lena without Alex glaring at us, I try to start a conversation with Nia.

“It’s great! It’s called “Dreamers with Nia”, listeners will call in to talk about their dream and I share about my dream for the week. It’s going to be my third show this week.”

“That’s amazing!”

“Nia, last week’s show was hilarious. I couldn’t breathe when you talked about your orangutan in the toilet dream,” Alex pipes up and starts to laugh. Everyone joins in the laughter and Cat turns around to glare at us. Lena apologizes and everyone tries their hardest to stifle their laughter. I just smiled cluelessly, feeling a little left out not being part of this inside joke.

“It’s one of those ‘you just had to be there’ moment, sorry Kara,” Alex said, still trying to control her laughter.

Kelly was done and it was Alex’s turn. This time Sara starts up a conversation with me.

“How’s Amazons?”

“It’s alright, I guess. Busy.”

“I’m jealous,” Sara laughs, “it feels so jarring to have one or two days off each week in Supergirls.”

“Wanna switch?” I raise my eyebrows.

“You have to talk to her,” she points her mouth to Cat who is sitting in front of us.

I sigh, and sink down further on the couch next to Sara. 

“I heard you fainted during Nubia’s grad,” Sara continues.

“Yeah, you and everyone in the company. It’s embarrassing.”

“I think you’re doing great, despite the circumstances. I don’t think I’ll survive in Amazons,” she commented.

I just look at her and she adds on, “Donna worked with Bruce before so she already knows him, plus all the Birds like Donna. Barbara is fitting in great in Canaries, not to mention dad is probably glad he has one less daughter to look after. And Supergirls have been nothing but warm and inviting. I think I’m the luckiest in this shuffle.”

Sara just spells out how unfair I feel about the shuffle. Trust another center to see it like how it is.

“You got the worst hand to be honest. The least popular center taking reign of the biggest group in DC? Cat must have had a lot of faith in you,” she said, “and she’s right. You’re doing great,” she repeats it again.

“Thanks, Sara. That means a lot.”

After Nia recorded her parts, it was Gayle’s turn, then it was Imra’s. Finally, it’s time for the group recording and it’s just me and Lena on the couch. We didn’t talk to each other but just take in each other’s company. I slowly reach out my hand to her and she gently holds it. We smiled as we watched Supergirls record their 4th single. 

* * *

“We’re number 2!” Lena exclaims when I called her.

“I know, I saw the rankings,” I said, “Amazons is number 1, which is a surprise to no one. Sorry I suggested the idea of the double release. If Amazons didn’t release a single this week, Supergirls would have probably gotten their first #1 ranking.”

“What are you talking about? This is amazing. You got TWO songs you wrote in the ranking at the same time!! Top 2 even!” I could see her face beaming with pride even though we’re on the phone. I just love it when she’s happy for me.

“We’re going to be on Oracle Music Station in two days,” I told her. When the ranking is revealed on Sunday night, it’s customary for the Top 10 artist of the week to perform on Oracle Music Station which is live every Tuesday night. It’s the country’s top music show. Amazons have been appearing every time they release new music, but this will be my first time on the show, and Supergirls’.

“I’m so nervous. Why am I nervous? You girls are the one going to be on live TV,” Lena panics, I could hear her pacing back and forth.

“I’m so happy you would be there. I feel like this is how it should be for me. On Oracle Music Station for the first time with Supergirls, and you.”

“You’ll do great. They will interview you before you perform right?” Lena asks.

“Yeah, Snapper will interview number 10 first and then go up the rankings. So Amazons is last to be interviewed,” I explain.

“I heard he always gives controversial questions to his guests, be careful,” she warns me.

“He’s been a host with the show for the last 20 years, a catch-22 questions makes for a better episode. He needs to keep it interesting.”

“Okay, I’m not too worried about Sara, she’s been interviewed by Snapper before when she was with The Canaries, but this is your first time,” Lena worries.

“Don’t worry, Diana will prep me. Plus, I’ve been watching the show since I was a kid, I know his style,” I brag.

“Okay, darling. I’ll see you Tuesday. Rest well. Love you.”

“Love you more, good night.”

I hung up the phone and imagined how the interview would go. I’m sure he would touch about the shuffle, or how Supergirls is there with me. Whatever it is, he can bring it. I'm ready.

  
  


* * *

“Kara!” Alex knocks on my door.

“Kara! Wake up!”

I open the door and rub my eyes, “Jeez, Alex. Relax. Good morning to you too."

“Kara, did you visit a sex shop around Valentine’s Day?” she suddenly asks me.

_ Shit _ .

I don’t know whether to deny or tell her the truth but she didn’t give me a choice when she threw a tabloid magazine at me. I look at the cover, it was clearly me in glasses browsing some dildos in the sex shop. 

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

“It’s this week's publication. I saw it when I went to the convenience store, Kara. It's everywhere.”

I quickly take my phone and call Lena.

"Morning, love. Don't panic. But the tabloids have pictures of me at the sex shop."

"No, it's just me browsing dildos, they don't know about Gary."

"Yeah, ok. I'll wait for you."

"Lena's coming," I told Alex.

"Who the fuck is Gary??" Alex yells back.

And just like that, my phone starts ringing. It’s Diana.

My day is getting from bad to worse.

* * *

Getting an article on you visiting a sex shop a day before you go live on national TV is a disaster. Alex and Lena came up with a story that I was browsing for fun, just having a laugh looking at dildos.

My legs are fidgeting as I sit in Cat's office with Diana by my side. They don't seem to be buying that story.

Cat looks at Diana and tells her to bury it and Diana just nods back. And that was it. I was half expecting a punishment, a suspension, a something, but nothing happened.

We left Cat's office and I looked at Diana, "That's it?"

"You're Amazons' center, Cat won't let the story get big. Don't worry."

It didn't sit right with me that there's a certain sense of impunity that comes with being a center for the biggest group in DC. If it was someone from Supergirls, they might have received a harsher punishment.

"How about tomorrow? What if Snapper asks about it?"

"I'll deal with Snapper. He won't mention a thing."

"Okay, sorry for the troubles," I apologized.

"Kara, next time if you want dildos, just... let me get it for you," she looks down and rubs her temple. I find it funny that she assumed I was there to buy dildos. Good thing she doesn’t know the whole truth.

"Are you offering as a friend or as a manager?" I tease.

"I don't know what kind of friend you have that offers you to buy dildos."

"Lena never offered to buy me dildos when she was my manager so I don't know, I think you and I might be closer now, friend."

I like teasing her and calling her my friend. I feel like I'm chipping away her armor little by little.

"So hey, if being Amazons' center lets me get away with stuff, you think I can get into a relationship and Cat will forgive me?"

"Don't push it," Diana replies, "there's still a line you can't cross. No matter how popular you are."

"I think today I wasn't exactly crossing the line, I'm just walking by it."

"It's dangerous, you might trip," she warns me.

"I like walking by the line," I wink at her, "the thrill is incomparable." Diana groans. She has the same tell as Lena except she groans instead of sighing.

"Come on, I'll prep you for the interview tomorrow."

She grills me with questions and scenarios on what Snapper will ask. But nothing of the article in the tabloids. Diana reassured me that Snapper respects Cat enough to not pissed her off. I hope she's right.

* * *

“Sara, you look different, new hairstyle?” Snapper asks Sara, his attempt at making a joke.

“You look different too, did you cut your hair?” Sara asks back at the bald-headed Snapper. Sara’s joke got more laughs from the audience but Snapper didn’t seem offended. Sara has been on Oracle Music Station before and has developed a great rapport with Snapper, which is really helping her out for this interview. 

The interview set is staged like ranking steps, and the performing artists will get lower down the steps as they get ready to be interviewed. Amazons is seated behind Supergirls’ as it’s not our turn to be interviewed yet. But they pass a microphone to me before the interview starts so I have a feeling they will ask me something.

“So ‘Love! Love! Skip!’ is Supergirls’ 4th single and I heard it is actually written by an idol?”

“Yes, so Kara,” Sara points to me, “who was Supergirls’ center before, is a great songwriter. She wrote their previous 3rd single and has collaborated with Cat-P for this single as well. She even wrote today’s single for Amazons!”

“Kara, first time here?” Snapper turns his attention to me, seated behind Alex.

“Yes, but I’ve been watching this show since I was a kid,” I reply back excitedly. 

“Don’t say that, you make me feel old,” Snapper retorts and the audience laughed.

“Since this is Supergirls’ first time here, why don’t you introduce your group, Sara?”

“I’m Sara, Supergirls’ center and the center to your heart!” Sara introduces herself and cues Alex to introduce the others. She really knows how to make sure all the girls get their own screen time.

“I’m Alex, Supergirls’ leader,” Alex introduces herself and passes her microphone to Kelly. Everyone takes turns introducing themselves and Snapper continues his interview.

“So Alex, what do you think of Cat-P’s AGM’s decision? Kara is your previous center but she is also your sister, right?”

“Yes, I think it’s great that she gets this amazing opportunity to be in Amazons. And we still see each other at home. Getting Sara is amazing too because she’s separated from her own sister, Laurel from The Canaries, so we bonded over that,” Alex answers back perfectly. 

“What is with Cat-P and separating families!” Snapper quips and the audience laughs.

“We make our own family, Snapper,” Sara replies back.

“Kara,” he looks at me, I just feel guilty taking the screen time from Kelly, Nia, Gayle and Imra. But since I used to be in Supergirls and also the songwriter, it’s inevitable that he would ask me a question too. 

“What was your inspiration for writing this song? For someone with a love ban rule, it sure does feel like you’re in love listening to it.”

There it is, his infamous controversial questions. He invokes the rule and everyone in the audience and all the Top 10 artists turn their attention to me. Good thing Diana already prepped me.

“The love ban rule prohibits you from being in a relationship, Snapper. So there’s nothing wrong with being in love. And love comes in many forms. I love Alex. I love Supergirls. I love Amazons. And I love all my fans!”

The audience cheered at my generic answer. But Snapper concentrated on one part of it.

“Nothing wrong with being in love? Are you saying you’re in love with someone right now?”

I look over at Lena who is standing behind the camera operator with Diana standing next to her. I think back on my conversation with Diana yesterday. If I could get away with a sensationalized article, I feel like I could get away with what I’m about to say next.

“Love ban rule doesn’t say anything about actually falling in love. I think being in love makes me a great songwriter.”

Snapper’s eyes widens as he looks at me, “Are you saying you’re in love? And all this doesn’t break the love ban rule?”

“As long as I don’t pursue it, or I’m not in a relationship. I’m just saying the act of falling in love is not a crime,” I say it proudly and loudly. It’s controversial. But if I set a precedent that falling in love or being in love is okay, it opens up opportunities for future idols to freely admit it. I’m not fully abolishing the rule, just gently walking the thin line. One small step at a time.

“So you're saying being in a one-sided love is okay?” he tries to probe further.

“I think it’s totally fine! We all should experience falling in love once in a while,” I reply back cheerfully.

“There you have it! Idols in love and it’s not breaking the rules! Without further delay, let’s get on with our #2 ranked song for the week, this is Supergirls with their 4th single, ‘Love! Love! Skip!’” Snapper introduces the song and Supergirls make their way to the stage which is just next to the interview set.

After the performance, it’s commercial break and Amazons takes a seat next to Snapper, as we’ll be interviewed next. Diana gestures for me to come to her.

“What are you trying to pull?” she reprimands me when I am within earshot. Lena is standing nearby and I know she can overhear us.

“All my songs are about falling in love, it’s weird if we use the generic love answers that we practiced,” I fight back.

“You’re live. Be careful. Avoid the love ban rule talk. Just swerve the question, Kara,” she warns me.

“He’s the one who brought it up,” I rolled my eyes.

“He wants you to trip, that’s why! Just say what we practiced.”

The floor manager gives a 1 minute warning till we’re live again. I got back to my seat and they passed the microphone to me and Antiope. 

"And we’re back on Oracle Music Station! We finally reached our #1 ranked artist of this week, Amazons! Welcome!"

“So Kara,” he grins, he seems to have taken a liking to me. Or maybe Diana is right, he thinks that I will trip.

“This song is different from Supergirls’, and you wrote both songs?”

“Yes, Cat-P worked on the music, and I helped out with the lyrics. It’s about a girl yearning to get rid of her virginity but she can’t.”

“And would you say this also derived from your own experience?” 

“Not everything I write is from experience, Snapper! There is such a thing as making stuff up, you don’t want me to reveal all my songwriting secrets!” I laugh and the audience laughs along. I look over at Diana and she is emotionless. It was one of the answers we practiced. 

“Would you say buying sex toys helped you with writing this song?”

I froze. Diana said he wouldn’t bring it up. I look over at Diana and she is no longer emotionless. She looks pissed. Everyone in the audience is waiting for my answer. 

When it looks like his question got me speechless, he probes further, “You’re an idol with a love ban rule. But you said falling in love is not breaking the rule. Does buying sex toys not breaking the rule either?”

I look at him dead in the eyes, making sure the camera gets my full face as well.

“The rule says nothing about self-love ban, I was just practicing some self-love. Masturbation is the healthiest form of self-care.”

Snapper laughed when I said it and that made everyone in the studio laugh as well. Diana still looks pissed and Lena is trying hard to stifle her laughter. The rest of Amazons just laugh along awkwardly, not sure if they want to be part of my opinion or not. I wish I could see Alex’s reaction backstage, she’s probably shaking her head so hard right now. I smile knowing that I got off walking the fine line of the love ban rule. If Cat or Diana wants to deal with me for pushing the boundaries, they can deal with me tomorrow. 

That night the word ‘Kara’ and ‘masturbation’ was trending on Twitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love! Love! Skip! [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUjvUN0vztY) and [translation.](http://stage48.net/studio48/sukisukiskip.html)
> 
> Virginity [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th-Dcm0erHU) and [translation.](http://stage48.net/studio48/virginity.html)


	46. Lena XIX

“Would you say buying sex toys helped you with writing this song?”

“That bastard,” I can hear Diana mutter under her breath.

I look over at Kara in a panic and she is freezing at the question. This is bad. They said Snapper wouldn’t bring it up. Kara said they will brush off this issue under the rug, but now Snapper is turning everyone’s attention to Kara and to that article that came out yesterday.

“You’re an idol with a love ban rule. But you said falling in love is not breaking the rule. Does buying sex toys not breaking the rule either?”

Kara moves closer to Snapper and grins. Oh boy, I hate what is about to happen. Kara is playing with fire here.

“The rule says nothing about self-love ban. I was just practicing some self-love. Masturbation is the healthiest form of self-care.”

_ Oh. My. God. _

I cannot believe she just said that. I try to hold back my laughter by putting my hand over my mouth and I can’t bear to look at Diana to see her reaction. An idol talking about masturbation is not only a taboo subject, I don’t think it has ever been touched on. Snapper seems thoroughly amused, I think tonight is his best episode yet.

The Amazons proceed to perform their song and all the Top 10 artists for the week gathered back at the interview set to say their goodbyes. The show’s over and as I tell my girls to get ready to go home, I could see Diana lecturing Kara at the sidelines. It took everything in me not to go over there and interrupt them, as I turned my concentration towards my girls. It’s okay, I say to myself, Kara can take care of herself.

I went to the dressing room and everyone was laughing as I opened the door.

“I can’t believe Kara said that! On live TV!” Sara is doubled over laughing.

“This fucking idiot, I swear,” Alex laughs but she’s shaking her head as well.

Alex gives me a look and I just share a knowing laugh with her. 

“Okay, girls, enough laughing. Let’s wrap it up. See you by the exit door in 10 minutes.”

“Okay, boss,” everyone replies at the same time. I wasn’t too keen on that nickname but it’s actually impressive how Alex got everyone to call me that now. I was thinking about asking Diana if I could send Kara home since I’m sending Alex but I can’t find them anywhere. I proceeded to send my girls home and drop off Alex last.

“You think that went well?” I asked Alex as I was driving.

“I don’t know. It depends on the public’s reaction I guess. The studio was laughing at least,” she replies.

“What is everyone saying online?”

“Oh my god,” Alex screams when she opens up her phone to check.

“What? Why? Is everyone angry?” I ask worriedly. 

“Kara is trending along with masturbation,” she laughs.

I laugh a little as well, “What is everyone saying?”

“Seems like a good reaction. They love that Kara is being open about it,” she scrolls some more, “fans are not angry, some are saying they could tell Kara is in love within her songs.”

“Well, there are your usual ones saying it’s lewd and not a good behaviour from an idol, fuck them,” Alex comments as she keeps scrolling.

“Some fans are claiming Kara is in love with them, that's why she can’t act on it,” she laughs again.

“I don’t think Cat will be mad, Lena. People have been talking about Kara, Amazons and Supergirls all night.”

“Yeah, let’s hope so.”

* * *

Alex was right, Cat wasn’t mad at all. In fact, she was happy that Kara and Amazons are gaining lots of traction, she wants to fast track Amazons’ album as soon as possible. Which means more work for Kara, and less time for us to spend together. 

Amazons keep ranking in the Top 10 for the next 3 weeks and every week the banter between Kara and Snapper trends every night. Kara's popularity is at the highest it's ever been and it doesn't look like it'll stop climbing. Kara is way more careful than ever because she has more eyes on her. She doesn't stop by my house anymore in case someone sees. I mean, it's strange for a popular idol to drop by her old manager's house, and we want to avoid any rumors as much as possible.

Time flies by and it’s already March, meaning it is time to plan Alex’s  _ seitansai _ for next month. I emailed Diana asking if Amazons or just Kara is available for 10th April, to open for Alex’s  _ seitansai _ but she replied that they will be doing the National tour by then. I was a little disappointed when I got her reply, as I was hoping to reunite the sisters on stage, but I guess it couldn’t be helped. Kara is so busy with her tour, her songwriting, her studying, she barely has a day off.

Supergirls are starting to pick up their activities too. Sara has her weekly Tuesday radio show, and now Nia has joined the same radio station with her show on Friday nights. Cat was happy with Kelly’s choreography that she’s thinking of sending her to a dance workshop with a famous dance company in Tokyo. Gayle and Imra have gotten the hang of it as idols and are fully integrated into the group. They even guest hosted Nia's radio show sometimes as the listeners love whenever the three of them are together. Alex is busy with being a leader, and helping me with my plan.

My days are busy with Supergirls, and my nights are busy with Kara. Our calls are short and sweet, but she always calls, no matter how busy or tired.

“Hello, my love,” she greets me.

“Hello, darling,” I greet back, “how’s Osaka?”

“Osaka is amazing, the food is amazing! You have to come by someday.”

“Diana replied to my email,” I straightaway cut to the chase, “she said Amazons will be busy during Alex’s  _ seitansai _ .”

“I thought so. Hey, at least you asked, right?” 

“Yeah, I really thought she would make time, you know? If not for me, for reuniting you with Alex on stage at least,” I grumble.

“It’s okay, I don’t want to sing with Alex anyway. She’ll probably try to physically stop me if she sees me even wink at you from the stage,” Kara tries to console me with a joke.

I smiled. Her sense of humor is so silly but they always make me smile.

“I called Jack, and Nubia will be opening for us,” I try to segue the conversation as smoothly as I can. Kara always gets sensitive whenever I mention Jack. 

“Oh, so you emailed Diana but you called Jack?”

“Kara, you know I’m closer with Jack than Diana, right? It’s easier to call Jack,” I explain.

“Oh, so you’re close with Jack?” she says sarcastically. 

“Kara,” I said in a more serious tone. 

“Kidding. I know you’re just friends,” she sighs, “I miss you so much.”

“I know, I miss you too.” 

We haven’t seen each other in 3 weeks, and the next time we can meet up is in a week when she will be in Tokyo for 3 days to do the recording for their TV show. The past few meetups, it seems like I can only see her every other month. And every day apart just makes me miss her more.

“Hey,” she says, “what are you thinking?”

“Right now? Alex’s  _ seitansai _ planning. Her present. You,” I answer.

“What about me?”

“How I’m so happy seeing you thrive, and how famous you’ve gotten. How more and more people are singing your songs and how proud I am of it. How content you are now, even in the midst of popularity. And then there’s a part of me that’s selfish. And I hate that part of me. I hate that part of me who doesn’t want to share you with the world. I hate how I see you more on TV and in magazines than I see you in real life. I hate how much I miss your touch. I hate how much I miss kissing you and hugging you. I hate how much I miss you, because I know you’re happy doing what you’re doing,” I ramble and it turned into a confession.

“Don’t you dare hate yourself for that. You’re allowed to feel selfish,” she consoles me.

“I hate how you’re the one consoling me right now, and I hate how upset I feel,” I continue.

“If you hate yourself, you’re hating someone I love, you know?” 

I stayed silent. She could probably hear my sniffing over the phone, as I tried my hardest to hold back my tears. 

“Don’t cry. One more week,” she says.

“7 more days,” I replied.

“168 more hours.”

“I’m not going to count the minutes, Kara,” I laugh a little.

“11,453 more minutes,” she replied back instantly. That was impressive actually.

“Wow, really?”

“No, I just said some random numbers,” she laughs, “I bet you were impressed for a second there.”

“That's so stupid, I love you,” I giggled.

“Feeling better?” she asks.

“A little.”

“One more week, okay? I have to go,” she says.

“Okay, good night.”

“I miss you and I love you so so much, good night, love,” she says as she gives kissing noises over the phone and hangs up.

One more week feels like a lifetime.

* * *

“Happy birthday, Alex!”

“You got me a fashion magazine?” She says in a disappointed tone. As far as presents go, a magazine is not really that impressive compared to what I gave the other members. But I didn’t give her just a magazine.

“Open to page 54,” I instructed her.

She quickly flip the pages and smiles widely when she reads the post-it. That’s right, I got her her own column at her favorite fashion magazine.

“For real, boss?”

“Yes, starting May, you’ll take over the column for Tokyo's latest street style. The editor really likes the photos of you that I submitted,” I smile.

Alex shrieks in joy and leaps in to hug me. An Alex hug, this is as rare as it gets.

“That’s great news, Alex!” Kelly chirps.

“Can I tweet about it?” Alex asks me.

“I would wait for next month’s issue to publish first before tweeting, but you can tease about it, I guess?”

“Okay, thanks boss!”

“Speaking of Twitter, I talked to Cat. She says we can do the reply day we talked about. I just need to oversee everything.”

Everyone cheered at the news. For safety issues and to avoid biases, idols from DC were not allowed to reply to tweets from fans, but I suggested to Cat to make a special day where they can do so. I’m sure it will make the fans happy and increase the number of interactions. 

I urged the girls to get ready for  _ seitansai _ and walked back out to the stage to oversee everything. Jack comes up to me when he sees me.

“Nubia’s ready, thanks again for inviting us to open for Supergirls,” he says.

“Thanks for accepting the invitation. To tell you the truth, Nubia wasn’t my first choice,” I revealed.

“Let me guess, Amazons?”

“Yeah, or just Kara. I really wanted Kara to sing with Alex again on stage,” I lamented, “I know they miss performing together.”

“Sorry that I’m not Kara’s manager,” he smiles.

“It’s fine, she’s busy. They’re in Niigata right now for their tour.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Jack says in a surprised tone, “I don’t think Kara is in Niigata.”

“Oh? What do you mean?” I was fairly sure they have a concert in Niigata tomorrow, and today is the sound check. Kara told me so last night.

“Because she’s here,” he points at a figure by the door.

“Kara?? What are you doing here? Isn’t today your sound check?” I’m shocked. Kara is really here right in front of me. We haven’t seen each other in weeks.

“I took the bullet train right after sound check is over, I wanted to surprise you,” Kara looks over at Jack and quickly corrects her sentence, “and Alex and the rest of Supergirls.”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I’m still in shock.

“I’m going back to Niigata in 2 hours, I have just enough time to sing one song with Alex, what is the first song in the setlist?”

“If you wish for a blue sky,” I answered.

“Good, that’s good. Don’t tell the girls I’ll be joining, I want to surprise them,” she grins.

“Jack, can I hide in Nubia’s dressing room in the meantime?”

“Sure, of course, I’ll bring you over.”

Jack leads Kara to Nubia’s dressing room, and I arrange for an extra microphone for Kara. Alex is going to freak out.

* * *

“It’s my  _ seitansai _ but let’s treat it like any other live, okay? Let’s give the fans our best performance. Super!”

“Girls!”

Alex leads the circle chant backstage while Nubia prepares to get on stage to open for them. Nubia will sing two songs so that will give them around 10 minutes to get ready. When the first song starts, Alex walks up to me.

“What’s wrong, boss?”

Do I have a worried look on my face? Did I give the surprise away?

“Hm? Nothing’s wrong.”

“Then why are you backstage? You’re usually out there watching the stage right now,” she looks at me confused.

Right. I was waiting for them to go on stage to cue Kara, but I guess since I’m rarely here before they perform it must have looked out of place. I quickly try to find an excuse.

“I don’t know, I've never seen you do the circle chant before, I just want to see you in action,” I smile. Was that enough of a good excuse?

“Okay… you’re being weird,” she accuses me.

“A ha ha ha,” I laugh awkwardly, “you’re weird!”

_ Jesus, calm down, Lena. What’s wrong with you? _

“I’m gonna tell Kara to come back as soon as she can, I think being away from her is actually making you lose your mind.”

I laugh a little knowing that Kara is actually here, hiding somewhere.

Alex turns her attention to the stage, waiting for Nubia to finish her song. When she does, all of Supergirls get on stage to introduce themselves. Kara appeared behind me in her old Supergirls’ costume.

“Awww… I miss this,” I teared up. It’s been 4 months since she last wore it. The costume brings me back to the days when Kara was with me all the time and it feels like aeons ago.

“No time for nostalgic memories. My mic?” she gestures for her microphone and I pass it to her.

“Okay, when I’m done, meet me in Supergirls’ dressing room?”

I nod and quickly went to the front of the stage to oversee everything.

The first note of “If you wish for a blue sky” starts and Kara immediately sings. All the girls and fans have a baffled look as they look left and right to see where Kara’s voice is coming from. They must have thought it’s from a recording or something.

When Kara appeared on stage, the whole crowd cheered so loud, I can’t even hear Kara’s voice anymore. All the girls jump up and down and join Kara’s singing but Alex broke down in tears watching her sister appear before her. I started to cry as well. I know how much Alex misses Kara even if she doesn’t want to admit it. Kara picks Alex up and they start to sing together. They didn’t do any dancing but just linked hands and sang together. After the song ended they shared a long hug. I signalled to the audio guy to hold the next song as Kara starts to talk.

“Surprise!”

“What are you doing here!” Alex starts to slap Kara’s arms and the fans are laughing at their antics.

“I have to go back to Niigata now,” Kara informs Alex but looks out to the fans as well, “so I can’t join  _ tokutenkai _ later or take any  _ cheki _ , I’m sorry.”

The fans gave a collective saddened expression but understood Kara’s schedule.

“Anyway, I just want to say ‘Happy Birthday!’ to my favorite sister in the world!”

“I’m your only sister,” Alex retorts and the fans all laughed.

“Come here,” she gestures Alex for a hug and they have another hug on stage. The fans all clapped and aww’d at the sweet sisterly gesture. I could see Kara whisper something to Alex, probably something about how she’s sorry she has to go back and can’t stay.

Kara bids everyone goodbye and they continue with the second song as planned. I immediately run back to the dressing room, hoping to catch Kara before she has to leave for her train. 

I opened the door to Supergirls’ dressing room and got pulled in the moment I entered. Kara locks the door and kisses me. Gentle at first then more passionate. Her hands were on my back and my arms were around her neck. I savor the moment, not wanting it to end. I saw through space and time for a bit and everything around me just evaporated. There isn’t anything else in the world except for the love we have for each other.

We pull apart and just look at each other. She cups my cheek and smiles, not saying a word. We crave for more but we know this is it for now. I really didn’t want her to leave. She pulls me in for a hug, a hug so tight it’s like she doesn’t want to let me go either. My heart ache at the feeling of this embrace, knowing it won’t last.

“I’m sorry I have to go,” she finally breaks the silence.

I give her a squeeze and break off the hug, “Call me when you reach Niigata.”

“I love you, I miss you, I love you, and I miss you” she whispers as she gives me tiny sweet kisses. 

“And I missed you two,” she bends down and says it to my chest.

“Kara,” I laugh. Every time a moment gets intimate or serious she breaks into jokes. I wonder if I could ever get her to be serious for a day.

“I will miss you the most,” she grins as she grabs my butt.

“Go! You’ll miss your train!” I shove her hand away and laugh again.

“Lena,” she calls for me when she’s at the door, “don’t forget to watch Amazonians this week, okay? I’ll be singing my solo song.”

“Okay, darling.”

* * *

It’s almost time for Amazonians to start and I’m watching with Alex. Lately, I’ve been staying over a lot, mostly so that Alex can help me out with my plan but I also love sleeping on Kara’s bed. It still has her smell.

“When will you pop the question?” Alex asks me out of the blue while we’re sitting on the couch.

“It’s still too early,” I reply.

“Yeah, but when do you plan to?”

“Ideally, when everything is in place, I don’t want to bring her hopes up.”

Alex stays silent and keeps her gaze on the TV.

“It’s just that… I think she wants to stay in Amazons. I know she had problems at the start, but she really enjoys it now. Popularity suits her,” I clarify further.

“So if she wants to extend her contract, you’ll let her?” Alex turns around and asks me.

“It’s not my decision, it’s hers,” I said, “I don’t want her to follow me blindly without a solid plan. You know she will.”

“Just say that you’re scared, boss,” she scoffs and turns back her gaze to the TV when the theme song starts.

Today’s episode is just a singing episode where they will give previews of songs from their upcoming album. When it was Kara’s solo song, the camera cut to Kara alone on the piano. She looks into the camera and it feels like she’s saying her message for me.

“This song is dedicated to those of you who are apart with your loved ones. Just know that your love is felt across borders and distance, and keep fighting till the day you reunite, till the day you’ll become stronger together. This is ‘Even when apart’, enjoy.”

> I'll watch over you from behind
> 
> You may feel lonely being by yourself
> 
> Even if our hands don't touch
> 
> I will always be here
> 
> Look, no matter where, I can see you when I close my eyes
> 
> The days spent apart will make us stronger
> 
> All tears will eventually dry
> 
> Hope starts from there
> 
> By not being too close to one another
> 
> We will feel the warmth and compassion
> 
> That will be realized one day

“She really loves you,” Alex comments when the song ends.

“I know, it’s scary.”

“I think it’s lovely. Just ask her. She’ll say yes.”

“I know she will. But she has a brighter future with Cat. She’ll achieve more in Amazons, and her music can reach more people. I don’t want her to be with me when our future has no solid plans yet.”

“It’s not your decision, it’s hers,” Alex smiles as she repeats what I said to her earlier.

When the time is right, I’ll do it. I promised myself that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even When Apart [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq98wc_sbT0&vl=en) and [translation.](https://owldb.net/song/hanarete-itemo-akb48/)


	47. Lena XX

“Hey, Alex, look at this place,” I show her something on my phone.

“That looks perfect, I like the open space,” Alex commented.

“Yeah, Kara can do her dancing there. You want to come with? And go see it later?”

“Sure,” she replies, “you still haven’t talked to her?”

“I will,” I keep my phone away and try to change the topic, “I’ll stay over tonight, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Just… be careful. Or people are going to think that WE’RE dating.”

“Ew, Alex,” I looked at her and she seemed offended, “sorry not ew, but you know what I mean.”

“Just go talk to her already,” she walks away and shakes her head.

* * *

“Welcome to DC’s 'Girl’s night out'!”

Donna’s voice booms over the speakers and all the fangirls scream their hearts out. It’s refreshing to hear the high pitch squealing instead of the deep-voiced cheers of the usual male fans. 

Girls only live is a huge hit. This is the rare chance for our female fans to be free and cheer their hearts out. There are even fans here who are coming to a live for the first time, as they’re not brave enough to come to the usual live. The tickets sold out at lightning speed with all the DC groups participating. Well, all except Amazons.

It’s sad that Kara is not here when it is her idea initially. I brought the idea to Quentin to make it into a two-man live with The Canaries. After talking to Jack, Nubia wanted to join in. Then Quentin got Bruce to have Birds of Prey as well. What was once a small idea, is now fully realized into a full fledged concert with 3 idol groups and a solo idol.

Amazons are in Tokyo but they have a magazine photoshoot today. At least I get to see Kara tonight after the girls only live. I haven’t seen her in almost two months, the longest we’ve ever been apart.

For the MC segment, the girls dressed in  _ danso _ , a crossdressing segment that gets the fangirls screaming with joy with every outfit reveal. They’re dressing up in suits, checkered jackets, slim cut pants, all and every cool and dashing men style you can think up of. The Birds of Prey all cosplayed as boy bands, and sang a song in their  _ danso _ outfits. Alex got the most cheers and screams when she came out in a butler  _ danso _ costume, calling all the fans her princess and how she’s going to serve them. Sara didn’t want to lose out and she came out with a pilot costume, looking like a proper flight captain.

All the crossdressing and screaming and squealing is making me feel something. I hope Kara feels like dressing up tonight. I have to remind Alex to bring back that butler costume. 

* * *

After the girls only live, half the members are going home but the other half felt like going out for drinks. The managers are all excited for drinks as well since tomorrow everyone has the day off. I didn’t want to make Kara wait so I called her up.

“Hey, are you home yet?” I immediately ask when she picks up the phone.

“Turn around,” she replied. I turn around and she’s behind me, standing at the venue door.

There’s still the venue staff walking about so she calmly walks up to me.

“Hi,” she greets me.

“Hi,” I say back as calmly as I can, like I haven’t seen her in months. I want to hug her so bad.

“Will you ever stop giving me surprise visits?”

“Never,” she laughs, “The venue was on my way, I thought I would get you to walk home together. Like old times.” 

“Some of the girls wanna go out for drinks, the managers too, so I have to join. I was about to call to tell you I'll be late,” I said, holding her hands.

“That’s fine, I’ll join. Who’s coming?” She links my arm with hers and we walk over to the dressing room.

“So far it’s Alex, Sara, Laurel, Dinah, Nubia and some of the Birds. Plus all the managers. Don’t you have a meeting with Cat tomorrow morning?”

“A few drinks is fine. Why? Are you getting me drunk tonight?” she teases me and nudges my shoulder with hers.

“Well, not drunk. But have you done  _ danso _ before?” I look at her and raise my left eyebrow.

“What do you have in mind?” she stops and looks at me.

I get shy all of a sudden and say it in a softer voice, “Alex has that butler costume…”

“Then I shall be your servant tonight, my lady,” she whispers to me.

She opens the dressing room door and greets the girls, “Can’t have drinks without me!!” and everyone cheered at the surprise guest.

* * *

The private room Bruce got us at the  _ izakaya _ is fancy. It has  _ horigotatsu _ seating, with the recessed floor beneath it so we can all stretch out our legs. Everyone takes a seat and I was worried all eyes were on Kara so I sat beside Quentin. But Kara takes a seat opposite me, with Alex beside her.

Bruce ordered  _ sake _ for everyone for the first round, and random skewers of food for the table. When the drinks arrived everyone called for me to make a speech.

“Thank you everyone for making tonight’s girls only live a success but a special credit has to be given to Kara, who actually gave me the idea,” I smile to her.

“Let’s do this again sometime,  _ Kanpai _ !” I toast.

“ _ Kanpai _ !”

“So how’s Amazons treating you, Kara?” Quentin starts the conversation when I sit back down. Everyone else is mingling and laughing with each other.

“The album is selling well. We only have the last stop which is here. Rehearsals start next week. I’m just glad I’m back home finally, I get to sleep in my own bed tonight,” she looks at Quentin as she is talking to him but I felt something on my legs.

Kara’s foot is gently stroking my legs under the table and I look at her wide eyed, begging her to stop with my eyes. But she’s not looking at me and keeps flirting with her feet. In fact, I’m sure I saw a smirk while she was talking to Quentin and I know she knows.

“Yeah, Osaka was great, Quentin. Have you ever had  _ okonomiyaki _ there? I swear it tastes better in Osaka!”

Kara’s foot slowly rubs the side of my legs, and I hate that she knows what this is doing to me. I try hard to control my breathing while sipping on my  _ sake _ . 

“Fukuoka’s amazing. The fans there are so intense. I think it’s because we rarely make a stop there, but they have a dedicated idol fan base, you should go with The Canaries sometimes!”

She’s getting more daring as she brings her foot higher. My heart beats faster than ever. My  _ sake _ is finished so I’m just pretending to sip an empty cup. Her foot starts running up in between my legs. How does she look so composed? And why, out of all the days, I decided to wear a skirt today?

“After Tokyo, Diana might want to bring the album tour internationally. There’s plans for an Asia Tour soon.”

I froze and looked at Kara. She noticed and she stopped what she’s doing.

“I didn’t know that, you’re going away again?” I ask her.

“Uhh yeah, Diana just told us. Just hitting the big cities. Seoul, Manila, Jakarta, Bangkok and maybe Kuala Lumpur or Saigon,” she replied calmly, sipping on her drink.

“That’s amazing, Kara! I think Amazons is getting too big for doing small live like us, huh?” Quentin pondered.

“I miss small live though, I love interacting with fans during  _ cheki _ . We don’t do  _ cheki _ at concerts,” she replies.

They continue talking about random things, but I keep thinking about the fact that she’ll be on an international tour. She continued rubbing my legs with her foot but I brushed it off. I don’t feel anything now, except the extreme feeling of despair at the fact that she’s going away again.

* * *

“What time is your meeting tomorrow?” Alex asks Kara, all three of us are in the taxi, sitting at the back with Kara in the middle. I’m just looking out the window while the two of them talk.

“10. You wanna go out for lunch? Or dinner? I’m free the whole day,” Kara answers.

“You don’t have plans with sourpuss over there? What the hell did you say to her? She was silent the whole time just now.”

“I’m right here, I can hear you two, you know?” I speak up.

“She’s angry because I was teasing her under the table,” Kara laughs.

I keep looking out the window. 

“Hey, Alex, can I borrow your butler costume tonight?” Kara requests.

“Why do you want to— you know what? I don’t want to know. You can have it, it’s yours. Permanently,” Alex shakes her head.

“Hear that? Alex said I can have it,” Kara says enthusiastically while elbowing me. My eyes still gazing out the window, the buildings all passed by in a blur as the taxi drove us home.

I keep sulking until I’m in her room. I already have some of my clothes here after numerous stayovers I had while she’s away. In fact, I probably have slept in her room more times than I have slept with her. I quickly changed and got in bed, facing the wall.

I can feel her hands lightly touching my shoulder carefully, as if any sudden movement I might combust. 

“Are you angry with me?” she whispers into the night.

“I’m just sad,” I answer truthfully.

“Why?”

I turn around and look at her. “You know why.”

She brings me closer and hugs me, drawing me into a cuddle with her.

“But I’m here now, I’m not going away yet, it’s just in planning.”

“I’m just upset with myself the most, I know this is a good thing for you,” my voice sounds muffled against her shoulder. I miss being in her embrace. 

“Not a day goes by that I don’t have thoughts about you. Calling you every night is the highlight of my day,” she kissed my forehead as she says this.

“So be upset, be angry, be irate at the situation,” she lifts up my chin with her finger so I would look at her, “but don’t get sad, I’m here now. Let’s enjoy the now.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologize. I must be acting like a petulant child. I know her schedule is not her call to make. 

“It’s alright. Have lunch with me and Alex tomorrow, okay?”

"I can cook, we don't have to go out," I offered.

"I make lots of money now, let me treat you once in a while. And you don't have to keep cooking for Alex, she's a fucking adult. Ask her to get her own food."

I nod. I cuddle in closer to her and she brings her whole arm around me to hug me back.

“If the tour happens, how long will you be gone this time?” I ask.

“It's only 2 months,” she tries to assure me. The way she says it is like she’ll be gone for only 2 days.

“Oh, just 2 months? Okay, so I guess I won't miss you then,” I reply in a mocking tone.

“You’re funny, have people mentioned that you’re funny?” she smiles.

“I’m a hoot.”

She gives me a small kiss, “Feeling better? I’m sorry I’m gonna have another tour again.”

“Don’t be. I’m sorry I was moody the whole night. You’re right, you’re here now,” I kiss her back.

“You still want me to try the butler costume?” she grins and raises her eyebrows up and down.

I nod bashfully and she jumps from the bed to go get the outfit.

Moments later, there’s a knock on the door. 

Kara appeared wearing a white shirt and a black bowtie, complete with a black tailcoat jacket and fitted black pants. She’s holding up a tray of champagne glass with her gloved hands. 

“I’m at your service, my lady.”

I forgot why I was sad in the first place.

  
  


* * *

We waved to Kara when we saw her from inside the restaurant. Kara comes in and people are talking and whispering and I know they recognize her as Kara from Amazons. 

“How’s your meeting?” I asked the moment she sat down.

“Later, food first. I’m starving.”

“Sorry,” I replied shyly, blushing a little.

We fooled around in the butler costume till late at night and that made her late this morning. She didn’t have time for breakfast before her meeting with Cat.

Alex looks at the both of us and we’re concentrating on the menu, not daring to look at each other.

“Seriously, keep the costume. I don’t even wanna know.”

“Shut up,” Kara smiles and laughs a little, “I’ll take the lunch set A. Have you two decided?”

Kara calls for the waitress and orders for the table. A little girl approached our table as we’re about to start talking.

“Are you Kawa from Amazons?” she tugs at Kara’s dress.

“Hi, there. Yes, I am. What’s your name?”

“I’m sorry,” the mother walked up to us when she noticed her daughter wandered to our table, “I’m so sorry to bother you. Let’s go, Mana. Don’t bother the nice ladies.”

“No, it’s perfectly fine. Hi, Mana. Do you listen to Amazons?”

The little girl nods. “Picture?”

“I’m sorry, dear. Our company doesn’t allow selfies or pictures with fans outside of events,” I went into manager mode.

“Lena, it’s fine. Sure, Mana, we can take a picture” Kara tells her kindly and nods to the mother.

The mother took a photo of the two of them and Kara hugged little Mana goodbye.

“Diana won’t get mad at you?” I asked. I’ve always adhered to the company rules. Well, all except for that one big one.

“It’s a picture with a little girl, it’s harmless. Plus, I’m Amazons’ center, I get away with stuff now.”

“Like saying the M word on live TV,” Alex chortled, remembering back the Oracle Music Station incident, “aren’t you glad you’re not her manager anymore?”

I smiled at what Alex said. I’m not jealous of Diana at all, it must be a challenge to manage Kara with how she behaves recently. 

The food arrived and Kara inhaled the food and ordered an extra plate of fries. I really tired her out after last night I guess.

“So, Cat discussed a few things with me,” Kara brings up her meeting while eating her fries.

“Yeah? Is she shuffling you back to Supergirls’ soon?” Alex asks.

“Actually, that was one of the topics,” Kara says.

I perk up at the news, “You’re coming back?”

“She asked if I want to come back to Supergirls,” she hesitates a little before continuing, “I said no.”

“YOU WHAT?” Alex raised her voice and calmed back down quickly when she realized we’re in a restaurant where most of the patrons recognized who Kara is.

“Kara, if this is one of your jokes, it’s not funny,” I try to say it as quietly as possible, but loud enough so Kara and Alex could hear me.

“Just, calm down. And let me finish.”

We both quiet down and wait for Kara to tell her story. Alex is not saying anything but I could feel that she’s seething. Cat is giving her an opportunity to come back and she refused? I’m just waiting on what kind of excuse she will give.

“Look, Cat gave me a choice. She asked if I want to go back to Supergirls now, or after AGM next year. I thought about the international tour we’re gonna have soon. I worked hard on this album, and of course I want to finish the tour. I achieved a lot within these 6 months in Amazons, so I figured what’s another 6 months, right?” 

“Well, I’m sorry Supergirls can’t give you an international tour,” Alex mocks her reason.

“You know that’s not the main reason! If I go back to Supergirls now, I have unfinished business in Amazons. Lena, you understand, right? It’s not like I’m not coming back ever,” she tries to persuade me.

I didn’t say a thing. What if in another 6 months she still wants to stay with Amazons? I didn’t dare to ask the question, I don't even want to entertain that thought.

“If you two are mad at that, you don’t want to hear what I have to say next,” she stabs angrily at her fries and eats it.

“Fine, tell us,” Alex relents.

“This doesn’t leave the table,” Kara leans in, “Cat wants me to be co-producer for a new idol group.”

“Wow, that’s a good thing!” I look at Alex and she’s not reacting, “that’s a good thing, right?”

Alex just scoffs and rolls her eyes, “What’s the catch, Kara?” 

“Officially, I will be an idol slash producer. And I have to sign a contract extension. If I agree, she’ll announce it at the next AGM.”

Alex lets out a tiny laugh, “You see what Cat is doing right? She doesn’t want you to wait out your contract, she wants you to renew it now basically. Jesus, Kara. Co-producer? What the fuck even is that? She’s just giving you more work on top of your idol activities. At this rate, you’ll be fainting every other week.”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me for once?” Kara sounded disappointed at Alex’s disapproval. 

“Why are you doing this, Kara? Isn’t Supergirls enough for you?” Alex asks sincerely. 

“Of course it is! But being a co-producer with Cat, to work on a new batch of idols? Why can’t you see that that’s something amazing. Not a lot of people get a chance to do that.”

Alex hits my leg with hers under the table.

“Tell her,” she whispers.

“Not yet, I’m not ready,” I whisper back.

“You know, I know you two spend a lot of time together, but all this inside joke is starting to hurt. Like, for real,” Kara looks down as she says it.

The lunch ended awkwardly. And it was an even more uncomfortable ride home as we walked and took the train in silence. When we reached home, Alex went into her room and slammed her door. I’m not sure if she’s mad at Kara or with me. Now, it’s just Kara and I alone in the living room.

“What are you thinking?” Kara asks me.

“You don’t want to hear it,” I reply. I’m thinking a lot of things that I’m not ready to say out loud.

“I suppose you disagree with me as well.”

“It’s not that, darling,” I take her hand and bring her to the couch, “Alex is right. Cat just wants you to renew your contract now.”

“Where do you see us in the future, Lena?” Kara asks as she takes a seat on the couch.

“What do you mean? I see you with me,” I answer her.

“Yeah, but, what are we doing?” she asks me.

“We’re together, isn’t that enough?” I ask her back.

“Come on, Lena. Just being together won’t bring food to the table. Where do you see us after my contract ends? I don’t have any other skills. And right now, Cat is giving me a chance for a brighter future,” she explains.

I do have a future plan with her, but I’m not Cat. I know I can’t give her the same opportunities Cat does. She’s probably right.

“Will you wait? If I extend my contract?” 

“Of course, I will. I told you so, right? I’ll support any decision you make,” I say convincingly, holding her hand in mine.

“What do you want to do, Lena? Are you just gonna wait for me forever? Where do you see yourself?” she probes further.

“I’ll wait for you if you want me to wait, this is your decision,” I say it again.

“No, but what do YOU want to do? I want to be able to support your dream as well,” she looks frustrated at my non answer. I know what I want to do, but I’m afraid to say it out loud. Maybe the thing that I’m afraid the most is if she doesn’t want to do it with me. If she rejected coming back to Supergirls, who’s to say she’ll reject me too?

“What if in 6 months, you still want to stay in Amazons?” I ask the question I was afraid to ask earlier, trying to change the topic.

“I swear, I’ll come back. Like I said, I just feel there’s unfinished business in Amazons if I don’t finish this tour. Plus, we survived the last 6 months, what’s another 6 months?”

“And after that 6 months? When Cat announced you as the co-producer?”

“Look, I’m slightly terrified, but I think you should always do things that scare you so, I’m jumping into the deep end here,” she confesses, “but this is a good thing. When this co-producer contract ends, then I can freely be your girlfriend. And I know you’ve been supportive. And I’m trying to be too.”

That’s right. She has always been the braver one in this relationship. I’m the fucking coward.

“I’m meeting Cat again, she wants to talk more about it tomorrow. She probably wants an answer from me. I need to know you’ll be okay with this. And if you’re not, tell me. Right now.”

“It’s your decision, Kara,” I smile.

She leans her forehead against mine, “You’re so frustrating, you know that? What are you not saying, my love?”

I didn’t answer and gave her a kiss instead. That night, I left her and pondered alone in my apartment. I look over my black folder and eat my heart out over our future.

* * *

“Lena, where are you??” Alex yells when I answer the phone.

“My house.”

“What are you doing?? Get to the company now!”

“Look, I know Kara will talk about her contract with Cat today, and it’s up to her. It’s her choice,” I was resolved. I respect Kara’s decision.

“That’s because you’re not giving her any other choices to choose from! It’s not just talking, Lena! She’s thinking of signing the contract extension today.”

“What??” I panic, she didn’t tell me that.

“She’s going to be an idol with DC for 10 more years if you don’t get your ass over here NOW!!!”

“Okay, okay, stall her please!” I hung up the phone and quickly ordered a taxi.

I ran all the way from where the taxi dropped me off and into the company. Alex texted that she managed to distract Kara to go up to the rooftop garden. I went up there and Kara and Alex were talking.

“KARA!” I yell out for her.

“Lena? What are you doing here?”

I try to catch my breath as I say the next few words, “Don’t sign the contract.”

“Are you alright?” she laughs a little when she sees me breathless.

“Gimme a sec, I ran all the way up here,” I pant.

I take a deep breath and compose myself.

“There’s something I need to tell you, I thought it could wait, but it can’t. So, just listen, okay?”

She smiles and nods.

“I don’t want you to sign the contract. But I know how much you want to be an idol. I know how much you love singing and dancing. I know how much you love songwriting and creating music. And I want to be the person that gives you that. So Kara…”

I went down on one knee.

“Woah,” Alex exclaimed in surprise.

“Are you proposing??” Kara looks surprised as well.

“Kinda,” I take her hand in mine, “I am petrified to do this, but you said yesterday that you should always do things that scare you so… Kara, will you be my idol?”

“What?” she questions me and furrows her brow.

“I promised you no more secrets. Except this one secret I was working on. I didn't want to tell you this early, as I wanted the plan to be more set in stone. But, here it is. I plan to start my own production company," I smile at her and she smiles back softly.

"And furthermore I will be the first idol company in Japan to not impose a love ban rule for their idols," I continue. That was the main reason why I wanted to start my own company. And I want Kara to know that. I want her to know that she can be an idol and be with me at the same time.

""When your contract is up in 1 year, 7 months, and 9 days, will you sign on with my company?” I finally asked her the question I should be asking the moment I planned this.

“Fucking finally,” she laughs, and pull me up to stand.

“What?” Now I’m the one puzzled. Alex starts laughing and I look at her.

“You told her,” I said annoyingly. Of course. Why did I trust a blabbermouth with a secret?

“Sorry, boss, you were taking too long. I had to. I didn’t know you were going to propose though, that was amazing,” she continued laughing.

“My answer’s yes,” Kara grabs my face and kisses me.

“Okay, you guys talk it out, I’ll guard the door,” Alex leaves us.

Kara brings me to the bench and I’m still catching my breath from all the running. I start laughing and she’s laughing as well.

“I had a whole speech ready,” I laughed.

“You can say it now, my answer will still be yes,” she smiles.

As I try to compose myself to tell her my speech, I just take in this moment. I laid out my plan and she chose me, she picked me. It doesn't matter how imperfect my future plan is, now it has her in it. And that makes it complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was my last reveal for this fic ;____; a “proposal” ;__;  
> i just had to write it out quickly i couldn't keep it in any longer lol


	48. Kara XIX

“I’m meeting Cat again, she wants to talk more about it tomorrow. She probably wants an answer from me. I need to know you’ll be okay with this. And if you’re not, tell me. Right now.”

I ask Lena. I could tell she wants to tell me something but she’s holding back. 

“It’s your decision, Kara,” she smiles as she says it, but I could see a tinge of tears glistening in her eyes.

“You’re so frustrating, you know that?” I leaned my forehead against her, “What are you not saying, my love?”

She didn’t say anything back and just kissed me. Is she really okay with me extending my contract? I can’t tell. And if she won’t say anything, what if she’s upset by it later on? She says she’s leaving so I could rest tonight but I know she just wants to avoid all the discussion about our future. 

Alex came out of her room and asked about Lena.

“She went back to her apartment,” I replied, flipping the channels on the TV.

“Did she say anything to you?”

“Say what?” 

“Guess she didn’t,” Alex shrugs.

“Alex, please. Can you just tell me? I’m not an idiot, I see you guys whispering and talking. Not to mention, it’s weird that Lena is always here sleeping over when I’m not around, what do you two even do together?” I complained.

“We’re not fucking, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Ew no, I wasn’t thinking about that.”

“Okay, you guys have the same reaction, I’m offended by now. I’m a fucking catch, okay?”

Alex comes to the couch and takes a seat next to me.

“Look, I promised her I won’t tell,” Alex admits, “But at this rate, it looks like she won’t tell you herself either.”

“Just fucking tell me already. You know how she is with planning. She won’t tell it until it’s really perfect. She won’t even tell me what she’s thinking recently, it’s frustrating.”

“She’s starting her own production company,” Alex blurts it out.

“What? Why doesn’t she want to tell me this?” I’m surprised, out of the things, I wouldn’t have guessed this.

“Like you said, she won’t tell until it’s perfect. We’ve only looked at locations so far. And she’s been saving for her business capital. Why do you think she’s been cooking a lot? She doesn’t want to eat out,” Alex clears it up. How did I not notice this sooner?

I leaned back on the couch. I can’t believe her. Why is she doing this?

“Anyway, I’ve been helping her out with her business plan. She needs 5 million yen just to register the production company as a business. And many more to start it up. She’s also looking for investors,” Alex clarifies further.

“But why a production company? She wants her own idol group?”

“You still don’t get it do you?” Alex smiles, “She’s doing this for you, dumbass. She wants to be the first idol company in Japan without a love ban rule.”

“So that means…”

“You can still be an idol, and you can be together. Openly.”

“This…” I start to tear up, “this is amazing.”

“She loves you.”

“I have to meet Cat tomorrow, and she still won’t tell me,” I look at Alex as I say this.

“I mean, at this point, unless you’re about to sign the contract, I don’t think she’ll say anything,” Alex sighs.

And just like that, an idea pops into my head.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Alex asks when she takes a look at my face.

* * *

“Okay, are you ready?” I rub my hands together, nervous about our plan.

“Watch me, you’re not the only one who can act in this family,” Alex brags.

She calls Lena, and starts to yell. 

“Lena, where are you??”

I give her a thumbs up. She sounds convincing.

“What are you doing?? Get to the company now!”

I put my hands over my mouth to cover my laughter. I feel bad lying to Lena, but serves her right for not letting me in on her plan for our future.

“That’s because you’re not giving her any other choices to choose from! It’s not just talking, Lena! She’s thinking of signing the contract extension today.”

I smile gleefully to Alex, Lena is buying this.

“She’s going to be an idol with DC for 10 more years if you don’t get your ass over here NOW!”

After she hangs up, Alex looks at me, “It worked, she’s coming.”

“10 years? Really? Exaggerate much?”

“I need her to haul ass right now,” she laughs.

“Okay, let’s go to the rooftop and make sure no one’s there,” I instruct.

* * *

“She's coming, get ready,” Alex motions for me to get up.

“KARA!” I heard her yelling out my name. I quickly get into my acting mode.

“Lena? What are you doing here?”

“Don’t sign the contract.” Oh, I feel so bad, she looks like she’s been running for miles.

“Are you alright?” I accidentally laughed, I didn’t mean to, but she’s trying so hard just to talk.

“Gimme a sec, I ran all the way up here.”

I give her a moment and she takes a few deep breaths.

“There’s something I need to tell you, I thought it could wait, but it can’t. So, just listen, okay?”

I smile and nod. Finally. I know what her plan is but I just want to hear it from her.

“I don’t want you to sign the contract. But I know how much you want to be an idol. I know how much you love singing and dancing. I know how much you love songwriting and creating music. And I want to be the person that gives you that. So Kara…”

She gets down on one knee. What is she doing?? Is she proposing?

“Woah,” Alex sounds surprised. Is this not part of the plan?

“Are you proposing?” I ask her.

She takes my hand and holds it tight.

“Kinda. I am petrified to do this, but you said yesterday that you should always do things that scare you so… Kara, will you be my idol?”

“What?” 

“I promised you no more secrets. Except this one secret I was working on. I didn't want to tell you this early, as I wanted the plan to be more set in stone. But, here it is. I plan to start my own production company,” and she smiles. There it is. I’m glad I got it out of her.

“I will be the first idol company in Japan to not impose a love ban rule for their idols. When your contract is up in 1 year, 7 months, and 9 days, will you sign on with my company? ”

She finally said it. I pull her up from her position. Why must she be so dramatic and get down on one knee? I can’t help but to laugh.

“Fucking finally.”

“What?” she looked so confused and I felt so bad. It gets even worse when Alex starts laughing in her face.

“You told her,” Lena turns to Alex and she actually looks annoyed.

“Sorry, boss, you were taking too long. I had to. I didn’t know you were going to propose though, that was amazing,” Alex is doubled over laughing and I gesture for her to leave us.

“My answer’s yes,” I kiss her. I love her so much.

“Okay, you guys talk it out, I’ll guard the door.”

I led Lena to the bench so we could have a more proper talk. She looks happy, and relieved. Then she starts laughing so I can’t help but to laugh as well.

“I had a whole speech ready.”

“You can say it now, my answer will still be yes,” I reach for her hand and smile.

“Look, Kara. I don’t want you to say yes because it’s me, you know? I can’t give you the same opportunities that Cat can. I don’t have the same resources, the same trainers, the same knowledge, I just know that I really want to do this. But if you want to stay at DC and extend your contract, I fully support it. I just want you to know, you have another choice here. A chance to be an idol, and be with me at the same time.”

“I told you, my answer is yes,” I reassure her. I would follow her into a dark tunnel, as long as she holds my hand and leads the way.

“I don’t have an international tour, I don’t have songs, I don’t even have a recording studio. Not yet. Not for the first few years at least,” she rambles on.

“For someone who is trying to persuade me to sign on with their company, you’re not making a very convincing speech,” I chuckled.

“I’m still figuring stuff out, the only thing I know, the most important thing is there is no love ban rule in my contracts,” she holds my hands a little tighter, “my idols will be free to be with whoever they want.”

I can’t help it, I grab her face and kiss her. She’s so sweet for doing this. But I don’t want her to waste her savings or time to pursue something that is so uncertain.

“Are you doing this for me?” I had to ask. 

“I’m doing this because I believe in it, plus, Lena-P has a nice ring to it.”

“You don’t even know anything about music! If anything, I should be the producer!”

“Kara-P sounds nice too,” she smiles.

“If this is really what you want, look me in the eye and say it,” I ask her again.

“Kara, when I imagine my future, I only see it being with you. There’s no one else I would rather do this with. Will you be my idol?”

“Yes, I would love to,” and I kiss her. 

We held hands and I lay my head on her shoulders.

“When did you find out?" she asks, "I can’t believe Alex told you, I really thought she could keep this one a secret."

“If it makes you feel any better, Alex told me last night. I swear I didn’t know before. How long have you been planning this?”

“Since Karuizawa, when Sam told me she was pregnant.”

“This… I… I don’t know what to say. You’re crazy,” I reply, “it’s not easy to start your own production company.”

“It’ll be easier if I have you with me,” she brings my hand up closer to her chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? What are you so afraid of?”

She paused for a second, “I knew you would say yes if I tell you. But it’s so uncertain. And it’s a new company. I can’t promise you the same kind of exposure and the same level of popularity you have now.”

“I don’t care about all that. I told you, I want to know what your future plans are. If this is it, I would stand behind it 100%. You’re such an idiot for keeping this to yourself."

“The biggest idiot,” she repeats.

“I love you,” I said. 

“I love you too,” she replies back.

“Are you two lovebirds done yet?” Alex yells out, “Kara, it’s almost 10.”

“Oh, shit. I have to go meet Cat,” I stand up.

“Wait, I thought you made all this up?”

“Just the 10 years contract signing part, everything else is true,” I kiss her, “I mean, 10 years? I can’t believe you fell for that.”

“Alex was yelling at me, I panicked.”

I kiss her again, “go home, I’ll come by after my meeting okay?”

I pass by Alex before making my way down, “Stop laughing at her, Alex. And go buy something for lunch, stop making her cook for us. I’ll meet you back home.”

“Oh, now you’re back on her side?” 

“I am always on her side,” I wink and make my way down. Time to tell Cat I’m not extending my contract.

* * *

“Will you be asking the rest of the girls to follow you?”

We lay in bed with her head on top of me. Now that she told me all her plans, I want her to tell me everything about it.

“I want to. But maybe later down the road when I secured an office. I don’t want them to follow me into uncertainty. Plus, I don't know if Cat would let me steal her all girls that easy. But I know I want you the most," she says, I can feel her smile against me.

“What are your plans? Tell me everything,” I inquire. I just want to hear her thought process.

“Well, I’ve been saving, I need at least 5 million yen as capital and that’s just to start the business. I need to come up with a business plan and a business model, Alex has been helping me with that. We’ve finished up a complete 5 year business plan I can show investors now. I probably can’t hire a lot of staff so my idols need to come up with choreography and their own songs. And now that I have you, you can write us new songs. Maybe within this year, I can expand my contacts and look for partners or more fundings. I need to look for an office, we’ve looked at one the other day, it has a huge space for my idols to do their dance practice. I have to look up rentals on studio recordings, I don’t think I can afford to build one in the first few years. Profits have to come from  _ cheki _ sales at first. I think I’m on good terms with most of the live venues, I’m sure I could get us gigs every week.”

As she rambles on and on I give her a kiss on her forehead.

“What was that for?”

“For always overthinking stuff in that head of yours and for keeping this from me for so long.”

“I just… I just want everything to be perfect,” she replies.

“You don’t have to get everything perfect before you tell me, okay? We’re in this together. And no more cooking, if you want to go out and eat, tell me. I got you,” it still hurts me that Alex says she’s been saving money all this while and I didn’t even realize it. No wonder she hasn’t been buying new clothes, or eating out lately. 

“But I love cooking,” she replies back.

“Also, you have to show me your business plan, I know someone with lots of money who is interested in investing,” I told her.

She gets up on her elbows and looks at me excitedly, “Who??”

“I heard this person has been making money with sold out concerts and creating chart hitting songs. Plus, she’s so busy she barely had time to spend it all,” I look at her and smile.

“No, Kara. That’s your money. I can find other investors,” she looks away when she realizes who I’m talking about.

“That’s right, it’s my money. And I do what I want with it. I want to be partners,” I look at her, “I’m serious.”

“You’ll be losing money, we won’t get a rolling profit for the first few years at least,” she looks at me worriedly. 

“Again, love, we have to work on your pitch. For someone who needs funding, you’re turning off a potential investor here,” I smile and kiss her, “and I believe in you. I believe in us.”

“I don’t want you to worry about the business side of things, I want you to just sing and dance and create your beautiful songs,” she explains.

“I’m not worried. You handle all that business stuff. I’ll just be a silent investor.”

She gave me a hug so tight it took me by surprise. I’m glad I could help out in some way.

“So, what’s next in your plan?” I ask.

“Well, I’m looking into locations for an office. I can’t register for a business name before we secure a location. But it’s still a year plus away, so I’ll probably start leasing a few months before your contract ends. For now, I’m just building up my contacts and knowledge,” she says.

“Move in with me.”

She looked surprised when I said it. But not as surprised as me, it was a passing thought in my head and I just blurted it out. 

“Think about it. You’re here all the time anyway. And you can save up the money on your rent for the leasing. Plus, I’m away most of the time and I know Alex loves your company.”

“Also,” I interlaced my fingers with hers, “I love knowing you’ll be waiting for me right here at home.”

“Okay,” she answers immediately.   
  


“Okay?” I look at her and she nods.

“Yes, I’ll move in with you,” she smiles and grabs my face to kiss me.

“Okay,” I leap off the bed, “I’m going to tell Alex now.”

“Kara,” she calls for me, “we’re really doing this?”

“I’m in if you’re in,” I look at her.

“I’m all in, darling.”

I come back to bed to give her a kiss before bouncing off to Alex’s room. As I thought, Alex is just happy for the company, and grateful that Lena can cook for her everyday now. I gave her one last warning not to bully Lena so much before I headed off to my room. To our room.

* * *

“ _ Sawadeeka _ !”

“Is that hello in Thai?”

“Yup! I’m sorry for calling so late,” I apologized. It’s almost 11pm here, so it’s almost 1am in Tokyo.

“It’s okay, I was waiting,” she replies, “I got Diana’s email by the way.”

“And!!?” I feign excitement, obviously I know her answer already.

“Of course Supergirls will open for your  _ seitansai _ . I replied to her email immediately.”

“I know, can I just pretend to be excited for a moment? I’m practicing my acting skills,” I chuckled.

“How’s Bangkok?” she asks me.

“It’s been lovely, everything’s cheap here. The massage is fantastic!” 

“I’m so jealous, I want a good massage too,” she says contemptuously.

“I’ll give you a massage when I get back,” I offer.

“No, I want to get a genuine Thai massage,” she replies and I can hear her jealousy from here.

“Okay, we can come here for our honeymoon,” I said. I realized what I just implied and she must have froze as well as there’s no more reply on the other line.

“I.. I mean,” I start to stutter, “we can go somewhere else if you want. No, I mean, I’m not saying we have to go on our, you know, we haven’t actually talk about it, it’s, I mean, it’s in the future, we’re not going now, I’m not saying—”

“I would love to go to Thailand,” she interrupts me before I can embarrass myself further. I don’t even know what I was saying.

“for our honeymoon," she continues.

"Yeah?" I smiled. We've never talked about marriage before. I know I want to be with her, but this is the first time we broached the subject.

The call went silent again, but it didn't feel awkward. We're both just quietly accepting the fact that this is the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. 

"So, uh…" I try to segue into another topic,"have you heard about Kryptonite?"

"The shampoo brand? Yeah, what about it?" 

"Diana is in talk with them, Amazons might be their brand ambassadors. We'll be in their commercials and everything."

"That's great news! Kryptonite is so huge, I see their ads and billboards everywhere!" she exclaims. 

"You think I don't know that?" I laugh a little.

"Your face is going to be everywhere," she says.

"Eh.. I don't know about my face, probably just my hair," I joke, "oh don't tell Alex yet, if this deal falls off, she'll just make fun of me."

"It won't, I'm sure you'll get the job," she replies while yawning.

"I'm keeping you up, good night, love. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Wait, sing me something,” she requested.

I smiled. It’s rare for her to request this, so she must be missing me so much. 

“It's okay~ You’re not alone~ All the worries that’s in your heart~ Let’s embrace it together~” I started singing my first song I performed live during my  _ seitansai _ last year.

“The sound of my heart that never stops seeking you~ There’s so many times I want to say I love you~ If only I can convey it in words~”

When I stopped, I could hear her mumble through her sleepiness, “I love your voice.”

“Okay, love. Good night. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I lie back on my bed. After a few moments of gazing at nothing but the ceiling, I picked up my phone again and googled ring designs. I laughed when I saw a Pikachu ring design in a Pokeball ring box. She would love that. 

* * *

“Happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday dear Kara~ Happy birthday to you~”

“Wow, Kara, you weren’t kidding when you said Lena can’t sing,” Alex laughs and Lena shoves her gently in disagreement. The three of us are celebrating my birthday at our house. It’s one of the rare times where I’m in Tokyo, as this Saturday is my  _ seitansai _ . I’m lucky my birthday falls on a Wednesday this year, so I can spend it with the people I care most.

“Before you take a bite,” she warned me right when I was about to put my fork into the cake, “just know that this is my first cake ever that I baked. Sorry in advance if it’s not good.”

“You worry too much, I’m sure it’s good, because you made it,” I lean in and kiss her.

“Okay okay enough kissing,” Alex groans and rolls her eyes, “let’s eat.”

The cake was perfect, and not just because Lena made it. It tasted really good and has the best amount of icing to cake ratio. 

“How was Sam?” I asked. They had an outstation live recently in Sam’s hometown and made a secret visit to her house to visit Sam and her newborn baby.

“Baby Ruby is so cute, you saw the pictures, right?” Alex squee.

“Nia was the happiest to see Sam. It was nice to visit. Sam is doing great, she’s going back to school and taking a part-time degree,” Lena says.

“That’s nice. You think we can hire her at our company? She won’t be in showbiz, right? Just help out with management stuff?” I suggest.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Lena agrees, “I’ve approached a few people to see who is interested in joining, we don’t need a lot of staff the first year.”

“I want to say something too,” Alex speaks up.

Both of us look at her and wait for her to say something.

“I’ve decided. I’m taking up Lena’s offer,” she smiles.

“You will?” and Lena hugs Alex. Lena offered Alex a position as manager at her company, and Alex finally gave an answer today.

“And that,” she winks at me, “is your birthday present.”

“For fuck’s sake, just say you forgot to get me a present. Us hiring you is not a present,” I groan.

“You can still be an idol and a manager if you want, I can help manage the first few idol groups we have while we hire new managers,” Lena says.

“No, I’m done being an idol. I would like to manage the new generations now so you can concentrate on being...” Alex stops and she laughs.

“What?” I ask, “What’s so funny?”

“All this time I’ve been calling you boss, and now you’re actually going to be a boss! Who knew? My words have manifested!” Alex continued laughing.

That is actually a funny coincidence and I can’t help but to laugh as well, Lena has a pained expression on her face.

“Love, everyone at our company will call you boss.”

She just gave me an annoyed look and I kissed her cheeks. Lena will be the boss at our company but that night I took the lead and made it explicitly clear that I was the boss in bed. It was one of the best birthdays I had.

* * *

"I'm home," Lena greets as soon as she steps into the house.

"Welcome home," I greet her back.

"Wow, is this why Alex is staying over at Kelly's tonight?" Lena looks surprised at the rose petals strewn about the apartment, and the candlelights decorating the atmosphere.

"Happy birthday, my love. Sorry you had work on your birthday. How was Nia's  _ seitansai _ ?"

"It went great, her family came to Tokyo to watch. I got them the best seats in the house. And the fans sang me a birthday song as well," she cheerfully told her story.

"Really? That's so nice of them. You didn't mind being the limelight?" I know how much she hated being in the spotlight, I remember how nervous she was being live on camera for the first time during AGM.

"It's fine, it was during  _ tokutenkai _ . After everyone took a  _ cheki _ , all the fans stayed till the end and sang me a birthday song. The girls must have told each of their fans to do it. It's sweet."

"Awww… you deserve that. You're always kind to the fans. They love you too, you know?" 

"Did you cook?" she asks.

"Yeah, my specialty."

She has a skeptical look on her face, mainly because I've never cooked before. She wasn't wrong though. She opened up the plate cover and laughed at the picture of the steak I had printed and placed on the empty plate. 

"This is your specialty?"

"Yeah, my specialty is making you laugh," I smile at her and she shakes her head.

I grab her and pull her close to me. We're swaying to the romantic instrumentals I had in the background. I placed my hands on her hips and she placed hers on my shoulders.

"Did you forget to eat dinner tonight?" I asked. We continued slow dancing into the night. 

"No, I had something already, it's fine. This is enough."

"You're not that bad of a dancer," I say it softly to her, her head is nuzzling into my neck. 

"We're just swaying, darling, it's not that hard," she whispers back. 

I slowly spin her around and dip her, bringing her back up swiftly and smoothly.

"You're dancing," I declare to her.

"I love you," she hugs me tighter.

"To more birthdays together," I quietly whispered my wish into the night.

* * *

“Happy New Year, love,” I say as soon as she picks up the phone.

“Isn’t it 4pm in London now?”

“Yeah, but it’s midnight in Japan,” I reply, “remember last year? When you wished me a happy new year when it’s not midnight in Malaysia yet?”

“Yeah,” she laughs a little, “it feels like a lifetime ago. And now you’re halfway around the world.”

“Last stop of the international tour. Next week, I’m back in Supergirls,” I tell her, “In one week, I’ll be back in your arms.”

“Let’s hope Cat won’t have any other surprise announcement at AGM,” she laughs, “what if she does a manager shuffle?”

“Lena!” I quickly knock on wood, I’m not normally superstitious, but I had to be safe, “don’t say that out loud. You’ll give her ideas!”

“I’m sure whatever she has planned, she’s already putting it into motion. You know she requested a random performance of Sara & Laurel? Quentin is freaking out imagining what Cat has planned for AGM.”

“After this AGM, there’s only a year left to my contract,” I remind her.

“You’re saying that like I don’t check the countdown app every morning.”

“I’ll call you again when it’s midnight here, okay?”

“Okay, what time is your flight back?” she asks.

“I’ll reach home in 2 days, I think I'll land in the morning.”

“I’ll give you your New Year’s kiss 2 days late, then.”

“I think the policy states that for each late day, there’s an extra kiss penalty charge,” I say with an authoritative voice.

“Does the policy cover New Year’s sex penalty charges as well?” she teases.

“Ooof you’re killing me here. Stop teasing when I’m calling with roaming charges.”

“You started it. Okay, okay, hang up please. I don’t want you to waste your money. Bye, darling.”

“An extra minute with you is never a waste of money. Bye, I’ll call you again at midnight. Morning your time, okay? Love you, miss you.”

“Love you more, miss you more,” she gives me kissing noises and hangs up the phone.

“ _ I’m sorry, I had to make a call to my girlfriend just now, can I see the ring again? _ ” I instructed the jeweller. 

She showed me the stunning handcrafted Charlotte wedding band that has a very clean and modern design. I fell in love with it when I saw the ring from the display window while walking down the London streets. I imagined it on Lena’s fingers and it couldn’t be more perfect.

  
“ _ I’ll take it _ .”


	49. Kara XX

I knock on Lena’s door and she pulls me in quickly.

“Are we making this an annual tradition now?” she smiles and gives me a kiss. It’s the night before AGM and we’re back in the same hotel as last year’s. We’re making out in her bed when she stops and stares at the TV and back at me. I turn around and it’s my Kryptonite commercial.

“This is embarrassing, change the channel,” I cover my face. The commercial is so over the top and I hate how Alex mocks me by waving her hair in my face every time the commercial is on. Not to mention my face is on every billboard at every major train station.

“No, it’s just 30 seconds, I like it,” she continues watching.

“I’m making out with Kryptonite’s brand ambassador,” she says giddily and continues kissing me.

“Idiot,” I smile against her lips and continue kissing her. My hands slowly crawl from her thigh up to under her shirt but she grabs my hands and gently places them down.

“Uh uh, you have a sound check early morning tomorrow,” she whispers.

“That’s not fair, I hate when you’re being responsible,” I sulk.

“Someone has to. Let’s just cuddle tonight,” she says it softly and cups my cheek. 

“Okay, manager. Don’t forget to set the alarm, we don’t want what happened last year to happen again.”

“Can you imagine?” she laughs.

* * *

It happened again.

We woke up late for breakfast but it’s a good thing we have Alex to help us cover our carelessness this time. I manage to slip into sound check in time after texting Diana that I’m skipping breakfast. 

Sound check and tech rehearsals went smoothly so all the idols got ready for AGM. I heard Lena’s voice in Alex’s room so I walked over to see her. She’s wearing a dark green ruffled one shoulder strap evening gown showing off her stunning figure.

“You look amazing, love.”

Lena turns around and looks at me, “Hi, darling.”

I hold the ring box in my pocket and just feel it around. She looks so beautiful, I feel like asking her the question right then and there. I’ve been carrying the ring with me, just waiting for the right time. Unfortunately, now was not it as Alex starts yelling.

“For fuck’s sake, guys, my door is open,” Alex walks to the door and closes it, “there’s only a year left to our contract. Can you guys be more subtle?”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

“Kara is coming back to Supergirls after today so you better keep it in your pants, boss.”

“Hey,” Lena disapproves of the accusatory, “your sister is the one who keeps pushing the line and teasing me.”

“Both of you,” Alex warns us, “keep it in your pants for another year. Or I’m adding more rules.”

“I can’t believe I’m going to be stuck with you as my manager after we graduate,” I grumble.

“You think I’m happy getting a rule breaking rebel as my idol? If you think Diana is strict, wait till you see what I have in plans for you.”

I look at Lena, “Is it too late to back out?”

“Sorry, you’re stuck with us,” she smiles back and kisses me.

Annoyingly, Alex comes over and breaks us up, “Let’s go! AGM is starting soon.”

* * *

"Welcome to DC Entertainment's 11th Annual Grand Meeting!"

For this year, each group gets their own table, with Birds of Prey split up into two tables. It’s crazy to imagine Bruce handling 12 girls, now 11 after Selina’s graduation last month, and probably more after tonight’s addition.

All 10 finalists of the audition performed their final performance and now it’s time for what the whole night is waiting for; Cat’s announcements. 

She presented the achievements of each group for last year and it’s actually amazing to see what I achieved in Amazons in a presentation form. 2 singles release, an album release, a national tour, an international tour, being a brand ambassador, not to mention our weekly TV show now has a higher rating due to us moving to an earlier time slot.

Supergirls is not to be messed with either. They had 3 singles released, Gayle & Imra provided a freshness that pulls in more new fans, Sara’s radio show and Nia’s has avid listeners each week, Alex’s fashion column is well received, and Kelly choreographed not just their singles but the last single for The Canaries and Birds of Prey as well. And their latest music video has the highest views out of all DC groups thanks to Brainy’s creative direction.

My heart beats faster at every presentation. I can’t rest well until Cat says the official word that I’m back in Supergirls. In fact, all of the centers are restless at our seats. Cat said she’ll shuffle all of us back to our original groups. But it’s Cat, so there’s always a surprise. I look over at Supergirls table and Lena is already staring at me from afar. I smile at her and she smiles back nervously. She hates being in front of the cameras and I feel bad for her. I thrive being in the spotlight and I find myself lucky for having to find someone who always pushes me to work harder, and creating a place that allows me to be who I am in doing so.

“And now, I know this is the moment all of you have been waiting for.”

All attention turns to Cat now. 

“I will now announce the winners from the DC Idol Auditions. I would like to invite all the finalists to be on stage.”

When everyone got on stage, a few photographers took a spot nearby the stage. And a handheld cameraman points their camera to the finalists, hoping to get a good reaction shot.

“I’m happy to announce all of you passed the audition.”

The finalists all broke down in joy, jumping and hugging each other. They’re been in training camp for a month and now all of them get to join the DC idol groups. I still kept my eyes on Cat waiting for that twist. This is my 3rd AGM, I’m no fool.

“I find it not just talent and hard work that can make you shine as an idol. Luck plays a pivotal role as well. So for this year’s finalist,” she turns and looks at them. “I have 40 colored marbles in this bowl right here.”

Cat brings up a dark bowl and tilts it to show the colored marble to the camera as you can’t see the marbles from outside. 

“Blue, you’ll join Amazons. Green, you’ll join Birds of Prey. Yellow, you’ll join The Canaries. And Red, you’ll join Supergirls.”

The hall is buzzing at Cat’s latest stunt. Just a pull of a colored marble to determine your group? Cat really has the wildest ideas. Plus, there’s a possibility for all 10 girls to get into the same group. I could see all the managers are sweating about it themselves.

After all the finalists pulled a marble, they all revealed their color at the same time by holding their palms out. Amazons gained 3 new members, Birds of Prey gained 1 new member, The Canaries unexpectedly gained 5 new members and I could see Quentin groaning at the idea of managing more girls under him. And the last remaining finalists, Leslie, joins Supergirls.

Finally, it was time for the final announcement of the night. This is it.

“Last year, I announced a center shuffle. I’m happy to say it was a great success. As expected, all the centers stepped up to their role and elevated each of their new groups. As of tonight, the center shuffle is officially over. I invite all the centers to go back to their original groups.”

The announcement is greeted with thunderous applause as I stood up and gave Diana a hug, something she wasn’t expecting. Despite our arguments and differences and teasing, she really was a good manager and I’m very thankful for the experience I had in Amazons. She pats my back lightly as if to say thank you as well, and I make my way to Supergirls table.

Nia was the first person to hug me, followed by the rest of the girls. Lena was reserved, because there’s cameras everywhere but I didn’t care. I hugged Diana so it’s just natural I hugged Lena as well. In front of the camera, the girls, the staff, the media, I gave her the biggest hug I could. 

“I’m home,” I whisper to her ear.

“Welcome home,” she whispered back in between tears.

* * *

“That was crazy, I didn’t realize how many fans you gained the past year,” Lena commented after our  _ tokutenkai _ . My line ran hours after the last member was done, and Lena had to stop the queue as we were running late.

“At this rate, I have to limit only 1 ticket for each fan, we can’t overrun the time every single live.”

I give her a tug on her t-shirt and she just looks at me.

“We’re already sleeping together, you still want secret hugs?” she smiles, “Come, let’s go, I have to send the girls home.”

As I help her carry the boxes to the dressing room, she stops right at the door and puts the boxes down. She takes my box from me and gently places it on the floor and pulls me in for a hug. 

I take in this feeling of embrace, the muffled voices of the girls in the dressing room, the flickering light of the hallway, and her smell. It’s crazy how I miss her smell even when we sleep together each night. 

“Darling, are you sniffing me?”

“You smell so good.”

“Okay. It's Kryptonite shampoo.”

"Idiot," I laugh.

And just like that I was transported back in time. A hug so familiar, so tight, it brings back memories. I need to plan when to ask her. This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

* * *

“So, do you like it?”

Lena was showing me an old dance studio she found that is up for a lease. It’s in a good location, a short distance walk from the train station and located in the middle of a lot of live venues.

“I love it, it’s perfect. We can practice our dancing here. There’s a place for your office there. We just need to spruce it up a bit.”

“I’ve tendered my resignation to Cat,” she pulls me in closer for a kiss, “my last day will be the day after you and Alex graduate. Then we can start our new life together.”

We share a kiss in the middle of the empty dance studio.

“A 3 months notice to Cat? She didn’t say a thing?”

“Well, she accepted it. I mean, I’m not an idol, she could probably find a replacement for me in an instant. I think she’ll have a harder time letting you go.”

“Yeah, I’m dreading my talk with her next week.”

“You’ll do great, darling. In 3 months, you’ll sign on with L-Corp Entertainment.”

“No love ban,” I kiss her again.

“No more rules,” she kisses me back.

* * *

"Are you joining Lena's company?" Cat asks without looking up at me, her eyes concentrating on the documents in front of her. I just told her I’m not continuing my contract, not even as a solo idol with DC after my graduation.

“How did you—”

“Please, Kara. I always have my eyes and ears on the ground. My employee tendering a resignation the same time my star idol's contract is ending? Not to mention there’s rumors of a new production company starting up. Any idiot could put two and two together.”

“Yes, I'm joining her company,” I admit. No point in beating around the bush.

“What do you want? Name it,” Cat looks up from her papers and looks me in the eye.

“What?”

“What is she giving that DC is not? Name your price,” she says, not blinking. She’s being serious.

“She's not promising me anything. We're starting from scratch,” I told her the truth. We’ve worked enough times that I know not to lie to Cat. Plus, she probably knows anyway.

“Do you want your own idol group? I already wanted to give you one, we can produce it together,” she offers it again. 

“I already declined the offer.”

Cat looks at my determined face and sighs. She continues looking at her documents on the table.

“She must be a really good manager if you're willing to follow her and start from the bottom,” she says as she’s signing a few documents.

“The best,” I reply.

“No, but tell me, what is it that she's offering you? I'm curious now,” she looks at me again. This time, not as Cat the producer, but as Cat, a concerned friend.

“She's offering me a future,” I smiled at her.

“And DC can't give you that future?” she says with a skeptical look.

“Not the one I wanted,” I smile again.

“I wish you the best of luck, Kara. Let's part on good terms. I'll contact Lena if I want to collaborate with you again,” she smiles back this time and offers a handshake.

“I'd love that, thank you, Cat,” I say as I shake her hand.

* * *

“Today, 9th January, we will graduate from Supergirls. In addition, we’ll be leaving DC Entertainment as well,” I hold Alex’s hand as I give our graduation speech.

“I will continue to be a solo idol with L-Corp Entertainment, and I hope you will continue to support me,” I continue.

“I will cease all idol activities, as I will start my future career as manager, and the first idol I will manage is this troublemaker over here,” she nudges me and the fans all laughed.

“Starting tomorrow, Kelly will be the leader of Supergirls, and I trust she will lead this group with grace,” she continues and looks over at Kelly. All the members are in tears as they have just finished giving us their graduation message.

“Auditions to be an idol with L-Corp Entertainment is still ongoing so if you’re interested or know somebody who is, please go on to our website and apply,” I inform the fans. We extended the offer to the rest of the members, but they decided to stay with DC and we respected that. 

We all head out for drinks after the graduation as the members toast our departure.

“To Boss, Kara and Alex!” Kelly cheers.

“To Boss, Kara and Alex!” everyone shouts back.

Brainy is here as well as he will be the interim manager as Cat finds a new manager for Supergirls. Kelly calls out for a speech and Lena stands up first,

“I just want to thank everyone here, it’s been a life changing 2 and half years for me in DC. I’m thankful for the experience, for your friendships, and for the time we shared together. My offer will always stay open for any of you at this table.”

“Even me?” Brainy pipes up and everyone laughs.

“Yeah, Brainy. If you ever want to be an idol, my company will be perfect for you. We don’t have a love ban rule, I’m sure we can make an exception for an idol who is tone deaf and has no rhythm,” Lena jokes and the whole table laughs.

Alex stands up next.

“Well, not me. I will miss all of you but I’m done singing and dancing for anyone. I can’t wait to start a whole new career. And thank you boss, for giving me an opportunity to do so,” she raises a glass to Lena.

Alex sits down and gestures for my turn.

“The past 3 years, it’s been quite a ride,” I stop to look at Lena and she smiles back at me.

“This group has been through quite some changes, with old and new members alike, through all our hardship all of you have done nothing but persevere. Kelly and Nia, as 1st Gen members, you two are the pillars of this group now. I will never forget your friendship and your support, even since the first days of our training camp together. Gayle and Imra, I know we spend a year apart but you two have been a great and complete addition to the group. And Leslie, I’m so glad to see you integrate seamlessly into the group. I have nothing but love for all of you.”

I look at Lena again and she nods at me, fully knowing what I’m about to do next.

“In light of our graduation today, there’s something I have to tell of you.”

“That you’re dating Lena?” Kelly looks at me and giggles.

“What? How did you— Alex!”

“In my defense,” Alex holds up a finger to get me to stop talking, “Kelly had assumptions waaaay earlier than when I told her.”

“I knew when Sam knew,” Nia speaks up.

“I didn’t know,” Gayle looks at me, “I mean, Imra kinda guessed but I told her no way.”

“See? I was right!” Imra slaps Gayle’s arms, “you owe me 1000 yen.”

“I mean, the way you two keep hanging around after  _ tokutenkai _ was pretty sketch. Plus, I caught you two having a hug sometimes,” Leslie admits.

“Guess we weren’t as secretive as I thought we would be,” I say with a gloomy sigh as I sit back down.

“Well, this is news to me!” Brainy shouts suddenly. “I am SHOCKED,” he says in an exaggerated tone.

“You knew too, huh?” Lena asks him.

“Yeah, sorry, I kinda assumed and Nia confirmed it,” Brainy looks at her apologetically.

“Well, thanks for not telling Cat about us,” I breathe a sigh of relief and take a big gulp of my beer.

“How could we? You’re Cat’s  _ oshimen _ . She’ll probably let you get away with it,” Kelly laughs.

“I am not Cat’s  _ oshimen _ !” I defend myself.

“You are.”

“You totally are.”

“It’s pretty obvious.”

Everyone around the table echoes Kelly’s sentiment.

“She really likes you, darling. She even reached out to me so she can work with you again,” Lena says.

“Awww, you call her darling? That’s so sweet,” Nia gushes at Lena’s pet name for me.

“Well, I don’t care if anyone else wants me as their  _ oshimen _ , I only care about this one,” I walk over to Lena and leans in for a kiss.

Everyone at the table cheered when we kissed, and I’m glad I could tell them about our relationship openly.

“You will always be my  _ oshimen _ ,” she smiles and kisses me again.

* * *

“Hi, love,” I greet her.

“Why are you calling, aren’t you in the living room?” Lena asks in a confused tone.

“I know, I kinda miss our night calls, just humor me,” I laugh a little.

“What are you watching?” she asks, I could hear her typing on her laptop.

“Oracle Music Station. The Canaries is #1 this week. You?”

“I’m doing the budget and scheduling for our 1st single. We have a date, I just hope no other big artists are releasing a song the same week,” she grumbles.

“Let them, I trust my song can get #1 no matter who we’re up against,” I brag.

“Always the humble one,” she snickers.

“When did you fall in love with me?” I ask her.

“Why the sudden question?”

“I don’t know, I just felt like asking.”

“When did you fall in love with me?” she asks me back.

“I don’t know. I took notice of you when you can’t drive the minivan, then all our talk and our walk back home… I think my feelings for you just accumulated. I know for sure how I felt during the typhoon,” I tell her everything.

“The one during your birthday? I was nervous because you stayed over,” she laughs.

“Why were you nervous? I’m the one crashing my manager’s house because I was too stubborn to let you drive. I thought I inconvenienced you,” I smile, thinking back on that night.

“I was a new manager, and I have my center with me staying overnight. How could I not be nervous?”

“You held my hands throughout the night,” I remind her.

“That’s because you were scared of the storm,” she says.

“No, I wasn’t,” I smile a little. 

“You weren’t?”

“That was the night I really wanted to kiss you. And I knew I couldn’t have you. So I settled with holding your hands,” I admit.

All of a sudden, the bedroom door opens and she’s standing there looking at me, still talking on the phone.

“You have me now, and you can kiss me anytime you want,” she says.

“Come here, love,” I say back to the phone but my eyes are on her.

She hung up and we kissed on the couch, with Oracle Music Station playing in the background.

* * *

“We are Super Friends! Thank you! Our  _ buppan  _ will start at 8pm, please come visit our booth if you want a  _ cheki _ !” 

We went back to the dressing room to freshen up and Lena is already waiting for us there.

“Boss, what are you doing here?” Iris asks.

“The rankings are out,” she smiles at us.

“And?!” this time Lyla cries out. We’re all waiting for the result of the weekly ranking. We’ve been battling back and forth between 1st and 2nd place with Supergirls for the daily rankings, and tonight we can finally find out who comes up on top.

“Come on, boss, don’t leave us hanging!” Zari says excitedly. 

“We’re number 1! We’ll be on Oracle Music Station on Tuesday!”

Everyone cheers and Lena walks up to me and gives me a deep kiss. 

“You’ll be sitting next to Supergirls, they’re number 2,” she says.

“This is my first time on TV,” Thea says nervously.

“It’s fine, Thea. It’s just like any other interview,” I reassure her.

Alex pops into the room, “Super Friends,  _ tokutenkai _ in 5 minutes. Get ready.”

“Okay, manager,” everyone cries out at the same time.

“I saw the rankings, good job, everyone. Let’s gather tomorrow for a quick interview prep. Kara, you’re close with Snapper, can you guide the girls?”

“You got it, manager,” I give her the finger gun.

She rolls her eyes and closes the dressing room door.

“Producer, songwriter, solo idol, Super Friends’ leader, is there anything you can’t do?” Lena smiles as she holds my face.

“I’m not a good cook,” I laugh.

“I’ll handle that department,” and she kisses me again.

“Boss,” Zari interrupts, “I know we don’t have a love ban rule but some of us are still single over here, please respect us.”

“Go find yourself someone, no one’s stopping you,” I reply and continue kissing Lena. Zari just laughs and gets ready to go out again.

I love that we found these talented girls during the audition and we work so well together. Iris is our serious center, taking her job as seriously as possible. She’s just grateful we’re the only idol company who would take a chance to hire her, and we’ll be a fool not to. She’s the first idol in Japan who is married and is still performing. Her husband, Barry, comes to our live sometimes.

Zari is our cool and rebel character. Her dancing could rival Kelly’s with her sharp dance move and an even sharper wit. Sometimes she takes over the MC session from me and she comes up with the wildest and the most fun MC segments.

Thea is our baby character, my little girl. She reminds me of Nia so much, except she’s not sleeping all the time. Her brother is a fan of The Canaries and heard about our audition from Sara and Laurel. We still get along with the idols from DC and join them in lives from time to time.

Lyla is our smart and stoic character. She’s the co-leader who takes over from me when I’m busy producing or making my songs. I do have my solo idol activities so sometimes it’s just the 4 of them and Lyla will always take the lead.

The four of them are so perfect in every way, and we’re lucky to have them as our first idol group in L-Corp. Our first single was released the same week as Supergirls, a move I’m sure Cat did intentionally. But now we’ve proved ourselves by getting it into the #1 spot.

I’ve been waiting for our activities to stabilize before I pop the question to Lena. She’s been so busy with getting L-Corp started, but now it feels like we’re finally in a good rhythm. I might do it after our Oracle Music Station appearances. In fact, I think I will.

* * *

“Kara,” Snapper smiles gleefully, “I love every time you’re on this show.”

“That’s because you love how I bring in the ratings,” I reply and the audience laughs.

“Why are you sitting here? Your group is sitting over there,” he points to Supergirls who are seated behind us. Kelly and Nia waved and gestures for me to come over.

“I got bored of them, Snapper,” I reply and Snapper laughs.

“So, you’re with a new group now?” he asks.

“Yes, we are Super Friends, under a new label, L-Corp Entertainment. I’m their leader,” I introduce myself and nudge Iris to introduce herself.

“I’m Iris, Super Friends’ center,” Iris says and passes her microphone down the line.

“I’m Lyla, the co-leader.”

“I’m Zari.”

“I’m Thea.”

“So, I heard all the buzz when you first started, but tell the audience again. This is the first idol group in Japan with no love ban rule?”

“That’s right, Snapper. The idols in L-Corp are free to pursue a relationship if they want. Iris here is married actually. Lyla has a boyfriend, Zari and Thea is still single so shoot your shots, everyone!” I reply to the audience and Snapper laughs.

“And what are the fans' reactions?”

“It’s been positive so far, in fact, we’ve been getting an unusual amount of love letters. I think I saw one from you!” I joke, and the audience laughs again.

“Don’t tell my wife that,” Snapper retorts.

“How about you, Kara? You have a special someone in your life?”

“Yeah, I have a girlfriend,” I smile. To be able to say I have a girlfriend live on national TV and still be working as an idol is a dream I never thought would come true, and Lena made this happen for me. I can’t stop smiling.

“I know we have to ask you to perform now, but we had a special request from your girlfriend actually. Here she is!”

Snapper gestures to the performing stage and Lena is walking towards us at the interview set. What is she doing here? She takes a seat in between me and Snapper.

“What are you doing here? We’re live,” I whisper but she just smiles back. I can see her hands shaking, poor girl. Being on TV still terrifies her. 

“Everyone, this is Lena. Kara’s girlfriend,” Snapper introduces Lena to the camera and passes her a microphone.

“I believe you told me yesterday, you wanted to announce something?”

“Thank you, Snapper, for giving me the chance to do so. I know how much you love having Kara on this show every time, and Kara loves this show too. So this means a lot to me,” Lena replies.

“Kara,” she looks at me and goes down on one knee. The whole studio just erupts into cheers and whistles. She takes out a ring and hands it to me.

“When I close my eyes and imagine my future, I see no one else but you. You asked me once when did I fall in love with you. And I think I was already in love with you before I even realized it. I was in love with you before I even knew you existed. There is no doubt in my heart that I was going to meet you inevitably,” her voice is shaking and her hands are trembling so I grab her hands to hold it for her.

“I’m terrified of being on TV. But even more than that, I really want to let everyone know how much I love you. And no amount of nerves can stop me from telling everyone that. I know how much you love your fans and this life as an idol, that’s why I’m asking you right now on your favorite show. Kara, will you be my  _ oshimen _ forever?”

“That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me,” I reply in tears. I can’t believe her. My heart is bursting with love. I know it is taking everything in her to propose to me on live TV. 

“Say yes, please,” she asks again, “will you marry me?”

“Actually,” I reach into my pocket and get down on one knee as well, “I had this for a year in my pocket, waiting for the right time.”

“What? Oh, Kara,” she gasps when she sees my ring.

“It’s not fair you get to ask first, I’ve been waiting to ask you for a long time,” I say and I could hear scattered laughter from the audience.

“I love you so much. I love you with purpose every single day. Every day I wake up and I make a conscious choice to love you, over and over again. So yes, I will be your  _ oshimen _ and yes, I will be your wife, as long as you will have me. And in return, will you be mine as well?” I propose to her.

She nods and we kissed on live TV surrounded by applause and cheers from everyone. 

“Kara, do you still want to perform?” Snapper asks.

“Do you even have to ask, Snapper?” I smile back.

“Ladies and gentlemen, freshly engaged and the songwriter for our #1 ranked song for the week, this is Kara with her group Super Friends and their 1st single, ‘1.15 million kilometres of film’!”

> I’m going to sing about what’s in my head now
> 
> The main character is obviously you
> 
> I’m the supporting character, director and cameraman
> 
> It’s a movie I will make with the film deep in my eyes 
> 
> Look, this is the scene where you smile and it’s a huge highlight
> 
> Even with a camera, it can’t be taken
> 
> That very trivial gesture you do
> 
> Even on days where nothing happens
> 
> Days that are dear to me
> 
> Days that are precious to me
> 
> To make sure we don’t miss it out 
> 
> To make sure we don’t forget it
> 
> Let’s go imprint it into the film
> 
> So please stay by my side
> 
> Because I don’t ever want to create an ending credit

* * *

Last night was magical. The fact that we held it in the most magical place of all really brings the atmosphere together. As far as fairy tale weddings go, getting married at Disneyland is peak fairy tale. All of our friends performed for us, including the idols from DC. Supergirls and Super Friends got together to sing us a song. Even Diana got on stage to sing us a solo song. Lena looked beautiful in her white wedding dress and I wore the same thing as well. She even laughed when I revealed Mickey Mouse as my best man. That laugh. I want to make her laugh my whole life. 

It was like a dream. A dream of love and happiness.

I was so convinced that I dreamt everything last night until Lena turns over and gently holds my hand. I see the ring on her finger, she looks at me and smiles. She leans in and whispers, “Good morning, wife.” 

That was the moment I knew everything was real, and I’m with the person I love most in the world. Laying here with her it feels like anything is possible. 

In a world full of rules, we create our own, and now we have each other. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.15 million kilometres of film [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljDRzQz3ULE) and [translation.](https://randomeighter.livejournal.com/7236.html)
> 
> The story ends here, kinda. Next chapter is an epilogue of 10 years later. It's been a joy writing this. :)


	50. Epilogue

“You’re graduating soon?” Snapper asked Nia.

“Yes, I’m the last of the 1st Gen members. It’s been a fulfilling 10 years and I think I’m past my prime. I’m retiring from idol life,” Nia answers gracefully. 

Supergirls are on Oracle Music Station to celebrate their 25th single, and Nia’s last appearance on TV. They have been consistently getting #1 for all their singles and fans would look forward to their appearance on Oracle Music Station every time they release some music.

“And this single is actually written and composed by an ex-member?” Snapper continues interviewing Nia.

“Oh, you know her, Snapper. Yes, Kara-P from L-Corp Entertainment helped us with this single. She has remained a great friend to me, and to Supergirls. This was her graduation present for us. We know how busy she is so we are grateful she would lend her musical talent for Supergirls,” Nia smiles as she answers Snapper’s question.

“So what’s next for Supergirls?”

“Well, Imra will take over as leader from me,” Nia points to Imra, “and I trust her to lead Supergirls like all the leaders before her. After my graduation, Supergirls will go on a National tour from Okinawa to Sapporo, so please come to our concerts!” Nia answers cheerfully.

“Last of the OG. End of an era. It’s been a pleasure knowing you for the past 10 years, Nia.”

“It’s been a pleasure to be a part of this show for so long,” Nia smiles at Snapper’s statement.

“As a present, please enjoy this special clip we have prepared for you,” Snapper gestures to the camera and it cuts to a montage of all of Nia’s appearance on Oracle Music Station throughout the years.

“End of an era,” Kara commented to Lena. The both of them are on their couch, watching the staple show on TV.

“Amazing, right? Can’t believe our Nia-chan lasted 10 years in Supergirls,” Lena says to Kara, while she types something on her laptop.

“I find it even more amazing that Snapper is still the host of this show,” Kara says and Lena laughs at her comment. Kara gives a knowing look when Lena laughed.

“What?” Lena asks.

“I love when I make you laugh.”

“I’m not sure if you’re complimenting me or yourself,” Lena raises an eyebrow.

“Can’t it be both?” Kara grins and gives Lena a small kiss.

"Mommy, I want a kiss too," Lorelai raises her arms, begging to be picked up and kissed.

Kara bends down to pick up their little girl and brings her to the couch. She gives a kiss on Lorelai's head after settling her down, "And a kiss for my little girl."

The three of them continued to watch the show in silence. Both Kara and Lena just looked over lovingly at Lorelai who is clumsily dancing along to Supergirls' latest single. The 5 year old missed a step and almost fell but Kara managed to catch her in time.

"Woah there, little one, be careful. Here, look at mommy. Make sure your step is wider after you turn so you don't lose your balance."

Kara shows her a dance move and Lorelai imitates her perfectly. 

"That's it. You're a fast learner like mommy, I'm so proud of you," Kara beams with pride as she gives another kiss on top of Lolerai's head.

"Are you training her to be an idol already? At this young age?" Lena says as she raises her left eyebrow.

"Instead of a love ban rule we should get rid of the age and gender rule and have idols from all ages and gender to join our company, this way Lorelai can join us," Kara suggests as she sits back down on the couch.

"I'm running an idol company, not YMCA," Lena replies and rolls her eyes at the same time.

Kara looks at Lena and stifles a laughter.

"What?" Lena asks after she noticed Kara.

"I was just imagining you doing the YMCA dance," Kara replies, this time she can't hold back her laughter.

Lena closes her laptop and puts it aside. She lifted up her hands into a Y shape and proceeded to sing.

"Y.. M.. C A!"

Lorelai started pointing and laughing at her Mama and Kara just shakes her head.

"Idiot," Kara says lovingly.

"Mommy! Don't call Mama an idiot!" Lorelai scolds Kara.

Lena picks up Lorelai and places the girl on her lap as she swipes strands of hair away from her face.

"It's okay, Lorelai. Every time Mommy calls Mama an idiot, that's just her way of saying she loves me."

"It is? Can I call Ruby an idiot? I love her, Mama," Lorelai looks at Lena innocently.

"No, sorry little one. Only Mommy can use the word," Kara interrupts and whispers to Lena, "stop giving ideas to our little girl."

Lena sticks out her tongue and continues her YMCA dance, this time using Lorelai's hands to imitate the letters. The three of them laughed all night long until bedtime.

* * *

"Boss, Cat wants to meet up with you. I set a meeting for next Monday," Sam informs Lena when they walk into the office.

"Hi, Lorelai. Ruby is in the dance studio, go play with her," Sam bends down to greet the little girl.

"Okay!" Lorelai replies cheerfully.

"Thanks Sam. What is today's schedule like?" Lena asks. She knows the day's schedule in her head but she wants Sam to say it out loud to reconfirm it.

"Kara is using the recording studio as Super Friends are recording their album today. Titans are using the dance studio for practice. D.E.O. have a live tonight in Shibuya. You have a meeting at 10am with Alex, Andrea and J'onn for the manager's catching up session. Andrea is here, she’s buying breakfast for Titans. Alex is coming from the recording studio. And J’onn will arrive shortly."

"Okay, got it. I'm gonna go check out Titans' dance practice."

Lena walks over to the dance studio and greets all of Titans’ members and Kelly. Titans’ members are doing their warm-ups and Lorelai and Ruby are joining them.

"Hey Kel, how's Titans' progress?"

"Doing great, they're getting the hang of the 6 member formation. Today we're practicing for the new single."

"Mama, Aunt Kelly taught me a new dance move," Lorelai says as she tugs on Lena's pants.

"That's great, honey. You want to show me?" Lena bends down to talk to her daughter.

Lorelai jumps into a side step, points at Lena and winks.

“Isn’t that from ‘Story of yours’? Lena asks Kelly.

“You remember?” Kelly smiles.

“Yeah, I love that move,” Lena replies Kelly and looks down at Lorelai, “that was so cool, honey. Remember, not to disturb the dance practice, okay? You can join from the back.”

“Mama, I want to go see Mommy sing. Can I bring Ruby?” Lorelai begs Lena to go to the recording studio.

“No, Mommy is working today, you can either stay in the dance studio or sit quietly in the office with Mama,” Lena gives her an easy choice, she knows Lorelai would rather be in the dance studio than in the office.

“Come, Lorelai. We can join the dancing from the back,” Ruby speaks up and offers her company. The two of them have been hanging out together everyday for the school holidays, and Lena is just glad Lorelai has someone to play with.

“Thank you, Ruby,” Lena says. 

Alex walks into the dance studio and kisses Kelly on the cheeks, “Hey, babe. Hey, boss. Ready for the meeting?”

“We’re waiting for J’onn. How’s the recording going?” Lena asks.

“Going great, we only have 2 more songs left to record. You should really get a bigger office,” Alex pants. The recording studio is in another building, a 5 minutes walk away. Lena couldn’t fit in the recording booth in this old dance studio so she opted to split it up. The dance studio has Lena’s and Sam’s office. And the recording studio has a bigger room for members’ meetings and gatherings. 

“No one told you to run from there to here, that’s on you,” Lena says, “plus, my investors frown upon wasting money on renting a bigger place when our current one is sufficient.”

“Your main investor is your wife,” Alex makes a face.

Lena just laughs it off and walks to her office followed by Alex. Andrea arrives with breakfast and tells Lena she’ll join in soon. J’onn joins the meeting on time and the 4 of them discuss the progress of their idol groups. After their catch-up session, Lena presents an idea she has. Lena is thinking of buying their own theater and having regular lives rotating between the three groups.

“So let’s say, we set Monday as an off day. Then we’ll rotate; Super Friends can do live on Tuesday & Wednesday, Titans will get Thursday & Friday, and D.E.O. gets Saturday & Sunday. And we can rotate the days, we’ll figure out the schedule later. But each group gets to perform regularly twice a week, there will be constant merch sales everyday. What do you guys think?”

“It’s a great idea, then we don’t have to constantly rely on external venues, and any other live outside of our theater live is extra profit,” Alex adds on.

“Maybe we can also set up a permanent merch shop? So fans can buy their tickets in advance, or if they want to get other merch, they can buy it outside of lives,” J’onn suggested.

“That’s a great idea, J’onn,” Lena agrees and jots it down on her notebook.

“How about a mini cafe or some sort? So fans can hang around the theater before or after live,” Andrea pitched in her idea as well.

“This is great, I think we have a solid vision here. I’ll check out some potential theaters that fit us. Thanks everyone for your input,” Lena thanked all the managers and dismissed them.

Lena continued staying in her office to finish up her work. She opened up her draft plan for the theater and added all the inputs she got earlier. With the added merch shop and cafe idea, she needs a bigger space than she initially planned. As she was finishing up her paperwork, Lorelai came into the office and climbed up Lena’s lap.

“Mama, don’t forget to eat lunch,” Lorelai nudged her. Seems even Lorelai notices her bad habit of missing a meal and she smiles at her reminder.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. You must be hungry too, right? Let’s go see Mummy.”

They walked the short distance to the recording studio together hand in hand. When they arrived, it was just Kara there in the control room, mixing some music.

“Hi darling, where’s the others?”

“Lunch break. Hey there, little one, what did you do today?” Kara picks up Lorelai and hugs her. She continues carrying her.

“Mommy, put me down, I’m not a baby,” Lorelai struggles to get out of Kara’s embrace.

“You’re always gonna be my baby,” Kara hugs Lorelai closer, and gives her tiny kisses all over her face.

Lena grabs Lorelai from Kara and puts her down, “Stop smothering her, let’s go have lunch.”

“Mommy, Aunt Kelly taught me a new dance move today,” Lorelai says excitedly and proceeds to show the dance move immediately.

“That is so cool! You want to hang out with Mommy later after lunch? Let’s not disturb Mama,” Kara says.

“You sure? She can hang out at the dance studio,” Lena asks.

“Yeah, I just have to record Iris’ solo song, it’s fine,” Kara clarifies.

“Mommy, can Ruby hang out here too?” Lorelai looks up to Kara and begs.

“Sure, we’ll come get Ruby too after lunch. You know what I would like to eat?” Kara asks Lorelai, and says the answer at the same time as her.

“Beef bowl!”

Lena just shakes her head at their antics. These two carnivores have her heart, now and always. 

* * *

  
  


“Mama!” Lolerai runs into Lena’s office and jumps on her lap.

“Oof, honey. Back so soon?” Lena asks her and looks at Kara who just walked into her office, “Done with recordings already?”

“Yeah,” Kara walks over to Lena and puts a hand on the documents Lena was reading, “continue tomorrow, love. Let’s go to the aquarium. Lorelai wants to go.”

“Lorelai or you?” Lena laughs a little at Kara’s sudden request.

“I want to see fishies!” Lorelai yells out.

“Okay, okay, give me 2 minutes. Hey honey,” Lana cups Lorelai’s face to look at her, “tell me, who gave you the idea to go to the aquarium?”

“Mommy said Mama likes fishies!”

“Mommy said that, huh?” Lena gives Kara the side-eye.

“Stop using our daughter as an excuse to get me out of work,” Lena says to Kara.

“In my defense, you are really good at getting that out of her. She has a penchant to blurt out secrets like her Aunt Alex,” Kara laughs.

She moves in closer to Lena and grabs her waist until they’re pressed up against each other, “Join us, will you? It’s been a while since we went out, just the three of us. We’re always busy, and our poor girl is spending school holidays in dance and recording studios.”

“Okay, 2 minutes,” Lena kisses Kara softly and Kara kisses her back.

“See you downstairs, let’s go, Lorelai! Race you downstairs!” Kara runs out the office.

“Mommy, wait for me!” 

Kara waits by the office door and grabs Lorelai in surprise when she runs out. The two of them giggled and laughed as Kara carried her little girl downstairs and waited for Lena. 

* * *

“Mama, look!” Lorelai turns around wearing a fake moustache.

“Oh, dear lord,” Lena turns to Kara, “I thought I threw that out!”

Kara is doubled over laughing, “Sorry, love. It’s a new one I just bought, your reaction is too funny. Oh, man.”

The three of them are sitting in front of the big tank, waiting for the shark feeding to start. Lorelai is sitting on Kara’s lap, and Lena is sitting next to her. They’re surrounded by other parents and their excited kids waiting for the sharks. When the diver appeared everyone started clapping as the show was about to start. All the sharks surround the diver as he puts on a show and floats bits and pieces of meat for the sharks.

Kara reaches for Lena’s hands and Lena looks over and smiles as they hold hands, looking over Lorelai who is now standing and getting excited over the sharks. After the shark feeding, they walk around the aquarium and sit on the bench as Lorelai watches the fishes in the big tank.

“Don’t run around too far, honey. Make sure we can see you, okay?” Lena warns Lorelai before she runs off to stare at the fishes.

“She’ll be fine, you worry too much,” Kara tells Lena.

“You worry too little,” Lena grumbles.

“Hey, come here,” Kara scooches closer to Lena and grabs her by her shoulders, “what are you thinking?”

“Our theater plan. J’onn and Andrea had really great ideas that made me want to find a bigger place. I’m thinking maybe you could write new songs just for our theater live, makes the fans feel like it’s a bit special. Oh, and we need to buy you a new music journal, the current one is almost full, right? I’m thinking of enrolling Lorelai to an international school, or is that too pretentious? I’m thinking of Super Friends’ album, Titans’ new single, D.E.O.’s live in Shibuya tonight. I’m actually considering getting a bigger office space that can fit everything in one place,” Lena tells Kara her thoughts, like she always does when Kara asks.

“Do you always think of everything in that head of yours?” Kara gently touches Lena’s forehead and kisses it.

“I just want everything to be perfect,” Lena sighs.

“It doesn’t have to be, love. Just relax. One step at a time. And if you make a mistake then we’ll fix it, together. You don’t have to get a big theater straightaway, we can get a small one. Get the ball rolling, gain some loyal viewers first. I’ll come with you to check locations, okay?” Kara reassures her.

Lena rests her head on Kara’s shoulders, taking in the comfort of Kara’s calm attitude towards her worries.

“This is the same bench as our first date,” Lena points out to Kara, her head still on Kara’s shoulders.

“I remember,” Kara smiles, “thank you.”

“For what?”

“I’m here, openly as an idol, with no disguise, with my wife and my daughter,” Kara goes on and paused to look at Lena, “all thanks to you, and your vision in that brain of yours.”

Lena puts her hands on the back of Kara’s neck to pull her in and gives her a deep kiss.

“What’s that for?” Kara smiles against Lena’s lips.

“First time we were here, I wanted to do that,” Lena smiles back.

“Mommy! Mama!” Lorelai interrupts their moment, “Look!”

They both turned around to the puffer fish Lorelai is pointing at.

“That fish looks like Mommy!”

Lena just burst into laughter as Kara makes a pouty face to humor Lorelai. She feels lucky to have found love, true love, and they’re both completely hers. When Kara notices Lena was staring at them, she mouths the words ‘I love you’ to her. And Lena mouths out the words ‘I love you’ back.

Nothing else needs to be said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s it, everyone. It’s been quite a journey and an absolute joy writing my first longfic. I'm fucking crying because when I first wrote it I thought it was so niche no one would read, it was just something I really wanted to read myself. But knowing other people enjoy it just as much is unbelievable to me. To my commenters, all of y’all are absolute angels. Honestly, your comments kept me going and it means a lot. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And to new readers, who just reached the end of this fic, I hope this brings you as much joy and fulfillment as it did for me writing it. Stay safe, everyone.


End file.
